How to Transform Your Outlook from Pessimistic to Realistically Optimistic - Positive Psychology

12. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

I received an email today from a highly qualified individual who works with adolescents. She asked how I changed my own temperament from pessimistic to optimistic.

 

Here is her email…

 

Hi John - Hope I am not a nuisance. I would like to follow up to the email I sent last night with some thoughts I had overnight. Since you don’t know me at all(!) and you may be uncomfortable responding, I thought I would share just to let you know I do have some credentials for doing what I do - I have a Masters in Counseling/Sport Psych, certifications in hypnotherapy/neuro-linguistic psych/life coach, and a Gallup University Strengths Performance certification. I have been a NCAA Tennis coach as well. I’ve been working with young adults and professionals on tour for fifteen years.

 

More importantly - I am wondering how you transformed your outlook from black to white…I read that it was a conscious decision, attitude is a choice, however many individuals (mainly kids) are not strong enough to do this movement from bleak to bright (of course so they say… however are very resilient so the corollary should apply! may be excuse too as it takes hard work). What did you do daily to see and feel the glass half full?

 

Thanks for your attention and consideration of responding. Think positive as you never know when something like this could lead to a speaking engagement across country!

 

Best

 

Jeanne

 

And here is my response…

 

Dear Jeanne:

 

No nuisance at all. A pleasure.

 

The primary ways that I have altered my own temperament overlaps with the exercises that I share with others …Forgiveness a la Fred Luskin, Gratitude a la Robert Emmons, Mindfulness a la Jon Kabat-Zinn, Curiosity a la Todd Kashdan, Resiliency via Bonnie Bernard at WestEd, self-compassion via Duke University,  identifying strengths, values, purpose and meaning (Chris Peterson, Martin Seligman, William Damon), and then a large amount of time spent on awareness of and tools to manage emotions – both mitigating ‘negative’ emotions and fostering ‘positive’ emotions. The biggest help, I believe, came from the notion of radical acceptance of emotions and thoughts that comes with the practice of mindfulness.

 

This combined approach has been immensely helpful to numerous clients, in particular adolescent males.  Most of the men I see come in with complaints of depression, anger, irritability, anxiety and/or lack of purpose. I’m continually amazed at the results that clients achieve after learning and applying these tools. 

 

To keep younger folks engaged in the process, I often insert rewarding breaks such as short clips of stand up comics (laughter open us up to new learning), BMX trick riding videos (facilitates awe), and so on. I also reveal a lot of my past to clients to a) normalize their current situation and b) make the dynamic more of a two-way relationship. I believe it is difficult and unnatural to ask an adolescent male to come into an office and spill their stories to a stranger.  To improve upon the traditional therapeutic model, I often tell young men that they don’t even need to speak in the first session if they so choose. The simple act of giving them the choice and the power over how much to divulge and how quickly empowers them and makes them feel comfortable.  And we know that  roughly ½ of positive emotions have a prerequisite of feeling safe and comfortable before one has a chance of experiencing them.

 

I think Positive Psychology is necessary but insufficient to get many to a happier, more meaningful place in the sense that negative emotions are ‘stronger’ than positive ones. So the best bang for the buck in terms of increasing life satisfaction comes from teaching others to turn down the volume on the major negative emotions (anger, fear, sadness). This idea was well laid out in a recent paper by Todd Kashdan.

 

However, it’s also useful and necessary to teach people to identify and foster positive emotions as we are oftentimes unaware of many of them and they pass us by quickly. We know the positive emotions are fragile and fleeting so we need to train ourselves to be mindful of opportunities for the cultivation of positive emotions.

 

And of course, there are the more common sense interventions as well – proper diet, adequate exercise, hanging out with supportive, nonjudgmental people and appropriate assertiveness (to nip festering irritation before it escalates to anger or rage).

 

I hope that is helpful.

 

Feel free to email back!

 

All the best,

 

John

 

 

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Positive Psychology Coach

Author of the award-winning book Guide To Self:

The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion & Thought

Guide To Self, Inc.

913 San Ramon Valley Blvd. #280

Danville CA 94526

(925) 575-0258

GuideToSelf.com - Web site

DrJohnBlog.GuideToSelf.com - Award-winning Blog

@johnschin - Twitter

 

 

 

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Staying Calm During Penalty Kicks in Soccer Is Critical To Kicker’s Success, New Study States

14. December 2009 by John Schinnerer.

‘ScienceDaily (Dec. 11, 2009) — A new study may explain why the England soccer team keeps losing in penalty shootouts — and could help the team address the problem in time for the World Cup 2010. Research by the University of Exeter shows for the first time the effect of anxiety on a footballer’s eye movements while taking a penalty.

The study shows that when penalty takers are anxious they are more likely to look at and focus on the centrally positioned goalkeeper. Due to the tight coordination between gaze control and motor control, shots also tend to centralize, making them easier to save. The research is now published in the December 2009 edition of the Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology.

The researchers attribute this change in eye movements and focus to anxiety. Author Greg Wood of the University of Exeter’s School of Sport and Health Sciences said: ‘During a highly stressful situation, we are more likely to be distracted by any threatening stimuli and focus on them, rather than the task in hand. Therefore, in a stressful penalty shootout, a footballer’s attention is likely to be directed towards the goalkeeper as opposed to the optimal scoring zones (just inside the post). This disrupts the aiming of the shot and increases the likelihood of subsequently hitting the shot towards the goalkeeper, making it easier to save.’

Remind your players to breathe deeply in order to relax and dial down the pressure after the referee has blown the whistle to proceed with their shot from the mark.

Have an enjoyable Saturday night!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

Positive Psychology Coaching

www.GuideToSelf.com

Author of ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought’<–>

Posted in Positive expectations, Emotion & productivity, Body posture & the mind, Danville CA, Emotion & learning, Mindfulness, Awareness, San Ramon CA, Visual Attention, Penalty Kick Success, Emotion & Athletics, Soccer psychology, Optimal Human Functioning, Brain plasticity, Visual perception, Men's emotions, Managing Anxiety, Anxiety, Staying calm, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Sports Psychology, Positive Psychology, Social anxiety disorder, Nervousness, Emotional mind, Emotional management, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Psychology & soccer, Social phobia, Tips to help anxiety, Mean coaches | Print | No Comments »

Positive Psychology – The Science of Optimal Human Functioning with Dr. John Schinnerer - One hour teleclass 12/8/09

9. December 2009 by John Schinnerer.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Partial script for 1-hour teleclass on 12/8/09

Welcome to what I hope will be a wonderful talk on positive psychology. I will be your host tonight. My name is John Schinnerer. I hold a Ph.D. in educational psychology from U.C. Berkeley. In 2007, I wrote a positive psychology book called ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion & Thought’ which was awarded Best Self-Help Book of the year. In 2006, I hosted a daily primetime radio show here in the SF Bay Area. Currently, I do keynote speaking, teach and see private clients.  I also collaborate with the University of New Zealand on the International Wellbeing Study which you can participate in at www.wellbeingstudy.com. 

Just a bit of housekeeping…If you have questions during the talk, please email me at john@guidetoself.com and I will do my best at the end to answer them. Your end of the phone has been muted as there are over 500 people on this call.

     I like to start off my talks with a joke to put you in a positive frame of mind. So here it goes…

A psychologist is holding a group therapy session in which there are four young mothers, each of whom has a small child with her. The psychologist gazes at the four women and blurts out “You’re all obsessed. And your obsessions show up in the names of your kids.”

He points to the first mother and calmly states “You are obsessed with spending money & shopping…you named your daughter Penny.”

The shrink points to the second mother and dryly adds “And you are stuck on the issue of eating. You went so far as to name your daughter Candy!”

As the remaining two mothers shift uncomfortably in their seats, the psychologist continues, pointing to the 3^rd mother, “While you have a drinking problem which shows itself in your daughter’s name – Brandy.”

     ……

At that point, the fourth mother, who can’t contain herself any longer, stands up, grabs her son by the hand and says …

“Come on Dick, we’re getting out of here!”

 

     I told this joke on the radio to thousands of listeners and got a landslide of positive feedback ….initially. One lady, who was driving when she heard it, said she had to pull over to the side of the freeway because she was laughing so hard. However, the show was rerun and then we started to get a few complaints. So the station owner called me in to tell me we couldn’t run the show anymore. I asked why not. He said because the joke was dirty. I knowingly asked what was dirty about it. He said it was the reference to sex. I told him that there was no mention in the joke as to whether or not the sex was taking place in a marriage. You see, the dirtiness of this joke is truly in the mind of the listener. If one assumes the sex is taking place within a marriage, there really is nothing dirty about the joke (unless you think sex in general is aversive).  The reason I tell this story is to point out that there are many different way of seeing the world, different ways of viewing the actions of others and even various ways of relating to your own mind, your thoughts, and your feelings.  And I’ll discuss a few of these points today.

Now that you are prepped to learn something new, let’s talk about positive psychology because it holds great promise. Just to be clear, positive psych is not a self-help movement. It is not as simple as positive thinking. It has no relation to books such as The Secret. It is not a passing trend.

Positive psychology is the scientific study of optimal functioning, the applied approach to human flourishing. The lessons of positive psychology are beneficial for everyone – teenagers, executives, managers and the elderly. Even the Army is currently training thousands of sergeants in positive psychology to boost the resiliency of troops and to decrease the possibility of post-traumatic stress disorder. While our Army troops have always been physically fit, we are now seeing a momentous shift in thinking which will enable them to become psychologically fit as well.

So this class and positive psychology in general definitely has something to offer you and it is as valuable in your personal life as in your professional life. At the heart of positive psychology are a number of research based findings into how and when people function at their very best.

Most of us spend a great deal of our time worrying over what might go wrong, or beating ourselves up over what we think did go wrong, or feeling disappointed over the inherent unfairness of life. Recent research shows that we are hard-wired to pay closer attention to this that go wrong than things that go right. And from an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense. Being overly vigilant for threats and problems helped keep us alive from predators back when sabre-toothed tigers roamed the earth.

However, this hard wiring focused on the negative does not serve us well in modern day life.  Events such as childrens’ skinned knees, missed deadlines, speaking in public or bumper-to-bumper traffic may feel frustrating, scary or stressful but they are not matters of life and death.

So take a quick moment to ask yourself,

‘How much is my focus on what might go wrong helping me?’

‘How much are my negative emotions, such as fear and anger, assisting me in reaching my goals?’

To these questions, positive psychology provides a somewhat unusual answer:

spend more time focusing on what is going right with your life,

focus more on what may go well in the future,

and see how much that approach helps you reach your goals.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not suggesting that you only have a positive perspective. I am not suggesting that you be foolishly optimistic. There is a great deal of merit to accurately foreseeing and planning for potential problems. It’s a matter of balance. How much of your mental time is spent focusing on problems as compared to looking at the positives. Positive psychology has found that there are tremendous benefits to learning to focus more on what is right with us and what may go well in the future.

One of the basic assumptions of Positive psychology is that all people are ‘Born to be Good’ to quote the title of Dacher Keltner’s book and that we can become better, happier and more productive.  Let me repeat that, we can learn to be happier. Your happiness is not written in stone. You can learn techniques to increase your satisfaction with life.

