10. November 2010 by John Schinnerer.

ScienceDaily (Nov. 6, 2010) — A little self-awareness can help people struggling in the world of relationships, says Jeffrey Hall, assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas.

Hall recently completed a study into styles of flirting among dating adults, surveying more than 5,100 people regarding their methods of communicating romantic interest.

“Knowing something about the way you communicate attraction says something about challenges you might have had in your past dating life,” Hall said. “Hopefully, this awareness can help people avoid those mistakes and succeed in courtship.”

He identified five styles of flirting: physical, traditional, polite, sincere and playful.

• Physical flirting involves the expression of sexual interest in a potential partner. People who scored high in this form of flirting often develop relationships quickly, have more sexual chemistry and have a greater emotional connection to their partners.

• Traditional flirts think men should make the first move and women should not pursue men. Because they adopt a more passive role in dating, women with this style are likely to report trouble getting men’s attention and are less likely to flirt or be flattered by flirting. Traditional men often know a potential partner for a longer time before approaching them. Both genders tend to be introverted and prefer a more intimate dating scene.

• The polite style of flirting focuses on proper manners and nonsexual communication. Although they are less likely to approach a potential partner and do not find flirting flattering, they do tend to have meaningful relationships.

• Sincere flirting is based on creating emotional connections and communicating sincere interest. Although women tend to score higher in this style, it is advocated by both genders. Relationships involve strong emotional connections and sexual chemistry and are typically meaningful.

• People with playful flirting styles often flirt with little interest in a long-term romance. However, they find flirting fun and enhancing to their self-esteem. They are less likely to have important and meaningful relationships.

Hall said that for the most part, there was little difference between genders within each flirting style.

The research results likely will be used by future researchers who study courtship behaviors, Hall said. But he added that such information has overall value to society.

“In some ways, the very early part of developing relationships is important to the success of long-term relationships, including marriages,” he said.

The results of the survey appear in the October issue of the journal Communication Quarterly. Hall co-authored the article with Steve Carter, senior director of research and product development at eHarmony.com; Michael J. Cody, professor in the Annenberg School for Communication at the University of Southern California; and Julie M. Albright, adjunct professor of sociology at USC.

Take the flirting styles survey: http://connect.ku.edu/tests/flirt/

University of Kansas (2010, November 6). Self awareness can help people navigate rocky seas of relationships. ScienceDaily. Retrieved November 7, 2010, from http://www.sciencedaily.com¬ /releases/2010/11/101101082901.htm

To life, love and laughter!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Founder Guide to Self, Inc.

http://www.GuidetoSelf.com

Posted in Men's feelings, Gender differences, Well-being, San Francisco Bay Area, Men and Women, Free self-help book, Flirting behavior, Automatic mind, Emotion and physical health, Optimal Human Functioning, Danville CA, Emotional mind, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Happiness, Dr. John Schinnerer, Subconscious mind, Relationships, Science of love, Curiosity, Hope, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

10. November 2010 by John Schinnerer.

There is a battle going on in your mind. There are two factions in your mind. Sometimes these two get along and sometimes they are in conflict. At times, the two cooperate. At times, they act in direct opposition to one another.

The two factions are your rational, thinking mind and your automatic, emotional, subconscious mind. Here is the latest study to examine the differences between the two sides…

ScienceDaily (Nov. 8, 2010) — Expert typists are able to zoom across the keyboard without ever thinking about which fingers are pressing the keys. New research from Vanderbilt University reveals that this skill is managed by an autopilot, one that is able to catch errors that can fool our conscious brain.

The research was published in the Oct. 29 issue of Science.

“We all know we do some things on autopilot, from walking to doing familiar tasks like making coffee and, in this study, typing. What we don’t know as scientists is how people are able to control their autopilots,” Gordon Logan, Centennial Professor of Psychology and lead author of the new research, said. “The remarkable thing we found is that these processes are disassociated. The hands know when the hands make an error, even when the mind does not.”

For  a free PDF copy of the award-winning book Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to  Managing Emotion and Thought, visit http://www.GuideToSelf.com and enter your name and email address. This book outlines the latest proven tools for optimal human functioning - tools to manage your negative emotions (anger, anxiety, sadness and stress) and turn up the volume on your positive emotions (gratitude, curiosity, awe, love,  joy, pride, hope, happiness and passion). It also helps you become more aware of your automatic mind and the shortcuts it takes without your consent.

To determine the relationship between the autopilot and the conscious brain, or pilot, and the role of each in detecting errors, Logan and co-author Matthew Crump designed a series of experiments to break the normal connection between what we see on the screen and what our fingers feel as they type.

In the first experiment, Logan and Crump had skilled typists type in words that appeared on the screen and then report whether or not they had made any errors. Using a computer program they created, the researchers either randomly inserted errors that the user had not made or corrected errors the user had made. They also timed the typists’ typing speed, looking for the slowdown that is known to occur when one hits the wrong key. They then asked the typists to evaluate their overall performance.

The researchers found the typists generally took the blame for the errors the program had inserted and took the credit for mistakes the computer had corrected. They were fooled by the program. However, their fingers, as managed by the autopilot, were not — the typists slowed down when they actually made an error, as expected, and did not slow down when a false error appeared on the screen.

In two additional experiments, the researchers set out to probe awareness more deeply. In the second experiment, they had the typists immediately judge their performance after typing each word. In the third, they told typists that the computer might insert or correct errors and again asked them to report on their performance.

The typists still took credit for corrected errors and blame for false errors in the second experiment, and still slowed down after real errors but not after false ones. In the third experiment, the typists were fairly accurate in detecting when the computer inserted an error, but still tended to take credit for corrections the computer had made. As with the other two experiments, the typists slowed down after real but not after false errors.

The research is the first to offer evidence of the different and separate roles of conscious and unconscious processing in detecting errors.

“This suggests that error detection can occur on a voluntary and involuntary basis,” Crump, a postdoctoral fellow in psychology, said. “An important feature of our research is to show that people can compensate for their mistakes even when they are not aware of their errors. And, we have developed a new research tool that allows us to separately investigate the role of awareness in error detection, and the role of more automatic processes involved in error detection. The tool will also allow a better understanding of how these different processes work together.”

The research was supported with funding from the National Science Foundation.

1. Gordon D. Logan, and Matthew J. C. Crump. Cognitive Illusions of Authorship Reveal Hierarchical Error Detection in Skilled Typists. Science, 29 October 2010: Vol. 330. no. 6004, pp. 683 - 686 DOI: 10.1126/science.1190483

To life, love and laughter,

John Schinnerer Ph.D.

Founder Guide to Self, Inc.

http://www.GuideToSelf.com

Posted in Unsconscious mind, Optimal Human Functioning, Alamo CA, San Ramon CA, Subliminal messages, Emotion & learning, Danville CA, Emotion & productivity, San Francisco Bay Area, Well-being, Free self-help book, Inspirational stories, Automatic mind, Managing anger, keys to happiness, Self-help book, Self-improvement book, National speakers, Overcoming failure, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Rational mind, Emotional mind, Happiness, Emotional IQ, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Emotional management, Managing Anxiety, Hope, Awareness, Curiosity, The human brain, Subconscious mind, Managing Sadness, Consciousness, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

26. October 2010 by John Schinnerer.

From Science Daily…

ScienceDaily (Oct. 24, 2010) — Seeing a child or a dog play is not a foreign sight. But what about a turtle or even a wasp?

Apparently, they play, too.

In fact, according to Gordon Burghardt, a psychology professor at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, many animals — not just dogs, cats, and monkeys — need a little play time.

“I studied the behavior of baby and juvenile reptiles for many years and never saw anything that I thought was play. Then I had an epiphany when I saw Pigface, a Nile softshell turtle, batting around a basketball at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. I realized reptiles play, too,” said Burghardt.

Burghardt’s findings are discussed in the October issue of The Scientist. To read the article and view Burghardt’s videos of various animals playing, visit http://www.the-scientist.com/2010/10/1/44/1/.

The article, entitled “Recess,” highlights Burghardt’s five criteria for play. Burghardt is one of the first researchers to define “play” in people and also in species not previously thought capable of play, such as fish, reptiles and invertebrates. Topics raised in the article appeared in Burghardt’s book, “The Genesis of Animal Play — Testing the Limits.”

Burghardt sums up his five criteria in one sentence: “Play is repeated behavior that is incompletely functional in the context or at the age in which it is performed and is initiated voluntarily when the animal or person is in a relaxed or low-stress setting.”

According to Burghardt, by more accurately characterizing play and observing it throughout the entire animal kingdom, humans may better understand themselves.

“In animals we can evaluate more carefully the role of play in learning skills, maintaining physical and mental fitness, improving social relationships and so on than we can in people,” said Burghardt. “We can then develop ideas and apply them to people to see if the same dynamics are at work. For example, the role of play in lessening the effects of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in children is being studied based on research in rats.”

Play has already helped therapy with disturbed children. Also, studies are under way on the beneficial role of active and intellectually stimulating leisure for retirees. Similarly, jobs that resemble play are highly coveted by humans.

“Human children and adults often want to do enjoyable self-rewarding activities and will work hard to have the opportunity to do so. For the luckiest people, their work is itself play when it meets the five criteria,” said Burghardt.

Burghardt’s research illustrates how play is embedded in species’ biology, including in the brain. Play, as much of animals’ psychology including emotions, motivations, perceptions and intellect, is part of their evolutionary history and not just random, meaningless behavior, he said.

“Play is an integral part of life and may make a life worth living.”

University of Tennessee at Knoxville (2010, October 24). Even turtles need recess: Many animals — not just dogs, cats, and monkeys — need a little play time. ScienceDaily. Retrieved October 25, 2010, from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/10/101019132045.htm.

For full article, please click here.

For a free PDF copy of the award-winning self-help book, Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought, visit http://www.GuideToSelf.com.

Have a fantastic week!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Founder Guide to Self, Inc.

Award-winning author, keynote speaker, mental health professional

Posted in Danville CA, Emotion & productivity, Emotion & learning, National speakers, Curiosity, San Ramon CA, Well-being, Managing anger, Free self-help book, Self-improvement book, Self-help book, De-escalating anger, Managing Sadness, Anger Management, Life coach, Guide to Self, Creativity, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Managing Anxiety, Emotional mind, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Happiness, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

17. September 2010 by John Schinnerer.

The Fulfilling Life Exercise

Think about your own life for a moment.Ask yourself, what would a fulfilling life be like for you?

Write a short story about what a fulfilling life would look like for you?

What would your top 5 values be?

What would you be doing at home? At work?

What would your relationships look like?

Would you change any personal characteristics (e.g., physical, mental, emotional)?

What is it that would make you whole and content?

This is much different than asking “What do you want?”

We’re talking about the search for personal fulfillment.

Most people when answering this question look at what they have…what they don’t have… and see a gap …and then look for things to fill the gap. It may be the obvious – a higher-paying job, a wonderful marriage, more money, a promotion, a successful business and so on.
Unfortunately, the happiness derived from HAVING such things is fleeting. I’m sure you’ve experienced this in your own life. You’re ecstatic when you buy a new car. Then the ecstasy fades after a few months.  This same thing happens with relationships, homes, promotions and major purchases.

As long as we are looking for ways to HAVE a fulfilling life, we will only be temporarily fulfilled. Many of us think that more money is the answer. Yet, look at the lives of lottery winners. Most of them have continued to be plagued by the same host of problems that they had prior to becoming wealthy. In fact, for many of them, their problems have been magnified! I know of one couple that said they wished they had never even won the lottery as it led to greater problems, addictions, and eventually divorce.
A different framework is needed through which we view life, a different way of viewing fulfillment. Ask yourself what it would take for you to BE fulfilled.

This minor difference in wording implies that fulfillment is enjoying the journey, not merely a destination. This doesn’t mean that you will stop wanting things. Just that the things are mere expressions of fulfillment, not the means to fulfillment.

This means that we can be fulfilled even in the midst of difficult situations. Fulfillment means that you are fully alive and in synch with the different energies of the universe. It may be described as being in harmony with the environment around you. It also involves living in synch with your personal values. It may involve keeping your cool while others are losing theirs. Everyone’s definition of fulfillment is unique and changes constantly.

And this is largely what coaching is about – inviting clients to look closely, not merely with their brains, but with their heart, soul and intuition, at themselves, in areas which are familiar, but viewed with new lenses, and at places that have never been looked at before.

The famous psychologist, Erich Fromm wrote, “”Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself.” The way in which we give birth to ourselves is by listening to and following our dreams.

How to Access Your Dreams: 

Ask yourself…

  What would make me happy?

  Why would it make me happy, and why is it important to me?

  How will it benefit other people?

  When do I want it to happen?

Keep a journal by your bed to write down your thoughts and feelings. Over time your dreams will reveal themselves to you. As they do, your passion, happiness and engagement with life will soar. Enjoy the ride.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Founder Guide to Self, Inc.
For a free copy of my award-winning self-help book, Guide to Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought, visit the site above, enter your name and email and receive an instant complimentary copy. Begin improving your life today!

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14. September 2010 by John Schinnerer.

John Schinnerer Ph.D.

Guide to Self, Inc.

What are some things that make you happy?

I started a list to share with my clients. This is a list that may be used to distract oneself from negative thoughts and feelings if one so desires. This is only a partial list. It is still in the infancy stage. I would love your input. Please add what makes you happy (or proud, or awestruck, or loved, etc.) below in the comments section.

Positive emotions might include happiness, pride, curiosity, awe, gratitude, hope, compassion, anticipation, interest, curiosity, love, pleasure, satisfaction, contentment or relaxation. Feel free to add any others!

The List of Experiences That Make You Happy

Birth of child

Birth of animal (e.g. puppies, kittens)

Competing in a game (e.g. soccer, tennis, water polo, football, baseball)

Winning a game

Playing the game with honor

Promotion at work

Promotion at school (e.g. higher grade)

Reaching a short-term goal (e.g. saving up $10 for a toy)

Reaching a medium-term goal (e.g. losing 10 pounds)

Reaching a long-term goal (e.g. earning $1 million)

Achieving a milestone (e.g. finishing high school or college)

Taking pride in watching your child attain a significant milestone (e.g. first step, first job, driver’s license, marriage, birth of grandchild)

Watching your child perform a big accomplishment (e.g. great grades, athletic accomplishment, academic degree, important job)

Being thanked by your child for being their parent (any show of gratitude by your child really!)

Observing the degree to which you have grown over the years (e.g. emotionally, mentally, physically, work-related)

Completing a book or manuscript or play

Finishing a work of art (e.g. poem, painting, sculpture, picture, movie)

Being in nature

Being fully in the present moment

Enjoying pleasant memories

Relishing future feats

Coming face-to-face with a non-threatening wild animal (e.g. sea turtle, deer, moose, but NOT a bear!)

Receiving an award or honor
Being in the zone/fully engaged

Being appreciated for your hard work

Being appreciated for your unconditional love

Sexual pleasure

Savoring a delicious meal or drink

Savoring sunsets

Taking in a full moon

Anticipating an upcoming pleasurable event

Exercise

Reuniting with a person you haven’t seen in years

Hugs

Looking forward to your thoughts!

Best,
John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Founder Guide to Self

Anger management classes now being offered online at http://drjohnsblog.wordpress.com.

Get a free copy of John’s award-winning self-help book (Guide to Self) at www.GuidetoSelf.com!!!

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