How to Transform Your Outlook from Pessimistic to Realistically Optimistic - Positive Psychology

12. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

I received an email today from a highly qualified individual who works with adolescents. She asked how I changed my own temperament from pessimistic to optimistic.

 

Here is her email…

 

Hi John - Hope I am not a nuisance. I would like to follow up to the email I sent last night with some thoughts I had overnight. Since you don’t know me at all(!) and you may be uncomfortable responding, I thought I would share just to let you know I do have some credentials for doing what I do - I have a Masters in Counseling/Sport Psych, certifications in hypnotherapy/neuro-linguistic psych/life coach, and a Gallup University Strengths Performance certification. I have been a NCAA Tennis coach as well. I’ve been working with young adults and professionals on tour for fifteen years.

 

More importantly - I am wondering how you transformed your outlook from black to white…I read that it was a conscious decision, attitude is a choice, however many individuals (mainly kids) are not strong enough to do this movement from bleak to bright (of course so they say… however are very resilient so the corollary should apply! may be excuse too as it takes hard work). What did you do daily to see and feel the glass half full?

 

Thanks for your attention and consideration of responding. Think positive as you never know when something like this could lead to a speaking engagement across country!

 

Best

 

Jeanne

 

And here is my response…

 

Dear Jeanne:

 

No nuisance at all. A pleasure.

 

The primary ways that I have altered my own temperament overlaps with the exercises that I share with others …Forgiveness a la Fred Luskin, Gratitude a la Robert Emmons, Mindfulness a la Jon Kabat-Zinn, Curiosity a la Todd Kashdan, Resiliency via Bonnie Bernard at WestEd, self-compassion via Duke University,  identifying strengths, values, purpose and meaning (Chris Peterson, Martin Seligman, William Damon), and then a large amount of time spent on awareness of and tools to manage emotions – both mitigating ‘negative’ emotions and fostering ‘positive’ emotions. The biggest help, I believe, came from the notion of radical acceptance of emotions and thoughts that comes with the practice of mindfulness.

 

This combined approach has been immensely helpful to numerous clients, in particular adolescent males.  Most of the men I see come in with complaints of depression, anger, irritability, anxiety and/or lack of purpose. I’m continually amazed at the results that clients achieve after learning and applying these tools. 

 

To keep younger folks engaged in the process, I often insert rewarding breaks such as short clips of stand up comics (laughter open us up to new learning), BMX trick riding videos (facilitates awe), and so on. I also reveal a lot of my past to clients to a) normalize their current situation and b) make the dynamic more of a two-way relationship. I believe it is difficult and unnatural to ask an adolescent male to come into an office and spill their stories to a stranger.  To improve upon the traditional therapeutic model, I often tell young men that they don’t even need to speak in the first session if they so choose. The simple act of giving them the choice and the power over how much to divulge and how quickly empowers them and makes them feel comfortable.  And we know that  roughly ½ of positive emotions have a prerequisite of feeling safe and comfortable before one has a chance of experiencing them.

 

I think Positive Psychology is necessary but insufficient to get many to a happier, more meaningful place in the sense that negative emotions are ‘stronger’ than positive ones. So the best bang for the buck in terms of increasing life satisfaction comes from teaching others to turn down the volume on the major negative emotions (anger, fear, sadness). This idea was well laid out in a recent paper by Todd Kashdan.

 

However, it’s also useful and necessary to teach people to identify and foster positive emotions as we are oftentimes unaware of many of them and they pass us by quickly. We know the positive emotions are fragile and fleeting so we need to train ourselves to be mindful of opportunities for the cultivation of positive emotions.

 

And of course, there are the more common sense interventions as well – proper diet, adequate exercise, hanging out with supportive, nonjudgmental people and appropriate assertiveness (to nip festering irritation before it escalates to anger or rage).

 

I hope that is helpful.

 

Feel free to email back!

 

All the best,

 

John

 

 

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Positive Psychology Coach

Author of the award-winning book Guide To Self:

The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion & Thought

Guide To Self, Inc.

913 San Ramon Valley Blvd. #280

Danville CA 94526

(925) 575-0258

GuideToSelf.com - Web site

DrJohnBlog.GuideToSelf.com - Award-winning Blog

@johnschin - Twitter

 

 

 

Posted in Emotion & learning, Danville CA, Emotion & productivity, International Wellbeing Study, National speakers, Raising optimistic children, Hope, Gratitude, Curiosity, Science of love, San Ramon CA, Executive coach, Alamo CA, Awe & Elevation, San Francisco Bay Area, Well-being, Self-compassion, Emotion & Athletics, Meaning-making, Therapist, Optimal Human Functioning, Mindfulness, Resiliency, Guide to Self, Staying calm, Social anxiety disorder, Tips to help anxiety, Life coach, Dr. John Schinnerer, Positive Psychology, Forgiveness, Realistic optimism, Managing stress, Morals and values, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Anger Management, Managing Sadness, Men's emotions, The human brain, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Depression, Parenting, Emotional mind, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Teen Stress Connected To Depression And Obesity Recent Penn State Study

4. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

This past weekend, I presented at a Parenting Conference on Strengths-Based Approaches to parenting. At the conference, a new film, The Race to Nowhere, was screened.The movie brought up a number of pertinent issues regarding the educational system in the United States…

 

 

The creation of high degrees of chronic stress in all ages of students (but not all students) due to excessive homework demands.

 

The excessive homework load seems to be largely due to curriculum which has been pushed down to lower and lower grade, often to the point where the academic requirements are mismatched with the developmental stage of the student.

 

The well being and happiness of students are not considered relevant in the current educational system.

 

The current system puts students into a constant forward-looking race to get to the next stage of education. For instance, sixth graders are looking at which foreign language classes to take to get into college; 7th & 8th graders are focused on what to do now to get into the advanced track classes in high school; many high school students are continually focused on what they can do in terms of extracurriculars and AP grades to get into the ‘right’ colleges.

 

Once in college, students are finding they never learned how to think critically on their own. Rather they were taught to regurgitate facts to do well on standardized tests which assess only a fraction of the whole child’s abilities and skills. 

 

At some point, many of these students are running headlong into a period of purposelessness and some are even dropping out of college due to depression, anxiety and hopelessness. If you are interested in finding out more about the movie, check out their site at RaceToNowhere.com.

 

 

Today, I came across a new study out of Penn State which shows a link between adolescent stress, depression and obesity. Below is a review on the study borrowed from a fantastic psychology site PsychCentral.com.

 

By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on February 25, 2010

 

Obesity is a disturbing worldwide trend. In fact, researchers say the effects are so pervasive that unless the issue is controlled, children born today will not live longer than their parents.

A new research finding provides insight on how a mental health issue may trigger obesity among adolescents. In the study, researchers discovered depression raises stress hormone levels in adolescent boys and girls. And, among girls, the stress hormones may lead to obesity.

Accordingly, early treatment of depression could help reduce stress and control obesity.

[snip]

Cortisol, a hormone, regulates various metabolic functions in the body and is released as a reaction to stress. Researchers have long known that depression and cortisol are related to obesity, but they had not figured out the exact biological mechanism.

Although it is not clear why high cortisol reactions translate into obesity only for girls, scientists believe it may be due to physiological and behavioral differences (in girls, estrogen release and stress eating) in the way the two genders cope with anxiety.

“The implications are to start treating depression early because we know that depression, cortisol and obesity are related in adults,” said Susman.

If depression were to be treated earlier, she noted, it could help reduce the level of cortisol, and thereby help reduce obesity.

