Is Wrestling A Socially Acceptable Way for Male Siblings to Fulfill Their Need for Touch?

19. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

I find this idea of covert intimacy among males fascinating as well. I wonder if one of the functions of sibling rough-housing and wrestling fulfills the function of covert intimacy and allowing brothers to touch one another in a masculine, socially permissible way. 

Brothers fight for a number of reasons….

• They fight to get their parent’s attention, and the parent is limited in time, attention and patience, so they are fighting for a limited ‘commodity.’
• They wrestle due to jealousy: “He got a new game. I did not. They love him more than they love me.”
• They rough-house as a result of teasing, which is one way to test the power of words on behaviors: “He said I was a…” “But he called me a little .. first!”
• They get in each other’s face partly as a result of socialization. We live in a competitive society which frequently reinforces the idea that winning is better than losing.  “I had it first.” “I can beat you at…. I am better than you.”
• Perhaps, another reason to add to the list is that, in some manner, wrestling and rough housing allow boys to fulfill their need for touch in an acceptable way (that is, acceptable to society, not so much to their parents!).

 From Close Relationships: A Sourcebook by Clyde Hendrick, Susan Hendrick, p. 307…

‘Swain (1989) coined the phrase ‘closeness in the doing’ to describe men’s friendships. More than two thirds of the men studied by Swain pointed to activities other than talking when asked to describe their most meaningful times with friends. Swain’s study, as well as research by others (Monsour, 1992; Sherrod, 1989; Williams, shows that playing and watching sports and doing other things together are what male friends cite most often as the basis of camaraderie and closeness. Because men typically are not socialized to engage in expressive communication, male friends are less likely to talk intimately about problems than to help each other out by suggesting diversionary activities such as going out for drinks or watching games (Cancian, 1987; Riessman, 1990).

Although men might care deeply about their male friends, they are less likely than women to express those feelings explicitly. Instead, they tend to engage in what Swain (1989) referred to as ‘covert intimacy’, which signals intimacy indirectly and often nonverbally. Affectionate punches, backslapping, and friendly teasing are examples of displays of covert intimacy. Based on a series of men’s friendships, Floyd (1997b) concluded that men are not less affectionate than are women but that men ‘simply communicate affection in different more ‘covert’ ways, so as to avoid the possible ridicule that more overt expression might invite (see also Floyd, 1995, 1996, 1997).’  

Have a terrific Thursday!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.Guide To Self, Inc.

Positive Psychology Coach

Posted in Meaning-making, San Ramon CA, Danville CA, Emotion & learning, Optimal Human Functioning, Alamo CA, Adolescent development, Parenting adolescents, SRVHS, San Francisco Bay Area, Resiliency, Relationships, Guide to Self, Life coach, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Parenting, Emotional mind, The human brain, Men's emotions, Anger Management, Emotional management, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Older Brothers Related to Greater Aggression in Younger Siblings - Per UC Davis

19. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

I’ve been heading up a book club on adolescent boys at the local high school here. One of the topics that comes up frequently is aggression and fighting between adolescent brothers (as well as some reports of aggression outside the family). As I’m getting updated on the latest research on this topic, I thought I’d share some of the best studies with you. Hope you enjoy them!

Source:  UC Davis News Service

DAVIS — Children who grow up with an older brother tend to become more aggressive as they move through adolescence, while those with a younger sister tend to become less so, according to a new study by researchers at UC Davis. The study appears in the latest issue of the journal Child Development.

“Siblings contribute unique opportunities for children and adolescents to practice certain types of aggressive behaviors, including teasing, threatening and fighting,” said lead author Shannon Tierney Williams, who conducted the research as a postdoctoral researcher in Human and Community Development at UC Davis. “And because boys consistently demonstrate higher rates of aggression than girls, it may be that adolescents are affected more strongly by the aggression of brothers.”

Williams and her colleagues conducted annual assessments of sibling pairs from 451 rural Iowa families — 902 adolescents in all — from 1989 through 1992. Each assessment involved a home visit, during which parents and kids completed a set of questionnaires in which siblings rated their own aggressive behaviors and parents described economic pressures on the family. Families were also videotaped, without researchers in the room, as they discussed household issues and tried to resolve a real-life family conflict. The videotapes were then analyzed for clues to family hostility, coercion, warmth and support.

The researchers found that on average, aggression increased over time in adolescents with an older brother but remained stable in those with an older sister.

For the older sibling, aggression decreased when the younger sibling was a girl but remained stable when the younger sibling was a boy.

“By having younger sisters, who typically exhibit lower levels of aggressive behaviors, particularly early in adolescence, older siblings may have fewer chances to practice their aggressive behavior,” Williams said.

Parental hostility and family economic stress also played a role in adolescent aggression, the researchers found.

The findings suggest that efforts to address adolescent aggression should involve siblings and families, Williams said.

Her co-investigators were Katherine Jewsbury Conger, an assistant professor of human and community development at UC Davis, and Shelley Blozis, an assistant professor of psychology.

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Which Is Your Most Important Sense - Sight, Smell, Taste, Touch, Hearing?

18. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

Amazing new research is coming out showing the fundamental importance of your sense of touch. It is the first sense available to you as a baby. A variety of positive and negative emotions can be understood through brief one second touches to the forearm, even when you cannot see the person touching you.

It may be that touch sends more information than gestures, body language or facial expressions. Touch varies widely in its expression - a hug, a gentle touch on the shoulder, a scratch on the face, a hip check, a high five, a punch to the bicep, a desperate clutch to the forearm. All of these are expressions of touch filled with social and emotional meaning for the person whom receives the touch.

While I follow the latest research on emotion and psychology, I was surprised and delighted to see a study on touch appear in the latest issue of Sports Illustrated (The Metaphysical Significance, Staggering Ubiquity and Sheer Joy of High Fives by Chris Ballard). The study which looked at the effects of touch on performance in the NBA is entitled Tactile Communication, Cooperation and Performance: An Ethological Study of the NBA and comes out of the greatest university in the world - U.C. Berkeley (okay, I’m biased!). Lead researchers of the project are Michael Kraus and Dacher Keltner.

The researchers observed nearly 300 NBA players (across all 30 teams) over a period of 2 months. They catalogued and recorded every touch between players during games. The touches were classified in one of 12 areas including categories such as high fives, head slaps, and jumping shoulder bumps. The results were nothing short of awe-inspiring. The more touches between teammates, the more wins the team had.

The teams that touch the most? The Los Angeles Lakers and the Boston Celtics. Both of these teams surpassed the 60 win mark last season. And both teams averaged more than 100 seconds of touching during games. The results held even when the lofty expectations are taken into account for these elite teams.

The teams that touch the least? The Sacramento Kings and the Charlotte Bobcats. They averaged a measly 16.5 seconds and earned only 52 wins last season combined.

How about individual players? Does the power of touch hold at an individual level?

The ’touchiest’ players (i.e., most high fives, chest bumps, head slaps) are also among the NBA’s elite players including Kevin Garnett of the Celtics, Chris Bosh of the Toronto Raptors, Kobe Bryant of the Lakers, and Dirk Nowitzki of the Dallas Mavericks. Garnett averages 15.7 seconds of touching per game which is over two times as much as the entire Sacramento Kings entire team.

Apparently, it’s the leaders of the team that initiate most of the touching in the form of hugs, low fives, fist bumps and more.

Why is there such a powerful effect for the sense of touch?

We know that massages from loved ones not only reduce pain, they also reduce depressive symptoms. Students who are given a compassionate pat on the shoulder are 200% more likely to volunteer for an in class assignment. When your doctor offers a sympathetic touch, it makes you feel as if he has spent twice as much time with you during the visit.

How can one sense be related to such varied and significant events as wins in the NBA, reduction in depression, perception of time, reduction in pain, and promotion of altruistic behavior?

The primary theory is that touch activates the autonomic nervous system which has two branches - the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS).  One helpful metaphor to understand these two is the idea of a car in which the accelerator is like the sympathetic nervous system and the brakes are akin to the parasympathetic nervous system. Positive touches (e.g., kind, compassionate, tender, gentle, sympathetic, etc.) seem to activate the PNS, or the body’s brakes, which helps the body to relax, to experience positive emotions. Negative touches (e.g., a punch, a pinch, scratch or a bite) seems to activate the SNS, or the body’s gas pedal, which prepares the body for the fight or flight response.

In many of us, the SNS is chronically active as if the gas pedal is being pushed continuously. Due to the fast pace of society, the financial demands, the pressure of balancing work, home and personal health, many get into a cycle of chronic low level stress. In this case, the PNS, the relaxation response, is rarely, if ever, activated.

In sports psychology, it is known that the zone, where optimal human functioning occurs, requires a balance between stress and relaxation. In other words, there needs to be a balance between the functioning of the SNS and the PNS. Touch seems to be one way to activate the PNS thereby balancing the pressure of performing in the moment with the relaxation response, allowing athletes to perform at their peak.

Hope you enjoyed this one! I sure enjoyed writing it!

All the best,

John Schinnerer Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

Positive Psychology Coach

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Men Feel Too Little Guilt, Have Too Little Emotional Sensitivity Compared to Women Says New Study

27. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

Reprinted from PsychCentral.com

By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on January 26, 2010

 

Perrhaps a new finding is not a surprise to the millions who are following the Tiger Woods fiasco, but despite the rise in power and accomplishments of women, a research study from Spain finds men display less guilt and lower levels of sensitivity than women.