What makes the crucial difference between positive psychology and traditional self-help books is the mountain of research upon which positive psychology is built. At this point, there are over 50,000 studies having to do with happiness, realistic optimism, human strengths, life satisfaction and more. Empirical researchers across the world are looking for testable theories and explanations supported by hard data. It is, in simplest terms, a powerful movement from faith to facts. So everything I write about, everything about which I speak, is based on scientific studies and replicable data.

The biggest shift towards a positive psychology took place in the late 1990s when Martin Seligman, as president of the American Psychological Association, began asking the question “what is right with people?” For over 100 years, medicine and psychology had both focused on what was wrong with people and how problems could be fixed. Seligman used his influence to create a new branch of science termed positive psychology focusing on what is right with us, how we can lead more thriving, fulfilling, and meaningful lives.

Seligman and Mike Csikszentmihalyi brought together some of the top young researchers in psychology to study topics such as hope, happiness, gratitude, wisdom, creativity and optimal human functioning. From there it spread to include researchers in humanistic psychology, philosophy, executive coaches, sports psychology, developmental psychologists and many more areas. It continues to spread to business, education and counseling.

The best part is that positive psychology works and works well. Positive psychology exercises have been shown in numerous studies to promote strengths, improve optimal functioning, to increase realistic optimism and to increase the frequency of positive emotions.

Some of you may be skeptical. I completely understand this. I was skeptical at first too.  I was brought up to focus on the negative.  Most of us were. And most clients that I see focus first and foremost on problems, such as how to help under-performing workers, or how to shore up the weaknesses of people they manage.

One of the greatest contributions of Positive psychology is the finding that by focusing energy and attention on strengths and by tapping into positive emotions, all of us will enjoy more success than if we focus on weaknesses and problems.

In terms of using positive psychology in the workplace, the Gallup Organization has shown that disengaged workers cost firms billions of dollars per year in accidents, sabotage, turnover costs, lost customers and healthcare. Engaged or happy workers have a higher probability of making more money, innovating, being on time to work, being healthier physically, receive higher ratings from supervisors and customers, and help out coworkers more frequently. Happiness doesn’t just feel good, it is good for the bottom line and good for employees.

To give you an example, last year, I did some consulting with the executive board of a large insurance company. They were having trouble with several vice presidents who were holding grudges over an incident that happened over many years ago. Two of the vice presidents were actively sabotaging one another’s projects resulting in increased costs to the company. As part of my time there, I gave a two hour talk to the executive board on positive psychology, and I specifically focused on what the research has to say about forgiveness  based on research from Stanford University – what it is, what it is NOT, how to do it and why you want to do it. To me, forgiveness is the best single way to wash out all that stale anger you’ve been hiding for years. At the end of my talk, I suggested to the 11 executives that they try forgiving each other for past transgressions. After a long pause, I watched as all of the executives stood up, and began forgiving every other person in the room.  They hugged; they apologized to each other; and they forgave one another. It was powerful. And it changed the way in which they interacted from that day forward. The vice presidents were more supportive of one another, more cooperative, and they stopped their internal sabotage.

 Positive psychology is filtering into education as well. I do a monthly speaking series at a continuation high school where the students are sent if they are behind on credits, if they have behavior problems, emotional difficulties, or are coming out of juvenile hall. So it’s a pretty hard crowd.  One of the more difficult cases was an African-American female student who challenged me during a presentation “You aren’t black. You aren’t female. And you don’t live in a group home. Why should I listen to anything you say?!” It was a valid question. My response? “You’re absolutely right. I’m a totally bald, white, 42 year old man who lives with his wife and four children. And on a physical level you are correct. We share little in common. Here is what I can tell you…that on an emotional level, everything you have ever felt in your life – fear, anger, despair, happiness, pride, love – everything you have felt, I have felt also. So, on an emotional level we are nearly identical. I have been studying emotions for the past 12 years and I’ve found some tools that really work to help manage negative emotions and cultivate more positive emotions. So it’s your choice – you can listen and try some of the tools for yourself, see if they work, or you can ignore me. Either way, it’s up to you.” From that moment on, she was a fan - engaged, interested and willing to learn. She went on to work at a hospital this summer and now is looking at attending community college when she graduates at the end of this school year.

The Power of Positive Emotions

One of the areas I have researched over the past dozen years with great curiosity and passion is emotions. I have found that there is tremendous power in our emotions. Emotions are the social glue that binds our relationships.  The effective use of emotions, or leveraging emotions to your benefit, is what draws people to leaders. Emotional leverage is what separates truly great leaders from average executives. Emotions may initially be a bit frightening. Many people spend a great deal of energy trying to suppress or contain emotion. Yet, emotions have been with the human race for millions of years. Each emotion serves a purpose. Anger, for instance, helps move past obstacles or challenges. It helps us stand up to social injustices. Sadness keeps us close to home after suffering a loss. Fear keeps us safe from perceived danger.

Take a moment to think back to the last time you experienced an intense emotion. It may have been surprise, fear, rage, disappointment, sorrow, joy, awe or pride. It may have been pride due to your child’s outstanding grades, or joy watching your team win a close game, or frustration at yourself for making a mistake at work, or the feeling of contentment while working in your yard. What we’re finding is that emotions transcend our physical bodies. They are contagious. You can catch feelings from others around you. Studies have shown that happiness is contagious just like anger. Emotions are also closely and powerfully linked to what and how you remember the past. Look through an old photo album and you will clearly see the sway emotions have over your memories. What’s more, emotions play a large role in learning, communication, and even in our morality.

So it is critical to understand and learn to leverage emotions. In particular, you must understand the purpose and strength of positive emotions, because you can put them to great use in your daily life. Expertly leveraging emotions will help you be more successful.  As Robert Biswas-Diener puts it, ‘positive emotion is one of the greatest resources you and your clients, colleagues or students are currently overlooking.’

Emotions may be best thought of as a guidance system for your life. When you experience guilt, for example, it’s a sign that your actions are not in keeping with your values. And the unpleasant feeling motivates you to bring your actions back in line with your values. When things are going smoothly, your guidance system lets you know with an all clear signal – positive emotions such as peacefulness or contentment.  Of course, this guidance system is not perfect. We occasionally misinterpret our emotions, and sometimes our emotions are just plain wrong like when we feel highly fearful before speaking in public. However, our emotions give us important and valuable feedback the majority of the time. And there is power in learning how to be aware of emotions, in learning how to correctly read emotions, and greater success lies in the ability to cultivate more positive emotions.

 

 

So what can positive emotions do for you?

One of the biggest breakthroughs for positive psychology comes from Barbara Fredrickson at UNC Chapel Hill who came up with an evolutionary explanation for the existence of positive emotions. Barbara’s hypothesis is that the primary function of positive emotion is to broaden and build.  That is, they broaden our thought processes and they build lasting internal resources. Positive emotions, such as awe, peacefulness and love, allow your mind to blossom, creating more options, more possibilities, in terms of thoughts and actions.  Positive emotions help us be more creative, imaginative, and innovative. If you need to brainstorm for a new marketing slogan, you’ll do a better job if you are happy when you do it.

In addition, positive emotions have long-term beneficial effects because they build internal resources which may be used to help assist others in need or to manage future threats. In other words, positive emotions fill up your gas tank.  This means that positive emotions fill your emotional reservoir with positive emotional energy to increase your sense of well-being and physical health and which you can share with others when they need support and love.

What’s more, positive emotions have been shown to undo the lingering physiological effects of negative emotions. Positive emotions act as the hidden RESET button to the bodily changes caused by negative emotions, changes such as elevated blood pressure and increased cortisol levels in the blood stream.

      In the workplace, positive emotions are related to higher salaries, less sick days, better relationships with coworkers, better supervisor ratings, better customer ratings, and reduced employee turnover.

      In terms of physical health, positive folks are less likely to get ill, live longer, experience less pain, have fewer hospital visits, and when in a good mood, have faster cardiovascular recovery times. On the other hand, those with depression are more likely to engage in smoking, drug abuse, suicidal attempts, and have more emergency room visits.

In psychology, it is generally understood that bad is stronger than good, or the negative is stronger than the positive.  Bad events have a greater power over us, our emotions, thoughts and behaviors, than do good ones. You are more motivated to avoid bad self-definitions than to pursue good ones. You are quicker to form bad judgments of other people than good ones. It takes approximately 5 compliments to undo the negative effects from one insult. Your brain processes negative information more thoroughly than it does positive information. So it’s great news that the harmful effects of negative feelings can be undone by positive emotions.

While we could come up with a list of hundreds of emotion words, there are ten positive emotions that have been verified in studies. From the most frequently occurring to the least frequent, they are… love, joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration and awe. And we know from research that positive emotions are fleeting and fragile. They are easily done away with and they are generally less powerful than negative emotions. So you have to increase your awareness of and be on the lookout for positive emotions throughout your day.

A Few Positive psychology Exercises:

Okay, let’s turn to some of the interventions that have been proven to boost your happiness.

The Blessings Exercise

One study done by Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania sought to help 50 severely depressed people. These were folks that stayed in bed most of the day, crawled out occasionally to check their email, and then returned to bed. They were asked to do one thing every day for two weeks.

            Write down three things that went well today and why they went well.

This daily gratitude journal is a powerful yet simple way to redirect the mind to the positive instead of dwelling on the negative. After two weeks of doing this exercise, the majority saw a significant improvement in their depressive symptoms.  People frequently report feeling happier and more positive after this assignment.

Mental Scrapbook of Positive Memories

Another exercise that has been shown to increase positive emotions is reliving positive memories. This exercise is as simple as focusing your attention on a positive event in your past. It might be a big athletic event, a wedding, the birth of a child, finishing school or a promotion. This activity may be combined with actual physical reminders of the past, such as photos, ticket stubs, trophies, college degrees, and printed testimonials.  You can also create your own positive scrapbook using most cell phones these days. Simply create a folder in which you keep photos of positive events. Start your own collection today. The main idea here is to savor the experience, to pay close attention to sensory details, to squeeze every last ounce of positive emotion out of the experience.

The extent to which you experience positive emotions is largely based on your thinking. Overthinking kills positive emotions. Worry, doubt, and stress drown out positive emotions. Emotions are highly individualized. They vary from person to person and what evokes one emotion in one person may not do the same in another. What makes one person recoil in disgust may make another person laugh. Emotions depend on how you interpret events. You have to take a moment (in the moment) and look for the good in the situation. Once you find the good, you must intentionally magnify it, and let it grow.  You have the power to turn positive emotions off and on.

Look at the room you’re in right now.

Ask yourself:

What’s going right for me right now?

How am I fortunate/blessed to be here?

How does being here benefit me?

What meaning can I take away from this situation?

When you take time to think this way, it builds gratitude in you.

By the way, it is normal if positivity feels unusual or weird at first.

Capitalizing on Love

One of the foremost researchers in the area of love and marriage is Shelly Gable, an assistant professor of psychology at UCLA. Most researchers looking at marriage work on conflict management, how to create more harmony between partners, and how individuals in a couple cope with traumatic events.  Gable is one of a handful of researcher who looks at what makes a thriving marriage. Her work provides some valuable insights if you are interested in transforming your good relationship (e.g., friendship, marriage, parent or child) into a great one.

