Is Wrestling A Socially Acceptable Way for Male Siblings to Fulfill Their Need for Touch?

19. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

I find this idea of covert intimacy among males fascinating as well. I wonder if one of the functions of sibling rough-housing and wrestling fulfills the function of covert intimacy and allowing brothers to touch one another in a masculine, socially permissible way. 

Brothers fight for a number of reasons….

• They fight to get their parent’s attention, and the parent is limited in time, attention and patience, so they are fighting for a limited ‘commodity.’
• They wrestle due to jealousy: “He got a new game. I did not. They love him more than they love me.”
• They rough-house as a result of teasing, which is one way to test the power of words on behaviors: “He said I was a…” “But he called me a little .. first!”
• They get in each other’s face partly as a result of socialization. We live in a competitive society which frequently reinforces the idea that winning is better than losing.  “I had it first.” “I can beat you at…. I am better than you.”
• Perhaps, another reason to add to the list is that, in some manner, wrestling and rough housing allow boys to fulfill their need for touch in an acceptable way (that is, acceptable to society, not so much to their parents!).

 From Close Relationships: A Sourcebook by Clyde Hendrick, Susan Hendrick, p. 307…

‘Swain (1989) coined the phrase ‘closeness in the doing’ to describe men’s friendships. More than two thirds of the men studied by Swain pointed to activities other than talking when asked to describe their most meaningful times with friends. Swain’s study, as well as research by others (Monsour, 1992; Sherrod, 1989; Williams, shows that playing and watching sports and doing other things together are what male friends cite most often as the basis of camaraderie and closeness. Because men typically are not socialized to engage in expressive communication, male friends are less likely to talk intimately about problems than to help each other out by suggesting diversionary activities such as going out for drinks or watching games (Cancian, 1987; Riessman, 1990).

Although men might care deeply about their male friends, they are less likely than women to express those feelings explicitly. Instead, they tend to engage in what Swain (1989) referred to as ‘covert intimacy’, which signals intimacy indirectly and often nonverbally. Affectionate punches, backslapping, and friendly teasing are examples of displays of covert intimacy. Based on a series of men’s friendships, Floyd (1997b) concluded that men are not less affectionate than are women but that men ‘simply communicate affection in different more ‘covert’ ways, so as to avoid the possible ridicule that more overt expression might invite (see also Floyd, 1995, 1996, 1997).’  

Have a terrific Thursday!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.Guide To Self, Inc.

Positive Psychology Coach

Posted in Meaning-making, San Ramon CA, Danville CA, Emotion & learning, Optimal Human Functioning, Alamo CA, Adolescent development, Parenting adolescents, SRVHS, San Francisco Bay Area, Resiliency, Relationships, Guide to Self, Life coach, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Parenting, Emotional mind, The human brain, Men's emotions, Anger Management, Emotional management, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Which Is Your Most Important Sense - Sight, Smell, Taste, Touch, Hearing?

18. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

Amazing new research is coming out showing the fundamental importance of your sense of touch. It is the first sense available to you as a baby. A variety of positive and negative emotions can be understood through brief one second touches to the forearm, even when you cannot see the person touching you.

It may be that touch sends more information than gestures, body language or facial expressions. Touch varies widely in its expression - a hug, a gentle touch on the shoulder, a scratch on the face, a hip check, a high five, a punch to the bicep, a desperate clutch to the forearm. All of these are expressions of touch filled with social and emotional meaning for the person whom receives the touch.

While I follow the latest research on emotion and psychology, I was surprised and delighted to see a study on touch appear in the latest issue of Sports Illustrated (The Metaphysical Significance, Staggering Ubiquity and Sheer Joy of High Fives by Chris Ballard). The study which looked at the effects of touch on performance in the NBA is entitled Tactile Communication, Cooperation and Performance: An Ethological Study of the NBA and comes out of the greatest university in the world - U.C. Berkeley (okay, I’m biased!). Lead researchers of the project are Michael Kraus and Dacher Keltner.

The researchers observed nearly 300 NBA players (across all 30 teams) over a period of 2 months. They catalogued and recorded every touch between players during games. The touches were classified in one of 12 areas including categories such as high fives, head slaps, and jumping shoulder bumps. The results were nothing short of awe-inspiring. The more touches between teammates, the more wins the team had.

The teams that touch the most? The Los Angeles Lakers and the Boston Celtics. Both of these teams surpassed the 60 win mark last season. And both teams averaged more than 100 seconds of touching during games. The results held even when the lofty expectations are taken into account for these elite teams.

The teams that touch the least? The Sacramento Kings and the Charlotte Bobcats. They averaged a measly 16.5 seconds and earned only 52 wins last season combined.

How about individual players? Does the power of touch hold at an individual level?

The ’touchiest’ players (i.e., most high fives, chest bumps, head slaps) are also among the NBA’s elite players including Kevin Garnett of the Celtics, Chris Bosh of the Toronto Raptors, Kobe Bryant of the Lakers, and Dirk Nowitzki of the Dallas Mavericks. Garnett averages 15.7 seconds of touching per game which is over two times as much as the entire Sacramento Kings entire team.

Apparently, it’s the leaders of the team that initiate most of the touching in the form of hugs, low fives, fist bumps and more.

Why is there such a powerful effect for the sense of touch?

We know that massages from loved ones not only reduce pain, they also reduce depressive symptoms. Students who are given a compassionate pat on the shoulder are 200% more likely to volunteer for an in class assignment. When your doctor offers a sympathetic touch, it makes you feel as if he has spent twice as much time with you during the visit.

How can one sense be related to such varied and significant events as wins in the NBA, reduction in depression, perception of time, reduction in pain, and promotion of altruistic behavior?

The primary theory is that touch activates the autonomic nervous system which has two branches - the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS).  One helpful metaphor to understand these two is the idea of a car in which the accelerator is like the sympathetic nervous system and the brakes are akin to the parasympathetic nervous system. Positive touches (e.g., kind, compassionate, tender, gentle, sympathetic, etc.) seem to activate the PNS, or the body’s brakes, which helps the body to relax, to experience positive emotions. Negative touches (e.g., a punch, a pinch, scratch or a bite) seems to activate the SNS, or the body’s gas pedal, which prepares the body for the fight or flight response.

In many of us, the SNS is chronically active as if the gas pedal is being pushed continuously. Due to the fast pace of society, the financial demands, the pressure of balancing work, home and personal health, many get into a cycle of chronic low level stress. In this case, the PNS, the relaxation response, is rarely, if ever, activated.

In sports psychology, it is known that the zone, where optimal human functioning occurs, requires a balance between stress and relaxation. In other words, there needs to be a balance between the functioning of the SNS and the PNS. Touch seems to be one way to activate the PNS thereby balancing the pressure of performing in the moment with the relaxation response, allowing athletes to perform at their peak.

Hope you enjoyed this one! I sure enjoyed writing it!

All the best,

John Schinnerer Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

Positive Psychology Coach

Posted in Emotion & learning, Danville CA, Emotion & productivity, National speakers, Hope, Relationships, Resiliency, Altruism, Corporate Culture, Employee engagement, Emotion & Athletics, San Francisco Bay Area, Well-being, Optimal Human Functioning, Brain plasticity, Body posture & the mind, San Ramon CA, Executive coach, Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Dr. John Schinnerer, Life coach, Guide to Self, Measuring emotions, Managing stress, Counseling, Positive Psychology, Business & psych, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional mind, Emotional management, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Psychology & soccer, Staying calm, Happiness, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

How to Transform Your Outlook from Pessimistic to Realistically Optimistic - Positive Psychology

12. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

I received an email today from a highly qualified individual who works with adolescents. She asked how I changed my own temperament from pessimistic to optimistic.

 

Here is her email…

 

Hi John - Hope I am not a nuisance. I would like to follow up to the email I sent last night with some thoughts I had overnight. Since you don’t know me at all(!) and you may be uncomfortable responding, I thought I would share just to let you know I do have some credentials for doing what I do - I have a Masters in Counseling/Sport Psych, certifications in hypnotherapy/neuro-linguistic psych/life coach, and a Gallup University Strengths Performance certification. I have been a NCAA Tennis coach as well. I’ve been working with young adults and professionals on tour for fifteen years.

 

More importantly - I am wondering how you transformed your outlook from black to white…I read that it was a conscious decision, attitude is a choice, however many individuals (mainly kids) are not strong enough to do this movement from bleak to bright (of course so they say… however are very resilient so the corollary should apply! may be excuse too as it takes hard work). What did you do daily to see and feel the glass half full?

 

Thanks for your attention and consideration of responding. Think positive as you never know when something like this could lead to a speaking engagement across country!

 

Best

 

Jeanne

 

And here is my response…

 

Dear Jeanne:

 

No nuisance at all. A pleasure.

 

The primary ways that I have altered my own temperament overlaps with the exercises that I share with others …Forgiveness a la Fred Luskin, Gratitude a la Robert Emmons, Mindfulness a la Jon Kabat-Zinn, Curiosity a la Todd Kashdan, Resiliency via Bonnie Bernard at WestEd, self-compassion via Duke University,  identifying strengths, values, purpose and meaning (Chris Peterson, Martin Seligman, William Damon), and then a large amount of time spent on awareness of and tools to manage emotions – both mitigating ‘negative’ emotions and fostering ‘positive’ emotions. The biggest help, I believe, came from the notion of radical acceptance of emotions and thoughts that comes with the practice of mindfulness.

 

This combined approach has been immensely helpful to numerous clients, in particular adolescent males.  Most of the men I see come in with complaints of depression, anger, irritability, anxiety and/or lack of purpose. I’m continually amazed at the results that clients achieve after learning and applying these tools. 

 

To keep younger folks engaged in the process, I often insert rewarding breaks such as short clips of stand up comics (laughter open us up to new learning), BMX trick riding videos (facilitates awe), and so on. I also reveal a lot of my past to clients to a) normalize their current situation and b) make the dynamic more of a two-way relationship. I believe it is difficult and unnatural to ask an adolescent male to come into an office and spill their stories to a stranger.  To improve upon the traditional therapeutic model, I often tell young men that they don’t even need to speak in the first session if they so choose. The simple act of giving them the choice and the power over how much to divulge and how quickly empowers them and makes them feel comfortable.  And we know that  roughly ½ of positive emotions have a prerequisite of feeling safe and comfortable before one has a chance of experiencing them.