In the study, researchers discovered feelings of guilt are “significantly higher” among women. However, they determined the main problem is not that women feel a lot of guilt (which they do), but rather that many males feel “too little.”

“Our initial hypothesis was that feelings of guilt are more intense among females, not only among adolescents but also among young and adult women, and they also show the highest scores for interpersonal sensitivity,” Itziar Etxebarria, lead author of the study and a researcher at the University of the Basque Country (UPV/EHU) said.

The research, published in the Spanish Journal of Psychology, was carried out using a sample from three age groups (156 teenagers, 96 young people and 108 adults) equally divided between males and females.

The team of psychologists asked them what situations most often caused them to feel guilt. They also carried out interpersonal sensitivity tests – the Davis Empathetic Concern Scale, and a questionnaire on Interpersonal Guilt, created purposely for this study.

When it came to comparing the measurements of intensity of habitual guilt of these groups, the researchers saw that this score was significantly higher for women, in all three age groups. “This difference is particularly stark in the 40-50-year-old age group”, points out Etxebarria.

The data also suggest that female teenagers and young women have higher scores than males of the same age. “This is caused by certain educational practices, which demand more of females, and which are sometimes still in use despite belief to the contrary,” claims the scientist.

The authors also found gender differences – similar to those noted for habitual guilt – in the two indices of interpersonal sensitivity, although in the 40-50 age bracket the men’s levels came closer to women’s.

The interpersonal sensitivity of men (especially those aged between 25-33) is “comparatively low.” The experts say a lack of sensitivity could lead to absence or excessive weakness of certain kinds of guilt, such as empathetic guilt, which could be beneficial for interpersonal relationships and for the individual.

Types of guilt

The most common forms of guilt are related to situations where we cause harm to others. Stemming from this, it is normal that this arouses feelings of empathy for the people we may have harmed, which tend to turn into feelings of guilt when we recognize that we are responsible for their suffering.

A previous study, also headed by Itziar Etxebarria, analyzes people’s experiences of guilt, differentiating two components – one of these being empathetic (sorrow for the person we have harmed in some way) and the other anxious-aggressive (unease and contained aggression).

The anxious-aggressive kind of guilt is more common in people who have been raised in a more blame-imposing environment, and who are governed by stricter rules about behavior in general and aggression in particular.

“It seems obvious that this component will be more intense among women, and especially in older women,” says Etxebarria.

The greater presence of this component among women, above all those aged between 40 and 50, explains the marked differences in the intensity of habitual guilt in this age group, “just at the age when males move towards females in the two indices of interpersonal sensitivity analyzed”, she explains.

“Educational practices and a whole range of socializing agents must be used to reduce the trend towards anxious-aggressive guilt among women and to strengthen interpersonal sensitivity among men”, concludes the researcher.

Source: FECYT - Spanish Foundation for Science and Technology

 Original article may be found here http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/01/26/sensitivity-feelings-of-guilt-low-in-men/10958.html 

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How a Psychologist Breaks Out of a Funk - Top Ways to Leave Sadness Behind in 2009

20. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

A reprint of a useful and classic column written in 2006…

Guide To Self – Latest Methods for Dealing with Sadness
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self Life Coaching

A great day to you and welcome to Guide To Self where you learn the latest ways to deal with sadness!

As many of you know, my wife and I recently had our fourth child, a girl named Molly Marie. She is now six weeks old which means we’ve gone six weeks without much sleep. My wife and I are exhausted. The other three children are jealous to one degree or another. And my mood recently took a nosedive.

So today, I’m going to share with you steps you can take to defeat depression, sadness, a funk or whatever you want to call it.

Sadness is Different for Men than for Women

Be aware that sadness takes different shapes. Typically, sadness appears as anger and irritability in men and comes out as sorrow and melancholy in women. So it looks different when I get down from when my wife gets down. I tend to get more irritable and less patient. I feel overwhelmed more easily. I have a harder time staying in the present moment. My thoughts take me to the past or the future more quickly. My energy level is low. My body aches more. And I get less joy out of my daily routines.

So I want to share with you what exactly is going on in my life. I want to make you aware of what it takes to cause a road bump in my emotional path. I told you about not sleeping well for six weeks due to the baby. That’s a big one. Sleep disturbance is enough to mess up anyone’s mood. In my case, lack of sleep led to a cold and sore throat.

On top of that, I’m not a wealthy man. In fact, nearly the opposite, I’m in debt. I have not made money doing this radio show. So I pay for the privilege of sharing my knowledge with listeners. Roughly 2 hours per day are spent preparing for the show. I book my own guests. I write my own scripts. I respond to emails and letters.

Also, I’m currently in charge of two companies. I’m working on corporate taxes which I don’t particularly enjoy.

I see several clients daily for coaching where I deal with other people’s problems most of the day.

I’m trying to find the time to finish two books.

At night, once the children are in bed, I add radio shows to the website and do the programming.

My wife is now back to work 3 days per week as a hairdresser. This means that two mornings a week, with the help of a nanny, I juggle a newborn and a 5-year-old.

My house is partially torn up due to a contractor who left the job half-finished. So we’re now in the process of drawing up new plans and finding a new contractor.

Right now, it feels as if every relationship in my life is consuming my energy. And I’m running on empty. So I’ve been exhausted and bummed out the last couple of days.

So what do I do?

How does a psychologist break out of a funk?

I’ll tell you how. Dealing with sadness that stays with you for a few days or weeks may require a lifestyle change for you – it’s about dealing with your whole person – diet, exercise, faith, mind and relationships.

Top Ways to Deal with Sadness

First, I never stop exercising. Even when my mind is trying to find a way out of it, I will at least walk for 20 minutes. It’s critical that you exercise twenty minutes a day for mood and longer than that if you want to lose weight. This can be as simple as climbing the stairs at work twice a day, or walking for 20 minutes. When I’m working out, I will think about getting rid of all my fear and anger. Exercise is one of the best ways to work negative emotions out of your body.

Second, I remind myself of what is truly important by determining what is really important and what is not. How do I do this? I ask myself the question, “Will this matter a year from now?” Most of the time, the answer is “No, it won’t matter.” It’s one of the ways we can learn to be less emotionally reactive and more thoughtfully proactive. If you’re like me, you have to train yourself to behave in healthy ways because most people did not learn these tricks growing up. So you need to retrain your brain. As you learn to respond more effectively to minor inconveniences, it leaves you more positive energy to respond to actual crises. This is known to many as wisdom - the ability to deal well with your own suffering as well as help others with theirs.

Third, I focus on everything for which I am grateful – my wife, my children, my dog, my friends, my coworkers, my God, my health and so on. It is critical that you learn how to appreciate life. Life is a gift that has been granted to us. The more we appreciate and cherish the gift, the more we understand what a magical journey life is. Your thoughts matter tremendously in this equation of emotion.

A study done at NIMH focused on the power of thought and emotion. The brain activity of ten normal women was monitored under 3 different conditions.

The researcher recorded each person’s brain activity when they were thinking neutral thoughts, happy thoughts, and sad thoughts.

During the neutral thoughts, nothing changed in the brain.

During the happy thoughts, the limbic system, or the emotional brain, cooled down, and became less active resulting in a more relaxed and energized state.

During the sad thoughts, the limbic system, the emotional brain, became aroused and active which has negative effects on your body – tense muscles, quickened heart rate, perspiration and so on.

Think about the last time you felt happy. How did your body feel? Your muscles relax, your hands become dry, your heart rate slows, and you breathe more deeply. Your body reacts to EVERY FEELING YOU HAVE! This is proof that your emotions matter!

Fourth, welcome the feeling of sadness. It is there for a reason. There is a message or lesson involved in the emotion. Your job is to figure the message out. Once you’ve accepted the feeling, let it go, breathe it out. Emotions are meant to be temporary.

One of my main difficulties growing up was that I could sense or pick up the emotions of other people. I was intuitive even as a little child. The problem is that no one teaches you what to do with that emotional energy. And it’s very draining.

I used to think of myself as a container for negative emotions such as anger, sadness and fear. What I found is that thinking of yourself as a container for emotions is not a healthy way to picture it. It’s much more helpful to think of yourself as a net which catches positive emotions and allows negative emotions to pass through. Keep in mind that these are just emotions. Emotions are not permanent. They are not intended to remain with us. They are just passing through.

Fifth, as the human brain is easily altered, I change the music I listen to. Once I have made up my mind to change my mood, I purposefully listen to upbeat lively music. I watch only comedies. Realize that your brain is incredibly open to suggestion. Not only can music and television alter your brain, as I mentioned, your very thoughts and feelings have the ability to change the physical make-up of your brain.

You have to be cautious what you expose yourself too. Your senses take in over 4 billion bits of information per second. You are only consciously aware of 2,000 of those bits per second. This means that your mind is constantly taking in seeds and you are not even aware of it – overhearing conversations, televisions playing in the background, commercials you try to ignore, music lyrics and so on. So your emotional state, your thoughts, your judgments all have a tremendous effect on what information you are consciously aware of.

When you are touched, you have a physical sensation. When you feel an emotion, you also have a physical sensation in your body. Every physical sensation, every thought, every feeling is written into your brain. The more times you have it, the more deeply it is written into your brain. So the longer you spend immersed in sad feelings and morose thoughts, the more your body becomes accustomed to that state of being. The more your body becomes accustomed to it, the more it wants to remain there. The harder it is to break out. While you want to welcome the feeling and embrace it, you also want to breathe it out as soon as possible. Don’t spend too long wallowing in self-pity.