“We know stress is a critical factor in many mental and physical health problems,” said Susman.

“We are putting together the biology of stress, emotions and a clinical disorder to better understand a major public health problem.”

Susman and her colleagues Lorah D. Dorn, professor of pediatrics, Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, and Samantha Dockray, postdoctoral fellow, University College London, used a child behavior checklist to assess 111 boys and girls ages 8 to 13 for symptoms of depression.

Next they measured the children’s obesity and the level of cortisol in their saliva before and after various stress tests.

[snip]

Statistical analyses of the data suggest that depression is associated with spikes in cortisol levels for boys and girls after the stress tests, but higher cortisol reactions to stress are associated with obesity only in girls. The team reported its findings in a recent issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health.

“In these children, it was mainly the peak in cortisol that was related to obesity,” Susman explained. “It was how they reacted to an immediate stress.”

Source: Penn State University

For full article, click here.

Have a wonderful and stress-free week!

All the best,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Positive Psychology Coach

Author of the award-winning book Guide To Self:

The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion & Thought Guide To Self, Inc.

913 San Ramon Valley Blvd. #280

Danville CA 94526

(925) 575-0258

GuideToSelf.com - Web site

DrJohnBlog.GuideToSelf.com - Award-winning Blog

@johnschin - Twitter

 

Posted in Raising optimistic children, National speakers, Emotion & learning, Awareness, Resiliency, Managing Sadness, Alexithymia, Men's emotions, Danville CA, San Ramon CA, Parenting workshop, San Francisco Bay Area, Parenting adolescents, Alamo CA, Emotion & Athletics, Brain plasticity, Optimal Human Functioning, Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Nervousness, Guide to Self, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Measuring emotions, Social phobia, School psychology, Depression, Parenting, Emotional mind, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Morals and values, School age bullies, Happiness, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

Parenting Adolescent Boys w/ John Schinnerer Ph.D. Book club on ‘The Purpose of Boys’ by Mike Gurian

23. February 2010 by John Schinnerer.

 

“The Purpose of Boys”

Join us for the first

 

SRVHS Book Club Discussion Group

 

with San Ramon Valley High School dad

Dr. John Schinnerer

 

March 3^rd, 10^th, 17^th, and 24^th

 

SRVHS Career Center

 

7 - 8:30PM

Free of charge

 

Ever wonder why boys are more adventurous, more physical, more rambunctious? Why are they more aggressive? And how do they come to understand and express strong character and values?

 

Michael Gurian, author of “The Purpose of Boys,” presents an easy-to-read but compelling examination of how our boys are “hard-wired”—the unique brain chemistry and hormones of boys, along with their inherent developmental and learning differences, that impact how they behave, learn, and formulate their character and sense of purpose.

 

“Boys” provides parents and other adults who interact with boys a comprehensive look at how our young men develop their identity, their sense of meaning and purpose in our culture and world. Gurian provides practical suggestions that will benefit parents and adults that interact with boys of all ages.

 

What if you only have girls?  What if you don’t have any children?  Parents and adults are encouraged to read “Boys” and join in discussing this revealing look at boys because they will become the men who shape our lives, country, and world tomorrow.  The book looks specifically at boys, but addresses how they are “opposite” in the ways in which girls experience and develop, so you can pick up tips on girls too!  In addition, boys and young men are classmates and friends, neighbors, employees at local businesses and, hold on—boyfriends to our young ladies!!

 

The book beings with early childhood development of boys, so Book Club discussions, while focusing more on “tween” and teen boys, will provide insights on younger boys, so parents and adults of all ages are encouraged to join the conversations!!

 

Questions?

Contact Robin Kelley, kelleyview@msn.com or Alyson Colton, alyson@coltonfamily4.0rg

“Boys” is available on line and through our local booksellers. The SRVHS Parent Resource Library has a small number of copies for checkout.< -->

Posted in Therapist, San Ramon CA, Danville CA, Emotion & learning, Optimal Human Functioning, Emotion & Athletics, Parenting adolescents, SRVHS, Parenting workshop, Alamo CA, National speakers, Raising optimistic children, Happiness, School age bullies, Guide to Self, Dr. John Schinnerer, Parenting, Emotional mind, Hope, Men's emotions, Anger Management, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Parenthood is a Pathway to Wisdom

27. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

It is the difficulties in life that cultivate wisdom.

You cannot be wise without adversity.

And parenting, by its very nature, is filled with adversity. 

 

John Schinnerer

Posted in San Ramon CA, Optimal Human Functioning, Self-compassion, Parenting workshop, National speakers, Raising optimistic children, Dr. John Schinnerer, Parenting, Men's emotions, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Free Parenting Workshop 1/29/10 Friday at 1 pm at Rancho Romero School in Alamo CA

26. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

The Best Things We Do As Parents: A Strengths-Based Approach to Skillful Parenting

 

Rancho Romero Elementary School - PTA Parent Workshop

 

Facilitated by Kristin Bodiford, John Schinnerer, Ph.D., Sara Truebridge, Ed.D.

 

Friday, January, 29, 2010 from 1:00-2:30 p.m.

 

To help us plan for the workshop, please email info@familiesthrive.org to RSVP

 

In this workshop we will explore how to parent from a powerful place of responsibility. Responsibility for ourselves, our actions, and their impact on our family.

 

We will discover what works in our parenting. We will then envision how to build upon these qualities to support more skillful parenting, more of the time.

 

Together we will discuss how we can build upon our strengths to:

 

build upon our inner resources,

increase connection with our children,

bring more joy and inspiration into our parenting,

improve our effectiveness, and

parent from a place of confidence and wisdom

Posted in Danville CA, National speakers, Raising optimistic children, San Ramon CA, Optimal Human Functioning, Parenting workshop, Alamo CA, Hope, Mindfulness, Staying calm, Emotional IQ, Happiness, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Resiliency, Parenting, Dr. John Schinnerer | Print | No Comments »

A Great Quote on Self-Compassion

26. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

‘I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.’

– Theodore Isaac Rubin

By way of  my old friend Dino Giolitti. Thanks, Dino!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Posted in Men's emotions, Resiliency, Optimal Human Functioning, Self-compassion, Emotional mind, Parenting, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide to Self, Forgiveness | Print | No Comments »

Positive Psychology – The Science of Optimal Human Functioning with Dr. John Schinnerer - One hour teleclass 12/8/09

9. December 2009 by John Schinnerer.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Partial script for 1-hour teleclass on 12/8/09

Welcome to what I hope will be a wonderful talk on positive psychology. I will be your host tonight. My name is John Schinnerer. I hold a Ph.D. in educational psychology from U.C. Berkeley. In 2007, I wrote a positive psychology book called ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion & Thought’ which was awarded Best Self-Help Book of the year. In 2006, I hosted a daily primetime radio show here in the SF Bay Area. Currently, I do keynote speaking, teach and see private clients.  I also collaborate with the University of New Zealand on the International Wellbeing Study which you can participate in at www.wellbeingstudy.com. 

Just a bit of housekeeping…If you have questions during the talk, please email me at john@guidetoself.com and I will do my best at the end to answer them. Your end of the phone has been muted as there are over 500 people on this call.

     I like to start off my talks with a joke to put you in a positive frame of mind. So here it goes…

A psychologist is holding a group therapy session in which there are four young mothers, each of whom has a small child with her. The psychologist gazes at the four women and blurts out “You’re all obsessed. And your obsessions show up in the names of your kids.”

He points to the first mother and calmly states “You are obsessed with spending money & shopping…you named your daughter Penny.”