 

I think Positive Psychology is necessary but insufficient to get many to a happier, more meaningful place in the sense that negative emotions are ‘stronger’ than positive ones. So the best bang for the buck in terms of increasing life satisfaction comes from teaching others to turn down the volume on the major negative emotions (anger, fear, sadness). This idea was well laid out in a recent paper by Todd Kashdan.

 

However, it’s also useful and necessary to teach people to identify and foster positive emotions as we are oftentimes unaware of many of them and they pass us by quickly. We know the positive emotions are fragile and fleeting so we need to train ourselves to be mindful of opportunities for the cultivation of positive emotions.

 

And of course, there are the more common sense interventions as well – proper diet, adequate exercise, hanging out with supportive, nonjudgmental people and appropriate assertiveness (to nip festering irritation before it escalates to anger or rage).

 

I hope that is helpful.

 

Feel free to email back!

 

All the best,

 

John

 

 

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Positive Psychology Coach

Author of the award-winning book Guide To Self:

The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion & Thought

Guide To Self, Inc.

913 San Ramon Valley Blvd. #280

Danville CA 94526

(925) 575-0258

GuideToSelf.com - Web site

DrJohnBlog.GuideToSelf.com - Award-winning Blog

@johnschin - Twitter

 

 

 

Posted in Emotion & learning, Danville CA, Emotion & productivity, International Wellbeing Study, National speakers, Raising optimistic children, Hope, Gratitude, Curiosity, Science of love, San Ramon CA, Executive coach, Alamo CA, Awe & Elevation, San Francisco Bay Area, Well-being, Self-compassion, Emotion & Athletics, Meaning-making, Therapist, Optimal Human Functioning, Mindfulness, Resiliency, Guide to Self, Staying calm, Social anxiety disorder, Tips to help anxiety, Life coach, Dr. John Schinnerer, Positive Psychology, Forgiveness, Realistic optimism, Managing stress, Morals and values, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Anger Management, Managing Sadness, Men's emotions, The human brain, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Depression, Parenting, Emotional mind, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Teen Stress Connected To Depression And Obesity Recent Penn State Study

4. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

This past weekend, I presented at a Parenting Conference on Strengths-Based Approaches to parenting. At the conference, a new film, The Race to Nowhere, was screened.The movie brought up a number of pertinent issues regarding the educational system in the United States…

 

 

The creation of high degrees of chronic stress in all ages of students (but not all students) due to excessive homework demands.

 

The excessive homework load seems to be largely due to curriculum which has been pushed down to lower and lower grade, often to the point where the academic requirements are mismatched with the developmental stage of the student.

 

The well being and happiness of students are not considered relevant in the current educational system.

 

The current system puts students into a constant forward-looking race to get to the next stage of education. For instance, sixth graders are looking at which foreign language classes to take to get into college; 7th & 8th graders are focused on what to do now to get into the advanced track classes in high school; many high school students are continually focused on what they can do in terms of extracurriculars and AP grades to get into the ‘right’ colleges.

 

Once in college, students are finding they never learned how to think critically on their own. Rather they were taught to regurgitate facts to do well on standardized tests which assess only a fraction of the whole child’s abilities and skills. 

 

At some point, many of these students are running headlong into a period of purposelessness and some are even dropping out of college due to depression, anxiety and hopelessness. If you are interested in finding out more about the movie, check out their site at RaceToNowhere.com.

 

 

Today, I came across a new study out of Penn State which shows a link between adolescent stress, depression and obesity. Below is a review on the study borrowed from a fantastic psychology site PsychCentral.com.

 

By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on February 25, 2010

 

Obesity is a disturbing worldwide trend. In fact, researchers say the effects are so pervasive that unless the issue is controlled, children born today will not live longer than their parents.

A new research finding provides insight on how a mental health issue may trigger obesity among adolescents. In the study, researchers discovered depression raises stress hormone levels in adolescent boys and girls. And, among girls, the stress hormones may lead to obesity.

Accordingly, early treatment of depression could help reduce stress and control obesity.

[snip]

Cortisol, a hormone, regulates various metabolic functions in the body and is released as a reaction to stress. Researchers have long known that depression and cortisol are related to obesity, but they had not figured out the exact biological mechanism.

Although it is not clear why high cortisol reactions translate into obesity only for girls, scientists believe it may be due to physiological and behavioral differences (in girls, estrogen release and stress eating) in the way the two genders cope with anxiety.

“The implications are to start treating depression early because we know that depression, cortisol and obesity are related in adults,” said Susman.

If depression were to be treated earlier, she noted, it could help reduce the level of cortisol, and thereby help reduce obesity.

“We know stress is a critical factor in many mental and physical health problems,” said Susman.

“We are putting together the biology of stress, emotions and a clinical disorder to better understand a major public health problem.”

Susman and her colleagues Lorah D. Dorn, professor of pediatrics, Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, and Samantha Dockray, postdoctoral fellow, University College London, used a child behavior checklist to assess 111 boys and girls ages 8 to 13 for symptoms of depression.

Next they measured the children’s obesity and the level of cortisol in their saliva before and after various stress tests.

[snip]

Statistical analyses of the data suggest that depression is associated with spikes in cortisol levels for boys and girls after the stress tests, but higher cortisol reactions to stress are associated with obesity only in girls. The team reported its findings in a recent issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health.

“In these children, it was mainly the peak in cortisol that was related to obesity,” Susman explained. “It was how they reacted to an immediate stress.”

Source: Penn State University

For full article, click here.

Have a wonderful and stress-free week!

All the best,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Positive Psychology Coach

Author of the award-winning book Guide To Self:

The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion & Thought Guide To Self, Inc.

913 San Ramon Valley Blvd. #280

Danville CA 94526

(925) 575-0258

GuideToSelf.com - Web site

DrJohnBlog.GuideToSelf.com - Award-winning Blog

@johnschin - Twitter

 

Posted in Raising optimistic children, National speakers, Emotion & learning, Awareness, Resiliency, Managing Sadness, Alexithymia, Men's emotions, Danville CA, San Ramon CA, Parenting workshop, San Francisco Bay Area, Parenting adolescents, Alamo CA, Emotion & Athletics, Brain plasticity, Optimal Human Functioning, Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Nervousness, Guide to Self, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Measuring emotions, Social phobia, School psychology, Depression, Parenting, Emotional mind, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Morals and values, School age bullies, Happiness, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

New Study Shows Positive Emotions Protect Against Heart Disease

23. February 2010 by John Schinnerer.

A first of kind study was released this past week by The European Society of Cardiology showing that individuals who experience positive emotions more frequently are less likely to succumb to heart disease (as compared to those who feel positive emotions less frequently or less intensely).

 

They sent out the following news release regarding the study which appears in European Heart Journal.

 

Don’t worry, be happy!  Positive emotions protect against heart disease

 

People who are usually happy, enthusiastic and content are less likely to develop heart disease than those who tend not to be happy, according to a major new study published today (Thursday 18 February).

 

The authors believe that the study, published in the Europe’s leading cardiology journal, the European Heart Journal [1], is the first to show such an independent relationship between positive emotions and coronary heart disease.

 

Dr Karina Davidson, who led the research, said that although this was an observational study, her study did suggest that it might be possible to help prevent heart disease by enhancing people’s positive emotions.

However, she cautioned that it would be premature to make clinical recommendations without clinical trials to investigate the findings further.

 

‘We desperately need rigorous clinical trials in this area. If the trials support our findings, then these results will be incredibly important in describing specifically what clinicians and/or patients could do to improve health,’ said Dr Davidson, who is the Herbert Irving Associate Professor of Medicine & Psychiatry and Director of the Center for Behavioral Cardiovascular Health at Columbia University Medical Center (New York, USA).

 

Over a period of ten years, Dr Davidson and her colleagues followed 1,739 healthy adults (862 men and 877 women) who were participating in the 1995 Nova Scotia Health Survey. At the start of the study, trained nurses assessed the participants’ risk of heart disease and, with both self-reporting and clinical assessment, they measured symptoms of depression, hostility, anxiety and the degree of expression of positive emotions, which is known as ‘positive affect.’

 

Positive affect is defined as the experience of pleasurable emotions such as joy, happiness, excitement, enthusiasm and contentment. These feelings can be transient, but they are usually stable and trait-like, particularly in adulthood. Positive affect is largely independent of negative affect, so that someone who is generally a happy, contented person can also be occasionally anxious, angry or depressed.

 

After taking account of age, sex, cardiovascular risk factors and negative emotions, the researchers found that, over the ten-year period, increased positive affect predicted less risk of heart disease by 22% per point on a five-point scale measuring levels of positive affect expression (ranging from “none” to “extreme”).

 

Dr Davidson said: ‘Participants with no positive affect were at a 22% higher risk of ischaemic heart disease (heart attack or angina) than those with a little positive affect, who were themselves at 22% higher risk than those with moderate positive affect.’

 

‘We also found that if someone, who was usually positive, had some depressive symptoms at the time of the survey, this did not affect their overall lower risk of heart disease.’

 

‘As far as we know, this is the first prospective study to examine the relationship between clinically-assessed positive affect and heart disease.’

 

The researchers speculate about what could be the possible mechanisms by which positive emotions might be responsible for conferring long-term protection from heart disease. These include influence on heart rates, sleeping patterns and smoking cessation.

 

“We have several possible explanations,” said Dr Davidson. “First, those with positive affect may have longer periods of rest or relaxation physiologically. Baroreflex and parasympathetic regulation may, therefore, by superior in these persons, compared to those with little positive affect. Second, those with positive affect may recover more quickly from stressors, and may not spend as much time ‘re-living’ them, which in turn seems to cause physiological damage. This is speculative, as we are just beginning to explore why positive emotions and happiness have positive health benefits.”

 

She said that most successful interventions for depression include increasing positive affect as well as decreasing negative affect. If clinical trials supported the findings of this study, then it would be relatively easy to assess positive affect in patients and suggest interventions to improve it to help prevent heart disease. In the meantime, people reading about this research could take some simple steps to increase their positive affect.

 

‘Like the observational finding that moderate wine consumption is healthy (and enjoyable), at this point ordinary people can ensure they have some pleasurable activities in their daily lives,’ she said. ‘Some people wait for their two weeks of vacation to have fun, and that would be analogous to binge drinking (moderation and consistency, not deprivation and binging, is what is needed). If you enjoy reading novels, but never get around to it, commit to getting 15 minutes or so of reading in. If walking or listening to music improves your mood, get those activities in your schedule. Essentially, spending some few minutes each day truly relaxed and enjoying yourself is certainly good for your mental health, and may improve your physical health as well (although this is, as yet, not confirmed).’