Sixth, work in sprints – go two hours and then break for ten minutes. Give yourself a break every two hours at least. Our brain works best that way. It’s difficult and less effective to work eight hours straight.

Seventh, stay in the present moment. Train your thoughts to stay focused on the present moment. When you find Gremlin thoughts coming to take you to the past or the future, redirect yourself to the right now and right here.

Eighth, stop using toxic elements. This includes alcohol, caffeine, marijuana, cocaine, nicotine and sugars. Caffeine and nicotine have been shown in brain studies to decrease overall blood flow to the brain, making most symptoms worsen over time. They also decrease the effectiveness of many medications and increase the number and severity of side effects. Most of the substances we reach for when sad act as central nervous system depressants anyway. When you’re already depressed, you don’t want to add fuel to the fire with alcohol or marijuana.

Ninth, add Omega-3 to your daily diet. Omega-3 stabilizes mood & improves overall brain functioning. Omega-3 fatty acids are essential fatty acids crucial for growth and development. My favorite, and one of the most studied nutrients, is the Omega-3 fatty acids. About 60% of the brain is made up of fats (lipids) that make up the lining of every brain cell. Omega-3s are required by the brain to an extraordinary degree. They cannot be produced by our bodies but must be ingested via diet or pills. They are found in large, fatty, cold water fish, olive oil, and canola oil. Omega-3s help turn down the ‘volume’ of communications between brain cells (similar to the action of a mood stabilizer). Documented benefits of Omega-3 oils include improved mood, clearer thinking, more serenity, better concentration and focus, and better vision.

Tenth, add B Vitamins and folate in particular to your supplement regimen. Published studies have shown a relationship between B vitamins and depression. Increasing levels of B vitamins are highly likely to improve your mood.

Eleventh, add ginseng. Ginseng is popularly touted as a way to beat stress, improve vigor and simply feel better. The main idea with ginseng is that it helps when your body is stressed. Stress occurs anytime you are challenged above and beyond what your body is used to. An Olympic skier won’t ski faster by taking ginseng. He’s used to that stress of exercise. A working mother of two kids won’t notice a difference. She’s accustomed to her daily routine. However, throw in a new baby, or an ill parent, and you’ve just spilled over into exhaustion. That’s when ginseng does make a difference - when you have to push beyond your limits to the point of exhaustion. Ginseng helps increase your resistance and prevent exhaustion.

Twelfth, breathe – I have covered deep breathing in previous shows. This is the deep diaphragmatic breathing where you breathe into your abdomen, not your chest. Focus on pushing out all of the air in your lungs. The goal is to fill your lungs 100% with fresh air on each breath.

Just as with your thoughts and feelings, you want to be constantly aware of your breathing every second of every day. Remember, we’ve already shown it is possible to split your conscious mind in two parts. One part you can use to tend to the daily demands of your life. The other part must be used to monitor your breathing, your thoughts and your feelings. With practice, it can be done.

Thirteenth, don’t isolate yourself. As much as you can, surround yourself with family and friends.

Fourteenth, go easier on yourself. Learn self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would a young child.

Forgive yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings. Picture yourself as a small child. Now picture yourself parenting yourself. Forgive yourself as you would like to have been forgiven as a child. Mistakes are merely learning opportunities. And learn to forgive others.

Let go of anger and disappointment by writing a letter forgiving the individual who has hurt you. Holding on to the anger only harms you. Forgiving enables you to move on and get past the hurt.

Fifteenth, return to nature. This is a great way to reconnect with your soul. Just take a few minutes, go outside, breathe in deeply, and look at the birds, the trees and the grass.

Sixteenth, get your sleep. Research has shown that adults need between 7 and 8 hours of sleep. Adolescents need 9 to 9 1/2 hours per night. No more, no less. If you are too far on either side, you are playing with fire. Sleep too little you risk exhaustion. Sleep too much, you risk lethargy and depression.

Seventeenth, do something for someone else. Altruism is perhaps the most powerful way to snap your mind out of a funk. Focus on someone besides yourself.

To sum up, there are at least fifteen things you can do immediately to pull yourself up and out of a funk. These include taking supplements such as Omega-3 fatty acids, B vitamins, and ginseng, getting your 8 hours of sleep, daily exercise, staying in the present moment, and more. Remember to welcome the feelings that you have. Don’t repress them. That leads to physical troubles such as high blood pressure and heart disease. Rather, be aware of them, listen to them, and let them go. Think of yourself as a net through which emotions pass and not as a container for feelings.

More information on sadness and depression and ways to overcome them may be found at the Guide To Self website at http://www.guidetoself.com.

Guide To Self(C) 2005-10.

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Positive Psychology – The Science of Optimal Human Functioning with Dr. John Schinnerer - One hour teleclass 12/8/09

9. December 2009 by John Schinnerer.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Partial script for 1-hour teleclass on 12/8/09

Welcome to what I hope will be a wonderful talk on positive psychology. I will be your host tonight. My name is John Schinnerer. I hold a Ph.D. in educational psychology from U.C. Berkeley. In 2007, I wrote a positive psychology book called ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion & Thought’ which was awarded Best Self-Help Book of the year. In 2006, I hosted a daily primetime radio show here in the SF Bay Area. Currently, I do keynote speaking, teach and see private clients.  I also collaborate with the University of New Zealand on the International Wellbeing Study which you can participate in at www.wellbeingstudy.com. 

Just a bit of housekeeping…If you have questions during the talk, please email me at john@guidetoself.com and I will do my best at the end to answer them. Your end of the phone has been muted as there are over 500 people on this call.

     I like to start off my talks with a joke to put you in a positive frame of mind. So here it goes…

A psychologist is holding a group therapy session in which there are four young mothers, each of whom has a small child with her. The psychologist gazes at the four women and blurts out “You’re all obsessed. And your obsessions show up in the names of your kids.”

He points to the first mother and calmly states “You are obsessed with spending money & shopping…you named your daughter Penny.”

The shrink points to the second mother and dryly adds “And you are stuck on the issue of eating. You went so far as to name your daughter Candy!”

As the remaining two mothers shift uncomfortably in their seats, the psychologist continues, pointing to the 3^rd mother, “While you have a drinking problem which shows itself in your daughter’s name – Brandy.”

     ……

At that point, the fourth mother, who can’t contain herself any longer, stands up, grabs her son by the hand and says …

“Come on Dick, we’re getting out of here!”

 

     I told this joke on the radio to thousands of listeners and got a landslide of positive feedback ….initially. One lady, who was driving when she heard it, said she had to pull over to the side of the freeway because she was laughing so hard. However, the show was rerun and then we started to get a few complaints. So the station owner called me in to tell me we couldn’t run the show anymore. I asked why not. He said because the joke was dirty. I knowingly asked what was dirty about it. He said it was the reference to sex. I told him that there was no mention in the joke as to whether or not the sex was taking place in a marriage. You see, the dirtiness of this joke is truly in the mind of the listener. If one assumes the sex is taking place within a marriage, there really is nothing dirty about the joke (unless you think sex in general is aversive).  The reason I tell this story is to point out that there are many different way of seeing the world, different ways of viewing the actions of others and even various ways of relating to your own mind, your thoughts, and your feelings.  And I’ll discuss a few of these points today.

Now that you are prepped to learn something new, let’s talk about positive psychology because it holds great promise. Just to be clear, positive psych is not a self-help movement. It is not as simple as positive thinking. It has no relation to books such as The Secret. It is not a passing trend.

Positive psychology is the scientific study of optimal functioning, the applied approach to human flourishing. The lessons of positive psychology are beneficial for everyone – teenagers, executives, managers and the elderly. Even the Army is currently training thousands of sergeants in positive psychology to boost the resiliency of troops and to decrease the possibility of post-traumatic stress disorder. While our Army troops have always been physically fit, we are now seeing a momentous shift in thinking which will enable them to become psychologically fit as well.

So this class and positive psychology in general definitely has something to offer you and it is as valuable in your personal life as in your professional life. At the heart of positive psychology are a number of research based findings into how and when people function at their very best.

Most of us spend a great deal of our time worrying over what might go wrong, or beating ourselves up over what we think did go wrong, or feeling disappointed over the inherent unfairness of life. Recent research shows that we are hard-wired to pay closer attention to this that go wrong than things that go right. And from an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense. Being overly vigilant for threats and problems helped keep us alive from predators back when sabre-toothed tigers roamed the earth.

However, this hard wiring focused on the negative does not serve us well in modern day life.  Events such as childrens’ skinned knees, missed deadlines, speaking in public or bumper-to-bumper traffic may feel frustrating, scary or stressful but they are not matters of life and death.

So take a quick moment to ask yourself,

‘How much is my focus on what might go wrong helping me?’

‘How much are my negative emotions, such as fear and anger, assisting me in reaching my goals?’

To these questions, positive psychology provides a somewhat unusual answer:

spend more time focusing on what is going right with your life,

focus more on what may go well in the future,

and see how much that approach helps you reach your goals.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not suggesting that you only have a positive perspective. I am not suggesting that you be foolishly optimistic. There is a great deal of merit to accurately foreseeing and planning for potential problems. It’s a matter of balance. How much of your mental time is spent focusing on problems as compared to looking at the positives. Positive psychology has found that there are tremendous benefits to learning to focus more on what is right with us and what may go well in the future.

One of the basic assumptions of Positive psychology is that all people are ‘Born to be Good’ to quote the title of Dacher Keltner’s book and that we can become better, happier and more productive.  Let me repeat that, we can learn to be happier. Your happiness is not written in stone. You can learn techniques to increase your satisfaction with life.