The shrink points to the second mother and dryly adds “And you are stuck on the issue of eating. You went so far as to name your daughter Candy!”

As the remaining two mothers shift uncomfortably in their seats, the psychologist continues, pointing to the 3^rd mother, “While you have a drinking problem which shows itself in your daughter’s name – Brandy.”

     ……

At that point, the fourth mother, who can’t contain herself any longer, stands up, grabs her son by the hand and says …

“Come on Dick, we’re getting out of here!”

 

     I told this joke on the radio to thousands of listeners and got a landslide of positive feedback ….initially. One lady, who was driving when she heard it, said she had to pull over to the side of the freeway because she was laughing so hard. However, the show was rerun and then we started to get a few complaints. So the station owner called me in to tell me we couldn’t run the show anymore. I asked why not. He said because the joke was dirty. I knowingly asked what was dirty about it. He said it was the reference to sex. I told him that there was no mention in the joke as to whether or not the sex was taking place in a marriage. You see, the dirtiness of this joke is truly in the mind of the listener. If one assumes the sex is taking place within a marriage, there really is nothing dirty about the joke (unless you think sex in general is aversive).  The reason I tell this story is to point out that there are many different way of seeing the world, different ways of viewing the actions of others and even various ways of relating to your own mind, your thoughts, and your feelings.  And I’ll discuss a few of these points today.

Now that you are prepped to learn something new, let’s talk about positive psychology because it holds great promise. Just to be clear, positive psych is not a self-help movement. It is not as simple as positive thinking. It has no relation to books such as The Secret. It is not a passing trend.

Positive psychology is the scientific study of optimal functioning, the applied approach to human flourishing. The lessons of positive psychology are beneficial for everyone – teenagers, executives, managers and the elderly. Even the Army is currently training thousands of sergeants in positive psychology to boost the resiliency of troops and to decrease the possibility of post-traumatic stress disorder. While our Army troops have always been physically fit, we are now seeing a momentous shift in thinking which will enable them to become psychologically fit as well.

So this class and positive psychology in general definitely has something to offer you and it is as valuable in your personal life as in your professional life. At the heart of positive psychology are a number of research based findings into how and when people function at their very best.

Most of us spend a great deal of our time worrying over what might go wrong, or beating ourselves up over what we think did go wrong, or feeling disappointed over the inherent unfairness of life. Recent research shows that we are hard-wired to pay closer attention to this that go wrong than things that go right. And from an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense. Being overly vigilant for threats and problems helped keep us alive from predators back when sabre-toothed tigers roamed the earth.

However, this hard wiring focused on the negative does not serve us well in modern day life.  Events such as childrens’ skinned knees, missed deadlines, speaking in public or bumper-to-bumper traffic may feel frustrating, scary or stressful but they are not matters of life and death.

So take a quick moment to ask yourself,

‘How much is my focus on what might go wrong helping me?’

‘How much are my negative emotions, such as fear and anger, assisting me in reaching my goals?’

To these questions, positive psychology provides a somewhat unusual answer:

spend more time focusing on what is going right with your life,

focus more on what may go well in the future,

and see how much that approach helps you reach your goals.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not suggesting that you only have a positive perspective. I am not suggesting that you be foolishly optimistic. There is a great deal of merit to accurately foreseeing and planning for potential problems. It’s a matter of balance. How much of your mental time is spent focusing on problems as compared to looking at the positives. Positive psychology has found that there are tremendous benefits to learning to focus more on what is right with us and what may go well in the future.

One of the basic assumptions of Positive psychology is that all people are ‘Born to be Good’ to quote the title of Dacher Keltner’s book and that we can become better, happier and more productive.  Let me repeat that, we can learn to be happier. Your happiness is not written in stone. You can learn techniques to increase your satisfaction with life.

What makes the crucial difference between positive psychology and traditional self-help books is the mountain of research upon which positive psychology is built. At this point, there are over 50,000 studies having to do with happiness, realistic optimism, human strengths, life satisfaction and more. Empirical researchers across the world are looking for testable theories and explanations supported by hard data. It is, in simplest terms, a powerful movement from faith to facts. So everything I write about, everything about which I speak, is based on scientific studies and replicable data.

The biggest shift towards a positive psychology took place in the late 1990s when Martin Seligman, as president of the American Psychological Association, began asking the question “what is right with people?” For over 100 years, medicine and psychology had both focused on what was wrong with people and how problems could be fixed. Seligman used his influence to create a new branch of science termed positive psychology focusing on what is right with us, how we can lead more thriving, fulfilling, and meaningful lives.

Seligman and Mike Csikszentmihalyi brought together some of the top young researchers in psychology to study topics such as hope, happiness, gratitude, wisdom, creativity and optimal human functioning. From there it spread to include researchers in humanistic psychology, philosophy, executive coaches, sports psychology, developmental psychologists and many more areas. It continues to spread to business, education and counseling.

The best part is that positive psychology works and works well. Positive psychology exercises have been shown in numerous studies to promote strengths, improve optimal functioning, to increase realistic optimism and to increase the frequency of positive emotions.

Some of you may be skeptical. I completely understand this. I was skeptical at first too.  I was brought up to focus on the negative.  Most of us were. And most clients that I see focus first and foremost on problems, such as how to help under-performing workers, or how to shore up the weaknesses of people they manage.

One of the greatest contributions of Positive psychology is the finding that by focusing energy and attention on strengths and by tapping into positive emotions, all of us will enjoy more success than if we focus on weaknesses and problems.

In terms of using positive psychology in the workplace, the Gallup Organization has shown that disengaged workers cost firms billions of dollars per year in accidents, sabotage, turnover costs, lost customers and healthcare. Engaged or happy workers have a higher probability of making more money, innovating, being on time to work, being healthier physically, receive higher ratings from supervisors and customers, and help out coworkers more frequently. Happiness doesn’t just feel good, it is good for the bottom line and good for employees.

To give you an example, last year, I did some consulting with the executive board of a large insurance company. They were having trouble with several vice presidents who were holding grudges over an incident that happened over many years ago. Two of the vice presidents were actively sabotaging one another’s projects resulting in increased costs to the company. As part of my time there, I gave a two hour talk to the executive board on positive psychology, and I specifically focused on what the research has to say about forgiveness  based on research from Stanford University – what it is, what it is NOT, how to do it and why you want to do it. To me, forgiveness is the best single way to wash out all that stale anger you’ve been hiding for years. At the end of my talk, I suggested to the 11 executives that they try forgiving each other for past transgressions. After a long pause, I watched as all of the executives stood up, and began forgiving every other person in the room.  They hugged; they apologized to each other; and they forgave one another. It was powerful. And it changed the way in which they interacted from that day forward. The vice presidents were more supportive of one another, more cooperative, and they stopped their internal sabotage.

 Positive psychology is filtering into education as well. I do a monthly speaking series at a continuation high school where the students are sent if they are behind on credits, if they have behavior problems, emotional difficulties, or are coming out of juvenile hall. So it’s a pretty hard crowd.  One of the more difficult cases was an African-American female student who challenged me during a presentation “You aren’t black. You aren’t female. And you don’t live in a group home. Why should I listen to anything you say?!” It was a valid question. My response? “You’re absolutely right. I’m a totally bald, white, 42 year old man who lives with his wife and four children. And on a physical level you are correct. We share little in common. Here is what I can tell you…that on an emotional level, everything you have ever felt in your life – fear, anger, despair, happiness, pride, love – everything you have felt, I have felt also. So, on an emotional level we are nearly identical. I have been studying emotions for the past 12 years and I’ve found some tools that really work to help manage negative emotions and cultivate more positive emotions. So it’s your choice – you can listen and try some of the tools for yourself, see if they work, or you can ignore me. Either way, it’s up to you.” From that moment on, she was a fan - engaged, interested and willing to learn. She went on to work at a hospital this summer and now is looking at attending community college when she graduates at the end of this school year.