 

In an accompanying editorial by Bertram Pitt, Professor of Internal Medicine, and Patricia Deldin, Associate Professor of Psychology and Psychiatry, both at the University of Michigan School of Medicine (Michigan, USA), the authors pointed out that, currently, no one knew whether positive affect had a direct or indirect causal role in heart disease, or whether there was a third, underlying factor at work, common to both conditions. Nor was it known for certain whether it was possible to modify and improve positive affect, and to what extent.

 

‘Randomised controlled trials of interventions to increase positive affect in patients with cardiovascular disease are now underway and will help determine the effectiveness of increasing positive affect on cardiovascular outcome and will provide insight into the nature of the relationship between positive affect and cardiovascular disease,’ they wrote.

 

‘The ‘vicious cycle’ linking cardiovascular disease to major depression and depression to cardiovascular disease deserves greater attention from both the cardiovascular and psychiatric investigators……..These new treatments [to increase positive affect] could open an exciting potential new approach for treating patients with known cardiovascular disease who develop depression. If Davidson et al.’s observations and hypotheses stimulate further investigation regarding the effect of increased positive affect on physiological abnormalities associated with cardiovascular risk, perhaps it will be time for all of us to smile.’

 

Notes:

[1] ‘Don’t worry, be happy: positive affect and reduced 10-year incident coronary heart disease: The Canadian Nova Scotia Health Survey.’  European Heart Journal. doi:10.1093/eurheartj/ehp603.

[2] ‘Depression and cardiovascular disease: have a happy day - just smile!’. European Heart Journal. doi:10.1093/eurheartj/ehq031

 

We may as well add this to the growing mountain of research documenting the tremendous potential of positive emotions (currently there are more than 65,000 studies documenting the positive impact on optimal human functioning of happiness, life satisfaction, subjective well-being, and positive emotions). Think of it as a matter of degree and frequency that we’re trying to increase. It’s not a black or white issue in which positive psychology is saying you have to be happy all the time. That would be absurd. Rather, the idea is to increase the amount of time (as well as the intensity and duration) you spend in positive emotional states such as contentment, relaxation, curiosity, awe, pride, love, joy, laughter, hope, amusement and so on. And positive emotions is just one of the areas covered by positive psychology.

 

Have a tremendous day!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Positive Psychology Coach

Author of the award winning ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought’

Follow John on Twitter at @johnschin

 < -->

Posted in National speakers, Emotion & learning, Danville CA, Science of love, Hope, Resiliency, Mindfulness, San Ramon CA, Executive coach, Awe & Elevation, San Francisco Bay Area, Heart disease, Alamo CA, Self-compassion, Meaning-making, Optimal Human Functioning, The human brain, Men's emotions, Creativity, Life coach, Guide to Self, Dr. John Schinnerer, Measuring emotions, Realistic optimism, Managing stress, Happiness, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Managing Sadness, Alexithymia, Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Emotional mind, Emotional management, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Awe-Inspiring Articles Most Likely To Be Shared With Others from New York Times site

19. February 2010 by John Schinnerer.

I’m always on the look out for short videos to elicit specific emotions when I speak to audiences.

It might be sadness, hope, inspiration, elevation (the feeling you get when you witness another person performing an act of moral courage), laughter, courage, curiosity, or others. I’ve found that it is often useful to have a short video break for audiences for several reasons. I can use the video to put them in a particular feeling state. The video may be used to start discussion. It’s a chance for me to take a sip of water to wet my whistle.

The videos can be used to demonstrate the effect that ‘negative’ emotions such as anger, fear and sadness have on our attention and awareness (e.g, they narrow our focus). Or to show the broaden-and-build effect that positive emotions have on us (e.g., they open our awareness, increase the available thought processes we have, and build internal resources for later use).

So I found it interesting when I came across research from the University of Pennsylvania that showed that the most emailed articles from the New York Times website involved one of two themes: sex or awe (and perhaps awe-inspiring sex!). Folks on the web were most likely to share articles that filled readers with awe, a theme that was noticed after researchers realized the vast number of scientific articles being shared via email.

Definition of Awe

Awe is defined as a ‘feeling of self-transcendence, admiration and elevation in the face of something greater than the self.’ There seems to be two types of awe (at least).

There is the type of awe that comes from watching feats of human strength, ability, balance, and bravery.

I would also argue that there is a type of awe which combines simultaneous feelings of mild fear along with elevation or self-transcendence.

Awe as Self-transcendence Mixed With a Dash of Fear

This type of awe arises due to being confronted with something that is so vast, beautiful, destructive or overwhelming that it leaves one feeling elevated and also slightly scared possibly due to a perceived threat to one’s very existence. So it’s a combination of self-transcendence (feeling connected to a larger purpose or to other beings and/or nature) with a low-level fear. For instance, watching a volcano erupt or standing atop the Grand Canyon might create a feeling of awe which mixes fear and self-transcendence.

Awe as Self-Transcendence and Elevation

Then, there  are events which evoke awe that are more purely ‘positive’ in the traditional sense and solely involve the feelings of self-transcendence, elevation and expansiveness in the chest. Some of the best current examples of awe-inspiring acts include Shaun White’s gold medal run in the half-pipe, followed by his celebration run, Shani Davis winning the 1000m in speed skating, and Lindsey Vonn’s gold-medal run in the slalom on an injured shin.

Watching such acts of courage and athleticism fills me with awe, disbelief, pride and a feeling of being connected to other Americans and human beings in a significant way, a way that whispers to me ‘If they can do that, what can we, as a species, do? What are we capable of? What might we be inspired to create? What problems can we solve? How can we best help one another?’

What’s more, stories that were emotion-laden were most likely to be shared with others. And within the emotionally-laden stories, stories that had to do with positive emotions were more likely to be shared than those having to do with negative emotions. Interestingly, longer articles were more readily shared than shorter articles which runs counter-intuitive to the assumption that we live in a short-attention span culture here in the U.S.

With that said, allow me to share some of my favorite awe-inspiring videos with you. And you can tell me whether or not, or to what degree, these clips fill you with awe and wonder…

Top Video to Inspire Feelings of Awe

Dylan Longbottom Surfing a Monster 12 foot Barrel

I’m having trouble embedding this video. If the video doesn’t come up here is the link…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BOhDaJH0m4

Killer Whale Jumping Out of Water

Dolphins Playing with Self-made Bubble Rings

Danny MacAskill Trick Riding BMX Bike in Edinburgh Scotland

Awe - some Images In Space from the Hubble Telescope

Let me know if you have other awe-inspiring video clips of your own. I’d love to hear from you!

Have a fantastic weekend!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.
Positive Psychology coach, author, keynote speaker
San Francisco Bay Area
California

Posted in San Ramon CA, Emotion & productivity, Danville CA, Emotion & learning, Visual Attention, Optimal Human Functioning, San Francisco Bay Area, Awe & Elevation, Emotion & Athletics, National speakers, Curiosity, Creativity, Dr. John Schinnerer, Business & psych, Life coach, Guide to Self, Resiliency, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Anger Management 101: New Study Shows How Forgiveness and Prayer Can Reduce Rage

2. February 2010 by John Schinnerer.

Anger Management: How Prayer And Forgiveness Can Reduce Your Rage

John Schinnerer Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

www.GuideToSelf.com

 

There was some wild stuff happening on the court where I live recently.  Last Thursday, one of my neighbors accidentally backed her SUV up,

…out of her driveway

…across the street

… into our neighbor’s house

…going 60 mph.

She went through a row of 2-foot tall boulders in the garden, the concrete front step, and several support beams. Her car was completely in the neighbor’s house for a second.  

Panicked, the driver threw the car into drive and

sped out of the house

across the street

into her own garage door,

into the car parked in her garage,

and buckled the side wall.  

Shortly after the sheriff, fire and ambulance arrived; there was a Channel 4 KRON news truck. A Channel 7 news helicopter circled the court taking video footage from the air. Fortunately, no one was badly injured. 

As an interesting aside, it’s speculated that one lady would have died in the accident if it weren’t for a phone call from her church asking her to come down to volunteer for a couple hours. Had she not headed down to the church, she would have been right in the path of the oncoming car, paying bills, where she was shortly before the car exploded into her house.

The house was deemed uninhabitable and repairs are now underway. Yet, the destruction left behind by the accident was quickly followed by dark emotions – embarrassment, guilt, anger, shame, sadness, and dread.  The driver of the car stated yesterday ‘I don’t know if I’ll ever smile again.’  Meanwhile, her neighbor who lost many of her possessions said ‘A house is a thing. It can be replaced.’

All of us have made mistakes at some point in our lives. Nobody is perfect. Everyone has hurt, disappointed or betrayed the trust of someone we love.  That’s the world we live in. That’s what makes us human. We are not perfect. Life is messy and at times unfair. In my experience, this unfairness can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, sadness and anxiety.

One of the best methods I know to turn down the volume on such discomforting emotions is the daily practice of forgiveness. Most of my education on forgiveness has come courtesy of Fred Luskin, the former head of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, and author of Forgive For Good.

This morning I came across a new study from Psychological Science entitled ‘Motivating Change in Relationships: Can Prayer Increase Forgiveness?’ which looked at how prayer impacts our willingness to forgive. Since roughly 90% of Americans report praying at times, Florida State University psychologist Nathaniel Lambert wondered how prayer might impact forgiveness.

Lambert and his colleagues found that simply by praying a single prayer for one’s significant other led to decreased negative feelings after having been wronged. Forgiveness was defined as a decrease in the negative feelings that came up after one has been trespassed against. By the way, forgiveness does not imply that one approves of, or condones, the transgression. It is, simply put, the best way to dump out old, stale anger.

Participants who prayed were found to have fewer thoughts of revenge and less destructive emotions such as anger and resentment. These participants were more likely to forgive (yet not necessarily to forget) and move forward with their lives, unburdened by unproductive anger.

An old friend of mine used to say, for those who are unwilling to forgive prior offenses, ‘pray to be willing to be willing to forgive.’ Many times, this focus on being willing to be willing to forgive gives individuals the ability to forgive acts that were once thought to be unforgiveable.