What makes the crucial difference between positive psychology and traditional self-help books is the mountain of research upon which positive psychology is built. At this point, there are over 50,000 studies having to do with happiness, realistic optimism, human strengths, life satisfaction and more. Empirical researchers across the world are looking for testable theories and explanations supported by hard data. It is, in simplest terms, a powerful movement from faith to facts. So everything I write about, everything about which I speak, is based on scientific studies and replicable data.

The biggest shift towards a positive psychology took place in the late 1990s when Martin Seligman, as president of the American Psychological Association, began asking the question “what is right with people?” For over 100 years, medicine and psychology had both focused on what was wrong with people and how problems could be fixed. Seligman used his influence to create a new branch of science termed positive psychology focusing on what is right with us, how we can lead more thriving, fulfilling, and meaningful lives.

Seligman and Mike Csikszentmihalyi brought together some of the top young researchers in psychology to study topics such as hope, happiness, gratitude, wisdom, creativity and optimal human functioning. From there it spread to include researchers in humanistic psychology, philosophy, executive coaches, sports psychology, developmental psychologists and many more areas. It continues to spread to business, education and counseling.

The best part is that positive psychology works and works well. Positive psychology exercises have been shown in numerous studies to promote strengths, improve optimal functioning, to increase realistic optimism and to increase the frequency of positive emotions.

Some of you may be skeptical. I completely understand this. I was skeptical at first too.  I was brought up to focus on the negative.  Most of us were. And most clients that I see focus first and foremost on problems, such as how to help under-performing workers, or how to shore up the weaknesses of people they manage.

One of the greatest contributions of Positive psychology is the finding that by focusing energy and attention on strengths and by tapping into positive emotions, all of us will enjoy more success than if we focus on weaknesses and problems.

In terms of using positive psychology in the workplace, the Gallup Organization has shown that disengaged workers cost firms billions of dollars per year in accidents, sabotage, turnover costs, lost customers and healthcare. Engaged or happy workers have a higher probability of making more money, innovating, being on time to work, being healthier physically, receive higher ratings from supervisors and customers, and help out coworkers more frequently. Happiness doesn’t just feel good, it is good for the bottom line and good for employees.

To give you an example, last year, I did some consulting with the executive board of a large insurance company. They were having trouble with several vice presidents who were holding grudges over an incident that happened over many years ago. Two of the vice presidents were actively sabotaging one another’s projects resulting in increased costs to the company. As part of my time there, I gave a two hour talk to the executive board on positive psychology, and I specifically focused on what the research has to say about forgiveness  based on research from Stanford University – what it is, what it is NOT, how to do it and why you want to do it. To me, forgiveness is the best single way to wash out all that stale anger you’ve been hiding for years. At the end of my talk, I suggested to the 11 executives that they try forgiving each other for past transgressions. After a long pause, I watched as all of the executives stood up, and began forgiving every other person in the room.  They hugged; they apologized to each other; and they forgave one another. It was powerful. And it changed the way in which they interacted from that day forward. The vice presidents were more supportive of one another, more cooperative, and they stopped their internal sabotage.

 Positive psychology is filtering into education as well. I do a monthly speaking series at a continuation high school where the students are sent if they are behind on credits, if they have behavior problems, emotional difficulties, or are coming out of juvenile hall. So it’s a pretty hard crowd.  One of the more difficult cases was an African-American female student who challenged me during a presentation “You aren’t black. You aren’t female. And you don’t live in a group home. Why should I listen to anything you say?!” It was a valid question. My response? “You’re absolutely right. I’m a totally bald, white, 42 year old man who lives with his wife and four children. And on a physical level you are correct. We share little in common. Here is what I can tell you…that on an emotional level, everything you have ever felt in your life – fear, anger, despair, happiness, pride, love – everything you have felt, I have felt also. So, on an emotional level we are nearly identical. I have been studying emotions for the past 12 years and I’ve found some tools that really work to help manage negative emotions and cultivate more positive emotions. So it’s your choice – you can listen and try some of the tools for yourself, see if they work, or you can ignore me. Either way, it’s up to you.” From that moment on, she was a fan - engaged, interested and willing to learn. She went on to work at a hospital this summer and now is looking at attending community college when she graduates at the end of this school year.

The Power of Positive Emotions

One of the areas I have researched over the past dozen years with great curiosity and passion is emotions. I have found that there is tremendous power in our emotions. Emotions are the social glue that binds our relationships.  The effective use of emotions, or leveraging emotions to your benefit, is what draws people to leaders. Emotional leverage is what separates truly great leaders from average executives. Emotions may initially be a bit frightening. Many people spend a great deal of energy trying to suppress or contain emotion. Yet, emotions have been with the human race for millions of years. Each emotion serves a purpose. Anger, for instance, helps move past obstacles or challenges. It helps us stand up to social injustices. Sadness keeps us close to home after suffering a loss. Fear keeps us safe from perceived danger.

Take a moment to think back to the last time you experienced an intense emotion. It may have been surprise, fear, rage, disappointment, sorrow, joy, awe or pride. It may have been pride due to your child’s outstanding grades, or joy watching your team win a close game, or frustration at yourself for making a mistake at work, or the feeling of contentment while working in your yard. What we’re finding is that emotions transcend our physical bodies. They are contagious. You can catch feelings from others around you. Studies have shown that happiness is contagious just like anger. Emotions are also closely and powerfully linked to what and how you remember the past. Look through an old photo album and you will clearly see the sway emotions have over your memories. What’s more, emotions play a large role in learning, communication, and even in our morality.

So it is critical to understand and learn to leverage emotions. In particular, you must understand the purpose and strength of positive emotions, because you can put them to great use in your daily life. Expertly leveraging emotions will help you be more successful.  As Robert Biswas-Diener puts it, ‘positive emotion is one of the greatest resources you and your clients, colleagues or students are currently overlooking.’

Emotions may be best thought of as a guidance system for your life. When you experience guilt, for example, it’s a sign that your actions are not in keeping with your values. And the unpleasant feeling motivates you to bring your actions back in line with your values. When things are going smoothly, your guidance system lets you know with an all clear signal – positive emotions such as peacefulness or contentment.  Of course, this guidance system is not perfect. We occasionally misinterpret our emotions, and sometimes our emotions are just plain wrong like when we feel highly fearful before speaking in public. However, our emotions give us important and valuable feedback the majority of the time. And there is power in learning how to be aware of emotions, in learning how to correctly read emotions, and greater success lies in the ability to cultivate more positive emotions.

 

 

So what can positive emotions do for you?

One of the biggest breakthroughs for positive psychology comes from Barbara Fredrickson at UNC Chapel Hill who came up with an evolutionary explanation for the existence of positive emotions. Barbara’s hypothesis is that the primary function of positive emotion is to broaden and build.  That is, they broaden our thought processes and they build lasting internal resources. Positive emotions, such as awe, peacefulness and love, allow your mind to blossom, creating more options, more possibilities, in terms of thoughts and actions.  Positive emotions help us be more creative, imaginative, and innovative. If you need to brainstorm for a new marketing slogan, you’ll do a better job if you are happy when you do it.

In addition, positive emotions have long-term beneficial effects because they build internal resources which may be used to help assist others in need or to manage future threats. In other words, positive emotions fill up your gas tank.  This means that positive emotions fill your emotional reservoir with positive emotional energy to increase your sense of well-being and physical health and which you can share with others when they need support and love.

What’s more, positive emotions have been shown to undo the lingering physiological effects of negative emotions. Positive emotions act as the hidden RESET button to the bodily changes caused by negative emotions, changes such as elevated blood pressure and increased cortisol levels in the blood stream.

      In the workplace, positive emotions are related to higher salaries, less sick days, better relationships with coworkers, better supervisor ratings, better customer ratings, and reduced employee turnover.

      In terms of physical health, positive folks are less likely to get ill, live longer, experience less pain, have fewer hospital visits, and when in a good mood, have faster cardiovascular recovery times. On the other hand, those with depression are more likely to engage in smoking, drug abuse, suicidal attempts, and have more emergency room visits.

In psychology, it is generally understood that bad is stronger than good, or the negative is stronger than the positive.  Bad events have a greater power over us, our emotions, thoughts and behaviors, than do good ones. You are more motivated to avoid bad self-definitions than to pursue good ones. You are quicker to form bad judgments of other people than good ones. It takes approximately 5 compliments to undo the negative effects from one insult. Your brain processes negative information more thoroughly than it does positive information. So it’s great news that the harmful effects of negative feelings can be undone by positive emotions.

While we could come up with a list of hundreds of emotion words, there are ten positive emotions that have been verified in studies. From the most frequently occurring to the least frequent, they are… love, joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration and awe. And we know from research that positive emotions are fleeting and fragile. They are easily done away with and they are generally less powerful than negative emotions. So you have to increase your awareness of and be on the lookout for positive emotions throughout your day.

A Few Positive psychology Exercises:

Okay, let’s turn to some of the interventions that have been proven to boost your happiness.

The Blessings Exercise

One study done by Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania sought to help 50 severely depressed people. These were folks that stayed in bed most of the day, crawled out occasionally to check their email, and then returned to bed. They were asked to do one thing every day for two weeks.

            Write down three things that went well today and why they went well.

This daily gratitude journal is a powerful yet simple way to redirect the mind to the positive instead of dwelling on the negative. After two weeks of doing this exercise, the majority saw a significant improvement in their depressive symptoms.  People frequently report feeling happier and more positive after this assignment.

Mental Scrapbook of Positive Memories

Another exercise that has been shown to increase positive emotions is reliving positive memories. This exercise is as simple as focusing your attention on a positive event in your past. It might be a big athletic event, a wedding, the birth of a child, finishing school or a promotion. This activity may be combined with actual physical reminders of the past, such as photos, ticket stubs, trophies, college degrees, and printed testimonials.  You can also create your own positive scrapbook using most cell phones these days. Simply create a folder in which you keep photos of positive events. Start your own collection today. The main idea here is to savor the experience, to pay close attention to sensory details, to squeeze every last ounce of positive emotion out of the experience.

The extent to which you experience positive emotions is largely based on your thinking. Overthinking kills positive emotions. Worry, doubt, and stress drown out positive emotions. Emotions are highly individualized. They vary from person to person and what evokes one emotion in one person may not do the same in another. What makes one person recoil in disgust may make another person laugh. Emotions depend on how you interpret events. You have to take a moment (in the moment) and look for the good in the situation. Once you find the good, you must intentionally magnify it, and let it grow.  You have the power to turn positive emotions off and on.

Look at the room you’re in right now.

Ask yourself:

What’s going right for me right now?

How am I fortunate/blessed to be here?

How does being here benefit me?

What meaning can I take away from this situation?

When you take time to think this way, it builds gratitude in you.

By the way, it is normal if positivity feels unusual or weird at first.

Capitalizing on Love

One of the foremost researchers in the area of love and marriage is Shelly Gable, an assistant professor of psychology at UCLA. Most researchers looking at marriage work on conflict management, how to create more harmony between partners, and how individuals in a couple cope with traumatic events.  Gable is one of a handful of researcher who looks at what makes a thriving marriage. Her work provides some valuable insights if you are interested in transforming your good relationship (e.g., friendship, marriage, parent or child) into a great one.

Gable looks to see how you respond when your spouse tells you that he’s just been promoted, or your child tells you that she won Class President, or when your mother tells you she won a tennis tournament, or when your friend tells you she just won a huge lawsuit. Gable puts your responses into four different categories which break down as follows:

1.      An enthusiastic reaction such as “Wow! That’s tremendous. That’s the best thing I’ve heard all week. I’m sure there are more great things to come for you. You’ve definitely earned it. Congratulations!” This reaction is called the active-constructive response by Gable.

2.      A more subdued reaction where you share your happiness but say little. For example, “That’s nice dear.” This is the passive-constructive response.

3.      Or perhaps you point out some of the potential pitfalls or negatives within the good event. For instance, “Wow, I sure hope you can handle all that extra responsibility. Does this mean you will have to work extra hours?” Gable refers to this as the active-destructive response.

4.      Or, you might respond with disinterest and not respond to the good news at all. Most folks do this by merely changing the subject, “Yes, but what do you think about the weather outside?” This is known as the passive-destructive response.

The first type of response, the active-constructive one, is called “capitalizing” by Gable and here’s the fascinating part…capitalizing amplifies the pleasure of the good event and creates an upward spiral of good feelings.

Gable has shown that capitalizing is one of the keys to strong, supportive, thriving relationships. 

So how do you respond to good news from other people?

Are you a “capitalizer” who creates upward spirals of positive emotions?

Or do you turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the good news of others?

The consequences of learning how to be more of a “capitalizer” are impressive and robust. Couples who describe themselves as having a spouse who is active and constructive in response to their good news are more committed to the relationship, more in love, and happier in their marriage.  Think about that the next time your mate comes in the door with exciting news.

Closing Remarks

            I’ve found a large number of people are passionate and excited about positive psychology. It offers an energizing approach to your personal and professional life. Hopefully, by sharing some information about positive psychology, you’ve become excited about the possibilities also.

Again my name is John Schinnerer. I’m happy to speak to those interested in future keynote presentations or seeing clients privately. My book is entitled ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion & Thought’ and may be purchased at Amazon.com, or Target.com. My email address is John@GuideToSelf.com.  My website is www.GuideToSelf.com. Please feel free to go and sign up for my newsletter by clicking on Email Sign Up on the left of the screen.

Now to your questions…

 

Hope you enjoyed it!

Have a wonderful evening,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

913 San Ramon Valley Blvd.

Danville, CA 94526

 http://www.guidetoself.com

---

 

Posted in Gratitude, Energy psychology, Curiosity, Science of love, National speakers, Overcoming failure, Awareness, Hope, Organizational psychology, The human brain, Relationships, Resiliency, Altruism, Emotion & learning, Danville CA, Memory and recall, Executive coach, Meaning-making, Therapist, Optimal Human Functioning, Brain plasticity, Positive emotions and job search, San Ramon CA, Emotion & productivity, Positive expectations, International Wellbeing Study, Corporate Culture, Employee engagement, Men's emotions, Subconscious mind, Emotional IQ, Guide to Self, Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, School psychology, Customer Engagement, Life coach, Creativity, Forgiveness, Positive Psychology, Business & psych, Realistic optimism, Dr. John Schinnerer, Happiness, Ethics, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Anger Management, Managing Sadness, Consciousness, Emotional mind, Rational mind, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Morals and values, Depression, Nature vs. nurture, Parenting, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Latest Fascinating Study Findings - Anger, Meditation, Emotional Management

6. October 2009 by John Schinnerer.

Haas School of Business study - many business people report purposefully exaggerating their anger to negotiate a better deal but paid later in lowered reputation (person who used anger knowingly later viewed as more volatile, unstable and unapproachable). Eduardo Andrade and Teck-Hua Ho

UCLA Study - people who meditate 5 to 40 years have greater development in certain brain areas. They have a larger hippocampus and right OFC (orbito-frontal cortex). This translates to greater clarity of thought, a higher degree of emotional regulation and a better ability to maintain perspective during trying times.

UC Berkeley Psychology Study - Dacher Keltner & Mike Kraus discovered that individuals can readily figure out a person’s socioeconomic status merely by watching them converse with another person. Those who hail from a less affluent background tend to maintain eye contact, nod their head in approval, and raise eyebrows in response to comments from others. The more affluent tend to mess with their hair, engage in self-grooming, and fidget with objects such as watches, cell phones and jewelry. Interestingly, those from less affluent backgrounds were more engaged with and focused on the subject matter of the conversation.  In other words, they were more polite and active listeners. Those from affluent background, on average, behaved in inattentive and impolite ways.

Have a wonderful Tuesday!
John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Positive Psychology Coach

Guide To Self, Inc.

913 San Ramon Valley Blvd. #280

Danville, CA 94526

Posted in Assertiveness, Mindfulness, Resiliency, Awareness, National speakers, Emotion & productivity, Danville CA, Relationships, The human brain, Dr. John Schinnerer, Business & psych, Staying calm, Emotional management, Men's emotions, Anger Management, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Is Music a Window Into the Soul of Autistic Children? What Powers Does Music Possess?

24. September 2009 by John Schinnerer.

A reader turned me onto a blog by J. Henrique Alves in Perth. I found some fantastic writings on Henrique’s experiences with music sparking a connection with his autistic son. It is as I’ve said in the past, there is something quite powerful inherent in music. The perfect note, the right tune, the proper tempo have a way of connecting people in a deep and meaningful way, even those of us who typically are unable to connect.

Here is an excerpt:

‘In the last few years, I’ve discovered still another magical side of music, through the relationship with my 8-year old autistic son. While practicing the bass, I could notice how his attention would shift from whatever he would be doing, drawn by my plucking of the strings, and the simultaneous sound this would produce through the speakers of my little practice amplifier. I’d then lay the bass on the bed, so that he could explore the sounds, plucking gently the strings, showing some surprise with the connection between his touching the strings, and a matching sound being produced. Throughout the years, he has consistently shown a higher level of interest in our musical exploration sessions than he would typically demonstrate in other activities.

[snip]

Based on our experience, it was not surprising to find out that results published this year from a recent study conducted by Dr. Ami Klin, of the Yale Child Study Center, have confirmed that the synchronous nature of sound and movement captures consistently the attention of autistic children, more than any other form of interaction with objects or people (such as eye contact, touch, or movement and sounds in isolation). In a recent interview, Klin said:

“I and colleagues looked at a way […] 2-year-olds with autism would look at adult care givers, […] and those children spend less time looking at people’s eyes and more time looking at people’s mouth […] And that was puzzling because the eyes are really the window for the soul, they are the way that we experience people, their emotions and their intentions. And so we are puzzled by the fact that they showed increased attention to the mouth. With […] the new insights, we raised the hypothesis that the reason why they were looking at mouth is because the mouth is the part of the face that contains the greatest audio-visual synchrony, lip movements and speech sounds co-occurring.”

Our experience with music, which is a generalization of this synchronicity between movement and sound, provides, in our minds, a further confirmation of the results published by Dr. Ami Klin and his colleagues at Yale. His new insights provide further, scientific proof, to why music therapy programs, such as the few we have contacted here in Australia to strengthen the basis of our daily interactions with our son, are so successful, providing not eyes, but music as a window to the souls of autistic children. ‘

The full post is here…

http://beachesfromafar.blogspot.com/2009/05/music-is-magic-for-autistic-children.html

Henrique has other tremendous posts as well about music, autism, science and more. Thanks for sharing, Henrique!