The Power of Positive Emotions

One of the areas I have researched over the past dozen years with great curiosity and passion is emotions. I have found that there is tremendous power in our emotions. Emotions are the social glue that binds our relationships.  The effective use of emotions, or leveraging emotions to your benefit, is what draws people to leaders. Emotional leverage is what separates truly great leaders from average executives. Emotions may initially be a bit frightening. Many people spend a great deal of energy trying to suppress or contain emotion. Yet, emotions have been with the human race for millions of years. Each emotion serves a purpose. Anger, for instance, helps move past obstacles or challenges. It helps us stand up to social injustices. Sadness keeps us close to home after suffering a loss. Fear keeps us safe from perceived danger.

Take a moment to think back to the last time you experienced an intense emotion. It may have been surprise, fear, rage, disappointment, sorrow, joy, awe or pride. It may have been pride due to your child’s outstanding grades, or joy watching your team win a close game, or frustration at yourself for making a mistake at work, or the feeling of contentment while working in your yard. What we’re finding is that emotions transcend our physical bodies. They are contagious. You can catch feelings from others around you. Studies have shown that happiness is contagious just like anger. Emotions are also closely and powerfully linked to what and how you remember the past. Look through an old photo album and you will clearly see the sway emotions have over your memories. What’s more, emotions play a large role in learning, communication, and even in our morality.

So it is critical to understand and learn to leverage emotions. In particular, you must understand the purpose and strength of positive emotions, because you can put them to great use in your daily life. Expertly leveraging emotions will help you be more successful.  As Robert Biswas-Diener puts it, ‘positive emotion is one of the greatest resources you and your clients, colleagues or students are currently overlooking.’

Emotions may be best thought of as a guidance system for your life. When you experience guilt, for example, it’s a sign that your actions are not in keeping with your values. And the unpleasant feeling motivates you to bring your actions back in line with your values. When things are going smoothly, your guidance system lets you know with an all clear signal – positive emotions such as peacefulness or contentment.  Of course, this guidance system is not perfect. We occasionally misinterpret our emotions, and sometimes our emotions are just plain wrong like when we feel highly fearful before speaking in public. However, our emotions give us important and valuable feedback the majority of the time. And there is power in learning how to be aware of emotions, in learning how to correctly read emotions, and greater success lies in the ability to cultivate more positive emotions.

 

 

So what can positive emotions do for you?

One of the biggest breakthroughs for positive psychology comes from Barbara Fredrickson at UNC Chapel Hill who came up with an evolutionary explanation for the existence of positive emotions. Barbara’s hypothesis is that the primary function of positive emotion is to broaden and build.  That is, they broaden our thought processes and they build lasting internal resources. Positive emotions, such as awe, peacefulness and love, allow your mind to blossom, creating more options, more possibilities, in terms of thoughts and actions.  Positive emotions help us be more creative, imaginative, and innovative. If you need to brainstorm for a new marketing slogan, you’ll do a better job if you are happy when you do it.

In addition, positive emotions have long-term beneficial effects because they build internal resources which may be used to help assist others in need or to manage future threats. In other words, positive emotions fill up your gas tank.  This means that positive emotions fill your emotional reservoir with positive emotional energy to increase your sense of well-being and physical health and which you can share with others when they need support and love.

What’s more, positive emotions have been shown to undo the lingering physiological effects of negative emotions. Positive emotions act as the hidden RESET button to the bodily changes caused by negative emotions, changes such as elevated blood pressure and increased cortisol levels in the blood stream.

      In the workplace, positive emotions are related to higher salaries, less sick days, better relationships with coworkers, better supervisor ratings, better customer ratings, and reduced employee turnover.

      In terms of physical health, positive folks are less likely to get ill, live longer, experience less pain, have fewer hospital visits, and when in a good mood, have faster cardiovascular recovery times. On the other hand, those with depression are more likely to engage in smoking, drug abuse, suicidal attempts, and have more emergency room visits.

In psychology, it is generally understood that bad is stronger than good, or the negative is stronger than the positive.  Bad events have a greater power over us, our emotions, thoughts and behaviors, than do good ones. You are more motivated to avoid bad self-definitions than to pursue good ones. You are quicker to form bad judgments of other people than good ones. It takes approximately 5 compliments to undo the negative effects from one insult. Your brain processes negative information more thoroughly than it does positive information. So it’s great news that the harmful effects of negative feelings can be undone by positive emotions.

While we could come up with a list of hundreds of emotion words, there are ten positive emotions that have been verified in studies. From the most frequently occurring to the least frequent, they are… love, joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration and awe. And we know from research that positive emotions are fleeting and fragile. They are easily done away with and they are generally less powerful than negative emotions. So you have to increase your awareness of and be on the lookout for positive emotions throughout your day.

A Few Positive psychology Exercises:

Okay, let’s turn to some of the interventions that have been proven to boost your happiness.

The Blessings Exercise

One study done by Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania sought to help 50 severely depressed people. These were folks that stayed in bed most of the day, crawled out occasionally to check their email, and then returned to bed. They were asked to do one thing every day for two weeks.

            Write down three things that went well today and why they went well.

This daily gratitude journal is a powerful yet simple way to redirect the mind to the positive instead of dwelling on the negative. After two weeks of doing this exercise, the majority saw a significant improvement in their depressive symptoms.  People frequently report feeling happier and more positive after this assignment.

Mental Scrapbook of Positive Memories

Another exercise that has been shown to increase positive emotions is reliving positive memories. This exercise is as simple as focusing your attention on a positive event in your past. It might be a big athletic event, a wedding, the birth of a child, finishing school or a promotion. This activity may be combined with actual physical reminders of the past, such as photos, ticket stubs, trophies, college degrees, and printed testimonials.  You can also create your own positive scrapbook using most cell phones these days. Simply create a folder in which you keep photos of positive events. Start your own collection today. The main idea here is to savor the experience, to pay close attention to sensory details, to squeeze every last ounce of positive emotion out of the experience.

The extent to which you experience positive emotions is largely based on your thinking. Overthinking kills positive emotions. Worry, doubt, and stress drown out positive emotions. Emotions are highly individualized. They vary from person to person and what evokes one emotion in one person may not do the same in another. What makes one person recoil in disgust may make another person laugh. Emotions depend on how you interpret events. You have to take a moment (in the moment) and look for the good in the situation. Once you find the good, you must intentionally magnify it, and let it grow.  You have the power to turn positive emotions off and on.

Look at the room you’re in right now.

Ask yourself:

What’s going right for me right now?

How am I fortunate/blessed to be here?

How does being here benefit me?

What meaning can I take away from this situation?

When you take time to think this way, it builds gratitude in you.

By the way, it is normal if positivity feels unusual or weird at first.

Capitalizing on Love

One of the foremost researchers in the area of love and marriage is Shelly Gable, an assistant professor of psychology at UCLA. Most researchers looking at marriage work on conflict management, how to create more harmony between partners, and how individuals in a couple cope with traumatic events.  Gable is one of a handful of researcher who looks at what makes a thriving marriage. Her work provides some valuable insights if you are interested in transforming your good relationship (e.g., friendship, marriage, parent or child) into a great one.

Gable looks to see how you respond when your spouse tells you that he’s just been promoted, or your child tells you that she won Class President, or when your mother tells you she won a tennis tournament, or when your friend tells you she just won a huge lawsuit. Gable puts your responses into four different categories which break down as follows:

1.      An enthusiastic reaction such as “Wow! That’s tremendous. That’s the best thing I’ve heard all week. I’m sure there are more great things to come for you. You’ve definitely earned it. Congratulations!” This reaction is called the active-constructive response by Gable.

2.      A more subdued reaction where you share your happiness but say little. For example, “That’s nice dear.” This is the passive-constructive response.

3.      Or perhaps you point out some of the potential pitfalls or negatives within the good event. For instance, “Wow, I sure hope you can handle all that extra responsibility. Does this mean you will have to work extra hours?” Gable refers to this as the active-destructive response.

4.      Or, you might respond with disinterest and not respond to the good news at all. Most folks do this by merely changing the subject, “Yes, but what do you think about the weather outside?” This is known as the passive-destructive response.

The first type of response, the active-constructive one, is called “capitalizing” by Gable and here’s the fascinating part…capitalizing amplifies the pleasure of the good event and creates an upward spiral of good feelings.

Gable has shown that capitalizing is one of the keys to strong, supportive, thriving relationships. 

So how do you respond to good news from other people?

Are you a “capitalizer” who creates upward spirals of positive emotions?

Or do you turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the good news of others?

The consequences of learning how to be more of a “capitalizer” are impressive and robust. Couples who describe themselves as having a spouse who is active and constructive in response to their good news are more committed to the relationship, more in love, and happier in their marriage.  Think about that the next time your mate comes in the door with exciting news.

Closing Remarks

            I’ve found a large number of people are passionate and excited about positive psychology. It offers an energizing approach to your personal and professional life. Hopefully, by sharing some information about positive psychology, you’ve become excited about the possibilities also.

Again my name is John Schinnerer. I’m happy to speak to those interested in future keynote presentations or seeing clients privately. My book is entitled ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion & Thought’ and may be purchased at Amazon.com, or Target.com. My email address is John@GuideToSelf.com.  My website is www.GuideToSelf.com. Please feel free to go and sign up for my newsletter by clicking on Email Sign Up on the left of the screen.

Now to your questions…

 

Hope you enjoyed it!

Have a wonderful evening,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

913 San Ramon Valley Blvd.

Danville, CA 94526

 http://www.guidetoself.com

---

 

Posted in Gratitude, Energy psychology, Curiosity, Science of love, National speakers, Overcoming failure, Awareness, Hope, Organizational psychology, The human brain, Relationships, Resiliency, Altruism, Emotion & learning, Danville CA, Memory and recall, Executive coach, Meaning-making, Therapist, Optimal Human Functioning, Brain plasticity, Positive emotions and job search, San Ramon CA, Emotion & productivity, Positive expectations, International Wellbeing Study, Corporate Culture, Employee engagement, Men's emotions, Subconscious mind, Emotional IQ, Guide to Self, Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, School psychology, Customer Engagement, Life coach, Creativity, Forgiveness, Positive Psychology, Business & psych, Realistic optimism, Dr. John Schinnerer, Happiness, Ethics, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Anger Management, Managing Sadness, Consciousness, Emotional mind, Rational mind, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Morals and values, Depression, Nature vs. nurture, Parenting, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

The 5 secrets of happy families

6. November 2009 by John Schinnerer.

This is a tremendous article from Parenting.com on some key ways to create and maintain a happy, thriving family - a difficult task in the best of times!

Have a fantastic weekend!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

By Barbara Rowley, Parenting.com

October 28, 2009 10:25 a.m. EDT

‘The science of happiness shows that families can make choices to stay upbeat.

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

• The science of happiness can help families stay up amid setbacks
• ‘Act grateful, and you’ll soon start feeling it,’ psychology professor says
• Tip: Learn to be satisfied with your choices and don’t second guess them
• Research shows spreading out gifts and special experiences boosts joy

(Parenting.com) — In the hubbub of life with kids, it’s amazing how fragile happiness can seem.

One minute everyone is enjoying breakfast together, and the next the orange juice is toppled and the drawing is ruined and nobody wants the pancakes anymore. Blown out of proportion by a cranky preschooler, sulking tween, or grudge-holding parent, a single mishap can expand into a gloom that lasts for hours.

This is why the spate of recent research into the actual science of happiness caught my attention. Juice puddles (and far worse) will always be with us, but, it turns out, they have little to do with how truly content a family is. Instead, as Tolstoy said, happy families actually are all alike — at least in that they practice common habits that help inoculate them against setbacks large and small. The good news for the rest of us? Copying those might make us happier, too.

Give thanks — no matter what

Research consistently finds that regularly expressing gratitude is good for our overall well-being: People who do so are healthier, more successful at reaching their goals, more optimistic, and more inclined to help others. But what if your family is struggling, say with a job loss, and no one is feeling like they have much to be thankful for?

“There’s nothing wrong with faking it,” says Robert Emmons, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and author of the book “Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier.” “It doesn’t have to be spontaneous or natural. Act grateful, and you’ll soon start feeling it.”

This strategy is based on a well-known psychological fact: Human brains don’t like to behave and feel in opposition. That’s why your kids will struggle through the simple exercise of trying to smile while saying something mean, or attempting to frown while saying “I love you.” Their expressions will want to follow their words.

For those of us whose natural tendency is to see the glass as half empty, the fact that our brain wants to align with our actions provides some support on the way to happiness. During your week, take time to identify some little positive, and then give thanks — to the person responsible, to yourself, to the universe or your God. Not only will you feel better, but it’ll set a good example for your kids.

“If we stand around waiting for a feeling to move us, we may never get going,” says Emmons. “But choosing to act grateful for what we have is something we can all do.”

At home, encourage your kids to establish a habit of acknowledging all the good in life and in other people. Deliberate, regular practice helps: Each month, ask them to send thank-yous to people who have been kind, helpful, or generous, for example. Make those into creative fun, rather than a chore, by suggesting they send them in the form of a photo, video, or drawing. And, of course, count your blessings whenever your family has time together, whether at breakfast, dinner, bedtime, or even in the car.’

For full article please click here.

Posted in Raising optimistic children, Gratitude, National speakers, Danville CA, San Ramon CA, Resiliency, Emotional mind, Life coach, Emotional IQ, Happiness, Parenting, Dr. John Schinnerer | Print | No Comments »

Football and Brain Damage - Should You Let Your Child Play Football?

23. October 2009 by John Schinnerer.

I am an avid football fan and have been since I was six years old. I grew up down the street from Gene Upshaw, Hall of Fame offensive lineman for the Oakland Raiders, and Head of the Player’s Union for years. I love football.

That said, my 12-year-old son and I have an ongoing debate over whether or not he can play PeeWee Football (in the San Ramon Valley it’s called Thunderbirds). I have told him repeatedly that the damage done to his body, in particular his brain, is not worth any success that may be had playing football.

The brain is the consistency of a wet sponge or a soft boiled egg. The human skull is hard to keep your brain safe from injury. However, the inside of the skull has pointed ridges which can damage the brain when the head and body are stopped suddenly, such as that which happens on many plays in football. Even those hits which don’t result in a ‘concussion’ still bruise the brain to an extent. It’s not as simple as one has a concussion or one does not. It’s not black and white. Damage to the brain occurs on a continuum. Think of it as a 1 to 10 scale with 1 being uninjured and 10 being a severe concussion.

Even lesser hits in football can result in minor bruises to the brain, bruises which may not be considered even mild concussions. But there is still a cumulative negative effect on the brain. And we’re beginning to see the results thanks to former NFL and college players who have donated their brains after death.

We’ve known for roughly 20 years that ex-NFL players suffer from the degenerative brain disease known as CTE, or Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. CTE is the only fully preventable cause of dementia of which we know.

A new study has revealed that the brain of a deceased 18-year-old former college football player showed early signs of CTE. This is the youngest age that signs of CTE have been found, to my knowledge.

The same study also report that Mike Borich, a former college football player who passed away at the age of 42, showed advanced signs of CTE. This is the first time that advanced signs of CTE have been identified in a former college player who never played in the NFL. It is also the first time that CTE signs have been found in one who played the position of wide receiver. This means that the damage done to the brain in high school and college football is taking a toll on the brain that adversely affects quality of life later on. Adverse effects of CTE may include symptoms such as change in personality, self-destructive behaviors, addictive behaviors, memory loss and more.

According to Dr. Robert Cantu, a leading sports concussion expert and clinical professor of neurosurgery at Boston University School of Medicine, ‘It is our hope that this evidence helps draw the focus of the CTE discussion to amateur athletes, where it belongs. Young men and women are voluntarily exposing themselves to repetitive brain trauma without full knowledge of the potential consequences, and the rules of the games are designed without an appreciation for the risks carried by the players.’

Cantu and the other co-directors of the BUSM CSTE, Robert Stern, PhD, and Chris Nowinski, a former division I football player, published a paper that reported these CTE findings in the July issue of the Journal of Neuropathology and Experimental Neurology (2009, vol.68¸ pp. 709-735). The results were also presented to the NFL Mild Traumatic Brain Injury Committee and NFL Players Association.

As long as I’m in charge of my son’s health, he won’t be playing football. The risk is too high. The importance of a healthy brain is too great. Odds are, he will be angry with me for some time. I’m willing to risk it.  

All the best,

 

John Schinnerer, PhD

Guide To Self, Inc.

 

 

 

 

Posted in Danville CA, National speakers, The human brain, Emotion & productivity, Executive coach, Football and concussions, Brain plasticity, Men's emotions, Consciousness, Dr. John Schinnerer, Abusive Coaches, Life coach, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Anger Management, Parenting, Mean coaches | Print | No Comments »

Nearly Half of U.S. Children Exposed To Violence And Abuse In United States, New DOJ Study Finds

8. October 2009 by John Schinnerer.

ScienceDaily (Oct. 7, 2009) — A new study from the University of New Hampshire finds that U.S. children are routinely exposed to even more violence and abuse than has been previously recognized, with nearly half experiencing a physical assault in the study year.

“Children experience far more violence, abuse and crime than do adults,” said David Finkelhor, director of the UNH Crimes against Children Research Center and the study director. “If life were this dangerous for ordinary grown-ups, we’d never tolerate it.”

The research was sponsored by the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) and supported by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The research results are presented in the journal Pediatrics and an Office of Justice Programs/OJJDP bulletin titled “Children’s Exposure to Violence: A Comprehensive National Survey.”

UNH researchers asked a national sample of U.S. children and their caregivers about a far broader range of exposures than has been done in the past.

According to the research, three out of five children were exposed to violence, abuse or a criminal victimization in the last year, including 46 percent who had been physically assaulted, 10 percent who had been maltreated by a caregiver, 6 percent who had been sexually victimized, and 10 percent who had witnessed an assault within their family.

The authors contend that earlier studies of violence exposure only inquired about individual crimes – looking only at bullying or child maltreatment or sexual abuse. In contrast, this study asked about all such exposures as well as additional ones that are rarely, if ever, covered such as dating violence and witnessing domestic violence.

The study found that more than a third of the children had had two or more different kinds of exposures in the past year and 11 percent had five or more.

“Studies have missed the fact that there are a surprisingly large group of very repeatedly and variously victimized kids whom we should be doing a better job to help and protect,” Finkelhor said.

The researchers urge teachers, police, doctors, counselors, and parents to ask children about a broader range of possible victimization experiences, especially children who had been identified as victims already. They also call for new efforts to create safer schools, homes and other youth environments.

The study was conducted in 2008 and involved interviews with caregivers and youth about the experiences of a nationally representative sample of 4,549 children ages 0-17. In addition to Finkelhor, the authors include Heather Turner, professor of sociology at UNH, Richard Ormrod, research professor of geography at UNH, and Sherry Hamby, research associate professor of psychology at Sewanee, the University of the South.

For full article, click here.

 

Let’s keep trying. We can do better, folks!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

San Ramon, Danville, Alamo

 

Posted in Men's emotions, Alexithymia, Emotion & productivity, San Ramon CA, Violence and abuse, Anger Management, Emotional management, School age bullies, Dr. John Schinnerer, Victims of bullying, Depression, Parenting, Bullies | Print | No Comments »

How Everyone Can Raise Extraordinary Children - Seminar in San Ramon, CA

6. October 2009 by John Schinnerer.

November 21, 2009

Dougherty Valley Performing Arts Center

San Ramon, CA

 

Top Experts Explore Techniques to Maximize Your Child’s:

• Academic Performance
• Interpersonal Skills
• Self Esteem
• Health
• Hidden Talents
• And Much More!

LIVE Event Speakers!

Jack Canfield
Self-Esteem Expert & Best Selling Author: Chicken Soup for the Soul Series
Topic: Raising Children with Positive Self-Esteem

Terri Khonsari
Founder of Great Parenting Academy & Best Selling Author: Raising A Superstar
Topic: Raising A Well Balanced Child: Happy, Healthy, Responsible and Successful

Dr. Brenda Wade
Child Psychologist & Best Selling Author: Power Choices: 7
Signposts on Your Journey to Wholeness; Love Lessons
Topic: Discover Your Child’s Unique Genius

Janet Attwood
Educator and Best Selling Author: The Passion Test
Topic: Helping Your Child Find His / Her Passion and Live a Passionate Life

 

 

This may be a great full day seminar to check out for parents in the San Ramon Valley. I just got off the phone with Terri. Sounds like time well spent!

All the best,

 

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Positive psychology coach

Guide To Self, Inc.

 

 

Posted in San Ramon CA, National speakers, Raising optimistic children, Parenting, Happiness | Print | No Comments »

Is Music a Window Into the Soul of Autistic Children? What Powers Does Music Possess?

24. September 2009 by John Schinnerer.

A reader turned me onto a blog by J. Henrique Alves in Perth. I found some fantastic writings on Henrique’s experiences with music sparking a connection with his autistic son. It is as I’ve said in the past, there is something quite powerful inherent in music. The perfect note, the right tune, the proper tempo have a way of connecting people in a deep and meaningful way, even those of us who typically are unable to connect.

Here is an excerpt:

‘In the last few years, I’ve discovered still another magical side of music, through the relationship with my 8-year old autistic son. While practicing the bass, I could notice how his attention would shift from whatever he would be doing, drawn by my plucking of the strings, and the simultaneous sound this would produce through the speakers of my little practice amplifier. I’d then lay the bass on the bed, so that he could explore the sounds, plucking gently the strings, showing some surprise with the connection between his touching the strings, and a matching sound being produced. Throughout the years, he has consistently shown a higher level of interest in our musical exploration sessions than he would typically demonstrate in other activities.

[snip]

Based on our experience, it was not surprising to find out that results published this year from a recent study conducted by Dr. Ami Klin, of the Yale Child Study Center, have confirmed that the synchronous nature of sound and movement captures consistently the attention of autistic children, more than any other form of interaction with objects or people (such as eye contact, touch, or movement and sounds in isolation). In a recent interview, Klin said:

“I and colleagues looked at a way […] 2-year-olds with autism would look at adult care givers, […] and those children spend less time looking at people’s eyes and more time looking at people’s mouth […] And that was puzzling because the eyes are really the window for the soul, they are the way that we experience people, their emotions and their intentions. And so we are puzzled by the fact that they showed increased attention to the mouth. With […] the new insights, we raised the hypothesis that the reason why they were looking at mouth is because the mouth is the part of the face that contains the greatest audio-visual synchrony, lip movements and speech sounds co-occurring.”

Our experience with music, which is a generalization of this synchronicity between movement and sound, provides, in our minds, a further confirmation of the results published by Dr. Ami Klin and his colleagues at Yale. His new insights provide further, scientific proof, to why music therapy programs, such as the few we have contacted here in Australia to strengthen the basis of our daily interactions with our son, are so successful, providing not eyes, but music as a window to the souls of autistic children. ‘

The full post is here…

http://beachesfromafar.blogspot.com/2009/05/music-is-magic-for-autistic-children.html

Henrique has other tremendous posts as well about music, autism, science and more. Thanks for sharing, Henrique!

All the best,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

Positive Psychology Coach

Posted in Awareness, Hope, Music psychology, Curiosity, Emotion & learning, Science of love, Relationships, The human brain, Positive mood music, Creativity, Parenting, Emotional mind, Consciousness, Emotional management, Dr. John Schinnerer | Print | No Comments »

Raising Optimistic & Resilient Children Under Pressure - Dr. John Schinnerer Presents 7/15/09 in Alameda CA

14. July 2009 by John Schinnerer.

RAISING RESILIENT, OPTIMISTIC CHILDREN 

Does your child give up easily?Does your child get frustrated frequently?Is your child pessimistic?If you answered ‘YES’ to any of these questions, you owe it to yourself to attend this presentation. 

 

Dr. John Schinnerer, a UC Berkeley-trained psychologist and award-winning author will share the latest methods to raise children to lead happy, thriving, meaningful lives on July 15th 2009 at 6:30 pm at the Alameda Library to help kick off the Alameda Light Opera Company’s run of the musical Annie. 

Learn how you can teach your children to be realistically optimistic, so they:¨      get better grades¨      are more resilient¨      achieve in keeping with their ability¨      stay calm under pressure¨      have more friends 

Cost: Free

Time: 6:30 pm Place: Alameda Library

Date: Wednesday, July 15^th, 2009

In conjunction with the Alameda Light Opera Company

Posted in Mindfulness, Resiliency, Managing Sadness, Assertiveness, Hope, Raising optimistic children, Science of love, Emotional management, Parenting, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Realistic optimism, Life coach, Guide to Self, Happiness, School psychology, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Myths of Perfect Parenting

1. July 2009 by John Schinnerer.

A great article on the Myths of Perfect Parenting at Psych Central.

 Feel free to take a look!
John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Posted in Parenting | Print | No Comments »

Boys at greater risk than girls in U.S. for lower literacy, lower grades, school dropout, suicide, premature death, injuries, arrests & more.

11. June 2009 by John Schinnerer.

    

Boys more at risk than girls in US for lower literacy, lower grades, school dropout, suicide, premature death, injuries, arrests & more. Research article here  http://bit.ly/vRSLv

Serious issues for boys are largely being ignored & neglected. Much of research and funding directed towards girls likely as a result of the feminist movement. This is neither bad nor good in and of itself, more like a pendulum swing.  

In my opinion, it’s time for the pendulum to swing back towards focusing on assisting young boys and men (but not to the exclusion of assisting girls and women). A middle ground always works well for me.

Much of the intense physically aggressive behavior in boys and men seem to be connected to the ‘warrior gene’ MAOA. Recent study just connected the expression of MAOA to greater gang involvement and higher likelihood of use of violence and weapons. Research study here http://bit.ly/13UHMU

 Keeping it real,

Dr. John Schinnerer

Posted in Parenting, Anger Management, Men's emotions, The human brain, Nature vs. nurture, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Dr. John Schinnerer, Emotional IQ, School psychology, School age bullies, Bullies | Print | No Comments »

How to Raise Happy Kids in Hard Times - Presentation 7/15/09 Dr. John Schinnerer in Alameda

5. June 2009 by John Schinnerer.

July 15, 6:30 to 8 p.m. “How to Raise Happy Kids in Hard Times”: Dr. John Schinnerer, psychologist, lecturer, radio personality and author of Guide to Self: The Beginners’ Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought, will present the second event in the Summer Speaker Series presented by the Alameda Civic Light Opera at Alameda Library. Free to the public. Community Meeting Room A, Main Branch of the Alameda Free Library, 1500 Oak St.

Posted in Emotional management, Resiliency, Hope, Parenting, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Realistic optimism, Dr. John Schinnerer, Happiness, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

ADHD Children Need to Move More When Using Higher Order Thinking Skills says UCF study

27. May 2009 by John Schinnerer.

ADHD Children Need to Fidget More When Using Higher Order Thinking Skills says UCF study http://tinyurl.com/ppqkqa

Posted in ADHD, Parenting, School psychology | Print | No Comments »

How To Manage Anger in Your Children - Dr. John Schinnerer Speaking at Parenting 2009 and Beyond

21. February 2009 by John Schinnerer.

Dr. Schinnerer will be speaking on Saturday, Feb. 28th at the San Ramon Valley Unified School District Parenting 2009 And Beyond Conference. It takes place at Dougherty Valley High School, 10550 Albion Road, in San Ramon.  Cost is a modest $35 for a day of worthwhile information on how to raise resilient, happy, thriving children. This cost also includes breakfast and lunch.

Dr. Schinnerer will speak on ‘How To Manage Anger in Your Child’ at 10:45 am.

For more info, go to https://www.signmeup.com/site/reg/register.aspx?fid=D42V7K7.

Only four seats left for Dr. John’s talk!

Posted in Emotional mind, Parenting, Emotional management, Anger Management, Mindfulness, Resiliency, Depression, Happiness, Dr. John Schinnerer, Positive Psychology, Guide to Self, Staying calm, School age bullies, School psychology, Bullies | Print | No Comments »

Is Swearing Necessary for Health and Happiness? Hell, yes!

30. December 2008 by John Schinnerer.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

My wife and I have an ongoing debate over the necessity of using swear words to express emotions. The stakes are raised by virtue of the fact that we have four children ranging in age from 3 to 14 years old. My children are very interested in the outcome of this debate.

My wife is of the opinion that swearing is low-brow, rude and unacceptable in any and all situations.

I believe that minor swear words are allowable in highly emotionally charged situations. I side with Mark Twain who said ‘When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.’ The use of  minor swear words helps to express and discharge destructive emotions in a manner that is more appropriate than some other ways (e.g., throwing plates, physical violence, or passive-aggressive behaviors).

According to David Spiegel, M.D. of the Stanford University School of Medicine, holding in destructive emotions can prevent happiness as well as harm our physical health.

In his talk at the Happiness and Its Causes Conference in San Francisco (November 2008), Dr. Spiegel said those trying to contain sadness are the most likely to be depressed. Those individuals who are trying the hardest to suppress fear and anxiety are the most anxious.

We now know that happiness is not the opposite of sadness.

In truth, human beings have the ability to feel more than one emotion simultaneously.