Given the surprisingly powerful results of a single prayer, the next study Lambert did looked at what prayer might do if continued over a period of time.

In the next study, Lambert asked participants to pray for the well-being of a near and dear friend every day for a month.  On the other side, the control group was asked to merely reflect on the friendship, thinking positive thoughts but not praying specifically. Lambert looked at an additional construct in this study – the degree of selfless concern for other people in general. They found that daily prayer increased concern for others which strengthened the ability to forgive.

When we are getting along with friends and loved ones, the frequency and duration of our positive emotions increases. This bump in positive emotion, such as gratitude, pride, interest and love, makes it easier to think of others as well as ourselves. Positive emotions cause us to come together, to be more social, more open, and more giving.

When things get rocky in a relationship, as they are wont to do, negative emotions enter with greater frequency and intensity. This switches our internal focus to temporary goals that separate and alienate us from others. Temporary goals, such as revenge and meting out punishment, shift our attention from the group to the self.   This attentional shift to the self is difficult to shake as long as the negative emotions are there to fuel it. Prayer seems to shift focus from one’s self back to the group, which allows compassion to grow and resentments to die off.

As far as my neighbors go, a large dose of prayer, forgiveness and self-compassion will help alleviate the feelings of anger and loss. In many situations, forgiveness must take place on several levels to be effective – forgiveness of self, forgiveness of others, allowing others to forgive you, forgiveness of God for His part in allowing unjust situations, and allowing God to forgive you. In this way the rebuilding of relationships can be accelerated to match the speed of the reconstruction of the homes.

For more information on forgiveness, please check out the book, Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought or the article, Forgiveness: The Key to Releasing the Pain of Past Mistakes and Betrayals.

 

Author Bio:

John Schinnerer, Ph.D. is in private practice helping individuals learn happiness by mitigating destructive emotions and fostering constructive emotions. Using positive psychology, he helps clients achieve happy, thriving, meaningful lives. His practice is located in the Danville San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in educational psychology. John Schinnerer has been an executive and coach for over 12 years. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show on positive psychology, in the San Francisco Bay Area.   John Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to music psychology, to sports psychology. He wrote the award-winning, ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,’ which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  He is currently collaborating with the University of New Zealand in a longitudinal positive psychology study called The International Wellbeing Study (www.wellbeingstudy.com). < -->

Posted in National speakers, Danville CA, Overcoming failure, Gratitude, Assertiveness, Hope, Emotion & productivity, International Wellbeing Study, Self-compassion, Alamo CA, Optimal Human Functioning, Executive coach, San Ramon CA, Violence and abuse, Resiliency, Men's emotions, Life coach, Staying calm, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Positive Psychology, Forgiveness, Happiness, Infinet Assessment, Anger Management, Dealing with loss, Emotional management, Depression, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Bullies | Print | No Comments »

Using Positive Psychology to Achieve Your Optimal Functioning - Radio Interview with John Schinnerer & David Van Nuys

27. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

Please take a listen to Dr. John Schinnerer’s recent radio interview with David Van Nuys, Ph.D. and professor emeritus at Sonoma State University.

The talk focuses on using positive psychology for coaching individuals towards a thriving, productive, meaningful life.

Positive psychology is not another self-help fad. It is a scientifically based approach to map out processes and exercises that work to help humans achieve optimal human functioning.

Take a listen to a fascinating interview…

http://www.shrinkrapradio.com/2010/01/15/228-positive-psychology-coaching-with-john-schinnerer/

All the best,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Positive Psychology coach

Posted in Emotion & productivity, International Wellbeing Study, Danville CA, Emotion & learning, Hope, National speakers, San Ramon CA, Executive coach, Self-compassion, Alamo CA, Optimal Human Functioning, Borderline Personality, Therapist, Mindfulness, Resiliency, Guide to Self, Happiness, Life coach, Dr. John Schinnerer, Business & psych, Managing stress, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Depression, Men's emotions, The human brain, Managing Sadness, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Free Parenting Workshop 1/29/10 Friday at 1 pm at Rancho Romero School in Alamo CA

26. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

The Best Things We Do As Parents: A Strengths-Based Approach to Skillful Parenting

 

Rancho Romero Elementary School - PTA Parent Workshop

 

Facilitated by Kristin Bodiford, John Schinnerer, Ph.D., Sara Truebridge, Ed.D.

 

Friday, January, 29, 2010 from 1:00-2:30 p.m.

 

To help us plan for the workshop, please email info@familiesthrive.org to RSVP

 

In this workshop we will explore how to parent from a powerful place of responsibility. Responsibility for ourselves, our actions, and their impact on our family.

 

We will discover what works in our parenting. We will then envision how to build upon these qualities to support more skillful parenting, more of the time.

 

Together we will discuss how we can build upon our strengths to:

 

build upon our inner resources,

increase connection with our children,

bring more joy and inspiration into our parenting,

improve our effectiveness, and

parent from a place of confidence and wisdom

Posted in Danville CA, National speakers, Raising optimistic children, San Ramon CA, Optimal Human Functioning, Parenting workshop, Alamo CA, Hope, Mindfulness, Staying calm, Emotional IQ, Happiness, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Resiliency, Parenting, Dr. John Schinnerer | Print | No Comments »

A Great Quote on Self-Compassion

26. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

‘I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.’

– Theodore Isaac Rubin

By way of  my old friend Dino Giolitti. Thanks, Dino!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Posted in Men's emotions, Resiliency, Optimal Human Functioning, Self-compassion, Emotional mind, Parenting, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide to Self, Forgiveness | Print | No Comments »

How a Psychologist Breaks Out of a Funk - Top Ways to Leave Sadness Behind in 2009

20. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

A reprint of a useful and classic column written in 2006…

Guide To Self – Latest Methods for Dealing with Sadness
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self Life Coaching

A great day to you and welcome to Guide To Self where you learn the latest ways to deal with sadness!

As many of you know, my wife and I recently had our fourth child, a girl named Molly Marie. She is now six weeks old which means we’ve gone six weeks without much sleep. My wife and I are exhausted. The other three children are jealous to one degree or another. And my mood recently took a nosedive.

So today, I’m going to share with you steps you can take to defeat depression, sadness, a funk or whatever you want to call it.

Sadness is Different for Men than for Women

Be aware that sadness takes different shapes. Typically, sadness appears as anger and irritability in men and comes out as sorrow and melancholy in women. So it looks different when I get down from when my wife gets down. I tend to get more irritable and less patient. I feel overwhelmed more easily. I have a harder time staying in the present moment. My thoughts take me to the past or the future more quickly. My energy level is low. My body aches more. And I get less joy out of my daily routines.

So I want to share with you what exactly is going on in my life. I want to make you aware of what it takes to cause a road bump in my emotional path. I told you about not sleeping well for six weeks due to the baby. That’s a big one. Sleep disturbance is enough to mess up anyone’s mood. In my case, lack of sleep led to a cold and sore throat.

On top of that, I’m not a wealthy man. In fact, nearly the opposite, I’m in debt. I have not made money doing this radio show. So I pay for the privilege of sharing my knowledge with listeners. Roughly 2 hours per day are spent preparing for the show. I book my own guests. I write my own scripts. I respond to emails and letters.

Also, I’m currently in charge of two companies. I’m working on corporate taxes which I don’t particularly enjoy.

I see several clients daily for coaching where I deal with other people’s problems most of the day.

I’m trying to find the time to finish two books.

At night, once the children are in bed, I add radio shows to the website and do the programming.

My wife is now back to work 3 days per week as a hairdresser. This means that two mornings a week, with the help of a nanny, I juggle a newborn and a 5-year-old.

My house is partially torn up due to a contractor who left the job half-finished. So we’re now in the process of drawing up new plans and finding a new contractor.

Right now, it feels as if every relationship in my life is consuming my energy. And I’m running on empty. So I’ve been exhausted and bummed out the last couple of days.

So what do I do?

How does a psychologist break out of a funk?

I’ll tell you how. Dealing with sadness that stays with you for a few days or weeks may require a lifestyle change for you – it’s about dealing with your whole person – diet, exercise, faith, mind and relationships.

Top Ways to Deal with Sadness

First, I never stop exercising. Even when my mind is trying to find a way out of it, I will at least walk for 20 minutes. It’s critical that you exercise twenty minutes a day for mood and longer than that if you want to lose weight. This can be as simple as climbing the stairs at work twice a day, or walking for 20 minutes. When I’m working out, I will think about getting rid of all my fear and anger. Exercise is one of the best ways to work negative emotions out of your body.

Second, I remind myself of what is truly important by determining what is really important and what is not. How do I do this? I ask myself the question, “Will this matter a year from now?” Most of the time, the answer is “No, it won’t matter.” It’s one of the ways we can learn to be less emotionally reactive and more thoughtfully proactive. If you’re like me, you have to train yourself to behave in healthy ways because most people did not learn these tricks growing up. So you need to retrain your brain. As you learn to respond more effectively to minor inconveniences, it leaves you more positive energy to respond to actual crises. This is known to many as wisdom - the ability to deal well with your own suffering as well as help others with theirs.

Third, I focus on everything for which I am grateful – my wife, my children, my dog, my friends, my coworkers, my God, my health and so on. It is critical that you learn how to appreciate life. Life is a gift that has been granted to us. The more we appreciate and cherish the gift, the more we understand what a magical journey life is. Your thoughts matter tremendously in this equation of emotion.

A study done at NIMH focused on the power of thought and emotion. The brain activity of ten normal women was monitored under 3 different conditions.

The researcher recorded each person’s brain activity when they were thinking neutral thoughts, happy thoughts, and sad thoughts.

During the neutral thoughts, nothing changed in the brain.

During the happy thoughts, the limbic system, or the emotional brain, cooled down, and became less active resulting in a more relaxed and energized state.

During the sad thoughts, the limbic system, the emotional brain, became aroused and active which has negative effects on your body – tense muscles, quickened heart rate, perspiration and so on.

Think about the last time you felt happy. How did your body feel? Your muscles relax, your hands become dry, your heart rate slows, and you breathe more deeply. Your body reacts to EVERY FEELING YOU HAVE! This is proof that your emotions matter!

Fourth, welcome the feeling of sadness. It is there for a reason. There is a message or lesson involved in the emotion. Your job is to figure the message out. Once you’ve accepted the feeling, let it go, breathe it out. Emotions are meant to be temporary.