All the best,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

Positive Psychology Coach

Posted in Awareness, Hope, Music psychology, Curiosity, Emotion & learning, Science of love, Relationships, The human brain, Positive mood music, Creativity, Parenting, Emotional mind, Consciousness, Emotional management, Dr. John Schinnerer | Print | No Comments »

Two Aims of Life

3. August 2009 by John Schinnerer.

There are 2 things to aim at in life:

first to get what you want;

and after that, to enjoy it.

Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.

Logan Pearsall Smith

Posted in Consciousness, Relationships, Emotion and technology, Nature vs. nurture, Positive mood music, Guide to Self, Emotional IQ, Social phobia, Dr. John Schinnerer | Print | No Comments »

Combination of poverty & emotional distress good predictor of teen pregnancy

29. July 2009 by John Schinnerer.

As I’ve maintained for years, the emotional mind holds a powerful sway over our behaviors.

Check out these recent study  findings

‘

“Psychological distress does not appear to be caused by teen childbearing, nor does it cause teen childbearing, except apparently among girls from poor households,” said Stefanie Mollborn, Ph.D., an assistant professor of sociology at the Institute of Behavioral Science of the University of Colorado at Boulder.

The study, published in the September issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, used data from two large long-term U.S. surveys that followed thousands of teen girls and women. Participants responded to items on symptoms associated with depression, such as how often they found things that did not usually bother them to be bothersome, how easily they could shake off feeling blue or whether they had trouble concentrating. The researchers did not use the term “depression,” which is a clinical diagnosis.

Only the combination of poverty and existing distress was a good predictor of teen pregnancy.’

Read whole article here

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/07/090727204829.htm

When possible, stay happy - it helps!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Posted in Managing Sadness, Anger Management, Relationships, Resiliency, National speakers, Hope, Managing Anxiety, Emotional mind, Guide to Self, Dr. John Schinnerer, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Depression, Managing stress | Print | No Comments »

Writing about how positive event may NOT have happened creates greater increase in mood - Scientific American

14. July 2009 by John Schinnerer.

Fantastic new article in Scientific American by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky

‘New research reveals a better way to boost happiness than counting blessings–imagining that the good things never happened’

‘The researchers show that people prompted to write about how a positive event may not have happened experience a greater uptick in mood than those prompted to describe the positive event.  In their most persuasive study, individuals in committed relationships wrote for 15 to 20 minutes about how they might never have met and connected with their partners. Others wrote instead about the reverse – that is, how they did meet, start dating, and end up with their partners. Several control conditions, which involved writing about one’s typical day or about one’s friendships, were included as well. The biggest increase in satisfaction with the relationship occurred not in the group that pondered the sunny beginnings of their union but in the “mental subtraction” (or “How I might never have met Peter”) group.’http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=what-if-id-never-husband&sc=CAT_MB_20090714

Enjoy!

Dr. John Schinnerer

Posted in Relationships, Gratitude, Curiosity, Science of love, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Dr. John Schinnerer, Emotional IQ, Happiness, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

‘Life Force’ (Extroverted Personality) Linked To Body’s Ability To Withstand Stress

22. June 2009 by John Schinnerer.

ScienceDaily (June 18, 2009) — Our ability to withstand stress-related, inflammatory diseases may be associated, not just with our race and sex, but with our personality as well, according to a study published in the July issue of the journal Brain, Behavior and Immunity. Especially in aging women, low levels of the personality trait extraversion may signal that blood levels of a key inflammatory molecule have crossed over a threshold linked to a doubling of risk of death within five years.

Full article here  http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090617123700.htm

Have a fantastic day!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Posted in Relationships, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Resiliency, Mindfulness, Gratitude, Hope, Assertiveness, Emotional mind, Depression, Anxiety, Emotional IQ, Managing stress, Staying calm, Social anxiety disorder, Happiness, Tips to help anxiety, Social phobia, Realistic optimism | Print | No Comments »

Dwelling on Loving-Kindness Increases Social Connection, Offsets Societal Changes Which Create Growing Distrust - Stanford Study

6. March 2009 by John Schinnerer.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Positive Psychologist, Author, Entrepreneur

A study out of Stanford University reported in the journal Emotion (Vol. 8, No. 5, 2008) that seven minutes of meditation on the Buddhist notion of loving-kindness can increase one’s feelings of interconnectedness.

Roy Baumeister showed that connection with other people, to trust and be trusted, is a fundamental need of human beings (Baumeister and Leary, 1995). The feeling of interconnectedness, that feeling of shared humanity, improves physical, mental and emotional health. It also ups the degree to which we feel empathy for others. It also increases the frequency with which people act in a trusting and compassionate manner. And all of these lend themselves to a positive, socially constructive upward spiral of thought, emotion and action. 

The study, by Hutcherson, Seppala and Gross, found that the simple act of focusing one’s attention for 7 minutes on the feeling of love between oneself and a loved one has some amazing benefits…

It increases feelings of social connection.

It increases one’s frequency and intensity of positive emotions experienced.

It  increased feelings of positivity towards strangers.

And it did so on conscious and unconscious levels of awareness.

Thus, loving-kindness meditation is simple and inexpensive method to increase positive social emotions, such as compassion and thoughtfulness, and reduce alienation.

Take a look at the study at http://www-psych.stanford.edu/~psyphy/pdfs/Hutcherson_08_2.pdf. 

Keep bouncing!

Dr. John Schinnerer 

Guide To Self

Where meaning thrives

Dr. John is currently building a new private practice in Danville, CA. For an appointment, please email John AT GuideToSelf.com.

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping people with anger management, stress management and the latest, scientifically proven ways to deal with destructive negative emotions (anger, fear, sadness, guilt, shame). He also helps people learn ways to create a happy, meaningful life. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  

Posted in The human brain, Subconscious mind, Consciousness, Relationships, Mindfulness, Energy psychology, Awareness, Hope, Anger Management, Emotional management, Life coach, Dr. John Schinnerer, Positive Psychology, Guide to Self, Happiness, Emotional mind, Depression, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

Influences on My Work in Positive Psychology and Reproduceable Happiness

26. February 2009 by John Schinnerer.

Having a strong skeptical personal makeup, I have made a point throughout my career of backing up everything of which I write and speak upon with peer-reviewed scientific studies.  I have sought to put together a comprehensive theory of a happy, thriving and meaningful life. I have worked towards ways to dump out negative, destructive emotions and ways to cultivate positive, constructive emotions.

Many folks ask me for the names of the shoulders of the giants upon whom my work stands. For those individuals, and for others who might be interested, here are a few of the tremendous researchers to whom I am eternally grateful.

Forgiveness based on work of Dr. Fred Luskin, Director of Stanford Forgiveness Project. Dr. Luskin’s work has been successfully applied and researched in corporate, medical, legal and religious settings. He currently serves as a Senior Consultant in Health Promotion at Stanford University.

Positivity and Positive Emotions based on work of Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, Kenan Distinguished Professor. She is the “genius of the positive psychology movement” according to Martin Seligman. She came up with the ‘broaden and build” theory for positive emotions as well as the 3:1 ratio for a flourishing life. Amazing work.

Mindfulness based on work of Jon Kabat-Zinn, Professor of Medicine Emeritus and founding director of the Stress Reduction Clinic and the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School.

Realistic Optimism, Happiness, Disputing Catastrophic Thoughts based on the work of Martin Seligman, founder of the field of positive psychology in 2000, devoted his career since then to furthering the study of positive emotion, positive character traits, and positive institutions. Seligman directs the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania.

Sustainable Happiness based on the work of Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., professor of psychology at U.C. Riverside. She won the 2002 Templeton Positive Psychology Prize and multiyear grant from NIMH. She recently wrote The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want.

Emotional Awareness based on the work of Paul Ekman, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at UCSF. Ekman is a world-renowned expert in emotional research and nonverbal communication. His research has been supported by the National Institute of Mental Health for 46 years.

Emotions Within Relationships based on work of John Gottman,  Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington, where he founded the Family Research Lab. He is well known for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, which involves study of emotions (particularly disgust and contempt) and physiology as well as communication. His break-through research on marriage and parenting has earned him numerous national and international awards, including four NIMH Research Scientist Awards.

Moral Development and Positive Psychology based on the work of Jonathan Haidt, one of the world’s foremost authorities on positive psychology (the scientific study of human flourishing) and moral psychology (the study of why people care so much about right and wrong, and sometimes choose to do wrong). He is an Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia. He is the author of The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding modern truth in ancient wisdom, a widely-acclaimed book about how to construct a life of virtue, happiness, fulfillment and meaning.

Gratitude and Thankfulness based on the work of Robert Emmons, Ph.D. Dr. Emmons is currently a Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Davis. His research focuses on personal goals and purpose, spirituality, the psychology of gratitude and thankfulness, and subjective well-being.  Robert Emmons is the founding editor and editor-in-chief of The Journal of Positive Psychology. Widely regarded as the world’s foremost expert in the study of gratitude, Dr. Emmons was one of the early pioneers in the positive psychology movement.  Dr. Emmons has received research funding from the National Institute of Mental Health and the John M. Templeton Foundation.

Please feel free to take a look at the mountain of papers, books, and talks that these outstanding individuals have done. The world is a better place for them. All the best,
Dr. John L. Schinnerer

Guide To Self, Inc.

Where Meaning Thrives

Posted in Consciousness, Subconscious mind, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Men's emotions, The human brain, Hope, Awareness, Mindfulness, Resiliency, Relationships, Morals and values, Ethics, Realistic optimism, Measuring emotions, Forgiveness, Positive Psychology, Counseling, Dr. John Schinnerer, Creativity, Staying calm, Happiness, Emotional IQ, Guide to Self, Life coach, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

The Will to a Meaningful Life

23. January 2009 by John Schinnerer.

John L. Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Assuming the existence of other levels of reality that are invisible to the human eye, let’s take a look at the playing field, which in this case is the individual – you and me. Human beings are made up of a life force, or spirit. In her book, Positive Energy, Judith Orloff describes Energy Psychiatry as a new specialty which “views our bodies and spirits as manifestations of subtle energies.”  As she points out, many individuals have spent time and money on cognitive therapies in the hopes that contentment may be found along the path of intellect alone.

To some extent this is true – the mind is often the starting line. The rational mind is one of the subtle energies of which we are comprised. Exploration of the rational mind is the typical place to embark upon the inner journey and it frequently leads to deep intellectual and emotional discoveries. The rational mind is an important part of the playing field, but it is not the entire field.

There are at least six types of subtle energies – intellectual, emotional, ethical, spiritual, physical, and relational.  Each of these areas has to be filled, renewed and replenished regularly for you to live out your potential, to live with passion and purpose. It is not sufficient to address one or two or three of these areas and expect any lasting positive change. All six areas must be taken together, worked on together, to effect a lasting, meaningful change.

In The Power of Full Engagement, Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz do an excellent job of pointing out some of the fundamental rules of the game of life:

“Managing energy, not time, is the fundamental currency of high performance. Performance is grounded in the skillful management of energy.”

“Because energy diminishes both with overuse and with underuse, we must balance energy expenditures with intermittent energy renewal. To build capacity, we must push beyond our normal limits, training in the same systematic way that elite athletes do. Positive energy rituals – highly specific routines for managing energy – are the key to full engagement and to sustained high performance.”

It is the successful management of these subtle energies that enable you to perform at your best, with passion and purpose, in the game of life. In general, these subtle energies are defined as follows:

Intellectual energy – Intellectual energy is your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes. It is the self-talk that runs through your head when you converse with yourself silently. We typically combine intellectual and emotional energy into one area as several sources have shown that thought and emotion are frequently intertwined. There is no clear evidence at this time that one precedes the other. The goal, however, is to separate your thoughts from your emotions so that you can perceive what is “out there” with greater clarity.

Emotional energy – Emotional energy is your mood and your affect and your ability to be aware of and control them. Your mood is the underlying feeling, or what you really feel at any given moment. Your affect is the emotional mask that you show to the outside world. Emotions frequently cloud our interpretation of that which is going on around us. One of the purposes of this blog is to help you slow down the emotional hijacking process, recognize that you are becoming emotional, breathe, and release the emotion. This enables you to perceive things more clearly without emotion fogging the lens.

Spiritual energy – Spiritual energy is the degree to which you believe in a higher power. It is that subtle energy which gives you Meaning in life. Spiritual energy increases in direct proportion to one’s awareness of the interconnectedness of all things. In my opinion, without this awareness and a faith in a higher power, there is no Meaning nor happiness. I’m sure some will argue this point. However, my experience has shown me that this is a necessary component of Meaning.

Ethical energy – Ethical energy is the extent to which you behave in accordance with your values. Of course, to be able to do this, you have to be aware of your values. Values are those principles which you would be willing to die for, or better yet, to live for. Acting in accordance with your values and ethics increases the degree to which you are engaged in your life. The greater your degree of engagement, the greater is your happiness and satisfaction.

Physical energy – Physical energy is your physical health, stamina, endurance, blood pressure, pulse, and so on. This includes all the measures of the physical health of your body.

Relational energy – Relational energy is the energy gained or lost through interacting with other people. Energy vampires can drain it from you. Loved ones can restore it through compassion, listening and love.

These areas support and replenish a central reservoir of energy like a spider web. The reservoir of energy is dependent upon your ability to renew yourself in each of these six areas. To the extent that you are depleted in any one of the six areas, the storage capacity of your reservoir is reduced. Thus, if you are in poor physical health and always exhausted, your reservoir, or gas tank, is reduced in size. The smaller your reservoir, the less likely you are to perform at your peak in the other five areas. The goal is to maintain your awareness and to renew your energy in each of these areas in order to maximize your productivity, potential and happiness.

Posted in The human brain, Consciousness, Relationships, Awareness, Energy psychology, Anger Management, Emotional management, Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide to Self, Emotional IQ, Happiness, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Is Swearing Necessary for Health and Happiness? Hell, yes!

30. December 2008 by John Schinnerer.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

My wife and I have an ongoing debate over the necessity of using swear words to express emotions. The stakes are raised by virtue of the fact that we have four children ranging in age from 3 to 14 years old. My children are very interested in the outcome of this debate.

My wife is of the opinion that swearing is low-brow, rude and unacceptable in any and all situations.

I believe that minor swear words are allowable in highly emotionally charged situations. I side with Mark Twain who said ‘When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.’ The use of  minor swear words helps to express and discharge destructive emotions in a manner that is more appropriate than some other ways (e.g., throwing plates, physical violence, or passive-aggressive behaviors).

According to David Spiegel, M.D. of the Stanford University School of Medicine, holding in destructive emotions can prevent happiness as well as harm our physical health.

In his talk at the Happiness and Its Causes Conference in San Francisco (November 2008), Dr. Spiegel said those trying to contain sadness are the most likely to be depressed. Those individuals who are trying the hardest to suppress fear and anxiety are the most anxious.

We now know that happiness is not the opposite of sadness.

In truth, human beings have the ability to feel more than one emotion simultaneously.

As a simple example, think of one of your favorite songs. You may feel uplifted by the lyrics, relaxed by the tempo, and melancholy due to the melody of the song. You may also have additional (constructive or destructive) feelings when you recall the first time (or most recent time) you heard the song.  So here is an example where you can feel at least three emotions simultaneously about one song. Imagine how many emotions you experience when you think about or interact with your significant other!

Dr. Spiegel has found that feeling leads to healing; that stress declines and health improves when we have

1.      Outlets for frustration

2.      A sense of predictability and control

3.      A perception that life is improving and

4.      Social supports.

Research has shown that depression predicts mortality. Studies show that anxiety and fear can get stuck in the ‘ON’ position, elevating cortisol levels on an ongoing basis. Research has shown that chronic anger releases chemicals into the blood stream which eat away at the inside of the arteries, increasing risk of stroke and heart disease.

The ability to manage stress and manage emotions improves mortality rates. In other words, stress management and emotional management skills enable you to live a longer, more fulfilling life.

In his 30 years of research on the effect of support groups for women with breast cancer, Dr. Spiegel has found that certain themes help to manage stress and destructive emotions. These themes include…

1.      Building bonds with family, friends and coworkers

2.      Expression of emotions (because ‘feeling leads to healing’)

3.      Reordering life priorities (to account for what is truly important to you)

4.      Fortifying families (social isolation doubles your mortality risk)

In the spirit of expression of emotions, and in keeping with Mark Twain’s view, I believe that minor swearing is allowable and should be encouraged to help our emotionally repressed society share feelings.

Minor swearing includes words such as ‘crap,’ ‘damn,’ ‘hell,’ and so on. It does not include major swear words such as the F-word and others. Feel free to draw your own line in the gray area between minor and major swear words.

Minor swearing needs to be restricted to reactions or outbursts resulting from pain, shock, fear, or destructive emotions.  For instance, cutting your finger with a knife and muttering “Damn, that hurt!” is acceptable in my book.

On the other hand, swearing may never be used towards another person as an insult or verbal abuse. So telling someone “You are a  piece of s___!” is unacceptable.

Of course, all swearing is unacceptable to my wife.

You decide what works best for you and your family!

About the Author
Dr. John Schinnerer

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping clients learn anger management, stress management and the latest ways to deal with destructive negative emotions. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to ethical and moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  

Posted in Managing Sadness, Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Men's emotions, The human brain, Assertiveness, Physicians health, Resiliency, Relationships, Emotional mind, Parenting, Life coach, Dr. John Schinnerer, Measuring emotions, Managing stress, Guide to Self, Emotional IQ, Depression, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Happiness, Staying calm, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

The Key to Surviving the Holidays – Self-Compassion

12. December 2008 by John Schinnerer.

The Key to Surviving the Holidays – Self-Compassion

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

As we enter the holiday season, it makes good sense to talk about survival tools. How do we survive the coming onslaught of family and friends and the accompanying mistakes, failings, and misunderstandings that will inevitably follow in the next three weeks?

Self-Esteem Isn’t the Answer

Ten years ago, the answer might have been to boost everyone’s self-esteem before they come together. For decades, we have been obsessed with self-esteem.  For so long, we thought if we could just make people feel good about themselves, it would solve family problems, societal problems and psychological problems.  We’ve created programs to instill high self-esteem in our children, our students and our families.

Self-Esteem Alone Can Be Dangerous

Self-esteem involves how one feels about him- or herself. There are two types of self-esteem – state and trait. State self-esteem is how positively one evaluates himself in the moment. Trait self-esteem has to do with how positively one sees himself overall. Recent research has shown that increasing self-esteem is not as effective as once thought. Many people with high self-esteem feel so good about themselves that they feel comfortable abusing and taking advantage of other people (e.g., higher degrees of narcissism). At some point, individuals with high self-esteem seem to be able to rationalize destructive behaviors towards others using the idea that they are superior.

Obviously, this was not an intended outcome of self-esteem programs. So how do we get people to feel good about themselves without adding to their sense of superiority?

Self-Compassion – An Inner Critic with LovingKindness

While self-esteem had to do with how one feels about himself, self-compassion involves how one treats himself when things go badly. The goal is to treat oneself with the same type of kindness and compassion that most people extend to loved ones when they fail. When other people fall short of a goal or err, most people will react with kindness and compassion. On the other hand, studies show that most people are harsh with themselves when they screw up. Most people are self-punitive, disparaging and hypercritical of their own shortcomings and mistakes. Unfortunately, this degrades the quality of our emotional lives. It upsets the emotional apple cart, as it were. Even people with high self-esteem are prone to this sort of self-punishing internal beat down. We are truly our own worst critics.

Self-Compassion Leads to Greater Resiliency

People with self-compassion are more resilient. They roll with the punches. Self-compassionate people bounce back more quickly from setbacks because they treat themselves more kindly when they fail or make a mistake.

Can We Have Too Much Self-Compassion?

This all sounds good so far. What’s the catch? Is it possible to be overly self-compassionate to the point where one is self-indulgent? Is it possible, or even probable, that a compassionate person might take no responsibility for their mistakes?

Research at Duke University suggests that is not the case. Self-compassionate people take responsibility for failures and own up to mistakes. They do feel badly when things go awry. According to Mark Leary at Duke, self-compassionate people simply lack that extra layer of self-flagellation and internal criticism. In other words, their internal critic has learned to speak less often and more kindly.   

How To Build More Self-Compassion

Kristin Neff, a researcher at University of Texas (and fellow Berkeley grad), has the following suggestions for ways to foster more self-compassion…

“Self-Kindness – ‘What would a caring friend say to you in this situation?’  ‘What is a kind and constructive way to think about how I can rectify this mistake or do better next time?’  Try putting your hand over your heart or gently stroking your arm when feeling a lot of pain as a gesture of kindness and compassion.

Self-judgment – ‘Who ever said human beings are supposed to be perfect?’  ‘Would a caring mother say this to her child if she wanted the child to grow and develop?’  ‘How will I learn if it’s not okay to make mistakes?’

Common Humanity - Think about all the other people who have made similar mistakes, gone through similar situations, and so on.  ‘This is the human condition - all humans are vulnerable, flawed, make mistakes, have things happen that are difficult and painful’  ‘How does this situation give me more insight into and compassion for the human experience?’

Isolation – ‘I am not the only one going through such difficult times, all people experience things like this at some point in their lives.’  ‘Although I take full responsibilities for my mistakes and failings, I also recognize and understand that my actions and behaviors are connected to other people’s actions and behaviors - nothing happens in a vacuum.’

Mindfulness - Take several deep slow breaths and try to be with your pain exactly as it is. Let yourself feel the pain without suppressing, resisting, or avoiding it.  Take a moment to stop and say to yourself, this is really hard right now.  Let yourself be moved and touched by your own pain.  Try to see the situation clearly with calm, clarity and a balanced perspective.  ‘I fully accept this moment and these emotions as they are.’”

So as you enter the holidays and family tensions rise, remember to be more self-compassionate. If you make a mistake, fall short of a goal, or fail to act a certain way, respond with loving kindness towards yourself, just as you would to a small child. You’ll be glad you did.

About the Author

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping individuals learn happiness by mitigating destructive emotions and fostering constructive emotions. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer is President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  

You can follow Dr. John Schinnerer on Twitter at http://twitter.com/johnschin.

Posted in Managing Sadness, Alexithymia, Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Emotional mind, Emotional management, Men's emotions, The human brain, Mindfulness, Assertiveness, Altruism, Resiliency, Relationships, Parenting, Depression, Life coach, Guide to Self, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Forgiveness, Realistic optimism, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Happiness, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Tips to help anxiety, Nervousness, Staying calm, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

An uplifting talk by Benjamin Zander on Leadership, Music, Engagement and Shining Eyes

11. December 2008 by John Schinnerer.

Check out this performance by Benjamin Zander at TED. Short, simple, and a powerful take home message.

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/benjamin_zander_on_music_and_passion.html

All the best,
John Schinnerer

Guide To Self, Inc.

Posted in Emotional management, Emotional mind, Men's emotions, Relationships, Mindfulness, Parenting, Positive mood music, Dr. John Schinnerer, Life coach, Guide to Self, Happiness, Business & psych | Print | No Comments »

Harvard Study Shows Happiness is Transmittable As In A Wireless Network

6. December 2008 by John Schinnerer.

Happiness is catching. Happiness spreads through friends, spouses, siblings and neighbors. There is a ripple effect whereby happiness extends widely through social networks, even between people who may not know one another. One’s happiness depends on the degree of happiness of those surrounding her.

A study performed at Harvard University, by Nicholas Christakis, is the first of its kind to demonstrate the existence of clusters of happy and sad individuals. Happiness depends upon the happiness of those around them. What’s more, individuals who surround themselves with happy people are more likely to be happy in the future. One’s future happiness can actually be predicted by the number of happy people surrounding them and the degree to which the social network as a whole experiences constructive emotions, such as happiness.  These findings come from an analysis of the Framingham Heart Study social network, a longitudinal study that has followed nearly 5,000 people for over 20 years.

Study findings suggest that happiness results from the spread of happiness throughout social networks and not merely from individuals choosing to surround themselves with like-minded individuals. For example, if your next door neighbor becomes happier due to a job promotion, your likelihood of becoming happier increases by 34%. And this happiness effect can linger for up to one year.

This relationship between individual’s happiness holds true for the first three degrees of separation. For example, when John becomes happier, it buoys the happiness of John’s friends as well as the friends of John’s friends. So there is a ripple effect of happiness within social circles where happiness is contagious and spreads similar to the waves of a wireless network. And we are consciously aware of little, if any, of it.

In the past five to ten years, more and more studies have looked at happiness and what determines it (e.g., genetics, money, elections, marital status and emotional management). However, no study has looked at human happiness as it relates to the happiness of others. While the study is the first of its kind and needs to be replicated to ensure the accuracy of these findings, the findings are remarkable and exhilarating.

Emotional contagion, the process by which one person picks up the feelings of another, has been scientifically documented since 1994. Emotions may be ‘caught’ from others for a length of time ranging from seconds to weeks.  This is particularly true of destructive emotions - anger, fear and sadness. In fact, the hard part is not ‘catching’ the emotions but in protecting oneself from them, keeping them at bay. Until this study, emotional contagion had not been documented for any of the positive, constructive emotions such as joy, contentment, peacefulness or happiness.  

The difficulty is that most people primarily feel destructive emotions. Most people experience more destructive emotions than constructive emotions.  

On the other hand, roughly 10% of adults in the United States feel three times as much positive emotion as negative. This 3:1 ratio is the measuring stick for a thriving happy life as set by Barbara Fredrickson at UNC Chapel Hill. It appears that this top 10% is raising the level of happiness of many others. Imagine if it were possible to raise this thriving, happy portion of the population to 15% or 20%.

Assuming the percentage of the populace experiencing happiness could be improved, here are just a few of the possible societal benefits:

·        The economy would improve (e.g., higher ratios of positive, open-ended inquiries are present in executive teams in highly successful firms)

·        Creativity would increase (e.g., happiness is linked to greater innovation)

·        Productivity would soar (e.g., a happy employee is a productive employee; optimistic salespeople outsell pessimistic ones by approximately 38%)

·        The burden on the health care system would be eased (e.g., happiness improves immune system functioning).

·        People would live longer (e.g., happy, optimistic people live 7 – 10 years longer than those who are pessimistic and unhappy)

·        The educational system would show significant academic gains (e.g., students taught to be more happy and optimistic showed significant gains on achievement testing and received better grades)

The exciting part is that happiness can be taught. It can be learned. People can learn to feel positive emotions more frequently and more intensely. Emotional management is a learnable skill. Just as one practices a sport and improves over time so it is with emotions.   As individuals learn to string together more and more happy moments, the ripple effect spills over and one person’s happiness positively influences others.  It even influences the happiness of other people they don’t know.

The goal is emotional management. The goal is happiness. The goal is to learn to mitigate destructive emotions and encourage positive emotions. Happiness is social phenomena. The more individuals experience positive emotions, the more society as a whole is happier, healthier, and more productive and that is no small feat.

About the Author

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping individuals learn happiness by mitigating destructive emotions and fostering constructive emotions. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer is President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  

Posted in Subconscious mind, Alexithymia, Consciousness, Managing Sadness, Managing Anxiety, Anger Management, Men's emotions, The human brain, Mindfulness, Assertiveness, Altruism, Resiliency, Relationships, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Dr. John Schinnerer, Life coach, Realistic optimism, Positive Psychology, Counseling, Guide to Self, Emotional IQ, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Depression, Happiness, Anxiety, Organizational change initiatives, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Dr. John Schinnerer opening private practice in Danville CA on 11-15-08.

30. October 2008 by John Schinnerer.

 

Latest News:

Dr. Schinnerer is proud to announce he is opening a private practice to coach men in the latest ways to manage their anger, fear and sadness. The practice opens November 15th, 2008 at the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center on 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., Suite 280, in Danville CA 94526. For appointments, please call (925) 575-0258.

Posted in Parenting, Emotional mind, Emotional management, Depression, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Ethics, Morals and values, Managing Anxiety, Anger Management, Relationships, Resiliency, The human brain, Men's emotions, Managing Sadness, Alexithymia, Happiness, Tips to help anxiety, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Realistic optimism, Business & psych, Positive Psychology, Forgiveness, Life coach, Guide to Self, Nervousness, Social phobia, Social anxiety disorder, Staying calm, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Counseling | Print | No Comments »