As a simple example, think of one of your favorite songs. You may feel uplifted by the lyrics, relaxed by the tempo, and melancholy due to the melody of the song. You may also have additional (constructive or destructive) feelings when you recall the first time (or most recent time) you heard the song.  So here is an example where you can feel at least three emotions simultaneously about one song. Imagine how many emotions you experience when you think about or interact with your significant other!

Dr. Spiegel has found that feeling leads to healing; that stress declines and health improves when we have

1.      Outlets for frustration

2.      A sense of predictability and control

3.      A perception that life is improving and

4.      Social supports.

Research has shown that depression predicts mortality. Studies show that anxiety and fear can get stuck in the ‘ON’ position, elevating cortisol levels on an ongoing basis. Research has shown that chronic anger releases chemicals into the blood stream which eat away at the inside of the arteries, increasing risk of stroke and heart disease.

The ability to manage stress and manage emotions improves mortality rates. In other words, stress management and emotional management skills enable you to live a longer, more fulfilling life.

In his 30 years of research on the effect of support groups for women with breast cancer, Dr. Spiegel has found that certain themes help to manage stress and destructive emotions. These themes include…

1.      Building bonds with family, friends and coworkers

2.      Expression of emotions (because ‘feeling leads to healing’)

3.      Reordering life priorities (to account for what is truly important to you)

4.      Fortifying families (social isolation doubles your mortality risk)

In the spirit of expression of emotions, and in keeping with Mark Twain’s view, I believe that minor swearing is allowable and should be encouraged to help our emotionally repressed society share feelings.

Minor swearing includes words such as ‘crap,’ ‘damn,’ ‘hell,’ and so on. It does not include major swear words such as the F-word and others. Feel free to draw your own line in the gray area between minor and major swear words.

Minor swearing needs to be restricted to reactions or outbursts resulting from pain, shock, fear, or destructive emotions.  For instance, cutting your finger with a knife and muttering “Damn, that hurt!” is acceptable in my book.

On the other hand, swearing may never be used towards another person as an insult or verbal abuse. So telling someone “You are a  piece of s___!” is unacceptable.

Of course, all swearing is unacceptable to my wife.

You decide what works best for you and your family!

About the Author
Dr. John Schinnerer

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping clients learn anger management, stress management and the latest ways to deal with destructive negative emotions. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to ethical and moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  

Posted in Managing Sadness, Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Men's emotions, The human brain, Assertiveness, Physicians health, Resiliency, Relationships, Emotional mind, Parenting, Life coach, Dr. John Schinnerer, Measuring emotions, Managing stress, Guide to Self, Emotional IQ, Depression, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Happiness, Staying calm, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

The Key to Surviving the Holidays – Self-Compassion

12. December 2008 by John Schinnerer.

The Key to Surviving the Holidays – Self-Compassion

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

As we enter the holiday season, it makes good sense to talk about survival tools. How do we survive the coming onslaught of family and friends and the accompanying mistakes, failings, and misunderstandings that will inevitably follow in the next three weeks?

Self-Esteem Isn’t the Answer

Ten years ago, the answer might have been to boost everyone’s self-esteem before they come together. For decades, we have been obsessed with self-esteem.  For so long, we thought if we could just make people feel good about themselves, it would solve family problems, societal problems and psychological problems.  We’ve created programs to instill high self-esteem in our children, our students and our families.

Self-Esteem Alone Can Be Dangerous

Self-esteem involves how one feels about him- or herself. There are two types of self-esteem – state and trait. State self-esteem is how positively one evaluates himself in the moment. Trait self-esteem has to do with how positively one sees himself overall. Recent research has shown that increasing self-esteem is not as effective as once thought. Many people with high self-esteem feel so good about themselves that they feel comfortable abusing and taking advantage of other people (e.g., higher degrees of narcissism). At some point, individuals with high self-esteem seem to be able to rationalize destructive behaviors towards others using the idea that they are superior.

Obviously, this was not an intended outcome of self-esteem programs. So how do we get people to feel good about themselves without adding to their sense of superiority?

Self-Compassion – An Inner Critic with LovingKindness

While self-esteem had to do with how one feels about himself, self-compassion involves how one treats himself when things go badly. The goal is to treat oneself with the same type of kindness and compassion that most people extend to loved ones when they fail. When other people fall short of a goal or err, most people will react with kindness and compassion. On the other hand, studies show that most people are harsh with themselves when they screw up. Most people are self-punitive, disparaging and hypercritical of their own shortcomings and mistakes. Unfortunately, this degrades the quality of our emotional lives. It upsets the emotional apple cart, as it were. Even people with high self-esteem are prone to this sort of self-punishing internal beat down. We are truly our own worst critics.

Self-Compassion Leads to Greater Resiliency

People with self-compassion are more resilient. They roll with the punches. Self-compassionate people bounce back more quickly from setbacks because they treat themselves more kindly when they fail or make a mistake.

Can We Have Too Much Self-Compassion?

This all sounds good so far. What’s the catch? Is it possible to be overly self-compassionate to the point where one is self-indulgent? Is it possible, or even probable, that a compassionate person might take no responsibility for their mistakes?

Research at Duke University suggests that is not the case. Self-compassionate people take responsibility for failures and own up to mistakes. They do feel badly when things go awry. According to Mark Leary at Duke, self-compassionate people simply lack that extra layer of self-flagellation and internal criticism. In other words, their internal critic has learned to speak less often and more kindly.   

How To Build More Self-Compassion

Kristin Neff, a researcher at University of Texas (and fellow Berkeley grad), has the following suggestions for ways to foster more self-compassion…

“Self-Kindness – ‘What would a caring friend say to you in this situation?’  ‘What is a kind and constructive way to think about how I can rectify this mistake or do better next time?’  Try putting your hand over your heart or gently stroking your arm when feeling a lot of pain as a gesture of kindness and compassion.

Self-judgment – ‘Who ever said human beings are supposed to be perfect?’  ‘Would a caring mother say this to her child if she wanted the child to grow and develop?’  ‘How will I learn if it’s not okay to make mistakes?’

Common Humanity - Think about all the other people who have made similar mistakes, gone through similar situations, and so on.  ‘This is the human condition - all humans are vulnerable, flawed, make mistakes, have things happen that are difficult and painful’  ‘How does this situation give me more insight into and compassion for the human experience?’

Isolation – ‘I am not the only one going through such difficult times, all people experience things like this at some point in their lives.’  ‘Although I take full responsibilities for my mistakes and failings, I also recognize and understand that my actions and behaviors are connected to other people’s actions and behaviors - nothing happens in a vacuum.’

Mindfulness - Take several deep slow breaths and try to be with your pain exactly as it is. Let yourself feel the pain without suppressing, resisting, or avoiding it.  Take a moment to stop and say to yourself, this is really hard right now.  Let yourself be moved and touched by your own pain.  Try to see the situation clearly with calm, clarity and a balanced perspective.  ‘I fully accept this moment and these emotions as they are.’”

So as you enter the holidays and family tensions rise, remember to be more self-compassionate. If you make a mistake, fall short of a goal, or fail to act a certain way, respond with loving kindness towards yourself, just as you would to a small child. You’ll be glad you did.

About the Author

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping individuals learn happiness by mitigating destructive emotions and fostering constructive emotions. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer is President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  

You can follow Dr. John Schinnerer on Twitter at http://twitter.com/johnschin.

Posted in Managing Sadness, Alexithymia, Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Emotional mind, Emotional management, Men's emotions, The human brain, Mindfulness, Assertiveness, Altruism, Resiliency, Relationships, Parenting, Depression, Life coach, Guide to Self, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Forgiveness, Realistic optimism, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Happiness, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Tips to help anxiety, Nervousness, Staying calm, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »