17. September 2010 by John Schinnerer.

Richard Boyatzis and his colleagues (Boyatzis, R.E., Murphy, A.J., Wheeler, J.V. Philosophy as a missing link between values and behavior. January, 2000) have proposed that each of us uses an underlying philosophy to determine how we behave in relation to our values. Boyatzis suggest three major philosophical systems that are likely to influence an individual’s actions, thoughts, values and feelings in various ways.

These three philosophies are pragmatic, intellectual and humanistic.

A person with a pragmatic outlook looks at the output or consequence of a decision as the key to the perceived value. The desire is to maximize the output relative to the input. Pragmatists focus on the individual and assume that the individual chooses actions based on their own self-interest in order to maximize their benefits. This is akin to rationalizing away any values above and beyond those that work in the favor of self-interest. For example, a pragmatic person might list “family” as a top value, yet spends eighty hours a week away from his family working at his job. He spends as little time as possible at home. He says his behavior is in accordance with his values since he is earning money and providing for his family’s needs. In truth, his behavior is a function of his workaholism. He is addicted to working because he is afraid of intimacy and therefore is uncomfortable at home.

A person with an intellectual philosophy uses his intellect to make most decisions. The intellectual gauges the value of an activity, person or effort by its consistency with a set of rational ideals such as the Ten Commandments or a professional code of ethics.  The intellectual uses logic as the main means to make judgments of value and meaning. An example is the intellectual person who lists “family” as a top value, and spends 55 hours a week at work and evenings and weekends with his family. He is present to help with homework and bedtime. The intellectual interacts with his family rationally and gets irritated when his children are not rational in their response to him. While he spends more time with his family, he is not available emotionally for his children and wife. His behavior is in keeping with his stated value of “family” but the quality of time spent with family members is low due to low emotional and social awareness.

An individual with a humanitarian philosophy views personal relationships as the primary yardstick for judging meaning and value in life. Emotions and actions within the context of a relationship are seen as most important. In particular, family and close friends are the most important of all relationships. People with a humanitarian outlook prize values that emphasize the worth of the individual and interpersonal relationships as the greatest “good.” The worth of an activity or effort is judged in terms of its effect on an individual’s close relationships. For example, the humanitarian lists “family” as his top value and establishes a balance between work and home. He also has a balance between his intellect and his emotions. Thus, when he is home with his family, he is available to them emotionally as well as intellectually.

On the face of it, it seems that a high degree of emotional intelligence is required for an individual to operate based on the humanitarian philosophy. If that is true, then these three philosophies might be related to the degree of IQ and EQ that an individual possesses. For instance, a person with adequate IQ and little EQ is likely to be employing the pragmatic view. And a person with adequate IQ and moderate EQ is probably using the intellectual philosophy. Finally, a person with adequate IQ and a high EQ is likely to use the humanitarian outlook.

Boyatzis states that no one philosophy is “better” than another. Hi belief is that the philosophies merely drive the individual’s behaviors, thoughts and emotions in different ways.

What If One Philosophy Is Better Than Another?

While Boyatzis has made great progress in clarifying part of the mystery connecting values and behaviors, I believe that these philosophies are hierarchical and developmental in nature. This means that one philosophy is better than another.

My model states that all of us start out as children with a pragmatic or self-centered philosophy. Assuming a normal developmental path, we eventually learn the intellectual philosophy and adopt it as the primary means by which to evaluate our actions, thoughts and feelings. For those of us who continue to learn, grow and develop beyond our intellect, into the realm of emotional intelligence, we adopt the humanitarian outlook as our method of judging the worth of our behavior, thoughts and emotions. This implies that certain values and/or strengths will be “available” to different individuals at different times in their lives. And some values may never be available to individuals that don’t progress past the pragmatic philosophy, such as allowing one’s self to be loved and wisdom (or perspective-taking).

In other words, the pragmatist may never be able to truly act in accordance with a stated value such as world peace because it is not in his best interest to do so. He can state world peace as a value yet it would not make any sense to work towards it as it does not maximize output and minimize input. Just the opposite would be true; he would have to put in a great deal of time and energy to make a tiny difference.
Every one of us has a values system.  A values system is the set of values that we hold important and the way in which they are prioritized. 

