The Secret to a Lasting Marriage – Correct 91% of the time!

Dealing with Disagreement for Couples
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self
(925) 944-3440
www.GuideToSelf.com

Cupid may help people fall in love, but he fails miserably when it comes to helping couples remain in love. That’s because the degree to which you love someone, amazingly, has little to do with how long your relationship lasts. The biggest secret to a happy relationship has to do with how well you deal with your conflicts.

Researchers can accurately determine if a couple will divorce by watching them talk about their differences for just five minutes. Using this little chunk of information, researchers are correct 91% of the time in uncovering those relationships that will endure versus those that will crash and burn.

In partnerships headed for divorce, a woman typically brings up an difficult topic by criticizing her husband. For instance, when the woman wants her spouse to fix the sink, she might say “You never do anything around the house.” The husband usually responds by getting negative and blaming his wife with comments like, “What are you – stupid!? You don’t appreciate all that I do! I never sit down.” And so on down the road to divorce.

If you want to keep your marriage intact, find a healthy way to communicate.

To keep your relationships going strong, I recommend these emotional tools:

1. USE “I” STATEMENTS WHEN TELLING ABOUT THE PROBLEM:

When you’re upset with your spouse, begin the conversation at a low level of intensity. Don’t start by with an attack. Instead use the I statements. Start by explaining how you feel and why you feel that way. Follow it up with what you need your spouse to do. For instance, “I’m frustrated by everything I have to do. The house is a mess and we have guests coming over tonight. I need your help picking up the house.”

2. STAY CALM WHILE LISTENING TO THE PROBLEM:

When your spouse tells you what’s wrong, stay calm. Fight the automatic urge to attack. Instead, ask your partner to be specific about what he or she wants like, “What do you need me to do?” If you’re too mad to be respectful, take time to calm down — go for a walk, watch TV, go to bed — before talking again. It’s always helpful to have a standing time out rule where anyone can take a break from a disagreement because they are too angry or emotional to continue. Nothing will get resolved if one or both of you are angry. First, get past the anger, then solve the dispute.

The Happiness Hypothesis – Dr. John Schinnerer Talks to Dr. Jon Haidt

Dr. John Schinnerer talks with Dr. Jonathan Haidt, author of “The Happiness Hypothesis: Why the Meaningful Life is Closer Than You Think.” Jon is a professor at the University of Virginia. And his book is about ten Great Ideas. Each chapter is an attempt to appreciate one idea that has been discovered by several of the world’s civilizations: to question it in light of what we now know from scientific research, and to extract from it the lessons that still apply to our modern lives. It is a book about how to construct a life of virtue, happiness, fulfillment, and meaning.

Some of the questions asked include…

You use metaphors effectively to help readers understand complex ideas. Would you tell us about your rider (conscious mind) and the elephant (unconscious, emotional mind) metaphor?

You write that we are all hypocrites and so it’s quite hard for us to stick to the Golden Rule. Why are we so hypocritical?

What about the happiness hypothesis? Where do you think happiness comes from?

What are your thoughts about Nietszche’s statement, “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger?”

How have our concepts of values and morality changed over the years?

Listen in to Dr. John Schinnerer every Monday through Friday on KDIA 1640 AM in the SF Bay Area. http://www.guidetoself.com.
Duration:27 minutes, 38 seconds


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The 14 Types of Life Leeches and Energy Vampires

Everyone of us knows one, a person who leaves you feeling drained, exhausted and negative, after every encounter. They’re called Life Leeches – people who suck…you dry. Life Leeches create barriers to a happy life. They don’t want you to be happy because they aren’t happy.

There are at least 14 types of Life Leeches of which you need to be aware. The Volcanic Leech, the Emotional Ice Cube, the Sprinting Leech, the Antisocial Leech, the Oblivious Leech, the Empty Shell Leech, the Advice Junkie Leech and more.

Find out about the various types of Leeches AND how to identify them so they don’t drain you of your vitality. Guide To Self Radio is hosted by Dr. John Schinnerer, a psychologist out of U.C. Berkeley.
More shows are available at http://www.guidetoself.com/interviews.htm.
Duration:27 minutes, 21 seconds


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How to Become More Resilient or How to Bounce Back from Hardships

Some exciting news from the Mount Sinai School of Medicine (one of the top medical schools in the world) about resiliency. Dr. Dennis Charney recently presented critical new information as a result of his studies with Prisoners Of War (POWs). Dr. Charney has spent years looking at how at soldiers who fought in the Vietnam war, were taken prisoner, tortured and beaten for 6-8 years, and came out of it psychologically healthy. How do you manage that? That very information is shared in the second half of this show. Dr. John Schinnerer on Guide To Self Radio. KDIA 1640 AM Monday – Friday at 5 pm. www.GuideToSelf.com Dr. John is available to help increase your resiliency at (925) 944-3440.
Call today!


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Uncover the Potential of the Human Heart and Mind – Your Heart

A recent show about the immense power contained within the human heart. This information will change your view of the world around you and within you. The heart has a mini-brain. The heart creates the largest field of energy within the body. Some tools of measurement claim our energy emanates (sp?) to be 10 feet outside of the body. How do you get the brain in synch with the heart? That is the key!

Dr. John Schinnerer on Guide to Self radio – KDIA 1640 AM. http://www.Guidetoself.com

PS The baby is well. Molly is an angel. There is always a line of people waiting to hold her. Mostly – my first three children. God forbid, you cut in line! :>)

What a miracle, she is.

Guide To Self(C) 2005-06