Parenting Three Boys In a Girls’ World

Dr. John chats with Amy about parenting boys in this day and age where boys are often expected to act like little girls – quiet, restrained, and self-reflective. We’ve discussed the disservice we’ve done to our boys and men by shaming them into suppressing their feelings. After being shamed numerous times with looks of contempt and disgust, suppressing emotions becomes automatic. Once their behavior is automatic, then boys have two choices to respond to a perceived threat – silence or violence. They either get very quiet, withdraw or lash out physically.

Some boys have a terribly hard time managing their anger due to ADHD or simply to the fact that boys have more physical energy than girls.
So the question is how do you deal with this energy level particularly in the classroom? Tune in to find out.

Guide To Self can be heard Monday through Friday on KDIA 1640 AM at 5 pm in the SF Bay Area or via the web at http://www.kdia.com.

More information is available at http://www.guidetoself.com or by calling 925.944.3440.

Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the best in employee testing. http://www.InfinetAssessment.com.


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Positive Change on a Global Basis – Possibility or Pipe Dream?

Join Guide To Self for an out of the box show. Dr. John talks with Tom Munnecke, founder of Uplift Academy and a former Visiting Scholar at Stanford University, about positive change on a global basis.

Where Dr. John is passionate about helping individuals manage their internal world, their thoughts and feelings, and their immediate relationships, Tom is passionate about helping groups of individuals using the power of the web to create a better world. Idealistic? Absolutely. Foolish? Not a bit.

Tom focuses on a different level or layer of the challenge – the challenge to improve the world on a large scale.

After 30 years designing large scale hospital information systems, Tom Munnecke quit his job as a vice president and chief scientist at a Fortune 500 company. He asked himself, “What is the simplest thing I can do which will have the greatest benefit for humanity?” A 5 year process of travel, study, and meditation lead to the formation of GivingSpace – a think tank to explore innovative ways of using technology in humanitarian activities. In 2003, Tom took a position as a Visiting Scholar at Stanford’s Digital Visions Program during which he shifted his focus from purely charitable giving and philanthropy to a more general notion of humanitarian uplift, which was based on Jon Haidt’s notion of the positive emotion of elevation.

Most recently Tom founded the Uplift Academy, a think tank where visionaries can discuss big ideas about hilanthropy, networking and giving back to society.

Dr. John Schinnerer can be heard daily on Guide To Self Radio on KDIA Monday through Friday at 5 pm in the San Francisco Bay Area. http://www.guidetoself.com.

Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the leader in employee testing ttp://www.infinetassessment.com.


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The Secret to a Lasting Marriage – Correct 91% of the time!

Dealing with Disagreement for Couples
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self
(925) 944-3440
www.GuideToSelf.com

Cupid may help people fall in love, but he fails miserably when it comes to helping couples remain in love. That’s because the degree to which you love someone, amazingly, has little to do with how long your relationship lasts. The biggest secret to a happy relationship has to do with how well you deal with your conflicts.

Researchers can accurately determine if a couple will divorce by watching them talk about their differences for just five minutes. Using this little chunk of information, researchers are correct 91% of the time in uncovering those relationships that will endure versus those that will crash and burn.

In partnerships headed for divorce, a woman typically brings up an difficult topic by criticizing her husband. For instance, when the woman wants her spouse to fix the sink, she might say “You never do anything around the house.” The husband usually responds by getting negative and blaming his wife with comments like, “What are you – stupid!? You don’t appreciate all that I do! I never sit down.” And so on down the road to divorce.

If you want to keep your marriage intact, find a healthy way to communicate.

To keep your relationships going strong, I recommend these emotional tools:

1. USE “I” STATEMENTS WHEN TELLING ABOUT THE PROBLEM:

When you’re upset with your spouse, begin the conversation at a low level of intensity. Don’t start by with an attack. Instead use the I statements. Start by explaining how you feel and why you feel that way. Follow it up with what you need your spouse to do. For instance, “I’m frustrated by everything I have to do. The house is a mess and we have guests coming over tonight. I need your help picking up the house.”

2. STAY CALM WHILE LISTENING TO THE PROBLEM:

When your spouse tells you what’s wrong, stay calm. Fight the automatic urge to attack. Instead, ask your partner to be specific about what he or she wants like, “What do you need me to do?” If you’re too mad to be respectful, take time to calm down — go for a walk, watch TV, go to bed — before talking again. It’s always helpful to have a standing time out rule where anyone can take a break from a disagreement because they are too angry or emotional to continue. Nothing will get resolved if one or both of you are angry. First, get past the anger, then solve the dispute.

The Happiness Hypothesis – Dr. John Schinnerer Talks to Dr. Jon Haidt

Dr. John Schinnerer talks with Dr. Jonathan Haidt, author of “The Happiness Hypothesis: Why the Meaningful Life is Closer Than You Think.” Jon is a professor at the University of Virginia. And his book is about ten Great Ideas. Each chapter is an attempt to appreciate one idea that has been discovered by several of the world’s civilizations: to question it in light of what we now know from scientific research, and to extract from it the lessons that still apply to our modern lives. It is a book about how to construct a life of virtue, happiness, fulfillment, and meaning.

Some of the questions asked include…

You use metaphors effectively to help readers understand complex ideas. Would you tell us about your rider (conscious mind) and the elephant (unconscious, emotional mind) metaphor?

You write that we are all hypocrites and so it’s quite hard for us to stick to the Golden Rule. Why are we so hypocritical?

What about the happiness hypothesis? Where do you think happiness comes from?

What are your thoughts about Nietszche’s statement, “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger?”

How have our concepts of values and morality changed over the years?

Listen in to Dr. John Schinnerer every Monday through Friday on KDIA 1640 AM in the SF Bay Area. http://www.guidetoself.com.
Duration:27 minutes, 38 seconds


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The 14 Types of Life Leeches and Energy Vampires

Everyone of us knows one, a person who leaves you feeling drained, exhausted and negative, after every encounter. They’re called Life Leeches – people who suck…you dry. Life Leeches create barriers to a happy life. They don’t want you to be happy because they aren’t happy.

There are at least 14 types of Life Leeches of which you need to be aware. The Volcanic Leech, the Emotional Ice Cube, the Sprinting Leech, the Antisocial Leech, the Oblivious Leech, the Empty Shell Leech, the Advice Junkie Leech and more.

Find out about the various types of Leeches AND how to identify them so they don’t drain you of your vitality. Guide To Self Radio is hosted by Dr. John Schinnerer, a psychologist out of U.C. Berkeley.
More shows are available at http://www.guidetoself.com/interviews.htm.
Duration:27 minutes, 21 seconds


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