Personal Values As Ends and As Means

Personal values come in two types — ends and means. 

End values are the desired outcomes that a person desperately wants to achieve such as “freedom”, or “a purposeful life.”  Each individual has a different set of end values in his or her values system. 

Means values are beliefs about a person’s desired traits or ways of being such as “loving”, “forgiving”, or “kind.”  We possess means values because we believe that each one of the means values helps us to achieve our ends values.  For instance, “loving” may be a means value that helps one move towards the ends value of “a purposeful life.”

Take a moment to clarify your own top values. Take a moment to figure out which of the three philosophies is your primary one. Figure out where you want to go from here and how you want to get there. Figure out your values and the personal philosophy that underlies them…on your way to success.

To life, love and laughter,

John Schinnerer Ph.D.

Founder of Guide To Self, Inc.

Visit the site above for a complimentary copy of my award-winning book on the latest ways to manage your own thoughts and emotions to ensure greater character, integrity and success! Be character driven, not emotion driven!

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17. September 2010 by John Schinnerer.

A happy, successful and satisfying life involves behaving according to a your own set of ethics, standards, or values.  Values are the core beliefs upon which you operate your life. You may be aware of your core beliefs. You may not. In my experience, I’ve noticed that the vast majority of people do not have any idea what their top values are.

Remember - You Are a Worthy Individual

To get the most from your life, you must believe at your core that you are a worthy individual – worthy of love, worthy of respect, worthy of making mistakes to learn from, worthy of friendship, worthy of quality friends, worthy of appropriate boundaries, worthy of taking time to refill and renew yourself, worthy of a flourishing and fulfilling life.

Our values are the stars by which we navigate through life. Henry David Thoreau wrote, ‘The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.’

It Is Easy to Lose Track of Values In A Busy World

Ours is much too busy and noisy a world. Our lives take on a frenetic pace and people lose track of the values that give life meaning and purpose.

Everyone says they are for values – individuals, schools and corporations. All are quick to claim lofty ideals. The problem is their actions are not in keeping with their words, particularly at times of high emotion. Thus, we have schools that talk about treating children with compassion while verbally flagellating them in the classrooms.  We have parents that profess to love their children yet rage at them behind closed doors. We have businesses that say they value their customers yet treat them as if they were unintelligent nuisances. 

Ignore Values at Your Peril

People unaware of their values are more likely to be uncaring, conforming, inconsistent, and self-conflicted.

The less we know of our values, the less success and happiness we enjoy.

Clarify Your Values, Enjoy Success

The more we understand our values, the better able we are to make right choices which lead to right action even in the heat of strong emotions. This leads to integrity, happiness and prosperity.

Clarity of values leads to decisive acts of courage which are becoming exceedingly rare in this world. Don’t be driven by the whims of your emotions. Be character driven.   Be value driven.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Founder Guide to Self, Inc.

For a free copy of John’s award-winning book, Guide to Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought, visit GuideToSelf.com, enter your email and name and be rewarded with instant access to your own PDF version of the book!

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26. August 2010 by John Schinnerer.

Your emotions have a tremendous influence on your health. More specifically, the frequency with which you feel positive emotions, such as joy, laughter and relaxation, are critical for your ongoing physical health.

A recent study from the University of Kansas has added more weight to this relatively new line of thought linking positive emotion and physical health. The latest intellectual jaunt provides keen evidence of the deep-seated need for positive emotions throughout the world.

Sarah Pressman, assistant prof of psychology at Kansas stated, “We’ve known for a while now that emotions play a critical role in physical health, but until recently, most of this research was conducted only in industrialized countries. So we couldn’t know whether feelings like happiness or sadness matter to the health of people who have more pressing concerns — like getting enough to eat or finding shelter. But now we do.” The findings indicate the tremendous importance of positive emotions in the physical health of all individuals, particularly those in impoverished parts of the world.

Gathering an enormous sample that consisted of more than 150,000 adults from over 140 countries, the study represents more than 95% of the world’s population.  Individuals studied described their recent emotions including happiness, worry, anger, anxiety and sadness.  They also reported their physical status, including health problems such as physical pain, exhaustion and illness. In addition, they described the extent to which their basic needs were currently met (e.g., clothing, shelter, food).

Results found that the frequency of positive emotions experienced are ‘unmistakably linked to better health,’ even when basic needs were accounted for. Notably, the opposite was found to be true as well: Destructive emotions, such as anger, fear and sadness, were reliable predictors of reduced physical health.

Amazingly, the relationship between emotion and physical health was stronger than that between health and basic human needs, like food and shelter. Even for those individuals aching with hunger or suffering from a harsh environment due to lack of shelter, the presence of positive emotions increased health. In fact, the relationship was most powerful in the poorest countries involved in the study.

This essential human need for positive emotions and the importance of positive emotions for physical health is quickly getting established as medical certainty.

To laughter, life and love,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Founder Guide To Self, Inc.

Award-winning author and blogger

For free copy of John’s award-winning book, ‘Guide to Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion’ visit http://www.GuideToSelf.com and register with your name and email.

 MLA University of Kansas (2009, March 5). Human Emotions Hold Sway Over Physical Health Worldwide.

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20. August 2010 by John Schinnerer.

How do you feel about your employer? A new study in Perspectives on Psychological Science indicates that how happy a company’s employees are is strongly related to how well the company performs in a number of important areas - increased employee retention, improved customer loyalty, and greater profitability.

Such findings may signal a coming downturn for companies such as JetBlue whose former flight attendant recently told a customer over the loudspeaker to take a hike and then jumped out the emergency exit. Assuming more of Jetblue’s workforce is equally unhappy, the company’s profitability is likely to decrease in the short term.

Given the amount of time you spend at work, it seems reasonable that work influences how happy we are. More and more studies are documenting the connection between your attitudes towards work, your mood outside of the workplace and physical outcomes like coronary heart disease.
Come to find out, that may be merely the tip of the iceberg. Gallup scientist James K. Harter reported recently that how you perceive your work conditions also seems to have a significant effect on company profitability.

In Harter’s latest findings, Gallup examined data from over 2,000 business units (e.g., retail stores and sales offices) within 10 firms. Harter and colleagues pored over employee satisfaction surveys, customer loyalty numbers, employee retention rates, and financial performance of the organizations. Harter performed data anayses to determine the strength of relationships between employee job satisfaction and the outcome measures of the firms.

Findings showed that how employees perceive work conditions predict critical organizational outcomes. In other words, when employees hold their company in a positive light, the company was far more likely to have higher employee retention, increased customer loyalty, and improved profitability.

Unexpectedly, the findings indicate that employee perceptions influence these outcomes more than the outcomes affect employee perceptions. It may be that profitability begins with positive employee perceptions of their employer, their job and their overall contribution. Thus, happy employees seem to be key to increased profitability.

Harter suggests that ‘helping employees see the ultimate outcomes the organization is working to achieve and how they play a role in achieving those outcomes’ may be the greatest benefit managers can provide to those they supervise.

By John Schinnerer, Ph.D.
Founder Guide To Self
Award-winning author (Guide to Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Happiness)
Award-winning blogger (Top 3 in positive psychology by PostRank, Top 100 by The Daily Reviewer)
Free 216 page eBook on latest ways to increase happiness from the inside out at http://www.Guidetoself.com

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Journal References:

1.     Manon Mireille LeBlanc, Julian Barling. Workplace Aggression. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2004; 13 (1): 9 DOI: 10.1111/j.0963-7214.2004.01301003.x

2.     H. R. Bowles, M. Gelfand. Status and the Evaluation of Workplace Deviance. Psychological Science, 2009; 21 (1): 49 DOI: 10.1177/0956797609356509

3.     Paul E. Spector. Employee Control and Occupational Stress. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2002; 11 (4): 133 DOI: 10.1111/1467-8721.00185

4.     J. K. Harter, F. L. Schmidt, J. W. Asplund, E. A. Killham, S. Agrawal. Causal Impact of Employee Work Perceptions on the Bottom Line of Organizations. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 2010; 5 (4): 378 DOI: 10.1177/1745691610374589

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12. August 2010 by John Schinnerer.

 The boss’ face is red with rage as he screams obscenities at the subordinate. The boss yells out words he will later regret. The subordinate focuses on breathing deeply and staying calm as he watches his boss spin out of emotional control. In the face of his boss’ fury, the subordinate is unruffled and able to think clearly. When the manager finishes his tirade, the 25-year-old subordinate asserts himself, “I understand you are upset. It frustrates me when you yell at me. I need you to speak to me in a calm tone of voice.”

Assertiveness is the courage to do the right thing, at the right time, in the right manner, despite a known risk of negative consequences. Assertiveness basically comes down to courage – the courage to do what you know is right, in your heart, despite the possibility of negative consequences. Assertiveness exists on a continuum between the poles of docile and aggressive.

Think of assertiveness as a matter of degree; it exists on a 1 through 10 scale where 1 is meek and 10 is overly aggressive. For most people, assertiveness varies according to the situation. For example, the hard-nosed, results-driven executive may be highly assertive at work, yet be quite meek when it comes to dealing with his wife and teenage daughter at home.

So assertiveness is environment-specific. Usually, your degree of assertiveness is couched within a role that you play – parent, spouse, boss, friend, and so on. The goal is to learn how to be appropriately assertive without being a bully. If you are assertive at work, you may roll over at home. If you are assertive at home, you might be a pushover at work. Or perhaps you could be more assertive in both settings!

Stop Being a Wimp

Most of us are wimps (at least in some situations like work OR home). Wimps are people who cannot or will not say ‘No.’

Some of us are ubiquitous wimps (which mean that you are wimpy in every situation… with everyone).

Others are situation-specific wimps. These wimps can be a tyrant at work and a pushover at home, forceful with strangers yet completely spineless with friends.

Wimpiness can vary according to the situation. Some people feel more comfortable being assertive in some areas of their life than others.

Please understand that I use the term ‘wimp’ with respect and understanding. I am a recovering wimp myself.

Being a wimp often works well in the short run because you don’t risk upsetting anyone. You let others have their way and no one’s knickers get in a knot.

However, in the long run, your anger and disappointment get buried deep within you. And you may not even realize it!

As you try to stuff more and more anger inside your emotional gas tank, the tank eventually overflows resulting in irritation, outbursts of rage and passive aggressive behavior. You get angry at the wrong people, people who don’t deserve your wrath.

These repressed emotions also lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, high blood pressure, stroke, and heart attacks. In short, wimpiness is bad for you and destructive to your health and happiness.

KEY: For a meaningful, happy and healthy life, you must learn to be appropriately assertive.  

So what can you do? How do you stop being a wimp?

Identify your most cherished values

What do I value?

With what degree of certainty?

Which values am I willing to publicly declare?

What ones am I willing to die for?

And most importantly, what values am I willing to live for?

Once you’ve identified your values, then you must figure out how consistent your words are with your actions. In other words, do you act in a manner that’s consistent with your values?

The more authentic you are, the better life you lead. Authenticity means that your values are consistent with your words, feelings and actions. The greater the consistency between your internal world and your external world, the more authenticity you have.

Values guide the whole thing, your whole life.  Values give you a decision-making framework.

KEY: Values are MOST important when you are under duress.

Values are critical when you are stressed out, depressed, irritable and under the gun. However, in order for them to be any use to you at all, you have to know your top 5 values by rote. Values have to be automatic, unconscious, repeated over and over until they are known by heart. It’s not enough to look at them once or twice a year. Infrequent value visits are not enough to sear them into your long-term memory.

To get you started, a list of the top  35 values that exist throughout the world is available free of charge at the Articles page at Guide To Self. This is a list of values drawn from work by the top values researchers on the planet!

Figure Out How You Want Others to Treat You

If you want other people to treat you differently, you need to know how you want to be treated. Do you want your wife to stop yelling at you? Do you want more respect from your husband? Do you want your boss to speak to you in an indoor tone of voice? Do you want your children to help pick up the house?

