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Anger Management 101: New Study Shows How Forgiveness and Prayer Can Reduce Rage

Anger Management: How Prayer And Forgiveness Can Reduce Your Rage

John Schinnerer Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

www.GuideToSelf.com

 

There was some wild stuff happening on the court where I live recently.  Last Thursday, one of my neighbors accidentally backed her SUV up,

…out of her driveway

…across the street

… into our neighbor’s house

…going 60 mph.

She went through a row of 2-foot tall boulders in the garden, the concrete front step, and several support beams. Her car was completely in the neighbor’s house for a second.  

Panicked, the driver threw the car into drive and

sped out of the house

across the street

into her own garage door,

into the car parked in her garage,

and buckled the side wall.  

Shortly after the sheriff, fire and ambulance arrived; there was a Channel 4 KRON news truck. A Channel 7 news helicopter circled the court taking video footage from the air. Fortunately, no one was badly injured. 

As an interesting aside, it’s speculated that one lady would have died in the accident if it weren’t for a phone call from her church asking her to come down to volunteer for a couple hours. Had she not headed down to the church, she would have been right in the path of the oncoming car, paying bills, where she was shortly before the car exploded into her house.

The house was deemed uninhabitable and repairs are now underway. Yet, the destruction left behind by the accident was quickly followed by dark emotions – embarrassment, guilt, anger, shame, sadness, and dread.  The driver of the car stated yesterday ‘I don’t know if I’ll ever smile again.’  Meanwhile, her neighbor who lost many of her possessions said ‘A house is a thing. It can be replaced.’

All of us have made mistakes at some point in our lives. Nobody is perfect. Everyone has hurt, disappointed or betrayed the trust of someone we love.  That’s the world we live in. That’s what makes us human. We are not perfect. Life is messy and at times unfair. In my experience, this unfairness can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, sadness and anxiety.

One of the best methods I know to turn down the volume on such discomforting emotions is the daily practice of forgiveness. Most of my education on forgiveness has come courtesy of Fred Luskin, the former head of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, and author of Forgive For Good.

This morning I came across a new study from Psychological Science entitled ‘Motivating Change in Relationships: Can Prayer Increase Forgiveness?which looked at how prayer impacts our willingness to forgive. Since roughly 90% of Americans report praying at times, Florida State University psychologist Nathaniel Lambert wondered how prayer might impact forgiveness.

Lambert and his colleagues found that simply by praying a single prayer for one’s significant other led to decreased negative feelings after having been wronged. Forgiveness was defined as a decrease in the negative feelings that came up after one has been trespassed against. By the way, forgiveness does not imply that one approves of, or condones, the transgression. It is, simply put, the best way to dump out old, stale anger.

Participants who prayed were found to have fewer thoughts of revenge and less destructive emotions such as anger and resentment. These participants were more likely to forgive (yet not necessarily to forget) and move forward with their lives, unburdened by unproductive anger.

An old friend of mine used to say, for those who are unwilling to forgive prior offenses, ‘pray to be willing to be willing to forgive.’ Many times, this focus on being willing to be willing to forgive gives individuals the ability to forgive acts that were once thought to be unforgiveable.

Given the surprisingly powerful results of a single prayer, the next study Lambert did looked at what prayer might do if continued over a period of time.

In the next study, Lambert asked participants to pray for the well-being of a near and dear friend every day for a month.  On the other side, the control group was asked to merely reflect on the friendship, thinking positive thoughts but not praying specifically. Lambert looked at an additional construct in this study – the degree of selfless concern for other people in general. They found that daily prayer increased concern for others which strengthened the ability to forgive.

When we are getting along with friends and loved ones, the frequency and duration of our positive emotions increases. This bump in positive emotion, such as gratitude, pride, interest and love, makes it easier to think of others as well as ourselves. Positive emotions cause us to come together, to be more social, more open, and more giving.

When things get rocky in a relationship, as they are wont to do, negative emotions enter with greater frequency and intensity. This switches our internal focus to temporary goals that separate and alienate us from others. Temporary goals, such as revenge and meting out punishment, shift our attention from the group to the self.   This attentional shift to the self is difficult to shake as long as the negative emotions are there to fuel it. Prayer seems to shift focus from one’s self back to the group, which allows compassion to grow and resentments to die off.