Gable looks to see how you respond when your spouse tells you that he’s just been promoted, or your child tells you that she won Class President, or when your mother tells you she won a tennis tournament, or when your friend tells you she just won a huge lawsuit. Gable puts your responses into four different categories which break down as follows:

1.      An enthusiastic reaction such as “Wow! That’s tremendous. That’s the best thing I’ve heard all week. I’m sure there are more great things to come for you. You’ve definitely earned it. Congratulations!” This reaction is called the active-constructive response by Gable.

2.      A more subdued reaction where you share your happiness but say little. For example, “That’s nice dear.” This is the passive-constructive response.

3.      Or perhaps you point out some of the potential pitfalls or negatives within the good event. For instance, “Wow, I sure hope you can handle all that extra responsibility. Does this mean you will have to work extra hours?” Gable refers to this as the active-destructive response.

4.      Or, you might respond with disinterest and not respond to the good news at all. Most folks do this by merely changing the subject, “Yes, but what do you think about the weather outside?” This is known as the passive-destructive response.

The first type of response, the active-constructive one, is called “capitalizing” by Gable and here’s the fascinating part…capitalizing amplifies the pleasure of the good event and creates an upward spiral of good feelings.

Gable has shown that capitalizing is one of the keys to strong, supportive, thriving relationships. 

So how do you respond to good news from other people?

Are you a “capitalizer” who creates upward spirals of positive emotions?

Or do you turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the good news of others?

The consequences of learning how to be more of a “capitalizer” are impressive and robust. Couples who describe themselves as having a spouse who is active and constructive in response to their good news are more committed to the relationship, more in love, and happier in their marriage.  Think about that the next time your mate comes in the door with exciting news.

Closing Remarks

            I’ve found a large number of people are passionate and excited about positive psychology. It offers an energizing approach to your personal and professional life. Hopefully, by sharing some information about positive psychology, you’ve become excited about the possibilities also.

Again my name is John Schinnerer. I’m happy to speak to those interested in future keynote presentations or seeing clients privately. My book is entitled ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion & Thought’ and may be purchased at Amazon.com, or Target.com. My email address is John@GuideToSelf.com.  My website is www.GuideToSelf.com. Please feel free to go and sign up for my newsletter by clicking on Email Sign Up on the left of the screen.

Now to your questions…

 

Hope you enjoyed it!

Have a wonderful evening,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

913 San Ramon Valley Blvd.

Danville, CA 94526

 http://www.guidetoself.com

---

 

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Antidepressant Use Up 75 Percent

10. August 2009 by John Schinnerer.

By Psych Central News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on August 3, 2009

A new study has found that antidepressant drug use in the United States has gone up 75 percent, from 5.84 percent of the population to 10.12 percent.

The new study, published in the August issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry, looked at drug prescriptions from 1996 to 2005 in the U.S. Antidepressant use increased significantly across all age, gender and racial groups, except African Americans.

The data also shows a more than 10 percent decline in the use of psychotherapy amongst people treated with antidepressants, while at the same time showing a significant increase in the use of antipsychotic medications as a co-treatment to antidepressant therapy.

For the whole article, click here

http://psychcentral.com/news/2009/08/03/antidepressant-use-up-75-percent/7514.html

Wow, that’s a big increase in antidepressants with a simultaneous decrease in therapy! A sign of the times, I suppose. We are the quick fix people. In my opinion, the best solution to most severe cases of stress, anxiety and depression is a combination of medication and therapy.

Have a fantastic day!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

Posted in Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Managing Sadness, Assertiveness, Danville CA, Emotional management, Depression, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Life coach, Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

‘Life Force’ (Extroverted Personality) Linked To Body’s Ability To Withstand Stress

22. June 2009 by John Schinnerer.

ScienceDaily (June 18, 2009) — Our ability to withstand stress-related, inflammatory diseases may be associated, not just with our race and sex, but with our personality as well, according to a study published in the July issue of the journal Brain, Behavior and Immunity. Especially in aging women, low levels of the personality trait extraversion may signal that blood levels of a key inflammatory molecule have crossed over a threshold linked to a doubling of risk of death within five years.

Full article here  http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090617123700.htm

Have a fantastic day!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

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How to Get What You Want Using Appropriate Assertiveness

18. November 2008 by John Schinnerer.

By John Schinnerer, Ph.D.The boss’ face is red with rage as he screams obscenities at his subordinate. The boss yells words he will later regret. The subordinate focuses on breathing deeply and staying calm as he watches his boss spin out of emotional control. In the face of his boss’ fury, the subordinate remains composed and, thus, is able to think clearly. When the manager finishes his tirade, the 25-year-old subordinate asserts himself, ‘I understand you are upset. It frustrates me when you yell at me. I need you to speak to me in a calm tone of voice.’Assertiveness is the courage to do the right thing, at the right time, in the right manner, despite a known risk of negative consequences. Assertiveness basically comes down to courage – the courage to do what you know is right, in your heart, despite the possibility of negative consequences. Assertiveness exists on a continuum between the poles of docile and aggressive. Think of assertiveness as a matter of degree; it exists on a 1 through 10 scale where 1 is meek and 10 is overly aggressive. For most people, assertiveness varies according to the situation. For example, the hard-nosed, results-driven executive may be highly assertive at work, yet be quite meek when it comes to dealing with his wife and teenage daughter at home. So assertiveness is environment-specific. Usually, your degree of assertiveness is couched within a role that you play – parent, spouse, boss, friend, and so on. The goal is to learn how to be appropriately assertive without being a bully.  While difficult, it is possible with practice and awareness.Stop Being a WimpMost people are wimps, at least to some degree, in some situation. Wimps are people who cannot or will not say ‘No’ mainly out of fear. You may be a ubiquitous wimp which means that you are wimpy in every situation, with everyone. Or you may be a situation-specific wimp. These wimps can be a tyrant at work and a pushover at home, forceful with strangers yet completely spineless with friends. Wimpiness can vary according to the situation. Many wimps feel more comfortable being assertive in some areas of their life than others. Please understand that I use the term ‘wimp’ with respect and understanding. I work on my own assertiveness continuously. Understand that being a wimp works pretty well in the short run because you don’t risk upsetting anyone. You just let others have their way and no one’s knickers get in a knot. However, in the long run, your anger and disappointment get buried deep inside you. As you try to stuff more and more anger inside your emotional gas tank, the tank eventually overflows resulting in irritation, or even outbursts of rage as well as passive-aggressive behavior. You get angry at the wrong people, people who don’t deserve your wrath. Holding your emotions inside can also lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, high blood pressure, stroke, and even heart attacks. In short, wimpiness is bad for you and destructive to your health and happiness. For a meaningful, happy and healthy life, you must learn to be appropriately assertive. So what can you do? How do you stop being a wimp and start being assertive?Identify Your Top ValuesFirst, identify those values that are most important to you. The purpose for identifying your deepest values is to give you some guidance during difficult or confusing times. When your values are clear, it’s much easier to decide upon a course of action and act with confidence.  Your values will be the foundation of your new assertiveness. Ask yourself the following questions…What do I value? With what degree of certainty?Which values am I willing to publicly declare?What values am I willing to die for?Once you’ve identified your values, then you must figure out how consistent your words are with your feelings, thoughts and actions.The more authentic you are, the greater your quality of life is. Authenticity means that your values are consistent with your words, feelings and actions. The greater the consistency between your internal world and your external world, the more authenticity you have. Values guide the whole thing, your whole life.  Values give you a decision-making framework. Values are most important when you are under duress. Values are critical when you are stressed out, depressed or tired. However, in order for them to be any use to you at all, you have to know your top 5 values by rote. They have to be automatic, unconscious, repeated over and over until they are known by heart. It’s not enough to look at them once or twice a year. Infrequent value visits are not enough to sear them into your long-term memory. To get you started, a list of the top values that exist throughout the world is available free of charge at Guide To Self.  

Figure Out How You Want Others to Treat YouIf you want other people to treat you differently, you need to know how you want to be treated. Do you want your wife to stop yelling at you? Do you want more respect from your husband? Do you want your boss to speak to you in an indoor tone of voice? Do you want your children to help pick up the house? Figure out exactly how you want other people in your life to treat you.  Look at what is making you angry or irritated throughout the day. Make a mental note of each thing. Then figure out what you’d like to change in each relationship in your life. In which areas of your life is there injustice?  What are you tolerating? What are you putting up with? As you unearth the answers to these questions, the priorities for assertive action will automatically unfold.  Ask for What You Want After you have figured out how you want to be treated, then ask for it. This step takes courage, yet it gets easier the more frequently you do it. And it’s not as hard as you believe it is. You must learn to express yourself, the real you; what you truly want; how you truly feel, if you want to be treated with more respect. When you learn to state how you feel and what you want, your whole life will begin to change for the better. When you are asking for what you want, be as specific as possible. Keep it as short as possible and hold that thought in your mind, that way you can hold onto it even in the midst of an emotionally-charged conversation. To stop being a wimp, act with courage. It may feel awkward at first. Every new behavior feels a little strange at first. Most new behaviors take roughly 4 weeks to take hold. After four weeks, your authentic communication of your thoughts, feelings and needs will fit like a glove and you’ll be wondering why you hadn’t done it sooner. Practice Saying ‘No’Many of us have gotten in a dangerous habit of saying ‘Yes’ to everyone and everything. However, it’s merely a bad habit which can be changed. If you have trouble with saying ‘No,’ if that is too uncomfortable, simply use the phrase, ‘I’ll think about it.’  This is merely a temporary stop-gap. It buys you time. Using the phrase ‘I’ll think about it’ will hold off the other party for a time, but it raises your anxiety because you are only delaying giving a final answer. So realize that the ultimate goal is to be able to say ‘No’ with a clear conscience. You have a right to say ‘No’ to any request that comes your way. You have an obligation to take care of yourself first and foremost.  

Learn to Love Change The next step in becoming more assertive is to learn to love change. As you begin to live by your values and become more assertive, your relationships will change. You are going to make some changes to your life and the way in which you interact with other people. In addition, the only unchanging thing in this life is the fact that change will be constant. The best you can do is learn to love change. Identify What Makes You Afraid – And Go After ItMany of us wimps have created massive fears over what will happen when we finally say ‘No.’ We get into catastrophic, all-or-nothing negative thinking. Most often, these are irrational fears that have been blown up to monstrous proportions. Odds are that none of these things will actually happen if you stand up and rightly assert yourself. Remember to challenge your fears and your negative thoughts. Often, thoughts and feelings do not tell the truth. It is important to challenge negative thoughts. Don’t let them go by without speaking back to them. Check them against reality. Check your thoughts out with other people. Find out what people you trust have to say about the matter.Please realize that assertiveness is NOT the same as aggressiveness. You don’t have to be rude or impolite to be assertive. You don’t have to attack someone to let them know of your thoughts and your feelings. You have the right to stand up for your rights. You have the right to say ‘No’ and to take proper care of yourself. You have the right to stand up and ask for what you want and need. The worst that can happen is that they say ‘No. You can’t have that.’In any case, you need to know what makes your life worth living. And then stand up for it. Ask for it. Fight for it. Work towards it. Pay attention to it. You have to know what you want before you can be assertive. If you don’t know, you can’t ask. SummaryIn closing, keep in mind that assertiveness requires some courage. Courage only exists when you feel some degree of fear. The act of overcoming your fear is known as courage.  Assertiveness is the courage to do the right thing, at the right time, in the right manner despite possible adverse consequences. Think of assertiveness on a 1 to 10 scale where 1 is meek and 10 is overly aggressive. Assertiveness usually varies by situation. It is environment-specific. The ultimate goal is to learn how to be properly assertive without using intimidation to get what you want. About the Author
Dr. John Schinnerer

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping men learn anger management, stress management and latest ways to deal with destructive negative emotions. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer is President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  

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The Politics of Hope from Obama Reverberate Worldwide

7. November 2008 by John Schinnerer.

Today I’m sharing a post from a positive psychology listserv I subscribe to. It’s from a psychologist in Belgium, James Meredith Day. His writing does an excellent job describing the hope and optimism felt throughout the world after Barack Obama was elected Tuesday.

‘Polls across Europe, where I live, in the months preceding the U.S. presidential election showed voters in Germany, The Netherlands, and France to be as well informed on the issues confronting American voters, and the major candidates’ views on these, as were those who intended to vote in the U.S.A. The preference here was 86 per cent for Obama, 9 per cent for McCain, and the rest were for ‘other.’ Wednesday, when I took two of my children to our local Belgian school, I was greeted with jubilation, smiles, even warm embraces by neighbors and fellow parents, from people representing more than 15 different countries, from Japan, to Vietnam, to the European democracies, expressing their relief, and congratulations on the election of Senators Obama and Biden. Two messages came through over and over again: 1. At long last you have shown the world that America can’t be reduced to questions of brute power and money, and have done something to correct the image of a hypocritical, dishonest, arrogant, and inept party and administration; 

2. You have done something we in Europe have not yet done; electing a candidate issued from an immigrant family, of color, who in a short time gravitated to and was rewarded in the most elite of your educational institutions (People here are well aware Obama graduated from both Columbia and Harvard).  This is the America we WANT to look up to, and have as a leading partner in the family of nations. Wearing my Obama button on the street since, I have been greeted by perfect strangers on the metro, tram, bus, expressing the same sentiments. In Germany, the two national stations carried all-night coverage of the election.  Public radio in all the major countries here did the same. Millions of people here stayed up all night to keep track of what was going on, and when the results were announced, there were quite literally celebrations in the streets. 

Prior to this election the confidence in the U.S. had fallen to its lowest rating since the end of WW II.  Our country was regarded as a greater threat to the world’s environment and stability than a guarantor or force for good.’

- James Meredith Day

What an opportunity to promote hope and realistic optimism, not only here in America, but throughout the world.

Personally, I was thrilled at Tuesday’s presidential election results on a number of levels. Regardless of how things proceed from here, Obama’s win provides a number of disenfranchised groups with hope and optimism. And I believe every one of us could use a little more hope and optimism these days.

Let us do our best to continue the positive emotional momentum sparked by the election results. Let us proceed with open minds, warm hearts, a willingness to listen to those with whom we disagree, and helping hands.We are human beings.  We are resilient.

We don’t just roll.We bounce.

Dr. John Schinnerer Dr. John Schinnerer is opening up a private practice to help young and old men manage destructive emotions, such as anger, fear, anxiety and sadness. The practice opens November 15, 2008. The address is 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., Suite 280, Danville, CA 94526. You can contact Dr. Schinnerer for more info at Info@GuideToSelf.com.

Posted in Managing Anxiety, Anger Management, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Depression, Parenting, Dealing with loss, Managing Sadness, The human brain, Resiliency, Men's emotions, Alexithymia, Consciousness, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Happiness, Life coach, Guide to Self, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Realistic optimism, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Social phobia, Tips to help anxiety, Nervousness, Social anxiety disorder, Staying calm, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Dr. John Schinnerer opening private practice in Danville CA on 11-15-08.

30. October 2008 by John Schinnerer.

 

Latest News:

Dr. Schinnerer is proud to announce he is opening a private practice to coach men in the latest ways to manage their anger, fear and sadness. The practice opens November 15th, 2008 at the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center on 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., Suite 280, in Danville CA 94526. For appointments, please call (925) 575-0258.

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How to Deal With the Constant Stress of a Battered Economy

30. October 2008 by John Schinnerer.

Eight of Ten Americans Stressed About Money, Economy

By John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Which comes first – fear or economic chaos? Companies as varied as Yahoo, American Express, and Time Inc. are laying off employees. Corporate profits are dropping. The stock market is in a chaotic panic. Housing prices have plunged. Consumer debt is on the rise. The U.S. economy is in a full blown recession, and possibly, a depression.  

Money and the economy are at the top of a long list of stressors for Americans as reported in a recent study by Harris Interactive and the American Psychological Association (October, 2008). Eighty percent (80%) of Americans are stressed about the state of the economy. So how do you manage the unyielding stress that comes with difficult economic times?  

Identify Fear, Anxiety and Stress

The first step to overcoming stress is to correctly identify it. When you are afraid, your blood gathers in the large muscle groups such as those in your legs, preparing your body to flee. Your body freezes for a moment to gauge your possible reactions such what is the quickest escape route. The brain sounds the alarm to put your body on alert, making it edgy and ready for action. Accompanying this is an overwhelming flood of anxious, fearful thoughts which seem to be uncontrollable. This intense cycle of fear and worry can paralyze you. It also paralyzes the rational mind, making it difficult to think clearly. Fear and stress are closely linked. When fear is sparked, the emotional brain begins its dance of anxiety, forcing the brain to focus on the perceived threat. The fearful mind spins in an endless loop of negative thoughts.

Fear lies at the heart of all stress. Stress is fear stretched out over time. It is the general alarm reaction sounded by the nervous system when you perceive that a demand is being made on you that you cannot handle. Once the alarm has focused your attention, the negative thought spirals, the racing heart, and the muscle tension are of no further assistance to you. On the contrary, long-term stress causes damage to your body on a number of levels – difficulty thinking clearly, damage to arteries, killing brain cells, and limiting the number of options open to you. On the bright side, stress and fear can be managed depending on how you approach them. Nothing is more important right now than learning to manage your stress – the fate of the entire world may depend on a critical mass of people staying calm and overcoming stress.

Turn Off the Alarm

Once the stress is identified, the second step is to turn the alarm off. This is done through exercise, deep breathing, meditation, prayer or other means to clear your mind of negative thoughts. If you have not yet learned to clear your mind, a good place to start is Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought.

Courage, Bravery and Heroism

The third step is the realization that courage is the antidote to fear. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is overcoming fear. This step involves taking concrete actions to keep moving forward in a constructive direction. By reframing the question as, “What am I willing to try?” you can make change exciting, rather than paralyzing. Courage is not the absence of fear but the exorcising of it. Feel the fear and push through it anyway. It is the conquering of the fear that makes one courageous. One cannot be brave without fear. Think of courage as a virtue to be exercised daily rather than imagining it as expressed only in acts of heroism.  You are courageous…every day.  

Focus on Gratitude

Another way to bounce back from stressful times is to direct your thoughts daily to those things for which you are grateful. This simple act connects you with your higher, more centered self. To do so, think about the following:You are alive.You are loved by others.You can see, hear and breathe on your own.You can read and comprehend these words.You can vote in a country with freedom of speech and of religion.All of these are basics which are often taken for granted. Make your own daily list of things for which you are grateful. By cultivating gratitude, you consciously move your thoughts away from the thousands of voices adding to the environment of fear and begin to stem the tide of stress.

Look for the Positive Meaning Amidst the Rubble

Finally, look deep into your current situation and seek any and all positive meanings that may be pulled from it. Every situation exists to teach you something. Your best strategy is to uncover those life-altering lessons in difficult times and use them to motivate you towards positive, constructive action. An example of a life lesson in this situation is the realization that you are resilient, you will survive. And with that knowledge comes power (“If I can survive this, I can survive anything.”). With complete awareness, allow yourself to calmly and rationally consider what options are available to you to create your best possible future.

Remember that our country has survived such economic hardships in the past and we will survive this one. Americans are highly resilient. We will bounce back from this difficulty with more energy, greater innovation, and more wisdom than we had prior to it. That is what we do, for we are Americans. We don’t just roll. We bounce.

About the Author John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Dr. John Schinnerer graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive coach and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that focuses on coaching individuals and groups to their potential using the latest in positive psychology. Most recently, Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.Dr. Schinnerer is also President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Infinet was founded in 1997 and has worked with companies such as UPS, CSE Insurance Group, McQuay International and Schreiber Foods.Dr. John Schinnerer previously served as Chief Communication Officer of Emotion Mining Company, which measured emotions for branding, marketing and organizational change.
Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development to sports psychology. He is a noted speaker and author on topics such as emotional intelligence, happiness in the workplace and executive leadership. Dr. Schinnerer wrote, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which was awarded the “Best Self-Help Book of 2007” by East Bay Express. He has written articles on corporate ethics and EQ in the workplace for Workspan magazine, HR.com, and Business Ethics. He has given numerous presentations, radio shows and seminars to tens of thousands of people for organizations such as SHRM, NCHRA, KNEW and KDIA.

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The Best Way to Let Go of Anger, Pain and Perceived Injustice - Practice Daily Forgiveness

2. October 2008 by John Schinnerer.

By Dr. John Schinnerer

www.GuideToSelf.com

Each one of us has an emotional gas tank inside us. Inside most of us, our emotional gas tanks are filled with anger, sadness and fear, and other destructive emotions. Destructive emotions build up over time. They accumulate. Destructive emotions, such as anager, literally eat you from the inside out by damaging the inside of your arteries.

As an example, let’s look more in depth at anger. Anger is difficult to control yet it is predictable. It begins like a single drop of water. At first, it’s merely irritating. No big deal, just aggravating. Slowly, gradually, over time, anger accumulates. Some bonehead zips into the parking space for which you were patiently waiting. A guy in a hurry cuts you off on the freeway. Your boss is mistakenly upset with you because of a error a coworker made. The waitress takes forever to get your order and you are running late. When you finally arrive home, exhausted, your children are boisterous and energetic. Tiny drops of water slowly filling up your emotional gas tank. Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. And when you gather together enough of these little drops of annoyance, you have unknowingly filled your tank with rage and anger. You are now jump to judgment. You are fast to fury. You instantly become irritated. Over time, over years and years of this pattern, you learn to trust no one. You learn to be expect the worst from people. You build a wall to shield you from more pain. And the quality of your life gradually becomes miserable. It’s insidious. Without awareness, you become an emotional time bomb that explodes under any additional difficulties.

There is a better way to live. It requires learning the human strength of forgiveness. Forgiveness takes some awareness and practice, but it can be learned.

All you have to do is learn how to dump out your emotional gas tank. Turn it upside down and release every last bit of negative emotions – anger, fear, disappointment and sadness. Once you’ve emptied your tank, you have the option of filling it up with what you choose – love, joy, peace and patience.

The problem is that no one ever taught you HOW to empty out your gas tank of these destructive emotions. Once you learn how to dump out all that rage and pain, then you have a choice. Then you will have a life of which you can be proud.

To find out how the specific steps to forgive and dump out your destructive emotions, you can enjoy the full article for free at
http://www.guidetoself.com/articles/Forgiveness-WhatWhyHow.pdf

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Preventing Bullies from Becoming Prisoners

25. August 2008 by John Schinnerer.

Prevent Bullies Before They Become Prisoners: Sixty Percent of Bullies Have One Conviction by the Age 24

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

www.GuideToSelf.com

A ten-year-old boy is told repeatedly that he is a “weakling” and a “girly man,” yelled at and teased in a tone of voice tinged with disgust and disdain. Is this bullying? What if it leads to a fist fight? How do you know when someone crosses the line between cruel teasing and bullying? Does emotional bullying have any “real” physical consequences? And perhaps, most importantly, if you are dealing with a true bully, what do you do about it? Let’s start by figuring out what bullying is and then move on to what the consequences are and the best ways to deal with it.

Bullying Defined

Bullying takes place when a one or more kids repeatedly harass, intimidate, hit, or ignore another youngster who is physically weaker, smaller or has a lower social status. Realize that adults can also engage in bullying, particularly what I call emotional bullying. However, today we’ll focus on young people.

Note that a single fistfight between two kids of similar size and social power is not bullying; neither is the occasional teasing.

Physical bullying is seen in both boys and girls, but it is more common among boys. Girls typically use emotional bullying more so than boys. Bullying can take a number of forms.

• Bullying can be physical (hitting, shoving, or taking money or belongings) or emotional (Causing fear by threats, insults and/or exclusion from conversations or activities).

• Boys tend to use physical intimidation (hitting or threatening to hit) as well as insults, and they often act one-on-one. Girls are more likely to bully in groups by using the silent treatment towards another girl or gossiping about her.

• Kids are often bullied through putdowns about their appearance, such as being teased about being different than other children or for the way they talk, dress, their size, their appearance and so on. Making fun of children’s religion or race occurs far less frequently.

Bullying begins in elementary school and is most common in middle school; it fades but not completely in high school. It usually occurs in school areas that are not well supervised by teachers or other adults, such as on playgrounds, lunch rooms, and bathrooms. Much of it takes place after school at a location known to students and unsupervised by adults. When I was in middle school, there was a Christmas tree farm where all fights took place. When I was a psych at a middle school, there was a dry creek bed nearby where fights took place. There is always a certain spot that is well known to the students where altercations occur. One way to prevent bullying is to be aware of this spot and police it regularly after school. And realize that the spot will move as soon as the adults become aware of it.

Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intended to cause harm or distress, occurs repeatedly over time, and occurs in a relationship in which there is an imbalance of power or strength. Bullying can take many forms, including physical violence, teasing and name-calling, intimidation, and social exclusion. It can be related to hostile acts perpetrated against racial and ethnic minorities, gay, lesbian, and bi-sexual youth, and persons with disabilities.

Ninety percent of 4th through 8th graders report being victims of some form of bullying at some time in their past. Boys are typically more physically aggressive (physical bullying), whereas girls rely more on social exclusion, teasing, and cliques (verbal or emotional bullying). Bullying can also take the form of cyber communication, e.g., via email (cyber bullying). It is estimated that one in four boys who bully will have a criminal record by age 30.

Who are the bullies?

Children who regularly bully their peers tend to be impulsive, easily frustrated, dominant in personality, have difficulty conforming to rules, view violence positively and are more likely to have friends who are also bullies. Boys who bully are usually physically stronger than their peers.Moreover, several risk factors have been associated with bullying, including individual, family, peer, school, and community factors. With respect to family factors, children are more likely to bully if there is a lack of warmth and parent involvement, lack of parental supervision, and harsh corporal discipline. Some research suggests a link between bullying behavior and child maltreatment. Also, schools that lack adequate adult supervision tend to have more instances of bullying. Psychological research has debunked several myths associated with bullying, including one that states bullies are usually the most unpopular students in school. A 2000 study by psychologist Philip Rodkin, PhD, and colleagues involving fourth-through-sixth-grade boys found that highly aggressive boys may be among the most popular and socially connected children in elementary classrooms, as viewed by their fellow students and even their teachers. Another myth is that the tough and aggressive bullies are basically anxious and insecure individuals who use bullying as a means of compensating for poor self-esteem. Using a number of different methods including projective tests and stress hormones, Olweus concludes that there is no support for such a view. Most bullies had average or better than average self-esteem. Who is being bullied? Children who are bullied are often cautious, sensitive, insecure, socially isolated, and have difficulty asserting themselves among their peers. Boys who are bullied tend to be physically weaker than their peers. Children who have been victims of child abuse (neglect, physical, or sexual abuse) or who have disabilities are also more likely to be bullied by their peers. How common is bullying? In 2002, it was reported that 17 percent of students reported having been bullied “sometimes” or more frequently during the school term. About 19 percent reported bullying others “sometimes” or more often. And six percent reported both bullying and having been bullied. However, in a 2003 study from UCLA, it was reported that almost 50% of sixth graders in two Los Angeles-area public schools report being bullied by classmates during a five-day period.New research from the Secret Service and the U.S. Department of Education on 37 school shootings, including Columbine, found that almost three-quarters of student shooters felt bullied, threatened, attacked or injured by others. In fact, several shooters reported experiencing long-term and severe bullying and harassment from their peers.What’s more, roughly 45% of teachers report having bullied a student in their past. This comes from a 2006 study which defined bullying “using power to punish, manipulate, or disparage a student beyond what would be a reasonable disciplinary procedure.”

The Effects of Bullying

Bullying exerts long-term and short-term psychological effects on both bullies and their victims. Bullying behavior has been linked to other forms of antisocial behavior, such as vandalism, shoplifting, skipping and dropping out of school, fighting, and the use of drugs and alcohol.Victims of bullying experience loneliness and often suffer humiliation, insecurity, loss of self-esteem, and thoughts of suicide. Furthermore, bullying can interfere with a student’s engagement and learning in school. The impact of frequent bullying often accompanies these victims into adulthood. A study done in 2003 found that emotional bullying such as repeated name-calling has as much of a damaging impact on well-being as being beat up. Dr. Stephen Joseph, from the University of Warwick, states, “Bullying and particularly name calling can be degrading for adolescents. Posttraumatic stress is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a frightening event or ordeal in which physical harm occurred or was threatened, and research clearly suggests that it can be caused by bullying. It is important that peer victimization is taken seriously as symptoms such as insomnia, anxiety and depression are common amongst victims and have a negative impact on psychological health.”As with smoking and drinking, youthful bullying can have serious long-term effects. Norwegian psychologist Dan Olweus, PhD, for example, reported in “Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do” (Blackwell, 1993) that 60 percent of boys who bully had at least one conviction by age 24, and 40 percent had three or more convictions.

Other studies found that about 20 percent of American middle school children say they bully others sometimes. Such youngsters tend to have multiple problems: They’re more likely to fight, steal, drink, smoke, carry weapons and drop out of school than non-bullies.

That said, recent research has exploded some common myths about bullies: in particular, that they’re isolated loners with low self-esteem. In fact, many bullies are reasonably popular and tend to have “henchmen” who aid their negative behaviors.

New and innovative research

A nationally representative study of 15,686 students in grades six through 10, published last year in the Journal of the American Medical Association (Vol. 285, No. 16) is among the most recent to document the scope of bullying in U.S. schools.This study found that:* Bullying occurs most frequently from sixth to eighth grade, with little variation between urban, suburban, town and rural areas.

* Males are more likely to be bullies and victims of bullying than females. Males are more likely to be physically bullied, while females are more likely to be verbally or psychologically bullied, although there is recent evidence (Sept. 2008) that shows that females are just as likely to use physical violence as males.

* Bullies and victims of bullying have difficulty adjusting to their environments, both socially and psychologically. Victims of bullying have greater difficulty making friends and are lonelier.

* Bullies are more likely to smoke and drink alcohol, and to be poorer students.

* Bully-victims–students who are both bullies and recipients of bullying–tend to experience social isolation, to do poorly in school and to engage in problem behaviors such as smoking and drinking.

In the past, bullying behavior was looked at in an either/or fashion – either you are a bully or you are a victim. However, some children report that they’re both a bully and a victim at different times.

Bully-victims experience higher levels of depression and anxiety than the bully-only group or the victim-only group. Those who fall into the bully-victim subgroup are more troubled in terms of internal problems. They carry a great deal of anger, fear and sadness within them and don’t have any tools to release it. Studies have shown that, despite thinking they know how to identify bullies, teachers aren’t all that good at actually doing so. Administrators and teachers in schools overestimate their effectiveness in identifying and intervening in bullying situations.

This can have troubling implications. For example, to contain costs, some schools hold intervention programs in group settings. If bully-victims are in the group, they may cause problems for students who are solely victims. It’s more productive for bully-victims to be treated separately.

Mediation programs for bullies and victims are also problematic. Peer mediation may be appropriate in resolving conflict between students with equal power, but bullying is a type of victimization. Just as child abuse is a form of victimization between parties of unequal power, so too is bullying.

Solutions for bullying

Many anti-bullying programs don’t use research and are thus are likely to fail. Those that work off the myth that the root of bullying is low self-esteem may produce more confident bullies but they probably won’t have a significant effect on any bullying behavior.

What’s more, the common approach of grouping bullies together for group counseling tends to increases their bullying. You’ve just put them in a peer group of bullies who reinforce their destructive behaviors.

And conflict resolution or mediation–which assumes equal power between bullies and their victims–may retraumatize those who have been bullied. Pop treatments usually fail because they focus on only one aspect of the problem.

Bullying is a complex problem. There are multiple reasons for bullying. Successful programs take a holistic approach to preventing bullying. This means that they create new school norms for acceptable behavior, involving all facets of the school–students, parents and teachers, psychologists and more.

Global buffers

Indeed, key to the success of any intervention is appropriate adult guidance and support, presenters agreed. Adults supervise their children about 40 percent less than they did 30 years ago, statistics show, and this and related phenomena have been correlated with problem behaviors. The trend, they added, occurs at a time when teens report wanting more parental attention and family time.

Research shows that parents can be effective interventionists. In a 2001 article, when parents learned to effectively communicate information on binge drinking to their precollege teens, the young people returned from their first semester of college significantly less likely to drink than a control group.

Teaching your children emotional intelligence (EQ), or how to manage one’s emotions, results in less illicit drug use and far less physical violence. Those with lower EI had more substance abuse problems and more frequent fights.

The biggest challenge for teens is to develop the self-regulatory abilities implied by high EQ, and that adults can aid in that process. It’s important to help children and teens find ways to identify their emotions - deep breathing,  journaling, greater bodily awareness, exercise, yoga, meditation and so on. These are all ways to become more aware of your emotions, so you can in turn manage your emotions more effectively. It’s all about emotional intelligence. Parents must also be involved in their children’s lives and intervene in a supportive and empathetic nature if they believe their child or another child is being bullied. To help prevent bullying, parents should enforce clear and concise behavioral guidelines and reward children for positive, inclusive behavior. Furthermore, parents should seek assistance from the school’s principal, teachers, and counselors if concerns regarding their child’s or another child’s behavior arises.

Sometimes bullying is easy to spot–a child pushing another on the playground or shoving a classmate’s face into the water fountain. Other times bullying is less overt–children spreading rumors, teasing peers or excluding a classmate from games at recess. This veiled type of bullying–known as relational or covert aggression–can be harder for parents and teachers to see and prevent. What’s more, previous research suggests that relational aggression increases and intensifies as children get older and become more emotionally and socially sophisticated.

Studies report that the rates of aggression are rising in middle school girls. “It’s always been the case that we expect rates of aggression and delinquency to increase for boys, while girls were considered somewhat protected,” said Julia Graber, a UF psychologist who did the research. “In this study, it’s clear that the differences between girls and boys are diminishing.”

Unlike boys, girls in the study reported feeling increasing amounts of anger between sixth and seventh grades, she said. Both groups reported a decline in self-control. The study of 1,229 students at 22 public and parochial schools in New York City found that the proportion of girls committing five or more aggressive acts in a month, such as “hitting someone” or “pushing or shoving someone on purpose” jumped from 64 percent to 81 percent between sixth and seventh grades. For boys, it rose from 69 percent to 78 percent.

“Girls’ entry into adolescence is generally thought of as a vulnerable time for depression, and studies tend to focus on girls’ emotional experiences with sadness and depressed moods,” Graber said. “What’s interesting about this study is that we see an increase in a different negative emotional experience, and that’s anger.”

Bullying among primary school age children has become recognized as an antecedent to more violent behavior in later grades. Statistics on violence in our country tell a grim story with a clear message. Some children learn how to dominate others by foul means rather than by fair, setting a pattern for how they will behave as adults (bullies). Other children are more easily dominated, suffer miserably, often in silence, and develop a victim mentality that they may be unable to over-come as adults (victims). Action is needed to end purposeful harassment, and bullying.

Signs that a child is being bullied

Children who are being bullied may be embarrassed to talk about what is going on. Parents (or other adults) may notice signs that point to bullying. Your child may:

• Have scrapes, bruises or other signs of physical injury.

• Come home from school without some belongings such as clothes, or money.

• Come home from school quite hungry, saying they lost his or her lunch.

• Develop ongoing physical problems, such as headaches or stomachaches.

• Have sleep disturbances and nightmares.

• Pretend to be sick or make other excuses to avoid school or other situations.

• Change their behavior, such as withdrawing, becoming sad, angry or aggressive.

• Cry often.

• Become more fearful when certain people or situations are mentioned.

• See a sudden drop in grades or have more difficulty learning new material.

• Talk about suicide as a way out.

How to help the child who is being bullied

The key to helping your child deal with bullying is to help him or her regain a sense of dignity and recover damaged self-esteem. To help ward off bullies, give your child these tips:

• Temporarily hold the anger. It’s natural to want to get really angry with a bully, but that’s exactly the response the bully is aiming for. Not only will getting angry or aggressive not solve the problem, it will only make it worse. Bullies want to know they have control over your child’s emotions. Each time they get a reaction from your child, it adds fuel to the bully’s fire - getting angry just makes the bully feel more powerful. Remind your child that anyone that makes you angry has control over you. Help your child work at staying calm through deep breathing and turning their attention to more pleasant thoughts while being picked on.

• Never get physical or bully back. Emphasize that your child should never use physical force (like kicking, hitting, or pushing) to deal with a bully. Not only does that show anger, your child can never be sure what the bully will do in response. Tell your child that it’s best to hang out with others, stay safe, and get help from an adult.

• Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Tell your child to look the bully in the eye and say something like, “I want you to stop right now.” Counsel your child to then walk away and ignore any further taunts. Encourage your child to “walk tall” and hold his or her head up high (using this type of body language sends a message that your child isn’t vulnerable). Bullies thrive on the reaction they get, and by walking away, or ignoring hurtful emails or instant messages, your child will be telling the bully that he or she just doesn’t care. Sooner or later, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother your child.

• Use humor. If your child is in a situation in which he or she has to deal with a bully and can’t walk away with poise, tell him or her to use humor or give the bully a compliment to throw the bully off guard. However, tell your child not to use humor to make fun of the bully.

• Tell an adult. If your child is being bullied, emphasize that it’s very important to tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help to stop it. Studies show that schools where principals crack down on this type of behavior have less bullying.

• Talk about it. It may help your child to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or friend - anyone who can give your child the support he or she needs. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can build when your child is being bullied.

• Use the buddy system. Enlisting the help of friends or a group may help both your child and others stand up to bullies. The bully wants to be recognized and feel powerful, after all, so a lot of bullying takes part in the presence of peers. If the bully is picking on another child, tell your child to point out to the bully that his or her behavior is unacceptable and is no way to treat another person. This can work especially well in group situations (i.e., when a member of your child’s circle of friends starts to pick on or shun another member). Tell your child to make a plan to buddy up with a friend or two on the way to school, on the bus, in the hallways, or at recess or lunch - wherever your child thinks he or she might meet the bully. Tell your child to offer to do the same for a friend who’s having trouble with a bully. When one person speaks out against a bully, it gives others license to add their support and take a stand, too.

• Develop more friendships by joining social organizations, clubs, or sports programs. Encourage regular play visits with other children at your home. Being in a group with other kids may help to build your child’s self-esteem and give your child a larger group of positive peers with whom to spend time.

Of course, you may have to intervene in persistent cases of bullying. That can involve walking to school with your child and talking to your child’s teacher, school counselor, or principal. Safety should be everyone’s concern. If you’ve tried the previous methods and still feel the need to speak to the bullying child’s parents, it’s best to do so within the context of the school, where a school official, such as a counselor, can mediate.

If your child is the bully

Learning that your child is a bully can be shocking. But it’s important to remain calm and avoid becoming defensive, as that can make a bad situation worse. You may have a greater impact if you express disappointment - not anger - to your child. Because bullying often stems from unhappiness or insecurity, try to find out if something is bothering your child. Children who bully aren’t likely to confess to their behavior, but you’ll need to try to get your child to talk by asking some specific, hard-hitting questions, such as:

• How do you feel about yourself?

• How do you think things are going at school and at home?

• Are you being bullied?

• Do you get along with other kids at school?

• How do you treat other children?

• What do you think about being considered a bully?

• Why do you think you’re bullying?

• What might help you to stop bullying?

To get to the bottom of why your child is hurting others, you may also want to schedule an appointment to talk to your child’s school counselor or another mental health professional (your child’s doctor should be able to refer you to someone). If you suspect that your child is a bully, it’s important to address the problem to try to mend your child’s mean ways. After all, bullying is violence, and it often leads to more antisocial and violent behavior as the bully grows up. In fact, as many as one out of four elementary school bullies have a criminal record by the time they’re 30.

Helping your child stop bullying

Although not all bullying stems from family problems, it’s a good idea to examine the behavior and personal interactions your child witnesses at home. If your child lives with taunting or name-calling from a sibling or from you or another parent, it could be prompting aggressive or hurtful behavior outside the home. What may seem like innocent teasing at home may actually model bullying behaviors. Children who are on the receiving end of it learn that bullying can translate into control over children they perceive as weak.

Constant teasing - whether it’s at home or at school - can also affect a child’s self-esteem. Children with low self-esteem can grow to feel emotionally insecure. They can also end up blaming others for their own shortcomings. Making others feel bad (bullying) can give them a sense of power.

Of course, there will be moments that warrant constructive criticism: for example, “I counted on you to put out the trash and because you forgot, we’ll all have to put up with that stench in the garage for a week.” But take care not to let your words slip into criticizing the person rather than the behavior: “You’re so lazy. I bet you just pretend to forget your chores, so you don’t have to get your hands dirty.” Focus on how the behavior is unacceptable, rather than the person. Home should be a safe haven, where children aren’t subjected to uncomfortable, harsh criticism from family and loved ones.

In addition to maintaining a positive home atmosphere, there are a number of ways you can encourage your child to give up bullying:

• Emphasize that bullying is a serious problem. Make sure your child understands you will not tolerate bullying and that bullying others will have consequences at home. For example, if your child is cyber bullying, take away the technologies he or she is using to torment others (i.e., computer, cell phone to text message or send pictures). Or instruct your child to use the Internet to research bullying and note strategies to reduce the behavior. Other examples of disciplinary action include restricting your child’s curfew if the bullying and/or teasing occur outside of the home; taking away privileges, but allowing the opportunity to earn them back; and requiring your child to do volunteer work to help those less fortunate.

• Teach your child to treat people who are different with respect and kindness. Teach your child to embrace, not ridicule, differences (i.e., race, religion, appearance, special needs, gender, economic status). Explain that everyone has rights and feelings.

• Find out if your child’s friends are also bullying. If so, seek a group intervention through your child’s principal, school counselor, and/or teachers.

• Set limits. Stop any show of aggression immediately and help your child find nonviolent ways to react.

• Observe your child interacting with others and praise appropriate behavior. Positive reinforcement is more powerful than negative discipline.

• Talk with school staff and ask how they can help your child change his or her bad behavior. Be sure to keep in close contact with the staff.

• Set realistic goals and don’t expect an immediate change. As your child learns to modify his or her behavior, assure your child that you still love him or her - it’s the behavior you don’t like.

Be aware that bullying also takes place between adults, as well as between adults and children. Anywhere there is a power imbalance; there is the risk of bullying. Athletic coaching is a fertile ground for bullying young athletes. As more is learned about bullying and the serious consequences of it, more and more zero tolerance policies will be adopted. Until then, stay aware of subtle cues of bullying in children. The first step is awareness. With greater awareness, bullying can be nipped in the bud.
 

About the Author

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.Dr. John Schinnerer is Chief Communication Officer at Emotion Mining Company, which has a powerful and patented method to measure conscious and subconscious emotions. This method is used for marketing and branding, leadership development, organizational change, and individual counseling and coaching.Prior to this, Dr. Schinnerer was President of Guide To Self, a company that focuses on coaching individuals and groups to their potential using the latest in psychology, psychoneuroimmunology and physiology. Most recently, Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been a coach and psychologist for over 10 years.

Dr. Schinnerer is also President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Infinet was founded in 1997 and has worked with companies such as UPS, CSE Insurance Group and Schreiber Foods. Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development to sports psychology. He is a noted speaker and author on topics such as emotional intelligence, sports psychology, and executive leadership.

Dr. Schinnerer wrote, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which was recently awarded the “Best Self-Help Book of 2007” by East Bay Express. He has written articles on corporate ethics and EQ in the workplace for Workspan magazine, HR.com, and Business Ethics. He has given numerous presentations, radio shows and seminars to tens of thousands of people for organizations such as SHRM, NCHRA, KNEW and KDIA.

Posted in Nervousness, Social anxiety disorder, Social phobia, School psychology, Victims of bullying, School age bullies, Staying calm, Anxiety, Forgiveness, Counseling, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Emotional IQ, Guide to Self, Bullies | Print | No Comments »

Everything You Need to Know to Beat Anxiety and Nerves!

3. March 2008 by John Schinnerer.

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Anxiety (But Were Too Afraid To Ask)!

Dr. John Schinnerer, Emotion Mining Company (www.EmotionMining.com)

Anxiety is the third largest psychological problem in the world today but few people are even aware what anxiety is. A young man wastes time sitting in front of the telephone, agonizing becausehe’s afraid to make a call. He’s afraid to call a stranger in a business officeabout the phone bill because he’s afraid he’ll be imposing and they’ll be madwith him. It’s very hard for him to take rejection, even over the phone, evenfrom someone she doesn’t know. He’s especially afraid to call people he doesknow because he feels that he’ll be calling at the wrong time — the otherperson will be busy — and they won’t want to talk with him. He feels rejectedeven before he makes the call. Once the call is finished, he overanalyzes andthinks about the words that were used, the tone it was said in, and how hewas perceived by the other person….his nervousness and speeding thoughtsconcerning the call prove to him that he “screwed” this conversation up, too,just like he always does. Just thinking about the call is enough to call us hisanxiety. A young lady resists going to work since a meeting is scheduled the nextday. She knows that such meetings always include her co-workers discussingtheir current projects. The mere thought of talking in front of her peersspikes her anxiety. Sometimes she loses sleep the night before due to theanticipation of her upcoming nervousness. In other words, she becomesnervous about the prospect of being nervous. When the meeting is finallyfinished, a huge wave of relief comes over her as she begins to let go of theanxiety. Yet the memory of the meeting remains in the forefront of her mind.She is convinced she embarrassed herself and that everyone present sawhow nervous she was when she spoke, and how foolish she acted in themeeting. She recalls that in front of the boss she stammered, paused toolong, her face turned red, and she won’t remember what to say. The moviesare replayed in her mind over and over and over again. 

Another individual would like to go to out socially— and, in fact, he is trulylonely—yet he never goes out as he is unbearably nervous when meetingnew people. Groups of people make things worse for him. The idea of talkingto unknown people scares the daylights out of him. He is certain people willstare at him and expose him as an imposter. He is afraid they will reject himand humiliate him. Even if they act nice, they’ll surely notice his flushed face,frozen look and stuttering speech. They’ll sense his discomfort, mistake it forarrogance and dislike him. He feels he has no way to win. And so he spendsthe night alone again. He is in his comfort zone at home. Home is the onlyarea in which he feels totally at ease. Home is the only place he can relax. Hehasn’t gone out in seven years. In public, people with social anxiety feel that everyone is scrutinizing theirevery move and judging them, despite the rational knowledge that this is notthe case. Socially anxious people cannot relax in public. They cannot enjoythemselves when they are out. They can never truly settle down when othersare around. To them, it always seems like other people are negativelyjudging them. Regardless of their rational thoughts, they still feel extremelyself-consciousness while they are in the presence of others. For many, it isnearly impossible to relax and focus on anything other than the anxiety andthe fear. The anxiety is agonizing, making it easier to avoid social situationsand other people completely. Social anxiety is an extreme fear of social situations and conversing withother people which creates feelings of self-consciousness, fear of judgment,evaluation, and criticism. This often leads to feelings of inadequacy,humiliation, and depression. Social anxiety disorder (or social phobia) causes relationship problems formillions of people all over the world every day of their lives. In the UnitedStates, studies have recently shown social anxiety disorder to be the thirdlargest psychological disorder in the country. Such anxiety affectsapproximately 15 million Americans each year. In general, social anxiety isnot well understood by the mental health care field. As a result, people withsocial phobia are frequently misdiagnosed. Socially anxious people have beenmisdiagnosed as “schizophrenic”, “manic-depressive”, “clinically depressed”,and “personality disordered” to name a few. Often, anxiety exists together with depression or bipolar disorder. 

An example of a specific social phobia is the fear of speaking in front ofgroups. On the other hand, generalized social anxiety makes a personanxious, nervous, and uncomfortable in the vast majority of social situations.People who suffer from social anxiety disorder typically experienceconsiderable emotional distress in situations such as: Introductions to other peopleCriticism and JudgmentsBeing the center of attention (e.g., birthdays)Having someone watch while doing somethingTalking to people in positions of authority (e.g., doctors, PhDs and police)Social encounters, especially with strangersMaking “chit-chat” at social engagements The physiological symptoms that are associated with social anxiety frequentlyinclude intense dread, a quickening heart rate, blushing face, dry throat andmouth, shaking, difficulty swallowing, and muscle tension. Constant,pervasive, ongoing and intense anxiety is the most common symptom. People with social anxiety know that their anxiety does not make rationalsense. We know now that each one of us has two “types” of brain – theemotional brain and the thinking brain. These account for our emotionalintelligence and traditional intelligence. Therefore, knowing something is notthe same is not the same as feeling it. Sometimes we have feelings that areinconsistent with our thoughts. This is frequently the case in anxious people.They feel anxious despite their rational knowledge that there is nothing to beafraid of. 

Here are a few tips to help alleviate your anxiety… 1.     Think of the brain as a computer. In order for a computer to run any program at peak efficiency, it must have sufficient memory, disk space and processing speed. Many individuals with problems of impulsivity, disorganization, and distractibility do not have sufficient RAM (i.e., short-term memory), disk space (i.e., long-term memory) or processing speed in their brains due to underactivity in the prefrontal and temporal lobes of the brain. To best run the programs, the hardware (the brain) must be first optimized and then the programs (the information) need to be reinstalled (as it wasn’t properly received the first time through). Once the brain is running efficiently, strategies need to be introduced to help them be more effective at home, at work and in social relationships.  It is essential to improve the brain (biological), the outlook of the individual (psychological), and the intersections between the person and their environment (social) (Amen, 2001). One particular part of the brain has been shown to be involved in shifting from one thought to another – the anterior cingulate gyrus. When the anterior cingulate is too active, it results in people getting stuck in certain thought patterns and behaviors. Many difficulties with anxiety and depression have to do with a lack of flexibility of thought (or obsessing on certain negative thoughts) and may be related to an overactive anterior cingulate. If the rigidity of your thoughts and behaviors are causing difficulty in your relationships, you may want to discuss with your doctor the possibility of a serotonergic medication such as Prozac, Zoloft or Paxil which has been shown to be helpful in calming down the anterior cingulate gyrus (Amen, 2001). 2.     Eliminate all toxic elements from your lifestyle. This includes caffeine, alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, methamphetamines, nicotine, and sugars. For instance, marijuana use damages the physiology of the brain decreasing blood flow to key areas and reducing overall effectiveness. Marijuana use is especially harmful to the temporal lobes, which play an important role in memory, emotional stability, learning and temper control. Substance abuse of all kinds is particularly harmful to brain functioning. For example, a study done at UCLA demonstrated that cocaine addicts had 23 percent less brain activity overall compared to a group of people who had never used drugs (Amen, 2001).  

3.     The recommended diet according to many experts, including Barry Sears, PhD (author of The Zone) is a higher protein – lower carbohydrate diet with a minimum of sugars. This helps promote a more even mood, better focus, and improved cognitive ability. However, this is precisely the opposite form of diet that most of us are on currently. 4.     All of us benefit from intense aerobic exercise 30-45 minutes 5 times a week. Exercise increases blood flow to the brain. It also improves the availability of serotonin in the brain which provides a calming effect and allows individuals to shift their focus from one are to another more easily. This helps those who tend to obsess on certain thoughts or ‘overfocus’ on areas of interest.  5.     Work on correcting Automatic Negative Thoughts, or ANTs. Negativity haunts us all at different times. This habit, when particularly strong, can lead to depression and social withdrawal. There are seven primary types of ANTs as laid out below: 

ANT	Type of ANT	How to counter the ANT
“I’m the worst at sports.”	“All or nothing” thinking.	This is not a rational thought. I’m not the worst. I just need more practice. Then, I’ll improve.
“She is always mad at me.”	“Always” thinking.	Watch for words like “always,” “never,” “no one,” “everyone,” “every time,” and “everything.”
“Others will just laugh at me and I’ll look stupid.”	Fortune telling.	Predicting the worst possible outcome. Replace negative thought with a positive image in your head (“They might like what I have to say.”). Learn deep breathing techniques (e.g., diaphragmatic breathing).
“I know she doesn’t like me.”	Mind reading.	Belief that you know what someone else is thinking. Remind yourself you can’t know another’s thoughts. Reframe the situation more positively. “She might like me. Maybe she is having a bad day.”
“I’m worthless.”	Labeling.	I may do some dumb things, but I’m not worthless. Similar to ‘All or nothing’ thinking.
“It’s all my the fault of my boss.”	Blaming.	What part did I play in creating the problem and how can we best solve it?
“I should do better in school.”	Guilt obsessions.	Watch out for the words “should,” “ought,” and “have to.” Reframe thought as “I want to…,” “It would be helpful to…”, or “It’s in my best interests to…”

6.     Deep breathing is essential in reducing temper flare-ups, anxiety, impulsivity, restlessness, insomnia, and lack of focus. Diaphragmatic breathing is a method of deep breathing where you breathe into the stomach or diaphragm. The emphasis is on exhaling all air in your lungs with each breath. The purpose of exhaling is to rid your body of waste products in the lungs, such as carbon dioxide. This allows the lungs to fill more completely with new air, which increases the flow of oxygen to all cells in your body, particularly the brain cells. Brains cells are among the most sensitive to oxygen deprivation. Slight variations in oxygen availability can change the way an individual thinks and behaves. When you get angry or anxious, your breathing becomes shallower, and oxygen content in the bloodstream is reduced. Less oxygen is then available to the brain, possibly resulting in increased irritability, impulsivity, anxiety, or confusion. To account for this, you must learn to breathe slowly and deeply with your stomach, not your chest.  7.     Smile. When we are happy we smile and when we smile, we feel happier. One of the most significant emerging principles in the neurology field in the 1990’s is the idea that the feedback between levels of the brain is bi-directional. In other words, messages travel both ways between various levels within the brain. So if you activate a higher level, such as the cortex, you will be priming a lower level, such as the cerebellum. And vice-versa. Thus, smiling, even when you don’t feel like it, can improve your mood! 8.     Socialize with other intelligent and interesting people. This is one of the best ways to keep expanding the networks in your brain, in your social life and in the business world. The verbal interaction with other capable individuals challenges your brain to create new connections and pathways.  9.     Challenge your brain daily with vocabulary exercises, quizzes, puzzles, crosswords, debates, anagrams and brainteasers. Attend current events seminars. Write in a journal. Axons and dendrites (i.e., neural pathways), which would normally shrink with age, branch out and make new connections. Given enough intellectual stimulation, you create an increased backup capability in your brain. In other words, the intellectual stimulation creates alternate pathways by which chemical messengers can communicate. Thus, if old pathways fail or are damaged, you are more likely to be able to reroute the necessary messages to essential parts of the brain.  Studies shave shown that people who taught, continued learning and constantly challenged their brains into old age lived longer and resisted Alzheimer’s better than those who did not.  To address overall health of the brain: 

Healing ADD: The Breakthrough Program That Allows You to See and Heal the 6 Types of ADD. Daniel G. Amen, M.D. Berkeley Press, 2001.

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life. Daniel G. Amen, M.D. Random House, 1999.

To improve self-assertiveness skills: Managing Assertively: How to Improve Your People Skills.  Madelyn Burley-Allen. John Wiley and Sons, 1995. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey, Ph.D. Franklin Covey Co., 1990. 

Goals and Goal Setting. Larrie Rouillard. Crisp Publications. 1998. To increase tolerance to stress and reduce anxiety:  The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. Edmund Bourne, PhD. MJF Books, 1990. To address emotional sensitivity: The Heart of the Soul. Gary Zukav. Simon & Schuster, 2002.  Self-Coaching: How to Heal Anxiety and Depression. Joseph Luciani. John Wiley & Sons, 2001. Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn’t Teach You and Medication Can’t Give You. Richard O’Connor. Berkeley Pub. Group, 1999.

Posted in Social anxiety disorder, Nervousness, Social phobia, Tips to help anxiety, Staying calm, Anxiety, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Emotional IQ, Business & psych | Print | No Comments »

A kind, caring and supportive family environment can actually turn off depression

13. October 2006 by John Schinnerer.

Recent research from Shelley Taylor at UCLA shows that a kind, caring and supportive family environment can actually turn off a gene linked to depression.

Source: University of California - Los Angeles

Date: October 13, 2006

Early Family Experience Can Reverse The Effects Of Genes, Psychologists Report

Early family experience can reverse the effect of a genetic variant linked to depression, UCLA researchers report in the current issue of the journal Biological Psychiatry.

Among children from supportive, nurturing families, those with the short form of the serotonin transporter gene (known as 5-HTTLPR) had a significantly reduced risk for depression, found the UCLA team, under the direction of Shelley E. Taylor, UCLA distinguished professor of psychology and an expert in the field of stress and health. The research team also found that among children from emotionally cold, unsupportive homes marked by conflict and anger, those with the short form of the 5-HTTLPR gene were at greater risk for depression, as some previous research has also shown.

The 118 young adult men and women who participated in the study completed assessments of depression, early family environment and current stress. They were asked, for example, how often they had been loved and cared for, shown physical affection or insulted and sworn at by their families. Saliva samples were used to determine if the participants’ standing on the 5-HTTLPR had two short alleles (s/s), a short and a long allele (s/l) or two long alleles (l/l) for the serotonin transporter gene. (An allele is any of several forms of a gene.)

The research showed that a person’s likelihood of developing symptoms of depression was not predicted by the particular combination of alleles alone; rather, it was the combination of the person’s environment and genetic variant s/s that determined whether the person experienced symptoms of depression, said Taylor, principal investigator on the study.
Among the study’s implications is that the short form of the 5-HTTLPR is “highly responsive to environmental influence” and, rather than predicting risk for depression, its effects vary substantially, depending on how supportive the external environment is, Taylor said.

These conclusions were bolstered by parallel evidence collected by the team showing that a supportive environment reduced the risk of depression among those with the s/s form of the 5-HTTLPR gene, while those experiencing a great deal of stress in their lives had an increased risk of depressive symptoms if they had the s/s variant of the gene. “Genes are not destiny,” Taylor said. “Although some genes confer particular risks, others, such as variants of the 5-HTTLPR, are clearly highly responsive to input from the early and current environment. That means, among other conclusions, that there is an important role that parents and even friends can play in providing protection against the risk of depression that stress can confer.” The study adds a new component to evidence that the environment can regulate biology and steer the effects of genetic predispositions.

“It indicates just how important a loving and caring family can be,” said Baldwin Way, a co-investigator on the project. The other members of the research team, from UCLA’s department of psychology and department of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences, are William Welch, Clayton Hilmert, Barbara Lehman and Naomi Eisenberger.

Taylor was honored Oct. 7 with the inaugural Clifton Strengths Prize, which recognizes the life and work of Donald O. Clifton, past chairman of The Gallup Organization. The prize, which will be presented every two years, recognizes groundbreaking theory, research and practice in “strengths-based psychology.” Clifton’s philosophy was for people to focus on what was positive and right with themselves and to build on their strengths to achieve their full potential, Gallup said. Taylor’s research showing how a supportive environment reverses the impact of a genetic risk factor is an example of the work for which she was honored.

The research published in Biological Psychiatry was federally funded by the National Institute of Mental Health, and the National Science Foundation, with additional funding from and UCLA’s Center for Psychoneuroimmunology.

In previous research, Taylor and UCLA colleagues, including psychology professor Rena Repetti, reported strong evidence that children who grow up in risky families often suffer lifelong health problems, including cancer, heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, obesity, depression and anxiety disorders, as well as early death (Psychological Bulletin, March 2002, Vol. 128, No. 2, pp. 330–366). A child’s genetic predispositions may be exacerbated by the family environment, and this combination can lead to the faster development of health problems in risky families, which may be more debilitating than they would be in a more nurturing family, the researchers found.

Guide To Self(C) 2005-2006.

Copyright 2005-06 Guide To Self, John Schinnerer, PhD.

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Do you get nervous in crowds? Social Anxiety

8. August 2006 by John Schinnerer.

WHAT IS SOCIAL ANXIETY?
Dr. John Schinnerer, GuideToSelf.com

Social anxiety is the third largest psychological problem in the world today but few understand this.

A young man wastes time sitting in front of the telephone, agonizing because he’s afraid to make a call. He’s afraid to call a stranger in a business office about the phone bill because he’s afraid he’ll be imposing and they’ll be mad with him.

A young lady resists going to work since a meeting is scheduled the next day. She knows that such meetings always include her co-workers discussing their current projects. The mere thought of talking in front of her peers spikes her anxiety.

Another individual would like to go to out socially— and, in fact, he is truly
lonely—yet he never goes out because he gets unbearably nervous when meeting new people. The idea of talking to strangers scares the daylights out of him. He is certain people will stare at him and expose him as an imposter. He is afraid they will reject him and humiliate him. They’ll sense his discomfort, mistake it for arrogance and dislike him. He feels he has no way to win. And so he spends the night alone again. He is in his comfort zone at home. Home is the only area in which he feels totally at ease. Home is the only place he can relax.

In public, people with social anxiety feel that everyone is scrutinizing their every move and judging them, despite the rational knowledge that this is not the case. Socially anxious people cannot relax in public. They cannot enjoy themselves when they are out. They can never truly relax when others are around. To them, it always seems like other people are negatively judging them. Regardless of their rational thoughts, they still feel extremely self-consciousness while they are in the presence of others. For many, it is nearly impossible to relax and focus on anything other than the anxiety and the fear. The anxiety is agonizing, making it easier to avoid social situations and other people completely.

Social anxiety is an extreme fear of social situations and conversing with other people which creates feelings of self-consciousness, fear of judgment, evaluation, and criticism. This often leads to feelings of inadequacy, humiliation, and depression.

If you usually become anxious in social settings, but seem fine when you are alone, then “social anxiety” may be the problem.

Social anxiety disorder (or social phobia) causes relationship problems for millions of people all over the world every day of their lives. In the United States, studies have recently shown social anxiety disorder to be the third largest psychological disorder in the country. Such anxiety affects approximately 14-15 million Americans each year. In general, social anxiety is not well understood by the mental health care field. As a result, people with social phobia are frequently misdiagnosed. Socially anxious people have been misdiagnosed as “schizophrenic”, “manic-depressive”, “clinically depressed”, and “personality disordered” to name a few.

An example of a specific social phobia is the fear of speaking in front of groups. On the other hand, generalized social anxiety makes a person anxious, nervous, and uncomfortable in the vast majority of social situations.

People who suffer from social anxiety disorder typically experience considerable emotional distress in situations such as:

Introductions to other people

Criticism and Judgments

Being the center of attention (e.g., birthdays)

Having someone watch while doing something

Talking to people in positions of authority (e.g., doctors, Ph.D.s and police)

Social encounters, especially with strangers

Making “chit-chat” at social engagements

The physiological symptoms that are associated with social anxiety frequently include intense dread, a quickening heart rate, blushing face, dry throat and mouth, shaking, difficulty swallowing, and muscle tension. Constant, pervasive, ongoing and intense anxiety is the most common symptom.

People with social anxiety know that their anxiety does not make rational sense. We know now that each one of us has two “types” of brain – the emotional brain and the thinking brain. These account for our emotional intelligence and traditional intelligence. Therefore, knowing something is not the same is not the same as feeling it. Sometimes we have feelings that are inconsistent with our thoughts. This is frequently the case in anxious people.

They feel anxious despite their rational knowledge that there is nothing of which to be afraid.

On the positive side, cognitive-behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder has been shown to be highly successful. Individuals with anxiety for years have flourished while in therapy. Due to successful therapy, anxious people have reported a new and improved life — one that is nearly free of fear and anxiety.

Those who suffer from social anxiety need support, encouragement, and a relaxing environment while they work through therapy. Assuming you do enter therapy, remember that it is your time to heal. You are not putting anyone out. You should not be judged in therapy. You should be supported.

Another avenue to successfully triumphing over anxiety is a behavioral therapy group solely for those with social phobia. This is necessary. If there is no social phobia therapy group offered, you may want to seek therapy somewhere else. A behavioral therapy group is essential to your ultimate success. Please realize that this does not mean a “support group.” Support groups frequently lead to a worsening of anxiety symptoms.

In addition, the anxiety group should be focused solely on socially anxiety. It
should not be a mixed anxiety group. Although anxiety is similar across anxiety disorders, social phobia sufferers need specific, customized activities run by a specialist in this area. A social phobia behavioral therapy group should only be for those with social anxiety.

While it is not easy to overcome social anxiety, it can be done. I have done it myself. I suffered from social anxiety while I was a Ph.D. candidate in educational psychology at U.C. Berkeley. I felt like an impostor. Being around my professors made me break a sweat. My brain froze when put on the spot.

While it may feel hopeless when you are smack dab in the middle of the problem, keep in mind that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may feel as if you’ll never get better. However, your anxiety can be overcome with the help of a skilled therapist.

The key components to vanquishing social anxiety are:

1. A knowledge and awareness of the situation,

2. A vow to carry through with therapy even when it provokes your anxiety,

3. Practice changing the “tapes” in your head so that your inner voices
become positive and automatic.

4. Sharing in a social anxiety therapy group in which you can work on anxiety-provoking situations at your own pace. In other words, the individual who feels nervous while speaking in public uses certain strategies to meet his or her goals, whereas the person who wants to learn how to make anxiety free small talk at parties slowly works toward his or her goals. The means by which this is done includes role-playing, acting, using a tape recorder and video camera, question and answer periods, and purposefully doing foolish acts as part of a behavioral therapy group focused on social anxiety.

Don’t give up. A better life is waiting for you. If you are motivated to end your lifetime of anxiety, then cognitive-behavioral therapy has the methods, techniques, and strategies to alleviate your anxiety and make the world a much more relaxing place.

Many of us have suffered through the life-altering fears and pervasive anxiety that social anxiety causes and have come out healthier and happier on the other side. You can too. Seek out a professional therapist today for a happier, more fulfilling life.

Respectfully,

Dr. John Schinnerer
DrJohn@GuideToSelf.com
GuideToSelf.com

Guide To Self(C) All rights reserved 2005-2006.

Copyright 2005-06 Guide To Self, John Schinnerer, PhD.

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