The first step is to figure out exactly what it is you want. Look at what is making you angry or irritated throughout the day. Make a mental note of each thing. Then figure out what you’d like to change in each relationship in your life. Where are you being taken advantage of?  What are you tolerating? What are you putting up with? The first step is to unearth the answers to these questions. This is easier said than done for many of us!

Ask for What You Want

After you have figured out how you want to be treated, then ask for it. This step takes courage, yet it gets easier the more you do it. And it’s really not as hard as you believe it is. You must learn to express yourself, the real you; what you truly want; how you truly feel, if you want to be treated with more respect. When you learn to state how you feel and what you want, your whole life will begin to change for the better. When you are asking for what you want, be as specific as possible. Keep it as short as possible and hold that thought in your mind, that way you can hold onto it even in the midst of an emotionally-charged conversation.

To stop being a wimp, act with courage. It may feel awkward at first. Every new behavior feels a little strange at first. Most new behaviors take roughly 8 weeks to take hold. After eight weeks, the authentic communication of your thoughts, feelings and needs will fit like a glove and you’ll be wondering why you hadn’t done it sooner.

Practice Saying ‘No’

Many of us have gotten in a dangerous habit of saying ‘yes’ to everyone and everything. However, it’s merely a bad habit which can be changed. If you have trouble with saying ‘No’, if that is too uncomfortable, simply use the phrase, ‘I’ll think about it.’  This is just a temporary stop-gap. It buys you time. Using the phrase ‘I’ll think about it’ will hold off the other party for a time, but it raises your anxiety because you are only delaying giving a final answer.

So realize that the ultimate goal is to be able to say “No” with a clear conscience. You have a right to say “No” to any request that comes your way. You have an obligation to take care of yourself first and foremost.

Learn to Love Change

The next step in becoming more assertive is to learn to love change. As you begin to live by your values and become more assertive, your relationships will change. You are going to make some changes to your life and the way in which you interact with other people. In addition, the only unchanging thing in this life is the fact that change will be constant. The best you can do is learn to love it.

Identify What Makes You Afraid – Then Go After It

Many of us wimps have created massive fears over what will happen if we DO say “No.” We get into catastrophic, all-or-nothing negative thinking. Most often, these are irrational fears that have been blown up to monstrous proportions. Odds are that none of these things will actually happen if you stand up and rightly assert yourself.

Remember to challenge your fears, your negative Gremlin thinking. Don’t let them go by without speaking back to them. Check them against reality. Check your thoughts out with other people. Find out what people you trust have to say about the matter.

Assertiveness is NOT the same as aggressiveness. You don’t have to be rude or impolite to be assertive. You don’t have to attack someone to let them know of your thoughts and your feelings. You have the right to stand up for your rights. You have the God-given right to say “No” and to take proper care of yourself. Each and every one of us has rights. And you have the right to stand up and ask for what you want and need. The worst that can happen is that they say “No. You can’t have that.”

In any case, you need to know what makes your life worth living. And THEN you have to stand up for it. Ask for it. Fight for it. Work towards it. Pay attention to it. You have to know what you want before you can be assertive. If you don’t know, you can’t ask.

In closing, keep in mind that assertiveness requires some courage.

Courage only exists when you feel some degree of fear.

The act of overcoming your fear is known as courage. 

Assertiveness is the courage to do the right thing, at the right time, in the right manner despite possible adverse consequences.

Think of assertiveness on a 1 to 10 scale where 1 is meek and 10 is overly aggressive. Assertiveness usually varies by situation. It is environment-specific.

The ultimate goal is to learn how to be suitably assertive without using intimidation to get what you want.

About the Author
John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

 John Schinnerer Ph.D. is in private practice helping men master their emotions in the beautiful San Ramon Valley in California. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, CA 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology (so he’s smart!). He has been an executive and psychologist for over 14 years.  John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control (so he’s no longer an emotional idiot!). He has hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area (so he has a sense of humor!).  He has served as President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants (so he’s been successful in business!). His areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. He wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com (so he’s highly regarded - at least by some!).  

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