One of my main difficulties growing up was that I could sense or pick up the emotions of other people. I was intuitive even as a little child. The problem is that no one teaches you what to do with that emotional energy. And it’s very draining.

I used to think of myself as a container for negative emotions such as anger, sadness and fear. What I found is that thinking of yourself as a container for emotions is not a healthy way to picture it. It’s much more helpful to think of yourself as a net which catches positive emotions and allows negative emotions to pass through. Keep in mind that these are just emotions. Emotions are not permanent. They are not intended to remain with us. They are just passing through.

Fifth, as the human brain is easily altered, I change the music I listen to. Once I have made up my mind to change my mood, I purposefully listen to upbeat lively music. I watch only comedies. Realize that your brain is incredibly open to suggestion. Not only can music and television alter your brain, as I mentioned, your very thoughts and feelings have the ability to change the physical make-up of your brain.

You have to be cautious what you expose yourself too. Your senses take in over 4 billion bits of information per second. You are only consciously aware of 2,000 of those bits per second. This means that your mind is constantly taking in seeds and you are not even aware of it – overhearing conversations, televisions playing in the background, commercials you try to ignore, music lyrics and so on. So your emotional state, your thoughts, your judgments all have a tremendous effect on what information you are consciously aware of.

When you are touched, you have a physical sensation. When you feel an emotion, you also have a physical sensation in your body. Every physical sensation, every thought, every feeling is written into your brain. The more times you have it, the more deeply it is written into your brain. So the longer you spend immersed in sad feelings and morose thoughts, the more your body becomes accustomed to that state of being. The more your body becomes accustomed to it, the more it wants to remain there. The harder it is to break out. While you want to welcome the feeling and embrace it, you also want to breathe it out as soon as possible. Don’t spend too long wallowing in self-pity.

Sixth, work in sprints – go two hours and then break for ten minutes. Give yourself a break every two hours at least. Our brain works best that way. It’s difficult and less effective to work eight hours straight.

Seventh, stay in the present moment. Train your thoughts to stay focused on the present moment. When you find Gremlin thoughts coming to take you to the past or the future, redirect yourself to the right now and right here.

Eighth, stop using toxic elements. This includes alcohol, caffeine, marijuana, cocaine, nicotine and sugars. Caffeine and nicotine have been shown in brain studies to decrease overall blood flow to the brain, making most symptoms worsen over time. They also decrease the effectiveness of many medications and increase the number and severity of side effects. Most of the substances we reach for when sad act as central nervous system depressants anyway. When you’re already depressed, you don’t want to add fuel to the fire with alcohol or marijuana.

Ninth, add Omega-3 to your daily diet. Omega-3 stabilizes mood & improves overall brain functioning. Omega-3 fatty acids are essential fatty acids crucial for growth and development. My favorite, and one of the most studied nutrients, is the Omega-3 fatty acids. About 60% of the brain is made up of fats (lipids) that make up the lining of every brain cell. Omega-3s are required by the brain to an extraordinary degree. They cannot be produced by our bodies but must be ingested via diet or pills. They are found in large, fatty, cold water fish, olive oil, and canola oil. Omega-3s help turn down the ‘volume’ of communications between brain cells (similar to the action of a mood stabilizer). Documented benefits of Omega-3 oils include improved mood, clearer thinking, more serenity, better concentration and focus, and better vision.

Tenth, add B Vitamins and folate in particular to your supplement regimen. Published studies have shown a relationship between B vitamins and depression. Increasing levels of B vitamins are highly likely to improve your mood.

Eleventh, add ginseng. Ginseng is popularly touted as a way to beat stress, improve vigor and simply feel better. The main idea with ginseng is that it helps when your body is stressed. Stress occurs anytime you are challenged above and beyond what your body is used to. An Olympic skier won’t ski faster by taking ginseng. He’s used to that stress of exercise. A working mother of two kids won’t notice a difference. She’s accustomed to her daily routine. However, throw in a new baby, or an ill parent, and you’ve just spilled over into exhaustion. That’s when ginseng does make a difference - when you have to push beyond your limits to the point of exhaustion. Ginseng helps increase your resistance and prevent exhaustion.

Twelfth, breathe – I have covered deep breathing in previous shows. This is the deep diaphragmatic breathing where you breathe into your abdomen, not your chest. Focus on pushing out all of the air in your lungs. The goal is to fill your lungs 100% with fresh air on each breath.

Just as with your thoughts and feelings, you want to be constantly aware of your breathing every second of every day. Remember, we’ve already shown it is possible to split your conscious mind in two parts. One part you can use to tend to the daily demands of your life. The other part must be used to monitor your breathing, your thoughts and your feelings. With practice, it can be done.

Thirteenth, don’t isolate yourself. As much as you can, surround yourself with family and friends.

Fourteenth, go easier on yourself. Learn self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would a young child.

Forgive yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings. Picture yourself as a small child. Now picture yourself parenting yourself. Forgive yourself as you would like to have been forgiven as a child. Mistakes are merely learning opportunities. And learn to forgive others.

Let go of anger and disappointment by writing a letter forgiving the individual who has hurt you. Holding on to the anger only harms you. Forgiving enables you to move on and get past the hurt.

Fifteenth, return to nature. This is a great way to reconnect with your soul. Just take a few minutes, go outside, breathe in deeply, and look at the birds, the trees and the grass.

Sixteenth, get your sleep. Research has shown that adults need between 7 and 8 hours of sleep. Adolescents need 9 to 9 1/2 hours per night. No more, no less. If you are too far on either side, you are playing with fire. Sleep too little you risk exhaustion. Sleep too much, you risk lethargy and depression.

Seventeenth, do something for someone else. Altruism is perhaps the most powerful way to snap your mind out of a funk. Focus on someone besides yourself.

To sum up, there are at least fifteen things you can do immediately to pull yourself up and out of a funk. These include taking supplements such as Omega-3 fatty acids, B vitamins, and ginseng, getting your 8 hours of sleep, daily exercise, staying in the present moment, and more. Remember to welcome the feelings that you have. Don’t repress them. That leads to physical troubles such as high blood pressure and heart disease. Rather, be aware of them, listen to them, and let them go. Think of yourself as a net through which emotions pass and not as a container for feelings.

More information on sadness and depression and ways to overcome them may be found at the Guide To Self website at http://www.guidetoself.com.

Guide To Self(C) 2005-10.

Posted in Physician burnout, Hope, Altruism, Resiliency, Men's emotions, Relationships, Gratitude, Overcoming failure, Executive coach, Optimal Human Functioning, Sleep research, San Ramon CA, National speakers, Danville CA, Alexithymia, Managing Sadness, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Guide to Self, Life coach, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Happiness, Depression, Anger Management, Dealing with loss, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

A Fantastic Way to Start 2010!

8. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

Check out this 40 minute Quicktime presentation on positive psychology from a humorous perspective. It will provide you with a much needed boost - laughter, motivation, insight and challenge.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D. speaking on positive psychology, resiliency and emotional management.

http://www.jobconnections.org/speaker4.shtml

Keep up the courage. Stay the course. Look for little steps of improvement. Make your resolutions habitual. You can do it!

Happy New Year!

John Schinnerer, PhD

Posted in Emotion & productivity, Employee engagement, Danville CA, National speakers, Awareness, Overcoming failure, San Ramon CA, Positive emotions and job search, Brain plasticity, Optimal Human Functioning, Visual Attention, Executive coach, Psychological Humor - Jokes, Hope, Mindfulness, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Emotional mind, Anxiety, Guide to Self, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Emotional management, Managing Anxiety, The human brain, Resiliency, Consciousness, Managing Sadness, Anger Management, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Positive Psychology – The Science of Optimal Human Functioning with Dr. John Schinnerer - One hour teleclass 12/8/09

9. December 2009 by John Schinnerer.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Partial script for 1-hour teleclass on 12/8/09

Welcome to what I hope will be a wonderful talk on positive psychology. I will be your host tonight. My name is John Schinnerer. I hold a Ph.D. in educational psychology from U.C. Berkeley. In 2007, I wrote a positive psychology book called ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion & Thought’ which was awarded Best Self-Help Book of the year. In 2006, I hosted a daily primetime radio show here in the SF Bay Area. Currently, I do keynote speaking, teach and see private clients.  I also collaborate with the University of New Zealand on the International Wellbeing Study which you can participate in at www.wellbeingstudy.com. 

Just a bit of housekeeping…If you have questions during the talk, please email me at john@guidetoself.com and I will do my best at the end to answer them. Your end of the phone has been muted as there are over 500 people on this call.

     I like to start off my talks with a joke to put you in a positive frame of mind. So here it goes…

A psychologist is holding a group therapy session in which there are four young mothers, each of whom has a small child with her. The psychologist gazes at the four women and blurts out “You’re all obsessed. And your obsessions show up in the names of your kids.”

He points to the first mother and calmly states “You are obsessed with spending money & shopping…you named your daughter Penny.”

The shrink points to the second mother and dryly adds “And you are stuck on the issue of eating. You went so far as to name your daughter Candy!”

As the remaining two mothers shift uncomfortably in their seats, the psychologist continues, pointing to the 3^rd mother, “While you have a drinking problem which shows itself in your daughter’s name – Brandy.”

     ……

At that point, the fourth mother, who can’t contain herself any longer, stands up, grabs her son by the hand and says …

“Come on Dick, we’re getting out of here!”

 

     I told this joke on the radio to thousands of listeners and got a landslide of positive feedback ….initially. One lady, who was driving when she heard it, said she had to pull over to the side of the freeway because she was laughing so hard. However, the show was rerun and then we started to get a few complaints. So the station owner called me in to tell me we couldn’t run the show anymore. I asked why not. He said because the joke was dirty. I knowingly asked what was dirty about it. He said it was the reference to sex. I told him that there was no mention in the joke as to whether or not the sex was taking place in a marriage. You see, the dirtiness of this joke is truly in the mind of the listener. If one assumes the sex is taking place within a marriage, there really is nothing dirty about the joke (unless you think sex in general is aversive).  The reason I tell this story is to point out that there are many different way of seeing the world, different ways of viewing the actions of others and even various ways of relating to your own mind, your thoughts, and your feelings.  And I’ll discuss a few of these points today.

Now that you are prepped to learn something new, let’s talk about positive psychology because it holds great promise. Just to be clear, positive psych is not a self-help movement. It is not as simple as positive thinking. It has no relation to books such as The Secret. It is not a passing trend.

Positive psychology is the scientific study of optimal functioning, the applied approach to human flourishing. The lessons of positive psychology are beneficial for everyone – teenagers, executives, managers and the elderly. Even the Army is currently training thousands of sergeants in positive psychology to boost the resiliency of troops and to decrease the possibility of post-traumatic stress disorder. While our Army troops have always been physically fit, we are now seeing a momentous shift in thinking which will enable them to become psychologically fit as well.

So this class and positive psychology in general definitely has something to offer you and it is as valuable in your personal life as in your professional life. At the heart of positive psychology are a number of research based findings into how and when people function at their very best.

Most of us spend a great deal of our time worrying over what might go wrong, or beating ourselves up over what we think did go wrong, or feeling disappointed over the inherent unfairness of life. Recent research shows that we are hard-wired to pay closer attention to this that go wrong than things that go right. And from an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense. Being overly vigilant for threats and problems helped keep us alive from predators back when sabre-toothed tigers roamed the earth.

However, this hard wiring focused on the negative does not serve us well in modern day life.  Events such as childrens’ skinned knees, missed deadlines, speaking in public or bumper-to-bumper traffic may feel frustrating, scary or stressful but they are not matters of life and death.

So take a quick moment to ask yourself,

‘How much is my focus on what might go wrong helping me?’

‘How much are my negative emotions, such as fear and anger, assisting me in reaching my goals?’

To these questions, positive psychology provides a somewhat unusual answer:

spend more time focusing on what is going right with your life,

focus more on what may go well in the future,

and see how much that approach helps you reach your goals.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not suggesting that you only have a positive perspective. I am not suggesting that you be foolishly optimistic. There is a great deal of merit to accurately foreseeing and planning for potential problems. It’s a matter of balance. How much of your mental time is spent focusing on problems as compared to looking at the positives. Positive psychology has found that there are tremendous benefits to learning to focus more on what is right with us and what may go well in the future.

One of the basic assumptions of Positive psychology is that all people are ‘Born to be Good’ to quote the title of Dacher Keltner’s book and that we can become better, happier and more productive.  Let me repeat that, we can learn to be happier. Your happiness is not written in stone. You can learn techniques to increase your satisfaction with life.

What makes the crucial difference between positive psychology and traditional self-help books is the mountain of research upon which positive psychology is built. At this point, there are over 50,000 studies having to do with happiness, realistic optimism, human strengths, life satisfaction and more. Empirical researchers across the world are looking for testable theories and explanations supported by hard data. It is, in simplest terms, a powerful movement from faith to facts. So everything I write about, everything about which I speak, is based on scientific studies and replicable data.

The biggest shift towards a positive psychology took place in the late 1990s when Martin Seligman, as president of the American Psychological Association, began asking the question “what is right with people?” For over 100 years, medicine and psychology had both focused on what was wrong with people and how problems could be fixed. Seligman used his influence to create a new branch of science termed positive psychology focusing on what is right with us, how we can lead more thriving, fulfilling, and meaningful lives.

Seligman and Mike Csikszentmihalyi brought together some of the top young researchers in psychology to study topics such as hope, happiness, gratitude, wisdom, creativity and optimal human functioning. From there it spread to include researchers in humanistic psychology, philosophy, executive coaches, sports psychology, developmental psychologists and many more areas. It continues to spread to business, education and counseling.

The best part is that positive psychology works and works well. Positive psychology exercises have been shown in numerous studies to promote strengths, improve optimal functioning, to increase realistic optimism and to increase the frequency of positive emotions.

Some of you may be skeptical. I completely understand this. I was skeptical at first too.  I was brought up to focus on the negative.  Most of us were. And most clients that I see focus first and foremost on problems, such as how to help under-performing workers, or how to shore up the weaknesses of people they manage.

One of the greatest contributions of Positive psychology is the finding that by focusing energy and attention on strengths and by tapping into positive emotions, all of us will enjoy more success than if we focus on weaknesses and problems.

In terms of using positive psychology in the workplace, the Gallup Organization has shown that disengaged workers cost firms billions of dollars per year in accidents, sabotage, turnover costs, lost customers and healthcare. Engaged or happy workers have a higher probability of making more money, innovating, being on time to work, being healthier physically, receive higher ratings from supervisors and customers, and help out coworkers more frequently. Happiness doesn’t just feel good, it is good for the bottom line and good for employees.

To give you an example, last year, I did some consulting with the executive board of a large insurance company. They were having trouble with several vice presidents who were holding grudges over an incident that happened over many years ago. Two of the vice presidents were actively sabotaging one another’s projects resulting in increased costs to the company. As part of my time there, I gave a two hour talk to the executive board on positive psychology, and I specifically focused on what the research has to say about forgiveness  based on research from Stanford University – what it is, what it is NOT, how to do it and why you want to do it. To me, forgiveness is the best single way to wash out all that stale anger you’ve been hiding for years. At the end of my talk, I suggested to the 11 executives that they try forgiving each other for past transgressions. After a long pause, I watched as all of the executives stood up, and began forgiving every other person in the room.  They hugged; they apologized to each other; and they forgave one another. It was powerful. And it changed the way in which they interacted from that day forward. The vice presidents were more supportive of one another, more cooperative, and they stopped their internal sabotage.

 Positive psychology is filtering into education as well. I do a monthly speaking series at a continuation high school where the students are sent if they are behind on credits, if they have behavior problems, emotional difficulties, or are coming out of juvenile hall. So it’s a pretty hard crowd.  One of the more difficult cases was an African-American female student who challenged me during a presentation “You aren’t black. You aren’t female. And you don’t live in a group home. Why should I listen to anything you say?!” It was a valid question. My response? “You’re absolutely right. I’m a totally bald, white, 42 year old man who lives with his wife and four children. And on a physical level you are correct. We share little in common. Here is what I can tell you…that on an emotional level, everything you have ever felt in your life – fear, anger, despair, happiness, pride, love – everything you have felt, I have felt also. So, on an emotional level we are nearly identical. I have been studying emotions for the past 12 years and I’ve found some tools that really work to help manage negative emotions and cultivate more positive emotions. So it’s your choice – you can listen and try some of the tools for yourself, see if they work, or you can ignore me. Either way, it’s up to you.” From that moment on, she was a fan - engaged, interested and willing to learn. She went on to work at a hospital this summer and now is looking at attending community college when she graduates at the end of this school year.

The Power of Positive Emotions

One of the areas I have researched over the past dozen years with great curiosity and passion is emotions. I have found that there is tremendous power in our emotions. Emotions are the social glue that binds our relationships.  The effective use of emotions, or leveraging emotions to your benefit, is what draws people to leaders. Emotional leverage is what separates truly great leaders from average executives. Emotions may initially be a bit frightening. Many people spend a great deal of energy trying to suppress or contain emotion. Yet, emotions have been with the human race for millions of years. Each emotion serves a purpose. Anger, for instance, helps move past obstacles or challenges. It helps us stand up to social injustices. Sadness keeps us close to home after suffering a loss. Fear keeps us safe from perceived danger.

Take a moment to think back to the last time you experienced an intense emotion. It may have been surprise, fear, rage, disappointment, sorrow, joy, awe or pride. It may have been pride due to your child’s outstanding grades, or joy watching your team win a close game, or frustration at yourself for making a mistake at work, or the feeling of contentment while working in your yard. What we’re finding is that emotions transcend our physical bodies. They are contagious. You can catch feelings from others around you. Studies have shown that happiness is contagious just like anger. Emotions are also closely and powerfully linked to what and how you remember the past. Look through an old photo album and you will clearly see the sway emotions have over your memories. What’s more, emotions play a large role in learning, communication, and even in our morality.

So it is critical to understand and learn to leverage emotions. In particular, you must understand the purpose and strength of positive emotions, because you can put them to great use in your daily life. Expertly leveraging emotions will help you be more successful.  As Robert Biswas-Diener puts it, ‘positive emotion is one of the greatest resources you and your clients, colleagues or students are currently overlooking.’

Emotions may be best thought of as a guidance system for your life. When you experience guilt, for example, it’s a sign that your actions are not in keeping with your values. And the unpleasant feeling motivates you to bring your actions back in line with your values. When things are going smoothly, your guidance system lets you know with an all clear signal – positive emotions such as peacefulness or contentment.  Of course, this guidance system is not perfect. We occasionally misinterpret our emotions, and sometimes our emotions are just plain wrong like when we feel highly fearful before speaking in public. However, our emotions give us important and valuable feedback the majority of the time. And there is power in learning how to be aware of emotions, in learning how to correctly read emotions, and greater success lies in the ability to cultivate more positive emotions.

 

 

So what can positive emotions do for you?

One of the biggest breakthroughs for positive psychology comes from Barbara Fredrickson at UNC Chapel Hill who came up with an evolutionary explanation for the existence of positive emotions. Barbara’s hypothesis is that the primary function of positive emotion is to broaden and build.  That is, they broaden our thought processes and they build lasting internal resources. Positive emotions, such as awe, peacefulness and love, allow your mind to blossom, creating more options, more possibilities, in terms of thoughts and actions.  Positive emotions help us be more creative, imaginative, and innovative. If you need to brainstorm for a new marketing slogan, you’ll do a better job if you are happy when you do it.

In addition, positive emotions have long-term beneficial effects because they build internal resources which may be used to help assist others in need or to manage future threats. In other words, positive emotions fill up your gas tank.  This means that positive emotions fill your emotional reservoir with positive emotional energy to increase your sense of well-being and physical health and which you can share with others when they need support and love.

What’s more, positive emotions have been shown to undo the lingering physiological effects of negative emotions. Positive emotions act as the hidden RESET button to the bodily changes caused by negative emotions, changes such as elevated blood pressure and increased cortisol levels in the blood stream.

      In the workplace, positive emotions are related to higher salaries, less sick days, better relationships with coworkers, better supervisor ratings, better customer ratings, and reduced employee turnover.

      In terms of physical health, positive folks are less likely to get ill, live longer, experience less pain, have fewer hospital visits, and when in a good mood, have faster cardiovascular recovery times. On the other hand, those with depression are more likely to engage in smoking, drug abuse, suicidal attempts, and have more emergency room visits.

In psychology, it is generally understood that bad is stronger than good, or the negative is stronger than the positive.  Bad events have a greater power over us, our emotions, thoughts and behaviors, than do good ones. You are more motivated to avoid bad self-definitions than to pursue good ones. You are quicker to form bad judgments of other people than good ones. It takes approximately 5 compliments to undo the negative effects from one insult. Your brain processes negative information more thoroughly than it does positive information. So it’s great news that the harmful effects of negative feelings can be undone by positive emotions.

While we could come up with a list of hundreds of emotion words, there are ten positive emotions that have been verified in studies. From the most frequently occurring to the least frequent, they are… love, joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration and awe. And we know from research that positive emotions are fleeting and fragile. They are easily done away with and they are generally less powerful than negative emotions. So you have to increase your awareness of and be on the lookout for positive emotions throughout your day.

A Few Positive psychology Exercises:

Okay, let’s turn to some of the interventions that have been proven to boost your happiness.

The Blessings Exercise

One study done by Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania sought to help 50 severely depressed people. These were folks that stayed in bed most of the day, crawled out occasionally to check their email, and then returned to bed. They were asked to do one thing every day for two weeks.

            Write down three things that went well today and why they went well.

This daily gratitude journal is a powerful yet simple way to redirect the mind to the positive instead of dwelling on the negative. After two weeks of doing this exercise, the majority saw a significant improvement in their depressive symptoms.  People frequently report feeling happier and more positive after this assignment.

Mental Scrapbook of Positive Memories

Another exercise that has been shown to increase positive emotions is reliving positive memories. This exercise is as simple as focusing your attention on a positive event in your past. It might be a big athletic event, a wedding, the birth of a child, finishing school or a promotion. This activity may be combined with actual physical reminders of the past, such as photos, ticket stubs, trophies, college degrees, and printed testimonials.  You can also create your own positive scrapbook using most cell phones these days. Simply create a folder in which you keep photos of positive events. Start your own collection today. The main idea here is to savor the experience, to pay close attention to sensory details, to squeeze every last ounce of positive emotion out of the experience.

The extent to which you experience positive emotions is largely based on your thinking. Overthinking kills positive emotions. Worry, doubt, and stress drown out positive emotions. Emotions are highly individualized. They vary from person to person and what evokes one emotion in one person may not do the same in another. What makes one person recoil in disgust may make another person laugh. Emotions depend on how you interpret events. You have to take a moment (in the moment) and look for the good in the situation. Once you find the good, you must intentionally magnify it, and let it grow.  You have the power to turn positive emotions off and on.

Look at the room you’re in right now.

Ask yourself:

What’s going right for me right now?

How am I fortunate/blessed to be here?

How does being here benefit me?

What meaning can I take away from this situation?

When you take time to think this way, it builds gratitude in you.

By the way, it is normal if positivity feels unusual or weird at first.

Capitalizing on Love

One of the foremost researchers in the area of love and marriage is Shelly Gable, an assistant professor of psychology at UCLA. Most researchers looking at marriage work on conflict management, how to create more harmony between partners, and how individuals in a couple cope with traumatic events.  Gable is one of a handful of researcher who looks at what makes a thriving marriage. Her work provides some valuable insights if you are interested in transforming your good relationship (e.g., friendship, marriage, parent or child) into a great one.

Gable looks to see how you respond when your spouse tells you that he’s just been promoted, or your child tells you that she won Class President, or when your mother tells you she won a tennis tournament, or when your friend tells you she just won a huge lawsuit. Gable puts your responses into four different categories which break down as follows:

1.      An enthusiastic reaction such as “Wow! That’s tremendous. That’s the best thing I’ve heard all week. I’m sure there are more great things to come for you. You’ve definitely earned it. Congratulations!” This reaction is called the active-constructive response by Gable.

2.      A more subdued reaction where you share your happiness but say little. For example, “That’s nice dear.” This is the passive-constructive response.

3.      Or perhaps you point out some of the potential pitfalls or negatives within the good event. For instance, “Wow, I sure hope you can handle all that extra responsibility. Does this mean you will have to work extra hours?” Gable refers to this as the active-destructive response.

4.      Or, you might respond with disinterest and not respond to the good news at all. Most folks do this by merely changing the subject, “Yes, but what do you think about the weather outside?” This is known as the passive-destructive response.

The first type of response, the active-constructive one, is called “capitalizing” by Gable and here’s the fascinating part…capitalizing amplifies the pleasure of the good event and creates an upward spiral of good feelings.

Gable has shown that capitalizing is one of the keys to strong, supportive, thriving relationships. 

So how do you respond to good news from other people?

Are you a “capitalizer” who creates upward spirals of positive emotions?

Or do you turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the good news of others?

The consequences of learning how to be more of a “capitalizer” are impressive and robust. Couples who describe themselves as having a spouse who is active and constructive in response to their good news are more committed to the relationship, more in love, and happier in their marriage.  Think about that the next time your mate comes in the door with exciting news.

Closing Remarks

            I’ve found a large number of people are passionate and excited about positive psychology. It offers an energizing approach to your personal and professional life. Hopefully, by sharing some information about positive psychology, you’ve become excited about the possibilities also.

Again my name is John Schinnerer. I’m happy to speak to those interested in future keynote presentations or seeing clients privately. My book is entitled ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion & Thought’ and may be purchased at Amazon.com, or Target.com. My email address is John@GuideToSelf.com.  My website is www.GuideToSelf.com. Please feel free to go and sign up for my newsletter by clicking on Email Sign Up on the left of the screen.

Now to your questions…

 

Hope you enjoyed it!

Have a wonderful evening,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

913 San Ramon Valley Blvd.

Danville, CA 94526

 http://www.guidetoself.com

---

 

Posted in Gratitude, Energy psychology, Curiosity, Science of love, National speakers, Overcoming failure, Awareness, Hope, Organizational psychology, The human brain, Relationships, Resiliency, Altruism, Emotion & learning, Danville CA, Memory and recall, Executive coach, Meaning-making, Therapist, Optimal Human Functioning, Brain plasticity, Positive emotions and job search, San Ramon CA, Emotion & productivity, Positive expectations, International Wellbeing Study, Corporate Culture, Employee engagement, Men's emotions, Subconscious mind, Emotional IQ, Guide to Self, Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, School psychology, Customer Engagement, Life coach, Creativity, Forgiveness, Positive Psychology, Business & psych, Realistic optimism, Dr. John Schinnerer, Happiness, Ethics, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Anger Management, Managing Sadness, Consciousness, Emotional mind, Rational mind, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Morals and values, Depression, Nature vs. nurture, Parenting, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Positive Psychology - The Science of Optimal Human Functioning

17. November 2009 by John Schinnerer.

Free teleclass
Positive Psychology – The Science of Optimal Human Functioning
11/18/09 (Wednesday)
6 pm PST/9 pm EST
with John Schinnerer, Ph.D.,
Author, positive psychology coach, speaker, amusing guy
Simply call 212-461-5903 and enter Pin 3474#

 

Positive psychology is the scientific study of optimal functioning, the applied approach to human flourishing. The lessons of positive psych are appropriate for everyone – teenagers, executives, managers and the elderly. Even the Army is currently training thousands of sergeants in positive psychology to boost the resiliency of troops and to decrease the possibility of post-traumatic stress disorder. While our Army troops have always been physically fit, we are now seeing a momentous shift in thinking to enable them to become psychologically fit as well.

So this class and PP in general definitely has something to offer you and it is as valuable in your personal life as in your professional life. At the heart of positive psychology are a number of research based findings into how and when people function at their very best.

 

 

Posted in Awareness, Psychology humor, Gratitude, Hope, Mindfulness, Organizational psychology, Resiliency, Altruism, Curiosity, National speakers, Employee engagement, Executive coach, Meaning-making, International Wellbeing Study, Emotion & productivity, Emotion & learning, Danville CA, Positive expectations, The human brain, Men's emotions, Creativity, Life coach, Guide to Self, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Positive Psychology, Business & psych, Realistic optimism, Emotional IQ, Customer Engagement, Emotional management, Managing Anxiety, Managing Sadness, Emotional mind, Morals and values, Happiness, Positive mood music, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

The 5 secrets of happy families

6. November 2009 by John Schinnerer.

This is a tremendous article from Parenting.com on some key ways to create and maintain a happy, thriving family - a difficult task in the best of times!

Have a fantastic weekend!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

By Barbara Rowley, Parenting.com

October 28, 2009 10:25 a.m. EDT

‘The science of happiness shows that families can make choices to stay upbeat.

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

• The science of happiness can help families stay up amid setbacks
• ‘Act grateful, and you’ll soon start feeling it,’ psychology professor says
• Tip: Learn to be satisfied with your choices and don’t second guess them
• Research shows spreading out gifts and special experiences boosts joy

(Parenting.com) — In the hubbub of life with kids, it’s amazing how fragile happiness can seem.

One minute everyone is enjoying breakfast together, and the next the orange juice is toppled and the drawing is ruined and nobody wants the pancakes anymore. Blown out of proportion by a cranky preschooler, sulking tween, or grudge-holding parent, a single mishap can expand into a gloom that lasts for hours.

This is why the spate of recent research into the actual science of happiness caught my attention. Juice puddles (and far worse) will always be with us, but, it turns out, they have little to do with how truly content a family is. Instead, as Tolstoy said, happy families actually are all alike — at least in that they practice common habits that help inoculate them against setbacks large and small. The good news for the rest of us? Copying those might make us happier, too.

Give thanks — no matter what

Research consistently finds that regularly expressing gratitude is good for our overall well-being: People who do so are healthier, more successful at reaching their goals, more optimistic, and more inclined to help others. But what if your family is struggling, say with a job loss, and no one is feeling like they have much to be thankful for?

“There’s nothing wrong with faking it,” says Robert Emmons, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and author of the book “Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier.” “It doesn’t have to be spontaneous or natural. Act grateful, and you’ll soon start feeling it.”

This strategy is based on a well-known psychological fact: Human brains don’t like to behave and feel in opposition. That’s why your kids will struggle through the simple exercise of trying to smile while saying something mean, or attempting to frown while saying “I love you.” Their expressions will want to follow their words.

For those of us whose natural tendency is to see the glass as half empty, the fact that our brain wants to align with our actions provides some support on the way to happiness. During your week, take time to identify some little positive, and then give thanks — to the person responsible, to yourself, to the universe or your God. Not only will you feel better, but it’ll set a good example for your kids.

“If we stand around waiting for a feeling to move us, we may never get going,” says Emmons. “But choosing to act grateful for what we have is something we can all do.”

At home, encourage your kids to establish a habit of acknowledging all the good in life and in other people. Deliberate, regular practice helps: Each month, ask them to send thank-yous to people who have been kind, helpful, or generous, for example. Make those into creative fun, rather than a chore, by suggesting they send them in the form of a photo, video, or drawing. And, of course, count your blessings whenever your family has time together, whether at breakfast, dinner, bedtime, or even in the car.’

For full article please click here.

Posted in Raising optimistic children, Gratitude, National speakers, Danville CA, San Ramon CA, Resiliency, Emotional mind, Life coach, Emotional IQ, Happiness, Parenting, Dr. John Schinnerer | Print | No Comments »

Positive Psychology and Optimal Human Functioning - A Complementary Telecourse 11/18/09 at 6 pm PST

29. October 2009 by John Schinnerer.

 Guide To Self with Dr. John Schinnerer
Optimal Human Functioning Via Positive Psychology
925-575-0258
John@GuideToSelf.com

Dear Friends:

I have been invited to conduct a training class at a speaking platform like no other and wanted to invite you to listen. The class is complimentary and you can listen to as many classes as you wish from the comfort of your home and convenience of your telephone or computer.

The class I am offering a complementary training course, Positive Psychology: The Science of Optimal Human Functioning, on November 18th, 2009 at 6 pm PST.
To find out more, please go to: http://www.globalteleclass.com
 

At this platform you will be trained, motivated and inspired by some of the most respected speakers in the Health, Personal Development and Sales & Marketing Industries.

For the month of November, scheduled speakers include:

Health Department: Steven Frank, Jennifer Hough, Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, Elaine Petrone, Eric Rolf, Nancy Desjardins, Dr. John Schinnerer, and Jimmy Moore

Sales & Marketing Department: Beatty Carmichael, Angela Treat Lyon, Heather Picken, Jerry Ellefson, Rik Schnabel, Ed Dacey, and Mary Beth Lozano

Personal Development Department: Joan Marie Whelan, Dr. Rick Brinkman, Satyen Raja, Leslie Householder, Dr. Gloria Burgess, Ken Foster & Amazon John Easterling, Debbie Friedman, Stephanie Frank, Nanette Geiger, Katana Abbott, Philip Tirone, Deborah Skye King, Michelle Rigg, Wes Hopper, and Steve Keough.

Remember, these classes are being offered at no cost to you and you can listen from the comfort of your home and convenience of your telephone or computer.

Please take advantage of this offer and register today!

http://www.globalteleclass.com

To your success,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.
Positive Psychology Coach
Guide To Self, Inc.
913 San Ramon Valley Blvd. #280
Danville, CA 94526
(925) 575-0258

 

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice coaching individuals to their optimal human functioning using the science of positive psychology. He is President of Guide To Self (http://www.guidetoself.com), a company that focuses on executive coaching, emotional management skills and mindful living.  He holds a doctorate from U.C. Berkeley in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer hosted Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show on positive psychology and emotional management. Dr. Schinnerer started in the private sector as President of Infinet Assessment (http://www.infinetassessment.com), a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Dr. Schinnerer is the award-winning author of Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought and numerous articles. His book may be found at Amazon.com, Target.com and BarnesAndNoble.com.

Posted in Raising optimistic children, National speakers, Emotion & learning, Science of love, Curiosity, Mindfulness, Hope, Gratitude, Danville CA, Emotion & productivity, Executive coach, Unsconscious mind, Therapist, San Ramon CA, Employee engagement, International Wellbeing Study, Corporate Culture, Resiliency, The human brain, Creativity, Life coach, Emotional IQ, Dr. John Schinnerer, Realistic optimism, Positive Psychology, Forgiveness, Innovative brand research, Staying calm, Emotional mind, Emotional management, Men's emotions, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Positive mood music, Customer Engagement, Happiness, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

The Four Best Predictors of Positive Emotions and Why You Should Care

19. October 2009 by John Schinnerer.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

Positive emotions, such as awe, curiosity, love, contentment and pride, act as a hidden reset button for the physiological effects of destructive emotions (e.g., chronic stress, long-term anger, or enduring sadness). Positive emotion undoes the harmful physical effects of negative emotions.

Positive emotions…

·         lower blood pressure

·         increase immune system functioning

·         improve clarity of thought and creativity and

·         decrease cortisol levels (i.e., the stress hormone).

Research has recently uncovered the four best predictors of future positive emotions. They are…

• The feeling that you can count on others
• The perception that you have autonomy and are in control of your own life
• Whether you learned something new yesterday
• Whether you did what you do best yesterday

(E. Diener, University of Illinois, author of Happiness)

If you have loved ones and friends you can count on, if you feel autonomous, if you learn something new daily, and if you use your strengths on a daily basis, you will create more moments of happiness in your life. As you learn to string together fleeting moments of happiness, you will create a contented mood.

According to Barbara Fredrickson (UNC Chapel Hill), author of Positivity, as we learn to unpack happiness, we discover that it is positive emotions that lay at the heart of a number of things such as resiliency, happiness, life satisfaction and subjective well-being.

In other words, when you increase the frequency with which you experience positive emotions, you improve your psychological resources (e.g., resiliency) and subsequently, you become more satisfied with life and physically healthier.

 

About the Author

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping individuals learn happiness by mitigating destructive emotions and fostering constructive emotions. His practice is located in the Danville San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer is President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  

Posted in Hope, Gratitude, Curiosity, Assertiveness, Mindfulness, Negotiation and emotion, Altruism, Science of love, National speakers, Employee engagement, Positive emotions and job search, Executive coach, Corporate Culture, Positive expectations, Emotion & learning, Danville CA, Resiliency, Organizational psychology, Guide to Self, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Life coach, Creativity, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Nervousness, Tips to help anxiety, Anger Management, Managing Sadness, Men's emotions, Managing Anxiety, Emotional mind, Customer Engagement, Happiness, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

How The City Hurts Your Brain…And What You Can Do About It

19. October 2009 by John Schinnerer.

By Jonah Lehrer from Ideas

January 2, 2009

 

THE CITY HAS always been an engine of intellectual life, from the 18th-century coffeehouses of London, where citizens gathered to discuss chemistry and radical politics, to the Left Bank bars of modern Paris, where Pablo Picasso held forth on modern art. Without the metropolis, we might not have had the great art of Shakespeare or James Joyce; even Einstein was inspired by commuter trains.

And yet, city life isn’t easy. The same London cafes that stimulated Ben Franklin also helped spread cholera; Picasso eventually bought an estate in quiet Provence. While the modern city might be a haven for playwrights, poets, and physicists, it’s also a deeply unnatural and overwhelming place.

Now scientists have begun to examine how the city affects the brain, and the results are chastening. Just being in an urban environment, they have found, impairs our basic mental processes. After spending a few minutes on a crowded city street, the brain is less able to hold things in memory, and suffers from reduced self-control. While it’s long been recognized that city life is exhausting — that’s why Picasso left Paris — this new research suggests that cities actually dull our thinking, sometimes dramatically so.

“The mind is a limited machine,” says Marc Berman, a psychologist at the University of Michigan and lead author of a new study that measured the cognitive deficits caused by a short urban walk. “And we’re beginning to understand the different ways that a city can exceed those limitations.”

One of the main forces at work is a stark lack of nature, which is surprisingly beneficial for the brain. Studies have demonstrated, for instance, that hospital patients recover more quickly when they can see trees from their windows, and that women living in public housing are better able to focus when their apartment overlooks a grassy courtyard. Even these fleeting glimpses of nature improve brain performance, it seems, because they provide a mental break from the urban roil.

This research arrives just as humans cross an important milestone: For the first time in history, the majority of people reside in cities. For a species that evolved to live in small, primate tribes on the African savannah, such a migration marks a dramatic shift. Instead of inhabiting wide-open spaces, we’re crowded into concrete jungles, surrounded by taxis, traffic, and millions of strangers. In recent years, it’s become clear that such unnatural surroundings have important implications for our mental and physical health, and can powerfully alter how we think.

This research is also leading some scientists to dabble in urban design, as they look for ways to make the metropolis less damaging to the brain. The good news is that even slight alterations, such as planting more trees in the inner city or creating urban parks with a greater variety of plants, can significantly reduce the negative side effects of city life. The mind needs nature, and even a little bit can be a big help.

Consider everything your brain has to keep track of as you walk down a busy thoroughfare like Newbury Street. There are the crowded sidewalks full of distracted pedestrians who have to be avoided; the hazardous crosswalks that require the brain to monitor the flow of traffic. (The brain is a wary machine, always looking out for potential threats.) There’s the confusing urban grid, which forces people to think continually about where they’re going and how to get there.

The reason such seemingly trivial mental tasks leave us depleted is that they exploit one of the crucial weak spots of the brain. A city is so overstuffed with stimuli that we need to constantly redirect our attention so that we aren’t distracted by irrelevant things, like a flashing neon sign or the cellphone conversation of a nearby passenger on the bus. This sort of controlled perception — we are telling the mind what to pay attention to — takes energy and effort. The mind is like a powerful supercomputer, but the act of paying attention consumes much of its processing power.

Natural settings, in contrast, don’t require the same amount of cognitive effort. This idea is known as attention restoration theory, or ART, and it was first developed by Stephen Kaplan, a psychologist at the University of Michigan. While it’s long been known that human attention is a scarce resource — focusing in the morning makes it harder to focus in the afternoon — Kaplan hypothesized that immersion in nature might have a restorative effect.

Imagine a walk around Walden Pond, in Concord. The woods surrounding the pond are filled with pitch pine and hickory trees. Chickadees and red-tailed hawks nest in the branches; squirrels and rabbits skirmish in the berry bushes. Natural settings are full of objects that automatically capture our attention, yet without triggering a negative emotional response — unlike, say, a backfiring car. The mental machinery that directs attention can relax deeply, replenishing itself.

“It’s not an accident that Central Park is in the middle of Manhattan,” says Berman. “They needed to put a park there.”

In a study published last month, Berman outfitted undergraduates at the University of Michigan with GPS receivers. Some of the students took a stroll in an arboretum, while others walked around the busy streets of downtown Ann Arbor.

The subjects were then run through a battery of psychological tests. People who had walked through the city were in a worse mood and scored significantly lower on a test of attention and working memory, which involved repeating a series of numbers backwards. In fact, just glancing at a photograph of urban scenes led to measurable impairm