As far as my neighbors go, a large dose of prayer, forgiveness and self-compassion will help alleviate the feelings of anger and loss. In many situations, forgiveness must take place on several levels to be effective – forgiveness of self, forgiveness of others, allowing others to forgive you, forgiveness of God for His part in allowing unjust situations, and allowing God to forgive you. In this way the rebuilding of relationships can be accelerated to match the speed of the reconstruction of the homes.

For more information on forgiveness, please check out the book, Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought or the article, Forgiveness: The Key to Releasing the Pain of Past Mistakes and Betrayals.

 

Author Bio:

John Schinnerer, Ph.D. is in private practice helping individuals learn happiness by mitigating destructive emotions and fostering constructive emotions. Using positive psychology, he helps clients achieve happy, thriving, meaningful lives. His practice is located in the Danville San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in educational psychology. John Schinnerer has been an executive and coach for over 12 years. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show on positive psychology, in the San Francisco Bay Area.   John Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to music psychology, to sports psychology. He wrote the award-winning, ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,’ which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  He is currently collaborating with the University of New Zealand in a longitudinal positive psychology study called The International Wellbeing Study (www.wellbeingstudy.com). < -->

The Best Ways to Legally and Effectively Use Pre-Employment Testing

Pre-hire testing is an effective risk management tool that has been proven to significantly reduce turnover and improve productivity. A recent survey by the American Management Association reported that 69 percent of firms used job skills testing, 43 percent used basic skills testing (math, reading, writing), and 33 percent used some form of psychological testing in 2000. Despite the widespread use of pre-employment testing, anxiety continues to surround the use of these tests due to legal issues, which are largely complicated and difficult to understand. This article reviews the three most pressing legal issues involved in pre-employment testing – adverse impact, the right to privacy and negligent hiring. 

I. Title VII and Adverse Impact: Under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, it is “unlawful for an employer to refuse to hire any individual, or otherwise discriminate against any individual with respect to his … employment, because of race, color, religion, sex, or national origin.”  With regards to pre-employment testing, Section 703(h) of the Act provides that “notwithstanding any other provision of this subchapter, it shall not be an unlawful practice for an employer … to give and to act upon the results of any professionally developed ability test provided that such test … is not designed, intended or used to discriminate because of race, color, religion, sex or national origin.” Obviously, Title VII does not prohibit employers from the use of intelligence, skills or integrity tests in the workplace. However, the statute is brought into play when: (1) an employer uses tests to intentionally discriminate against protected groups or (2) the tests have an adverse impact on minorities and are not job-related for the position. 

There has not been a single case that found an employer’s use of personality testing in the workplace resulted in the adverse impact of protected groups. However, there could be such a finding if the tests were used to purposefully exclude minorities.

Recommendation: The safest practice is to administer the same pre-employment test to all applicants for a particular position, making reasonable accommodations for those who need it (e.g., translation for non-English speakers, larger computer terminal for visually impaired, etc.). This is the first step towards a fair and equitable selection process. The concept of adverse impact was set in motion by the 1991 Civil Rights Act by the U.S. Supreme Court in Griggs v. Duke Power Company. In order to prove the existence of adverse impact, it must be shown that a specific employment practice has a significant adverse impact upon a protected group. 

Most courts have relied on the 80 percent rule as indicated by the EEOC’s Uniform Guidelines on Employee Selection Procedures. According to this rule, adverse impact is established if the selection rate for any minority group is less than 80 percent of the rate for the group with the highest selection rate.  

Recommendation: An adverse impact study should be performed every time a test is brought in to a new site for personnel selection purposes. If adverse impact is detected, steps can be taken to eliminate it, thereby protecting both the applicants and the company. It is important to note that there have been few adverse impact cases involving personality or integrity tests because such tests usually do not have an adverse impact on any minorities. No one has ever successfully proved a prima facie case against the use of integrity tests. On top of this, there are very few challenges, no more than 100, for the millions of tests that have been administered.  

II. Right to Privacy:

An issue of growing legal concern for employers using personality testing is privacy. The concept of a right to employment privacy evolved from the broader concept of the right to privacy. Some states such as California, have applied such privacy standards to private employers. The lower courts have recognized the constitutional right to privacy protects public employees. Thus, test questions administered to public employees must not be unreasonably intrusive (e.g., questions about sexual preferences, religious or political views) and must be job-related. 

Recommendation: With regard to issues of privacy, the recommended route is to use a third party testing company. This allows applicants to take the assessment through an unbiased third party who keeps their actual responses confidential. Using this approach, companies have access to the overall test results, but do not have access to candidates’ responses on individual test items. This eliminates the majority of privacy issues. 

III. Negligent Hiring

While there are reasons for being cautious when using pre-employment testing, there are also legal trends that argue strongly for the most extensive use of such tests. With negligent hiring now recognized in most states, employers have been forced to account for crimes committed by employees, usually thefts, battery or assaults that victimize customers and/or employees. In these cases, liability depends on the employer negligently placing someone with negative tendencies into a position where it was foreseeable that the hired individual posed a threat to others.

Recommendation 1: Prior to making an offer, pre-employment testing should be used to ensure the applicant fits the culture and expectations of your company.

Recommendation 2: In addition, background screening (e.g., criminal history, driving history, social security number, etc.) is an excellent idea to protect yourself and your coworkers from a dangerous hire, as past history is an excellent indicator of future behavior.

It is critically important to link the job demands to the test questions and the results. The best

 means to do so is to have every pre-employment assessment empirically linked to job performance using performance rating scales for existing employees and test results for those same employees. With those two sets of data, statistical analyses may be run to prove the relationship between the assessment results and job performance, thereby assuring your firm a legally defensible and highly effective assessment.

About the Author - Dr. John Schinnerer founded Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company, in 1997. Dr. Schinnerer is an educational psychologist, author and executive coach whose Ph.D. is from U.C. Berkeley. His areas of expertise range from emotional management in the workplace to psychometrics to the traits, knowledge, skills and abilities that have the greatest impact on job performance. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com. He is a noted writer and speaker on topics such as the legal issues involved in pre-employment testing, creating an ethical workplace, and improving productivity in the workforce. He may be reached via email at John@InfinetAssessment.com or via phone at 925-944-3440. His company’s websites may be found at InfinetAssessment.com or GuideToSelf.com.

How to Deal With the Constant Stress of a Battered Economy

Eight of Ten Americans Stressed About Money, Economy

By John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Which comes first – fear or economic chaos? Companies as varied as Yahoo, American Express, and Time Inc. are laying off employees. Corporate profits are dropping. The stock market is in a chaotic panic. Housing prices have plunged. Consumer debt is on the rise. The U.S. economy is in a full blown recession, and possibly, a depression.  

Money and the economy are at the top of a long list of stressors for Americans as reported in a recent study by Harris Interactive and the American Psychological Association (October, 2008). Eighty percent (80%) of Americans are stressed about the state of the economy. So how do you manage the unyielding stress that comes with difficult economic times?  

Identify Fear, Anxiety and Stress

The first step to overcoming stress is to correctly identify it. When you are afraid, your blood gathers in the large muscle groups such as those in your legs, preparing your body to flee. Your body freezes for a moment to gauge your possible reactions such what is the quickest escape route. The brain sounds the alarm to put your body on alert, making it edgy and ready for action. Accompanying this is an overwhelming flood of anxious, fearful thoughts which seem to be uncontrollable. This intense cycle of fear and worry can paralyze you. It also paralyzes the rational mind, making it difficult to think clearly. Fear and stress are closely linked. When fear is sparked, the emotional brain begins its dance of anxiety, forcing the brain to focus on the perceived threat. The fearful mind spins in an endless loop of negative thoughts.

Fear lies at the heart of all stress. Stress is fear stretched out over time. It is the general alarm reaction sounded by the nervous system when you perceive that a demand is being made on you that you cannot handle. Once the alarm has focused your attention, the negative thought spirals, the racing heart, and the muscle tension are of no further assistance to you. On the contrary, long-term stress causes damage to your body on a number of levels – difficulty thinking clearly, damage to arteries, killing brain cells, and limiting the number of options open to you. On the bright side, stress and fear can be managed depending on how you approach them. Nothing is more important right now than learning to manage your stress – the fate of the entire world may depend on a critical mass of people staying calm and overcoming stress.

Turn Off the Alarm

Once the stress is identified, the second step is to turn the alarm off. This is done through exercise, deep breathing, meditation, prayer or other means to clear your mind of negative thoughts. If you have not yet learned to clear your mind, a good place to start is Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought.

Courage, Bravery and Heroism

The third step is the realization that courage is the antidote to fear. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is overcoming fear. This step involves taking concrete actions to keep moving forward in a constructive direction. By reframing the question as, “What am I willing to try?” you can make change exciting, rather than paralyzing. Courage is not the absence of fear but the exorcising of it. Feel the fear and push through it anyway. It is the conquering of the fear that makes one courageous. One cannot be brave without fear. Think of courage as a virtue to be exercised daily rather than imagining it as expressed only in acts of heroism.  You are courageous…every day.  

Focus on Gratitude

Another way to bounce back from stressful times is to direct your thoughts daily to those things for which you are grateful. This simple act connects you with your higher, more centered self. To do so, think about the following:You are alive.You are loved by others.You can see, hear and breathe on your own.You can read and comprehend these words.You can vote in a country with freedom of speech and of religion.All of these are basics which are often taken for granted. Make your own daily list of things for which you are grateful. By cultivating gratitude, you consciously move your thoughts away from the thousands of voices adding to the environment of fear and begin to stem the tide of stress.

Look for the Positive Meaning Amidst the Rubble

Finally, look deep into your current situation and seek any and all positive meanings that may be pulled from it. Every situation exists to teach you something. Your best strategy is to uncover those life-altering lessons in difficult times and use them to motivate you towards positive, constructive action. An example of a life lesson in this situation is the realization that you are resilient, you will survive. And with that knowledge comes power (“If I can survive this, I can survive anything.”). With complete awareness, allow yourself to calmly and rationally consider what options are available to you to create your best possible future.

Remember that our country has survived such economic hardships in the past and we will survive this one. Americans are highly resilient. We will bounce back from this difficulty with more energy, greater innovation, and more wisdom than we had prior to it. That is what we do, for we are Americans. We don’t just roll. We bounce.

About the Author John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Dr. John Schinnerer graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive coach and psychologist for over 10 years.
 
Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that focuses on coaching individuals and groups to their potential using the latest in positive psychology. Most recently, Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.Dr. Schinnerer is also President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Infinet was founded in 1997 and has worked with companies such as UPS, CSE Insurance Group, McQuay International and Schreiber Foods.Dr. John Schinnerer previously served as Chief Communication Officer of Emotion Mining Company, which measured emotions for branding, marketing and organizational change.
Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development to sports psychology. He is a noted speaker and author on topics such as emotional intelligence, happiness in the workplace and executive leadership. Dr. Schinnerer wrote, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which was awarded the “Best Self-Help Book of 2007” by East Bay Express. He has written articles on corporate ethics and EQ in the workplace for Workspan magazine, HR.com, and Business Ethics. He has given numerous presentations, radio shows and seminars to tens of thousands of people for organizations such as SHRM, NCHRA, KNEW and KDIA.

Emotional management lets you choose how to behave following anger

The best emotional responses allow you to quickly achieve your goal, while causing no harm to others who may be involved. It’s not easy. If it were, everyone would have it. It begins with increasing your awareness … mindfulness…and practice.

Emotions are best understood as action scripts. Human bodies and brains have been developing these action scripts over millions and millions of years, far longer than our rational minds have been around. The limbic system, where much of emotional processing takes place, has been around for 3 - 10 million years, the cortex, where much of our rational thinking takes place, has been only been around for 40,000 to 2 million years.

Emotional management …is the skill of turning down the

  1.) Intensity

  2.) Duration and

  3.) Frequency of your negative, destructive emotions.

Emotional management allows you to have more of a conscious choice in which emotions you feel, when you feel them and to what degree. It is about inserting a third of a second between the time you experience the emotion in the moment and the behavior which follows.

For instance, anger is an action script to remove obstacles which are preventing us from reaching our goals. It has been honed over millions of years to prepare us to attack or confront. This is highly useful when we are out hunting or being hunted (such as our prehistoric ancestors were). Yet, it is not overly helpful when we are flying to anger due to traffic, standing in line or the misbehavior of a child.

Research has shown that the anger cycle can be interrupted within the first .33 seconds.

You become aware of the anger signs within your body (e.g., blood rushing to hands and feet to prepare for attack, heart rate increases, brow furrows, overfocusing on situation that incited anger, shallow breathing).

You label the anger (the simple act of properly labeling negative emotions has been shown to reduce their intensity).

Honor it (”Hey, I’m feeling angry here. Let’s take a time out and come back later”).

Breathe deeply and turn your thoughts towards something pleasant (a distraction).

This reduces the intensity of the anger and allows you to insert some conscious thought between the feeling of anger and the way in which you behave as a result of the anger.

Emotional management is one of the most important skills you can learn in this lifetime. Check it out. You’ll be happy you did!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

How To Use The Latest In Sports Psychology To Improve Your Soccer Game

Here is an article I wrote recently for Article Dashboard…

A varsity soccer player heads the ball into the goal to put his team ahead by one. With more than 20 minutes to play, players on the team that is behind start to hang their heads. Their body language, slumped shoulders, a slow walk, and frustrated, angry expressions convey their temporary lack of resiliency. The speed with which they can bounce back from this setback holds the key to their success. Do they give in to their disappointment, let it turn to resignation, and ever-so-slightly decrease their efforts? Or do they use their anger to stoke the fires of competition and redouble their efforts to score and tie the game? Psychology is beginning to unravel some of the mysteries around sports performance in general and around soccer in particular. This article discusses three recent findings in sports psychology and how they can be best applied to soccer.For instance, players who make predictions about who will win the upcoming game enjoy the game less than those who do not. By predicting the outcome of the game, it creates the possibility of being incorrect and thus leads to the anticipation of regret. This anticipation of being wrong puts more pressure on the player to perform. As we know, too much pressure can push a player out of the zone (where performance is maximized) and into a subpar performance.

Focus On Playing to Potential, Not Winning

A better approach is that of nonattachment where players do not get overly attached to the idea of winning or losing. Soccer players can control one thing – their own play. By focusing the team on playing to their best individual and team potential, and decreasing focus on winning, the team plays more relaxed, more effective soccer.

Understand Your Players for Better Penalty Kicks

Another finding shows that some individuals look for potential gains in general and on the soccer field. Other people spend their efforts attempting to thwart negative outcomes. So one group looks to maximize gains, while the other group looks to minimize losses. Soccer coaches can identify this tendency in individual players and use it to fulfill their players’ potential. For example, when preparing players for penalty shootouts, coaches can talk to players who look to maximize gains (usually the forwards and some midfielders) and tell them to focus on scoring. On the other hand, coaches can prep those who seek to minimize losses (usually the fullbacks) by telling them to focus on not missing the shot. These are individualized messages that can run through the shooter’s head while preparing to take the PK which will increase the probability of success during the shootout.

Use Mirror Neurons to Your Advantage

Finally, soccer players become better simply by watching world class players. There is a ‘mirror system’ in the human brain which responds to actions we watch, such as Cristiano Ronaldo scoring a goal with a heel kick or performing a scissor move. This system in the brain has been shown in brain scan studies to activate when the individual is viewing a sport or activity in which they participate. However, the mirror system does not activate for a dancer watching a soccer player. The mirror system only activates for individuals who have been trained in the particular sport being viewed. We have known for over 50 years that visualization is helpful in improving sports performance (beginning with slalom skiing back in the 1950’s). Science is just discovering that the brain also learns by observing experts. Although no muscle movement takes place in the observer, the brain acts as if the body is replicating the movements being made while watching Ronaldo. The same pattern of neurons fire when watching Ronaldo perform a bicycle kick as when the player him- or herself does a bicycle kick. The possibility exists that players can hone their skills during injuries by watching professional soccer games, highlights on YouTube of favorite players and attending live games.

There are a number of things that psychology can add to sport in general and soccer in particular. Try incorporating some of these suggestions in your play or coaching and see what results come. Above all, have fun. Soccer is first and foremost a game!

About the Author

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that focuses on coaching individuals and groups to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, psychoneuroimmunology and physiology. Most recently, Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been a coach and psychologist for over 10 years.

Dr. Schinnerer is also President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Infinet was founded in 1997 and has worked with companies such as UPS, CSE Insurance Group and Schreiber Foods.

Dr. John Schinnerer was Chief Communication Officer of Emotion Mining Company, which has a patented method to measure and quantify conscious and subconscious emotions for branding, marketing, leadership development and organizational change.


Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development to sports psychology. He is a noted speaker and author on topics such as emotional intelligence, sports psychology, and executive leadership.
Dr. Schinnerer wrote, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which was recently awarded the “Best Self-Help Book of 2007.” He has written articles on corporate ethics and EQ in the workplace for Workspan magazine, HR.com, and Business Ethics. He has given numerous presentations, radio shows and seminars to tens of thousands of people for organizations such as SHRM, NCHRA, KNEW and KDIA.By: Dr. John Schinnerer

Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.comDr. John Schinnerer is Pres. of Infinet Assessment (www.InfinetAssessment.com) a testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Infinet has worked with companies such as UPS, CSE Insurance Group and Schreiber Foods. He also runs Guide To Self(www.GuideToSelf.com), a company that focuses on coaching individuals and groups to their potential using the latest in positive psychology. In 2007, he wrote ‘Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought’