Teen Stress Connected To Depression And Obesity Recent Penn State Study

4. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

This past weekend, I presented at a Parenting Conference on Strengths-Based Approaches to parenting. At the conference, a new film, The Race to Nowhere, was screened.The movie brought up a number of pertinent issues regarding the educational system in the United States…

 

 

The creation of high degrees of chronic stress in all ages of students (but not all students) due to excessive homework demands.

 

The excessive homework load seems to be largely due to curriculum which has been pushed down to lower and lower grade, often to the point where the academic requirements are mismatched with the developmental stage of the student.

 

The well being and happiness of students are not considered relevant in the current educational system.

 

The current system puts students into a constant forward-looking race to get to the next stage of education. For instance, sixth graders are looking at which foreign language classes to take to get into college; 7th & 8th graders are focused on what to do now to get into the advanced track classes in high school; many high school students are continually focused on what they can do in terms of extracurriculars and AP grades to get into the ‘right’ colleges.

 

Once in college, students are finding they never learned how to think critically on their own. Rather they were taught to regurgitate facts to do well on standardized tests which assess only a fraction of the whole child’s abilities and skills. 

 

At some point, many of these students are running headlong into a period of purposelessness and some are even dropping out of college due to depression, anxiety and hopelessness. If you are interested in finding out more about the movie, check out their site at RaceToNowhere.com.

 

 

Today, I came across a new study out of Penn State which shows a link between adolescent stress, depression and obesity. Below is a review on the study borrowed from a fantastic psychology site PsychCentral.com.

 

By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on February 25, 2010

 

Obesity is a disturbing worldwide trend. In fact, researchers say the effects are so pervasive that unless the issue is controlled, children born today will not live longer than their parents.

A new research finding provides insight on how a mental health issue may trigger obesity among adolescents. In the study, researchers discovered depression raises stress hormone levels in adolescent boys and girls. And, among girls, the stress hormones may lead to obesity.

Accordingly, early treatment of depression could help reduce stress and control obesity.

[snip]

Cortisol, a hormone, regulates various metabolic functions in the body and is released as a reaction to stress. Researchers have long known that depression and cortisol are related to obesity, but they had not figured out the exact biological mechanism.

Although it is not clear why high cortisol reactions translate into obesity only for girls, scientists believe it may be due to physiological and behavioral differences (in girls, estrogen release and stress eating) in the way the two genders cope with anxiety.

“The implications are to start treating depression early because we know that depression, cortisol and obesity are related in adults,” said Susman.

If depression were to be treated earlier, she noted, it could help reduce the level of cortisol, and thereby help reduce obesity.

“We know stress is a critical factor in many mental and physical health problems,” said Susman.

“We are putting together the biology of stress, emotions and a clinical disorder to better understand a major public health problem.”

Susman and her colleagues Lorah D. Dorn, professor of pediatrics, Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, and Samantha Dockray, postdoctoral fellow, University College London, used a child behavior checklist to assess 111 boys and girls ages 8 to 13 for symptoms of depression.

Next they measured the children’s obesity and the level of cortisol in their saliva before and after various stress tests.

[snip]

Statistical analyses of the data suggest that depression is associated with spikes in cortisol levels for boys and girls after the stress tests, but higher cortisol reactions to stress are associated with obesity only in girls. The team reported its findings in a recent issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health.

“In these children, it was mainly the peak in cortisol that was related to obesity,” Susman explained. “It was how they reacted to an immediate stress.”

Source: Penn State University

For full article, click here.

Have a wonderful and stress-free week!

All the best,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Positive Psychology Coach

Author of the award-winning book Guide To Self:

The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion & Thought Guide To Self, Inc.

913 San Ramon Valley Blvd. #280

Danville CA 94526

(925) 575-0258

GuideToSelf.com - Web site

DrJohnBlog.GuideToSelf.com - Award-winning Blog

@johnschin - Twitter

 

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Antidepressant Use Up 75 Percent

10. August 2009 by John Schinnerer.

By Psych Central News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on August 3, 2009

A new study has found that antidepressant drug use in the United States has gone up 75 percent, from 5.84 percent of the population to 10.12 percent.

The new study, published in the August issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry, looked at drug prescriptions from 1996 to 2005 in the U.S. Antidepressant use increased significantly across all age, gender and racial groups, except African Americans.

The data also shows a more than 10 percent decline in the use of psychotherapy amongst people treated with antidepressants, while at the same time showing a significant increase in the use of antipsychotic medications as a co-treatment to antidepressant therapy.

For the whole article, click here

http://psychcentral.com/news/2009/08/03/antidepressant-use-up-75-percent/7514.html

Wow, that’s a big increase in antidepressants with a simultaneous decrease in therapy! A sign of the times, I suppose. We are the quick fix people. In my opinion, the best solution to most severe cases of stress, anxiety and depression is a combination of medication and therapy.

Have a fantastic day!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc.

Posted in Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Managing Sadness, Assertiveness, Danville CA, Emotional management, Depression, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Life coach, Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

The Samurai and Emotional Awareness - Emotional Awareness Tale

30. July 2009 by John Schinnerer.

There is an ancient Japanese tale that tells of an aggressive, confrontational samurai who commanded a Zen master to explain the concept of Heaven and Hell to him. The Zen master replied with disdain, “You are no more than a cockroach. I will not waste my time with trash like you.” The samurai was enraged and drew his sword from its scabbard. He roared, “I will kill you for your disrespect!”

 

In the face of the Samurai’s rage, a peaceful manner came to the Zen master. “That,” the Zen master calmly stated, “is hell.”

Shocked at seeing the truth in what the master observed about the rage that had the samurai in its grip, he regained his composure and put away his sword.  The samurai bowed deeply and gratefully thanked the Zen master for his newfound awareness.

“And that,” said the master, “is Heaven.”

The moral of the story is if you want to change, change your awareness of your self.

Being Emotional vs. Being Emotionally Aware

The sudden “aha” of the samurai to his own vengeful emotions demonstrates the critical difference between being overtaken by an emotion and being aware of being overtaken by an emotion. The difference is subtle yet critical. 

As the philosopher, Socrates, told us thousands of years ago, “Know thyself.” One of the keys to knowing yourself is to be aware of how you feel.

Enjoy Your Thursday!

Dr. John Schinnerer

Posted in Alexithymia, Managing Sadness, Anger Management, Mindfulness, Awareness, Danville CA, Emotion & learning, National speakers, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Positive Psychology, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Emotional mind, Depression, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

Dwelling on Loving-Kindness Increases Social Connection, Offsets Societal Changes Which Create Growing Distrust - Stanford Study

6. March 2009 by John Schinnerer.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Positive Psychologist, Author, Entrepreneur

A study out of Stanford University reported in the journal Emotion (Vol. 8, No. 5, 2008) that seven minutes of meditation on the Buddhist notion of loving-kindness can increase one’s feelings of interconnectedness.

Roy Baumeister showed that connection with other people, to trust and be trusted, is a fundamental need of human beings (Baumeister and Leary, 1995). The feeling of interconnectedness, that feeling of shared humanity, improves physical, mental and emotional health. It also ups the degree to which we feel empathy for others. It also increases the frequency with which people act in a trusting and compassionate manner. And all of these lend themselves to a positive, socially constructive upward spiral of thought, emotion and action. 

The study, by Hutcherson, Seppala and Gross, found that the simple act of focusing one’s attention for 7 minutes on the feeling of love between oneself and a loved one has some amazing benefits…

It increases feelings of social connection.

It increases one’s frequency and intensity of positive emotions experienced.

It  increased feelings of positivity towards strangers.

And it did so on conscious and unconscious levels of awareness.

Thus, loving-kindness meditation is simple and inexpensive method to increase positive social emotions, such as compassion and thoughtfulness, and reduce alienation.

Take a look at the study at http://www-psych.stanford.edu/~psyphy/pdfs/Hutcherson_08_2.pdf. 

Keep bouncing!

Dr. John Schinnerer 

Guide To Self

Where meaning thrives

Dr. John is currently building a new private practice in Danville, CA. For an appointment, please email John AT GuideToSelf.com.

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping people with anger management, stress management and the latest, scientifically proven ways to deal with destructive negative emotions (anger, fear, sadness, guilt, shame). He also helps people learn ways to create a happy, meaningful life. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  

Posted in The human brain, Subconscious mind, Consciousness, Relationships, Mindfulness, Energy psychology, Awareness, Hope, Anger Management, Emotional management, Life coach, Dr. John Schinnerer, Positive Psychology, Guide to Self, Happiness, Emotional mind, Depression, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

Influences on My Work in Positive Psychology and Reproduceable Happiness

26. February 2009 by John Schinnerer.

Having a strong skeptical personal makeup, I have made a point throughout my career of backing up everything of which I write and speak upon with peer-reviewed scientific studies.  I have sought to put together a comprehensive theory of a happy, thriving and meaningful life. I have worked towards ways to dump out negative, destructive emotions and ways to cultivate positive, constructive emotions.

Many folks ask me for the names of the shoulders of the giants upon whom my work stands. For those individuals, and for others who might be interested, here are a few of the tremendous researchers to whom I am eternally grateful.

Forgiveness based on work of Dr. Fred Luskin, Director of Stanford Forgiveness Project. Dr. Luskin’s work has been successfully applied and researched in corporate, medical, legal and religious settings. He currently serves as a Senior Consultant in Health Promotion at Stanford University.

Positivity and Positive Emotions based on work of Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, Kenan Distinguished Professor. She is the “genius of the positive psychology movement” according to Martin Seligman. She came up with the ‘broaden and build” theory for positive emotions as well as the 3:1 ratio for a flourishing life. Amazing work.

Mindfulness based on work of Jon Kabat-Zinn, Professor of Medicine Emeritus and founding director of the Stress Reduction Clinic and the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School.

Realistic Optimism, Happiness, Disputing Catastrophic Thoughts based on the work of Martin Seligman, founder of the field of positive psychology in 2000, devoted his career since then to furthering the study of positive emotion, positive character traits, and positive institutions. Seligman directs the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania.

Sustainable Happiness based on the work of Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., professor of psychology at U.C. Riverside. She won the 2002 Templeton Positive Psychology Prize and multiyear grant from NIMH. She recently wrote The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want.

Emotional Awareness based on the work of Paul Ekman, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at UCSF. Ekman is a world-renowned expert in emotional research and nonverbal communication. His research has been supported by the National Institute of Mental Health for 46 years.

Emotions Within Relationships based on work of John Gottman,  Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington, where he founded the Family Research Lab. He is well known for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, which involves study of emotions (particularly disgust and contempt) and physiology as well as communication. His break-through research on marriage and parenting has earned him numerous national and international awards, including four NIMH Research Scientist Awards.

Moral Development and Positive Psychology based on the work of Jonathan Haidt, one of the world’s foremost authorities on positive psychology (the scientific study of human flourishing) and moral psychology (the study of why people care so much about right and wrong, and sometimes choose to do wrong). He is an Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia. He is the author of The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding modern truth in ancient wisdom, a widely-acclaimed book about how to construct a life of virtue, happiness, fulfillment and meaning.

Gratitude and Thankfulness based on the work of Robert Emmons, Ph.D. Dr. Emmons is currently a Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Davis. His research focuses on personal goals and purpose, spirituality, the psychology of gratitude and thankfulness, and subjective well-being.  Robert Emmons is the founding editor and editor-in-chief of The Journal of Positive Psychology. Widely regarded as the world’s foremost expert in the study of gratitude, Dr. Emmons was one of the early pioneers in the positive psychology movement.  Dr. Emmons has received research funding from the National Institute of Mental Health and the John M. Templeton Foundation.

Please feel free to take a look at the mountain of papers, books, and talks that these outstanding individuals have done. The world is a better place for them. All the best,
Dr. John L. Schinnerer

Guide To Self, Inc.

Where Meaning Thrives

Posted in Consciousness, Subconscious mind, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Men's emotions, The human brain, Hope, Awareness, Mindfulness, Resiliency, Relationships, Morals and values, Ethics, Realistic optimism, Measuring emotions, Forgiveness, Positive Psychology, Counseling, Dr. John Schinnerer, Creativity, Staying calm, Happiness, Emotional IQ, Guide to Self, Life coach, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Why Should You Care About Emotions?

22. January 2009 by John Schinnerer.

By John Schinnerer, Ph.D. 

 Why should you care about emotions? What’s the big deal about emotional mastery?  

Emotions influence everything you do, think, and perceive. Emotional mastery is the ability to be instantly aware of which emotion you are feeling and then to manage the emotion (or emotions) once you are aware of it. Once you can recognize your emotions, the next step is to learn to deal with them in an appropriate way. One of the most critical skills we learn as youngsters is the ability to soothe ourselves when we are upset. This means calming ourselves when we are irritated, angry, scared, anxious, sad, or depressed. People who fail to learn this skill are constantly fighting off ongoing anxiety, sadness or irritability. Those who learn to manage their emotions persevere to overcome life’s setbacks. Emotionally wise people are resilient and rebound from disappointments more quickly. They have a positive, optimistic outlook on life. 

Make Room for Both the Rational and the Emotional Minds 

The next step is to realize that each one of us has a thinking, or rational, mind and a feeling, or emotional, mind. At one point in time, scientists and researchers thought we only had a rational mind. How’s that for irony? The thinking mind only discovered itself.  

The Rational Mind 

The rational mind is the means that we usually use to understand the world – it is the thoughtstream that runs constantly behind the back of your forehead. It is the narrator that comments on your daily experience. It is the rational, analytical thinking part of your mind. For example, I can use this logical part of my mind to solve math problems, be logical and analyze data. Using Jon Haidt’s metaphor, the rational mind is the rider on the elephant where the rider is the thinking mind and the elephant is the emotional mind. Recently, Joseph LeDoux, one of the world’s leading researchers in neuroscience, said, “Consciousness may get all the focus but consciousness is a small part of what the brain does, and it’s a SLAVE to everything that works beneath it.” LeDoux is saying that the rider is a slave to the elephant, our rational mind is a slave to our emotional mind. LeDoux believes that our identities are formed from the unique set of learned fears, desires, associations and expectations that are most deeply engrained in our unconscious. For instance, teaching children catch phrases such as ‘Just say ‘no’’ is not going to do the trick because in emotionally-charged situations, the emotional mind will almost always win out. The emotional mind is stronger, faster and can last longer than the rational mind.  Simplistic solutions such as ‘just say ‘no” will not work.  What will work is finding ways to train the emotional mind.  

The Emotional Mind 

Alongside the rational mind is the emotional mind. The emotional mind is irrational, impulsive, creative and intense. It’s the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain pulling the strings of much of your behavior. It’s why you KNOW it’s wrong to steal but go home with office supplies taken from work. It’s why many people have a knee jerk reaction to words like sex, rape and torture. These are emotionally loaded words.   There are many times when the rider (the rational mind) is adequately steering the elephant (the emotional mind), that is, your thinking mind is working in cooperation with your emotional mind. These times take place when you are calm and thinking clearly. However, when you are struck by an emotion, such as fear, the elephant takes over and the rider loses control. The elephant may run from a mouse. He may go off the beaten path to look for grass to eat. Whatever he does, the rider has little input into the actual behavior. And you mind is like the rider and the elephant. When you are consumed by an intense feeling, your emotional mind takes over and your thinking mind is dead in the water.  It becomes nearly impossible to think clearly while in the grasp of a strong emotion such as rage. 

 

Feeling More Than One Emotion At A Time 

What’s more, science has now shown that we can experience more than one emotion at the same time about any given event, or person or memory. For instance, take your favorite song. You may feel happy when you hear the tune, melancholy when you focus on the lyrics and excited when you remember back to the time your first heard it. All of us have the ability to feel multiple emotions - constructive and destructive - simultaneously. Once you understand this point, emotions become quite complex, layered and interesting. 

 

The Human Brain is Hard-Wired for Emotions 

The brain is wired to make us emotional beings. We experience the emotional response to an event before it even reaches the thinking mind. There is a shortcut from the thalamus to the amygdala which bypasses conscious awareness to allow your body to be put on instant alert. A secondary, but slower circuit, in the brain runs from the thalamus (the brain’s receiving room for most information taken in by your senses) to the brain’s ‘thinking’ area, in the prefrontal cortex. That is why sometimes you are overcome by your emotions. When the emotion is strong enough, your emotional mind (the elephant) temporarily takes over control of your mind and body in order to keep you safe. The emotional mind errs on the side of caution. The emotional mind is always on the lookout for danger and possible threats. It picks up 2 or 3 key elements in a situation, and decides in less than .33 seconds whether or not there is a threat present. If a threat is determined to exist, or if there is a good probability that it exists, then the emotional mind takes over and prepares your body to fight or run away. When your emotional mind takes over in such an emergency, real or perceived, it’s known as an emotional hijacking. An emotional hijacking is impulsive, quick, strong, and raw.Your rational mind can help to stop such emotional takeovers. Ideally, you would have time to think about your emotions and your ensuing actions before acting. This enables us to respond to our emotions more appropriately.  This typically takes slightly more time than an emotional hijacking, but it allows us to consider a number of different responses and usually results in a more thoughtful course of action. These responses include whether to attack or run, and also whether to persuade, cajole, beg, plead, charm, seek sympathy, instill guilt, act brave, to be thoughtful, or to do nothing at all.  

The Need for Emotion in Rational Thought 

The fascinating piece of the puzzle is that we all need a balance between our rational and emotional minds in order to lead successful and happy lives.  Amazingly, the rational and the emotional mind, the elephant and the rider, need each other to function at their highest levels. This means that you need your emotions to think straight!I’ll tell you a story to show you what I mean. I know a man who is one of the smartest guys I’ve ever met. He could recite word for word anything he had read in his life. He read books by the boxful. Yet, he was unable to control his emotions. He had high IQ and low EQ.  He was impulsive which means that he acted before he thought about the possible consequences of his actions. So here is this incredibly smart person with terribly flawed decision-making skills and poor emotional control. As he grew older, he made awful choices in his life. He wound up alone and unsuccessful. Some would argue that he could not access his emotional learning.Your emotional learning is where you store your general likes and dislikes. Without a storehouse of prior emotional experiences to compare to present events, everything appears neutral — neither appealing nor unappealing. This means that feelings are essential to thought.Emotions steer us in the best general direction where logic can be put to its best (and more specific) use. Without emotions, we’d be overwhelmed by the dazzling array of choices we need to make every minute of every day. Our emotional learning helps us sift through these options and pulls out the best ones to be analyzed by our rational mind.  In this way, emotions work as an equal partner with logical thought. The better these two partners work together, the higher your intelligence and your emotional intelligence. The goal is to create the most powerful mind possible – one which balances strengths in rational thought with emotional wisdom. Stay tuned to this blog and I’ll share with you scientifically proven ways to train your elephant and develop your most powerful mind. 

About the AuthorDr. John Schinnerer

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping people learn anger management, stress management and the latest ways to deal with destructive negative emotions. He also helps clients learn ways to create happy, meaningful lives. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  He sits on the Advisory Board of Positive Music Imperative (PMI) and The Wellness Community.   

Posted in Alexithymia, Men's emotions, Subconscious mind, Consciousness, Anger Management, The human brain, Resiliency, Hope, Awareness, Assertiveness, Mindfulness, Altruism, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Life coach, Guide to Self, Dr. John Schinnerer, Forgiveness, Positive Psychology, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Rational mind, Depression, Happiness, Staying calm, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

Go Beyond Self-Interest - Revisit Your Values

16. January 2009 by John Schinnerer.

It seems that values have been rediscovered with the downturn in the economy. Many people are asking themselves “If it’s not money that make me happy, what does make me happy?” 

A happy and satisfying life involves behaving according to a set of ethics, standards, or values.  Values are the core beliefs upon which you operate your life. You may be aware of your core beliefs. You may not. In my counseling and coaching work, I’ve noticed that the vast majority of people do not have any idea what their top five values are. Our values are the stars by which we navigate ourselves through life. Thoreau wrote, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”   Ours is much too busy and noisy a world. Our lives take on a frenetic pace and people lose track of the values that give life meaning and purpose. Everyone says they are for values. The problem is their actions are not in keeping with their words. Thus, we have Christian schools that talk about treating children with loving compassion while verbally flagellating them in the classrooms. People with few values are more likely to be uncaring, conforming, inconsistent, and self-conflicted. The less we know what our values are, the more ambiguous our lives are. The more we understand our values, the better able we are to make the right choices which lead to right action. This leads to decisive acts of courage which are primarily the ability to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done.  

Ethical Energy Defined 

According to the authors of The Power of Full Engagement, “Ethical energy is the connection to a deeply held set of values and to a purpose that is beyond our self-interest. Anything that ignites the human spirit serves to drive full engagement and to maximize performance in whatever mission we are on. The key muscle that fuels ethical energy is character – the courage and conviction to live by our values, even when doing so requires personal sacrifice and hardship. Ethical energy is sustained by balancing a commitment to others with adequate self-care….the capacity to live by our deepest values depends on regularly renewing our spirit – seeking ways to rest and rejuvenate and to reconnect with the values that we find most inspiring and meaningful.” The alternative to living according to your values is to operate in survival mode, fueled by fear, mistrust and anxiety. Survival mode is marked by a sense of desperation where you are focused on filling your immediate needs for food, clothing, warmth and shelter. Survival mode is also characterized by the mentality of a victim. Life happens to you, not because of you. If you are passively accepting everything that comes your way as inevitable, you are not living according to your values. You are living in survival mode.  

Strengths Defined 

Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness, has put a slightly different twist on values. Seligman states, “To be a virtuous person is to display, by acts of will, all or at least most of the six ubiquitous virtues: wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence. There are several distinct routes to each of these six. One can display a virtue, such as justice by acts of fairness and loyalty.” Seligman calls these routes strengths and each is measurable and acquirable. They are ubiquitous across cultures (i.e. they occur everywhere). According to Seligman, there are seven criteria by which we know that a characteristic is a strength. First, a strength is a trait, a psychological characteristic that can be seen across different situations and over time.  

Second, a strength is valued in its own right. We value a strength for its own sake, even in the absence of clear beneficial outcomes. While a strength can produce good consequences, it doesn’t have to.  

Third, a strength can be seen in what parents wish for in their newborn children. Strengths are states we desire that require no further justification.  

Fourth, onlookers are usually elevated and inspired by observing strengths. Strengths typically produce authentic positive emotion in the doer – pride, satisfaction, joy, fulfillment – and the observer – inspired and uplifted.  

Fifth, strengths are supported by the dominant culture in the form of institutions, rituals, parables, maxims and children’s stories.

Sixth, role models and paragons in the culture compellingly illustrate a strength or virtue.  

Seventh, they are ubiquitous. Strengths are valued in almost every culture. They are not quite universal, as some exceptions to every rule can be found. But, they are ubiquitous. They take place everywhere.

“Try not to become a man of success, but a man of value.”                  - Albert Einstein

Values Defined 

Each individual has a set of beliefs and ideas about abstract concepts called values. They describe how much worth a person places on various ideas, objects, or beliefs. Societies have values that are shared between many of the participants in that culture.   These values may be put into four categories:    

• Ethics (good, bad, moral, immoral, amoral, right, wrong, permissible, impermissible)  
• Aesthetics (beautiful, ugly, unbalanced, pleasing)      
• Group Norms (political, ideological, religious or social beliefs and values)  
• Inborn (inborn values such as reproduction and survival, a controversial issue)   

Values are our core beliefs regarding those principles that we believe are most important and desirable. On occasion, we encounter ethical problems which pit two of our most cherished values against one another. In such a situation, we cannot act in a way that is in keeping with both these values. We solve such problems by prioritizing our top values that are relevant to the situation. Each of us has a set of prized values. Many of us simply are not aware of them.  We must have an awareness of our values as well as the intention to act upon them for values to be useful to us.

Stephen Covey and colleagues call these prized values our personal principles. He cautions against self-centered values such as “self respect” or “a sense of accomplishment” because they can lead us to develop pragmatic, utilitarian relationships with other individuals.  Covey suggests that we adopt prized values that are more holistic and anchored in the fundamental realities of nature, spirit and healthy interpersonal relationships.  Prizing your family higher than your career is a good example of adopting holistic and healthy values. 

Why Values Are Essential   Let’s look at how living according to one’s values can lead to a more fulfilling and purposeful life. Imagine that you could do whatever it is that brings you the most joy in your life. Picture anything you like that is deeply fulfilling to you. What you have then is a picture of a person living in accordance to his or her most cherished values. There is a close link between values and living a fulfilling life. Once your values are clarified, you will have a map that guides you through key decisions. Through this process we learn what is most important to the client and what is not. Clients discover what is truly necessary in their lives.

Clarifying values helps you to take a stand, to take calculated risks, and to make choices based on what is personally fulfilling to you. By its very nature, honoring your values is fulfilling, even when times get tough. You can suffer through discomfort if you know it will pass and you are living in accordance with your values. Making decisions based on your top values will always lead to a more fulfilling decision. This leads to right behavior and a fulfilling life.  Some examples of values are creativity, helping others, independence, fun, intimacy, power, friendship, peace of mind, nature, learning, adventure, spirituality. They cannot be touched, but they can be seen. You see them being acted out in how people behave. Someone living perfectly in accordance with values will feel the pain of a disturbing situation, and perhaps some psychological disturbance, but will remain tranquil at the center.  

Equanimity is the ideal. Equanimity means evenness of mind, or in this case, evenness of emotion. When possible, excessive negative emotion is to be deflected or rerouted. No one lives perfectly in accordance with their values. The goal is to remain constantly aware of your values and to strive to behave in accordance with them. Values remind us of our authentic self and our unique role in the universe. All of us benefit from a series of ethical guideposts which we can use to steer our actions towards the greater good.

The problem is that many situations in our lives fall into a gray area where values conflict and the right behavior is not readily apparent. It is helpful in these situations to have your values rank ordered in terms of their importance to you.  

When that doesn’t work, there is a framework to help guide your decision making process. With that in mind, here is a framework that has been helpful for millions of people. This framework is based on five steps:  

• Define the situation  
• Gather data from different sources 
• Be aware of your prioritized list of values 
• Identify your options or actions  
• Weigh the options in terms of how congruent each one is with your values 
• Make a decision 

Always remember that the best courses of action rely on intuition, emotion (your “gut” feeling), data from your senses, data from trusted sources, and what you know is right in the larger scheme of things. It is also helpful to write down your top 5 values (e.g., family, work, money, happiness, etc.) and to prioritize them. Trouble arises when your values come into conflict with one another. If you know what your values are and how they compare to one another, there is less chance of compromising your values. The more you think and act with integrity, the more you become an ethical person.

About the Author

Dr. John Schinnerer

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping folks learn anger management, stress management and the latest ways to deal with destructive negative emotions. He also helps clients find what makes life meaningful and fulfilling. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer is President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.   

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Hope –Antidote for Human Suffering or Pipe Dream?

6. January 2009 by John Schinnerer.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

To what extent is hope necessary or relevant for these difficult times? The world is besieged by economic, military, educational, and healthcare problems which seem to be insurmountable. In such a world, of what possible use is hope?

It feels as if Pandora opened her box only recently, allowing a wave of good and evil to descend upon humankind. And yet, in the Greek myth, Pandora closed the box while one thing remained inside – hope.  

Is hope a powerful psychological asset, an antidote to human shortcomings? Or is hope simply a pipe dream for Pollyanna-ish optimists who can’t see the brutal, harsh nature of reality?

Hope Is Helpful In A Variety of Areas

Hope has been studied in psychology labs throughout the world for dozens of years. Research studies have shown that greater hope is associated with:

·        Freedom from anxiety

·        Less depression

·        More positive mood

·        Increased popularity among peers

·        Higher achievement in a number of areas (academic, athletic, military, political and professional)

·        Greater quality of social relationships

·        Improved physical health

·        Increased accomplishment of goals

·        Increased tolerance of pain

·        Reduced cardiovascular risk

If hope is a pipe dream for those who do not see reality accurately, then the rose-colored pipe dream comes with a slew of physical, emotional, social and vocational benefits. Given the broad range of positive advantages that hope confers upon its users, it might be more simply stated that hope helps. Hope is, in fact, a powerful psychological asset.

Hope Defined

Hope is a belief or wish that in the future good events and positive feelings will come more frequently than bad events and negative feelings.  Rick Snyder, a researcher at Kansas University, sees hope as having three distinct parts:

1.      Goals – Goals can be large or small, short- or long-term, formal or informal. Goals can be set in any area of life. However, without goals, there is no future-oriented thinking, and thus no hope.

2.      Pathways – A workable plan to get around potential challenges to enable one to get to the goal.

3.      Agency - The energy, motivation, or will to act. Agency is the degree of determination one has to achieve a goal.

Hope Is More About The Future Than The Present

To the extent that one has these three elements, one has hope. Hope comes from the excitement one feels about the future possibility of accomplishing goals. Hope is not as much about the present moment as it is about realizing future potential. Hope is a perception whereby one sees the future as filled with possibilities. Hope helps to create the future as it motivates people to strive towards creating new constructive realities.

Hopeful People Don’t Play The Blame Game

One of the appealing aspects of hope is that hopeful people do not get into blaming themselves or the world for falling short of a goal. Instead, when they fail, hopeful people ask ‘What now?’ They come up with alternative ways to achieve their goal. They excel at discovering multiple pathways to attain goals.

Hope has been shown to enhance problem-solving abilities and thus makes people better at brainstorming potential solutions to challenges.

Learning To Be More Hopeful

Instead of creating New Year’s resolutions that will be broken by nightfall, you may want to resolve to become more hopeful. If that’s the case, here are some suggestions to help strengthen your hope.

Dare to Hope – Most are taught growing up ‘Don’t get your hopes up!’ Hope is a human strength which makes the accomplishment of goals more likely. Be brave enough to have hope.

Set Goals That Are Personally Meaningful – There is little point to attempting to fulfill goals that someone else has for you. Goals are effective when they have meaning to you.

State Your Goals in the Positive – Rather than ‘I’m going to lose 10 pounds’ tell yourself ‘I will get healthy’. The human mind does not respond well to negative statements and goals are no exception. State your goals using positive language.

Be Mindful of Where Hope Falls Apart – Does your hope break down at the pathways stage? Perhaps you need better planning, or help in creating your plan. If your hope falters at the motivation or determination stage, share your goal with loved ones to give you extra accountability.

Check In With Your Self – Whenever you are distracted from the task you are working on, ask yourself ‘What am I doing?’ and ‘What are my goals for this task?’ These simple questions will help you to stay focused on the task at hand, remind you of your goals and perform well in the moment.

Listen to Uplifting Music – Recent research has shown that listening to music (as well as playing and composing) involves nearly every neural network in the human brain. Music lights up the brain. The power of music is the power to evoke emotions. If you want to feel hope, listen to hopeful music. Some of my favorite songs that evoke hope are…

·        Imagine by John Lennon

·        Lovely, Love My Family by The Roots (off the Yo, Gabba Gabba album)

·        Uwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

·        You’ll Be Blessed by Elton John

·        Three Little Birds by Bob Marley

·        I Don’t Ever Give Up by Patty Griffin

·        Joy by Mick Jagger

·        The Middle by Jimmy Eats World

·        Fall Back Down by Rancid

Watch an Elevating Clip On YouTube  

Studies have shown that the brain is a very literal organ and doesn’t differentiate much between what is real, what is imagined and what we watch on a screen. In some meaningful way, hope can be injected into the mind by watching clips or movies that inspire you.

·        One uplifting clip on YouTube is actually an ad from MBF, a health care company in Australia, featuring the song ‘Accentuate the Positive’ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDRQbrBhoWg).

·        Or check out the short film ‘Validated’ with Hugh Newman in which a parking garage attendant ‘validates’ the existence of others by offering words of kindness and encouragement (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao ).

·        One of my favorites on YouTube is ‘Free Hugs’ with music by the Sick Puppies (‘All the same’) at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4.  This clip has been viewed over 40 million times and won YouTube’s video of the year for 2007. This social experiment, giving away free hugs, has been replicated in dozens of countries with similar hopeful results.

When Pandora did close her infamous box, it’s fortunate that hope was left inside. Hope is a powerful internal asset which can be used to offset many of the hardships life brings. Bolster your own sense of hope using the suggestions above. Please share with me songs or videos that inspire your sense of hope.  Everyone can use a shot of hope now and then.

About the Author
Dr. John Schinnerer (DrJohn AT GuideToSelf.com)

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping people learn anger management, stress management and the latest ways to deal with destructive negative emotions. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  

Posted in Emotional management, Managing Anxiety, Emotional mind, Depression, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Anger Management, Managing Sadness, Altruism, Hope, Resiliency, The human brain, Men's emotions, Positive mood music, Happiness, Dr. John Schinnerer, Life coach, Managing stress, Realistic optimism, Positive Psychology, Guide to Self, Emotional IQ, Tips to help anxiety, Nervousness, Staying calm, Anxiety, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

Harvard Study Shows Happiness is Transmittable As In A Wireless Network

6. December 2008 by John Schinnerer.

Happiness is catching. Happiness spreads through friends, spouses, siblings and neighbors. There is a ripple effect whereby happiness extends widely through social networks, even between people who may not know one another. One’s happiness depends on the degree of happiness of those surrounding her.

A study performed at Harvard University, by Nicholas Christakis, is the first of its kind to demonstrate the existence of clusters of happy and sad individuals. Happiness depends upon the happiness of those around them. What’s more, individuals who surround themselves with happy people are more likely to be happy in the future. One’s future happiness can actually be predicted by the number of happy people surrounding them and the degree to which the social network as a whole experiences constructive emotions, such as happiness.  These findings come from an analysis of the Framingham Heart Study social network, a longitudinal study that has followed nearly 5,000 people for over 20 years.

Study findings suggest that happiness results from the spread of happiness throughout social networks and not merely from individuals choosing to surround themselves with like-minded individuals. For example, if your next door neighbor becomes happier due to a job promotion, your likelihood of becoming happier increases by 34%. And this happiness effect can linger for up to one year.

This relationship between individual’s happiness holds true for the first three degrees of separation. For example, when John becomes happier, it buoys the happiness of John’s friends as well as the friends of John’s friends. So there is a ripple effect of happiness within social circles where happiness is contagious and spreads similar to the waves of a wireless network. And we are consciously aware of little, if any, of it.

In the past five to ten years, more and more studies have looked at happiness and what determines it (e.g., genetics, money, elections, marital status and emotional management). However, no study has looked at human happiness as it relates to the happiness of others. While the study is the first of its kind and needs to be replicated to ensure the accuracy of these findings, the findings are remarkable and exhilarating.

Emotional contagion, the process by which one person picks up the feelings of another, has been scientifically documented since 1994. Emotions may be ‘caught’ from others for a length of time ranging from seconds to weeks.  This is particularly true of destructive emotions - anger, fear and sadness. In fact, the hard part is not ‘catching’ the emotions but in protecting oneself from them, keeping them at bay. Until this study, emotional contagion had not been documented for any of the positive, constructive emotions such as joy, contentment, peacefulness or happiness.  

The difficulty is that most people primarily feel destructive emotions. Most people experience more destructive emotions than constructive emotions.  

On the other hand, roughly 10% of adults in the United States feel three times as much positive emotion as negative. This 3:1 ratio is the measuring stick for a thriving happy life as set by Barbara Fredrickson at UNC Chapel Hill. It appears that this top 10% is raising the level of happiness of many others. Imagine if it were possible to raise this thriving, happy portion of the population to 15% or 20%.

Assuming the percentage of the populace experiencing happiness could be improved, here are just a few of the possible societal benefits:

·        The economy would improve (e.g., higher ratios of positive, open-ended inquiries are present in executive teams in highly successful firms)

·        Creativity would increase (e.g., happiness is linked to greater innovation)

·        Productivity would soar (e.g., a happy employee is a productive employee; optimistic salespeople outsell pessimistic ones by approximately 38%)

·        The burden on the health care system would be eased (e.g., happiness improves immune system functioning).

·        People would live longer (e.g., happy, optimistic people live 7 – 10 years longer than those who are pessimistic and unhappy)

·        The educational system would show significant academic gains (e.g., students taught to be more happy and optimistic showed significant gains on achievement testing and received better grades)

The exciting part is that happiness can be taught. It can be learned. People can learn to feel positive emotions more frequently and more intensely. Emotional management is a learnable skill. Just as one practices a sport and improves over time so it is with emotions.   As individuals learn to string together more and more happy moments, the ripple effect spills over and one person’s happiness positively influences others.  It even influences the happiness of other people they don’t know.

The goal is emotional management. The goal is happiness. The goal is to learn to mitigate destructive emotions and encourage positive emotions. Happiness is social phenomena. The more individuals experience positive emotions, the more society as a whole is happier, healthier, and more productive and that is no small feat.

About the Author

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping individuals learn happiness by mitigating destructive emotions and fostering constructive emotions. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer is President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  

Posted in Subconscious mind, Alexithymia, Consciousness, Managing Sadness, Managing Anxiety, Anger Management, Men's emotions, The human brain, Mindfulness, Assertiveness, Altruism, Resiliency, Relationships, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Dr. John Schinnerer, Life coach, Realistic optimism, Positive Psychology, Counseling, Guide to Self, Emotional IQ, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Depression, Happiness, Anxiety, Organizational change initiatives, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Dr. John Schinnerer opening private practice in Danville CA on 11-15-08.

30. October 2008 by John Schinnerer.

 

Latest News:

Dr. Schinnerer is proud to announce he is opening a private practice to coach men in the latest ways to manage their anger, fear and sadness. The practice opens November 15th, 2008 at the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center on 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., Suite 280, in Danville CA 94526. For appointments, please call (925) 575-0258.

Posted in Parenting, Emotional mind, Emotional management, Depression, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Ethics, Morals and values, Managing Anxiety, Anger Management, Relationships, Resiliency, The human brain, Men's emotions, Managing Sadness, Alexithymia, Happiness, Tips to help anxiety, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Realistic optimism, Business & psych, Positive Psychology, Forgiveness, Life coach, Guide to Self, Nervousness, Social phobia, Social anxiety disorder, Staying calm, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

The Best Way to Let Go of Anger, Pain and Perceived Injustice - Practice Daily Forgiveness

2. October 2008 by John Schinnerer.

By Dr. John Schinnerer

www.GuideToSelf.com

Each one of us has an emotional gas tank inside us. Inside most of us, our emotional gas tanks are filled with anger, sadness and fear, and other destructive emotions. Destructive emotions build up over time. They accumulate. Destructive emotions, such as anager, literally eat you from the inside out by damaging the inside of your arteries.

As an example, let’s look more in depth at anger. Anger is difficult to control yet it is predictable. It begins like a single drop of water. At first, it’s merely irritating. No big deal, just aggravating. Slowly, gradually, over time, anger accumulates. Some bonehead zips into the parking space for which you were patiently waiting. A guy in a hurry cuts you off on the freeway. Your boss is mistakenly upset with you because of a error a coworker made. The waitress takes forever to get your order and you are running late. When you finally arrive home, exhausted, your children are boisterous and energetic. Tiny drops of water slowly filling up your emotional gas tank. Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. And when you gather together enough of these little drops of annoyance, you have unknowingly filled your tank with rage and anger. You are now jump to judgment. You are fast to fury. You instantly become irritated. Over time, over years and years of this pattern, you learn to trust no one. You learn to be expect the worst from people. You build a wall to shield you from more pain. And the quality of your life gradually becomes miserable. It’s insidious. Without awareness, you become an emotional time bomb that explodes under any additional difficulties.

There is a better way to live. It requires learning the human strength of forgiveness. Forgiveness takes some awareness and practice, but it can be learned.

All you have to do is learn how to dump out your emotional gas tank. Turn it upside down and release every last bit of negative emotions – anger, fear, disappointment and sadness. Once you’ve emptied your tank, you have the option of filling it up with what you choose – love, joy, peace and patience.

The problem is that no one ever taught you HOW to empty out your gas tank of these destructive emotions. Once you learn how to dump out all that rage and pain, then you have a choice. Then you will have a life of which you can be proud.

To find out how the specific steps to forgive and dump out your destructive emotions, you can enjoy the full article for free at
http://www.guidetoself.com/articles/Forgiveness-WhatWhyHow.pdf

Posted in Staying calm, Anxiety, Emotional IQ, Social anxiety disorder, Nervousness, Morals and values, Infinet Assessment, Happiness, Guide to Self, Life coach, Positive Psychology, Counseling, Bullies, Forgiveness, Business & psych, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Positive Psychology as the Offense of a Great Football Team

1. October 2008 by John Schinnerer.

Imagine your favorite football team playing in the Super Bowl. Your team has a great defensive unit. However, they have a terrible offense. While they can prevent the other team from scoring, they cannot put points on the board themselves.  It is highly difficult to win with defense alone.

For the past century, sports psychology and psychology, in general, have focused on building a good defense in the face of human suffering and loss. However, we’ve done so at the cost of finding reliable ways to help people move to more meaningful and satisfying lives. Positive psychology is bringing more balance to the field, so that psychologists, sports psychologists and clients alike can easily bob up and down over the vicissitudes of life, using their strengths to create more positive emotions and ultimately win the game of life. Positive psychology helps you move from surviving to thriving.

Life is a game. Play it well. Having talent alone does not guarantee success. Those who rise to their potential share a common set of beliefs that compel them to work hard, live according to their values and have a long-term plan.

Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide To Self, Inc.

http://www.guidetoself.com/index.html

Posted in Emotional IQ, Guide to Self, Life coach, Staying calm, Happiness, Morals and values, Ethics, Creativity, Dr. John Schinnerer, Positive Psychology, Counseling, Forgiveness, Business & psych, Managing stress, Realistic optimism, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Preventing Bullies from Becoming Prisoners

25. August 2008 by John Schinnerer.

Prevent Bullies Before They Become Prisoners: Sixty Percent of Bullies Have One Conviction by the Age 24

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

www.GuideToSelf.com

A ten-year-old boy is told repeatedly that he is a “weakling” and a “girly man,” yelled at and teased in a tone of voice tinged with disgust and disdain. Is this bullying? What if it leads to a fist fight? How do you know when someone crosses the line between cruel teasing and bullying? Does emotional bullying have any “real” physical consequences? And perhaps, most importantly, if you are dealing with a true bully, what do you do about it? Let’s start by figuring out what bullying is and then move on to what the consequences are and the best ways to deal with it.

Bullying Defined

Bullying takes place when a one or more kids repeatedly harass, intimidate, hit, or ignore another youngster who is physically weaker, smaller or has a lower social status. Realize that adults can also engage in bullying, particularly what I call emotional bullying. However, today we’ll focus on young people.

Note that a single fistfight between two kids of similar size and social power is not bullying; neither is the occasional teasing.

Physical bullying is seen in both boys and girls, but it is more common among boys. Girls typically use emotional bullying more so than boys. Bullying can take a number of forms.

• Bullying can be physical (hitting, shoving, or taking money or belongings) or emotional (Causing fear by threats, insults and/or exclusion from conversations or activities).

• Boys tend to use physical intimidation (hitting or threatening to hit) as well as insults, and they often act one-on-one. Girls are more likely to bully in groups by using the silent treatment towards another girl or gossiping about her.

• Kids are often bullied through putdowns about their appearance, such as being teased about being different than other children or for the way they talk, dress, their size, their appearance and so on. Making fun of children’s religion or race occurs far less frequently.

Bullying begins in elementary school and is most common in middle school; it fades but not completely in high school. It usually occurs in school areas that are not well supervised by teachers or other adults, such as on playgrounds, lunch rooms, and bathrooms. Much of it takes place after school at a location known to students and unsupervised by adults. When I was in middle school, there was a Christmas tree farm where all fights took place. When I was a psych at a middle school, there was a dry creek bed nearby where fights took place. There is always a certain spot that is well known to the students where altercations occur. One way to prevent bullying is to be aware of this spot and police it regularly after school. And realize that the spot will move as soon as the adults become aware of it.

Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intended to cause harm or distress, occurs repeatedly over time, and occurs in a relationship in which there is an imbalance of power or strength. Bullying can take many forms, including physical violence, teasing and name-calling, intimidation, and social exclusion. It can be related to hostile acts perpetrated against racial and ethnic minorities, gay, lesbian, and bi-sexual youth, and persons with disabilities.

Ninety percent of 4th through 8th graders report being victims of some form of bullying at some time in their past. Boys are typically more physically aggressive (physical bullying), whereas girls rely more on social exclusion, teasing, and cliques (verbal or emotional bullying). Bullying can also take the form of cyber communication, e.g., via email (cyber bullying). It is estimated that one in four boys who bully will have a criminal record by age 30.

Who are the bullies?

Children who regularly bully their peers tend to be impulsive, easily frustrated, dominant in personality, have difficulty conforming to rules, view violence positively and are more likely to have friends who are also bullies. Boys who bully are usually physically stronger than their peers.Moreover, several risk factors have been associated with bullying, including individual, family, peer, school, and community factors. With respect to family factors, children are more likely to bully if there is a lack of warmth and parent involvement, lack of parental supervision, and harsh corporal discipline. Some research suggests a link between bullying behavior and child maltreatment. Also, schools that lack adequate adult supervision tend to have more instances of bullying. Psychological research has debunked several myths associated with bullying, including one that states bullies are usually the most unpopular students in school. A 2000 study by psychologist Philip Rodkin, PhD, and colleagues involving fourth-through-sixth-grade boys found that highly aggressive boys may be among the most popular and socially connected children in elementary classrooms, as viewed by their fellow students and even their teachers. Another myth is that the tough and aggressive bullies are basically anxious and insecure individuals who use bullying as a means of compensating for poor self-esteem. Using a number of different methods including projective tests and stress hormones, Olweus concludes that there is no support for such a view. Most bullies had average or better than average self-esteem. Who is being bullied? Children who are bullied are often cautious, sensitive, insecure, socially isolated, and have difficulty asserting themselves among their peers. Boys who are bullied tend to be physically weaker than their peers. Children who have been victims of child abuse (neglect, physical, or sexual abuse) or who have disabilities are also more likely to be bullied by their peers. How common is bullying? In 2002, it was reported that 17 percent of students reported having been bullied “sometimes” or more frequently during the school term. About 19 percent reported bullying others “sometimes” or more often. And six percent reported both bullying and having been bullied. However, in a 2003 study from UCLA, it was reported that almost 50% of sixth graders in two Los Angeles-area public schools report being bullied by classmates during a five-day period.New research from the Secret Service and the U.S. Department of Education on 37 school shootings, including Columbine, found that almost three-quarters of student shooters felt bullied, threatened, attacked or injured by others. In fact, several shooters reported experiencing long-term and severe bullying and harassment from their peers.What’s more, roughly 45% of teachers report having bullied a student in their past. This comes from a 2006 study which defined bullying “using power to punish, manipulate, or disparage a student beyond what would be a reasonable disciplinary procedure.”

The Effects of Bullying

Bullying exerts long-term and short-term psychological effects on both bullies and their victims. Bullying behavior has been linked to other forms of antisocial behavior, such as vandalism, shoplifting, skipping and dropping out of school, fighting, and the use of drugs and alcohol.Victims of bullying experience loneliness and often suffer humiliation, insecurity, loss of self-esteem, and thoughts of suicide. Furthermore, bullying can interfere with a student’s engagement and learning in school. The impact of frequent bullying often accompanies these victims into adulthood. A study done in 2003 found that emotional bullying such as repeated name-calling has as much of a damaging impact on well-being as being beat up. Dr. Stephen Joseph, from the University of Warwick, states, “Bullying and particularly name calling can be degrading for adolescents. Posttraumatic stress is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a frightening event or ordeal in which physical harm occurred or was threatened, and research clearly suggests that it can be caused by bullying. It is important that peer victimization is taken seriously as symptoms such as insomnia, anxiety and depression are common amongst victims and have a negative impact on psychological health.”As with smoking and drinking, youthful bullying can have serious long-term effects. Norwegian psychologist Dan Olweus, PhD, for example, reported in “Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do” (Blackwell, 1993) that 60 percent of boys who bully had at least one conviction by age 24, and 40 percent had three or more convictions.

Other studies found that about 20 percent of American middle school children say they bully others sometimes. Such youngsters tend to have multiple problems: They’re more likely to fight, steal, drink, smoke, carry weapons and drop out of school than non-bullies.

That said, recent research has exploded some common myths about bullies: in particular, that they’re isolated loners with low self-esteem. In fact, many bullies are reasonably popular and tend to have “henchmen” who aid their negative behaviors.

New and innovative research

A nationally representative study of 15,686 students in grades six through 10, published last year in the Journal of the American Medical Association (Vol. 285, No. 16) is among the most recent to document the scope of bullying in U.S. schools.This study found that:* Bullying occurs most frequently from sixth to eighth grade, with little variation between urban, suburban, town and rural areas.

* Males are more likely to be bullies and victims of bullying than females. Males are more likely to be physically bullied, while females are more likely to be verbally or psychologically bullied, although there is recent evidence (Sept. 2008) that shows that females are just as likely to use physical violence as males.

* Bullies and victims of bullying have difficulty adjusting to their environments, both socially and psychologically. Victims of bullying have greater difficulty making friends and are lonelier.

* Bullies are more likely to smoke and drink alcohol, and to be poorer students.

* Bully-victims–students who are both bullies and recipients of bullying–tend to experience social isolation, to do poorly in school and to engage in problem behaviors such as smoking and drinking.

In the past, bullying behavior was looked at in an either/or fashion – either you are a bully or you are a victim. However, some children report that they’re both a bully and a victim at different times.

Bully-victims experience higher levels of depression and anxiety than the bully-only group or the victim-only group. Those who fall into the bully-victim subgroup are more troubled in terms of internal problems. They carry a great deal of anger, fear and sadness within them and don’t have any tools to release it. Studies have shown that, despite thinking they know how to identify bullies, teachers aren’t all that good at actually doing so. Administrators and teachers in schools overestimate their effectiveness in identifying and intervening in bullying situations.

This can have troubling implications. For example, to contain costs, some schools hold intervention programs in group settings. If bully-victims are in the group, they may cause problems for students who are solely victims. It’s more productive for bully-victims to be treated separately.

Mediation programs for bullies and victims are also problematic. Peer mediation may be appropriate in resolving conflict between students with equal power, but bullying is a type of victimization. Just as child abuse is a form of victimization between parties of unequal power, so too is bullying.

Solutions for bullying

Many anti-bullying programs don’t use research and are thus are likely to fail. Those that work off the myth that the root of bullying is low self-esteem may produce more confident bullies but they probably won’t have a significant effect on any bullying behavior.

What’s more, the common approach of grouping bullies together for group counseling tends to increases their bullying. You’ve just put them in a peer group of bullies who reinforce their destructive behaviors.

And conflict resolution or mediation–which assumes equal power between bullies and their victims–may retraumatize those who have been bullied. Pop treatments usually fail because they focus on only one aspect of the problem.

Bullying is a complex problem. There are multiple reasons for bullying. Successful programs take a holistic approach to preventing bullying. This means that they create new school norms for acceptable behavior, involving all facets of the school–students, parents and teachers, psychologists and more.

Global buffers

Indeed, key to the success of any intervention is appropriate adult guidance and support, presenters agreed. Adults supervise their children about 40 percent less than they did 30 years ago, statistics show, and this and related phenomena have been correlated with problem behaviors. The trend, they added, occurs at a time when teens report wanting more parental attention and family time.

Research shows that parents can be effective interventionists. In a 2001 article, when parents learned to effectively communicate information on binge drinking to their precollege teens, the young people returned from their first semester of college significantly less likely to drink than a control group.

Teaching your children emotional intelligence (EQ), or how to manage one’s emotions, results in less illicit drug use and far less physical violence. Those with lower EI had more substance abuse problems and more frequent fights.

The biggest challenge for teens is to develop the self-regulatory abilities implied by high EQ, and that adults can aid in that process. It’s important to help children and teens find ways to identify their emotions - deep breathing,  journaling, greater bodily awareness, exercise, yoga, meditation and so on. These are all ways to become more aware of your emotions, so you can in turn manage your emotions more effectively. It’s all about emotional intelligence. Parents must also be involved in their children’s lives and intervene in a supportive and empathetic nature if they believe their child or another child is being bullied. To help prevent bullying, parents should enforce clear and concise behavioral guidelines and reward children for positive, inclusive behavior. Furthermore, parents should seek assistance from the school’s principal, teachers, and counselors if concerns regarding their child’s or another child’s behavior arises.

Sometimes bullying is easy to spot–a child pushing another on the playground or shoving a classmate’s face into the water fountain. Other times bullying is less overt–children spreading rumors, teasing peers or excluding a classmate from games at recess. This veiled type of bullying–known as relational or covert aggression–can be harder for parents and teachers to see and prevent. What’s more, previous research suggests that relational aggression increases and intensifies as children get older and become more emotionally and socially sophisticated.

Studies report that the rates of aggression are rising in middle school girls. “It’s always been the case that we expect rates of aggression and delinquency to increase for boys, while girls were considered somewhat protected,” said Julia Graber, a UF psychologist who did the research. “In this study, it’s clear that the differences between girls and boys are diminishing.”

Unlike boys, girls in the study reported feeling increasing amounts of anger between sixth and seventh grades, she said. Both groups reported a decline in self-control. The study of 1,229 students at 22 public and parochial schools in New York City found that the proportion of girls committing five or more aggressive acts in a month, such as “hitting someone” or “pushing or shoving someone on purpose” jumped from 64 percent to 81 percent between sixth and seventh grades. For boys, it rose from 69 percent to 78 percent.

“Girls’ entry into adolescence is generally thought of as a vulnerable time for depression, and studies tend to focus on girls’ emotional experiences with sadness and depressed moods,” Graber said. “What’s interesting about this study is that we see an increase in a different negative emotional experience, and that’s anger.”

Bullying among primary school age children has become recognized as an antecedent to more violent behavior in later grades. Statistics on violence in our country tell a grim story with a clear message. Some children learn how to dominate others by foul means rather than by fair, setting a pattern for how they will behave as adults (bullies). Other children are more easily dominated, suffer miserably, often in silence, and develop a victim mentality that they may be unable to over-come as adults (victims). Action is needed to end purposeful harassment, and bullying.

Signs that a child is being bullied

Children who are being bullied may be embarrassed to talk about what is going on. Parents (or other adults) may notice signs that point to bullying. Your child may:

• Have scrapes, bruises or other signs of physical injury.

• Come home from school without some belongings such as clothes, or money.

• Come home from school quite hungry, saying they lost his or her lunch.

• Develop ongoing physical problems, such as headaches or stomachaches.

• Have sleep disturbances and nightmares.

• Pretend to be sick or make other excuses to avoid school or other situations.

• Change their behavior, such as withdrawing, becoming sad, angry or aggressive.

• Cry often.

• Become more fearful when certain people or situations are mentioned.

• See a sudden drop in grades or have more difficulty learning new material.

• Talk about suicide as a way out.

How to help the child who is being bullied

The key to helping your child deal with bullying is to help him or her regain a sense of dignity and recover damaged self-esteem. To help ward off bullies, give your child these tips:

• Temporarily hold the anger. It’s natural to want to get really angry with a bully, but that’s exactly the response the bully is aiming for. Not only will getting angry or aggressive not solve the problem, it will only make it worse. Bullies want to know they have control over your child’s emotions. Each time they get a reaction from your child, it adds fuel to the bully’s fire - getting angry just makes the bully feel more powerful. Remind your child that anyone that makes you angry has control over you. Help your child work at staying calm through deep breathing and turning their attention to more pleasant thoughts while being picked on.

• Never get physical or bully back. Emphasize that your child should never use physical force (like kicking, hitting, or pushing) to deal with a bully. Not only does that show anger, your child can never be sure what the bully will do in response. Tell your child that it’s best to hang out with others, stay safe, and get help from an adult.

• Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Tell your child to look the bully in the eye and say something like, “I want you to stop right now.” Counsel your child to then walk away and ignore any further taunts. Encourage your child to “walk tall” and hold his or her head up high (using this type of body language sends a message that your child isn’t vulnerable). Bullies thrive on the reaction they get, and by walking away, or ignoring hurtful emails or instant messages, your child will be telling the bully that he or she just doesn’t care. Sooner or later, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother your child.

• Use humor. If your child is in a situation in which he or she has to deal with a bully and can’t walk away with poise, tell him or her to use humor or give the bully a compliment to throw the bully off guard. However, tell your child not to use humor to make fun of the bully.

• Tell an adult. If your child is being bullied, emphasize that it’s very important to tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help to stop it. Studies show that schools where principals crack down on this type of behavior have less bullying.

• Talk about it. It may help your child to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or friend - anyone who can give your child the support he or she needs. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can build when your child is being bullied.

• Use the buddy system. Enlisting the help of friends or a group may help both your child and others stand up to bullies. The bully wants to be recognized and feel powerful, after all, so a lot of bullying takes part in the presence of peers. If the bully is picking on another child, tell your child to point out to the bully that his or her behavior is unacceptable and is no way to treat another person. This can work especially well in group situations (i.e., when a member of your child’s circle of friends starts to pick on or shun another member). Tell your child to make a plan to buddy up with a friend or two on the way to school, on the bus, in the hallways, or at recess or lunch - wherever your child thinks he or she might meet the bully. Tell your child to offer to do the same for a friend who’s having trouble with a bully. When one person speaks out against a bully, it gives others license to add their support and take a stand, too.

• Develop more friendships by joining social organizations, clubs, or sports programs. Encourage regular play visits with other children at your home. Being in a group with other kids may help to build your child’s self-esteem and give your child a larger group of positive peers with whom to spend time.

Of course, you may have to intervene in persistent cases of bullying. That can involve walking to school with your child and talking to your child’s teacher, school counselor, or principal. Safety should be everyone’s concern. If you’ve tried the previous methods and still feel the need to speak to the bullying child’s parents, it’s best to do so within the context of the school, where a school official, such as a counselor, can mediate.

If your child is the bully

Learning that your child is a bully can be shocking. But it’s important to remain calm and avoid becoming defensive, as that can make a bad situation worse. You may have a greater impact if you express disappointment - not anger - to your child. Because bullying often stems from unhappiness or insecurity, try to find out if something is bothering your child. Children who bully aren’t likely to confess to their behavior, but you’ll need to try to get your child to talk by asking some specific, hard-hitting questions, such as:

• How do you feel about yourself?

• How do you think things are going at school and at home?

• Are you being bullied?

• Do you get along with other kids at school?

• How do you treat other children?

• What do you think about being considered a bully?

• Why do you think you’re bullying?

• What might help you to stop bullying?

To get to the bottom of why your child is hurting others, you may also want to schedule an appointment to talk to your child’s school counselor or another mental health professional (your child’s doctor should be able to refer you to someone). If you suspect that your child is a bully, it’s important to address the problem to try to mend your child’s mean ways. After all, bullying is violence, and it often leads to more antisocial and violent behavior as the bully grows up. In fact, as many as one out of four elementary school bullies have a criminal record by the time they’re 30.

Helping your child stop bullying

Although not all bullying stems from family problems, it’s a good idea to examine the behavior and personal interactions your child witnesses at home. If your child lives with taunting or name-calling from a sibling or from you or another parent, it could be prompting aggressive or hurtful behavior outside the home. What may seem like innocent teasing at home may actually model bullying behaviors. Children who are on the receiving end of it learn that bullying can translate into control over children they perceive as weak.

Constant teasing - whether it’s at home or at school - can also affect a child’s self-esteem. Children with low self-esteem can grow to feel emotionally insecure. They can also end up blaming others for their own shortcomings. Making others feel bad (bullying) can give them a sense of power.

Of course, there will be moments that warrant constructive criticism: for example, “I counted on you to put out the trash and because you forgot, we’ll all have to put up with that stench in the garage for a week.” But take care not to let your words slip into criticizing the person rather than the behavior: “You’re so lazy. I bet you just pretend to forget your chores, so you don’t have to get your hands dirty.” Focus on how the behavior is unacceptable, rather than the person. Home should be a safe haven, where children aren’t subjected to uncomfortable, harsh criticism from family and loved ones.

In addition to maintaining a positive home atmosphere, there are a number of ways you can encourage your child to give up bullying:

• Emphasize that bullying is a serious problem. Make sure your child understands you will not tolerate bullying and that bullying others will have consequences at home. For example, if your child is cyber bullying, take away the technologies he or she is using to torment others (i.e., computer, cell phone to text message or send pictures). Or instruct your child to use the Internet to research bullying and note strategies to reduce the behavior. Other examples of disciplinary action include restricting your child’s curfew if the bullying and/or teasing occur outside of the home; taking away privileges, but allowing the opportunity to earn them back; and requiring your child to do volunteer work to help those less fortunate.

• Teach your child to treat people who are different with respect and kindness. Teach your child to embrace, not ridicule, differences (i.e., race, religion, appearance, special needs, gender, economic status). Explain that everyone has rights and feelings.

• Find out if your child’s friends are also bullying. If so, seek a group intervention through your child’s principal, school counselor, and/or teachers.

• Set limits. Stop any show of aggression immediately and help your child find nonviolent ways to react.

• Observe your child interacting with others and praise appropriate behavior. Positive reinforcement is more powerful than negative discipline.

• Talk with school staff and ask how they can help your child change his or her bad behavior. Be sure to keep in close contact with the staff.

• Set realistic goals and don’t expect an immediate change. As your child learns to modify his or her behavior, assure your child that you still love him or her - it’s the behavior you don’t like.

Be aware that bullying also takes place between adults, as well as between adults and children. Anywhere there is a power imbalance; there is the risk of bullying. Athletic coaching is a fertile ground for bullying young athletes. As more is learned about bullying and the serious consequences of it, more and more zero tolerance policies will be adopted. Until then, stay aware of subtle cues of bullying in children. The first step is awareness. With greater awareness, bullying can be nipped in the bud.
 

About the Author

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.Dr. John Schinnerer is Chief Communication Officer at Emotion Mining Company, which has a powerful and patented method to measure conscious and subconscious emotions. This method is used for marketing and branding, leadership development, organizational change, and individual counseling and coaching.Prior to this, Dr. Schinnerer was President of Guide To Self, a company that focuses on coaching individuals and groups to their potential using the latest in psychology, psychoneuroimmunology and physiology. Most recently, Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been a coach and psychologist for over 10 years.

Dr. Schinnerer is also President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Infinet was founded in 1997 and has worked with companies such as UPS, CSE Insurance Group and Schreiber Foods. Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development to sports psychology. He is a noted speaker and author on topics such as emotional intelligence, sports psychology, and executive leadership.

Dr. Schinnerer wrote, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which was recently awarded the “Best Self-Help Book of 2007” by East Bay Express. He has written articles on corporate ethics and EQ in the workplace for Workspan magazine, HR.com, and Business Ethics. He has given numerous presentations, radio shows and seminars to tens of thousands of people for organizations such as SHRM, NCHRA, KNEW and KDIA.

Posted in Nervousness, Social anxiety disorder, Social phobia, School psychology, Victims of bullying, School age bullies, Staying calm, Anxiety, Forgiveness, Counseling, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Emotional IQ, Guide to Self, Bullies | Print | No Comments »

Guide To Self:The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought by Dr. John Schinnerer

16. October 2006 by John Schinnerer.

Guide To Self:The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought
By Dr. John Schinnerer

**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**

EDITORS: For review copies or interview requests, contact:
Promotional Services Department
Tel: 925-944-3440

Email: pressreleases@authorhouse.com
(When requesting a review copy, please provide a street address.)

Guide to Self: Psychologist Shows Readers How to Manage Emotions, Thoughts in New Book

ALAMO, Calif. – Emotions are the foundation of everything people say, think and do, says John L. Schinnerer, Ph.D., author of the new book, Guide to Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought (now available through AuthorHouse). In his book, Schinnerer helps readers find greater success and happiness at home and at work through awareness and management of their emotional landscape.

Despite the fact that emotions can vary greatly from person to person, Schinnerer discovered that emotional states can be managed by raising awareness of the current emotions, underlying mood and biological temperament. “Most people are born and die with the exact same temperament because they don’t realize that they have the power to change it to their liking,” he says.

Schinnerer explains to readers how they can change their emotions for the better, supported by peer-reviewed scientific research from top universities throughout the world, he says. Within the science, Schinnerer also incorporates spirituality and ethical awareness into his methods. “There is a growing awareness that spirituality is integral to a person’s well-being,” he says. “A full 85 - 95 percent of Americans believe that spiritual faith and religious beliefs are closely tied to their emotional and mental health, and they’re right!”

With a holistic approach to thoughts, emotions and spirituality, Schinnerer’s step-by-step guide helps readers manage thoughts and feelings to realize their potential, resulting in less suffering and more happiness, he says. “You are far more powerful than you ever dared to dream. You can have a profound impact on your emotions, your thoughts and your happiness,” says Schinnerer.

Schinnerer holds a doctorate in psychology from the University of California at Berkeley and has 12 years of experience in research and practice. He is the founder of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company that uses new methodology to evaluate emotional IQ, traditional IQ, ethics, personality traits and knowledge for success in the workplace. Schinnerer is also the president of Guide to Self, a company dedicated to coaching executives and managers on the best practices for emotional management, the single best predictor of success for white collar jobs. He hosted “Guide to Self Radio” in the San Francisco Bay Area for a year, airing more than 200 shows. Guide to Self is Schinnerer’s first book. More information can be found at www.guidetoself.com.

AuthorHouse is the premier publishing house for emerging authors and new voices in literature. For more information, please visit www.authorhouse.com.

###

Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide To Self, Inc. copyright 2005-2006.All rights reserved

Copyright 2005-06 Guide To Self, John Schinnerer, PhD.

Posted in Tips to help anxiety, Social phobia, Nervousness, Staying calm, Happiness, Infinet Assessment, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Morals and values, Ethics, Anxiety, Emotional IQ, Realistic optimism, Forgiveness, Positive Psychology, Counseling, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide to Self, Life coach, Creativity, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

Who is really in charge - the rational or emotional mind?

29. August 2006 by John Schinnerer.

Dr. John Schinnerer on another difference within the marvelous human brain – automatic or conscious processes. Who is really in charge - your “old” emotional brain or your “new” rational brain?

Close the gap between how you think your brain works and how it ACTUALLY works. You THINK you have free will. What if it were the case that you don’t have as much free will as you think? What if 90% of what you do and say is automatic?

A fascinating and novel approach to radio. Dr. John borrows Jim Gaffigan’s method of speaking the thoughts of the audience making for humorous and helpful radio. Best ever?!

Look for Dr. John’s recent book, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought” available Sept. 5, 2006. More info is at http://www.guidetoself.com.

Guide To Self radio is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the premier firm for employee testing. More is available at
http://www.infinetassessment.com.

Interested in booking Dr. John as a speaker? Call us at (925) 944-3440
Duration:29 minutes, 25 seconds

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Copyright 2005-06 Guide To Self, John Schinnerer, PhD.

Posted in Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Infinet Assessment, Depression, Rational mind, Emotional mind, Happiness, Customer Engagement, Dr. John Schinnerer, Forgiveness, Guide to Self, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

How to replace your damaging core beliefs

6. July 2006 by John Schinnerer.

Changing Destructive Core Beliefs About Yourself
Dr. John Schinnerer
Coach and counselor

Coaching is a means to assist individuals in identifying their core values and using those values to set long-term goals. Each long-term goal is broken up into smaller, achievable tasks. In this manner, I can assure the eventual success of my clients by continuing to break down larger, more imposing challenges into smaller and smaller acts. Coaching is a major asset for reprogramming the mental tapes, or thoughts, that run through your head. Oftentimes, these thoughts are so quick you aren’t even consciously aware of them. Most times, these thoughts are negative and cause a negative reaction in our body. Ninety-nine percent of the time thoughts are laced with emotion. Negative thoughts lead to negative emotions (i.e., sadness, anger, and fear primarily). Positive thoughts lead to positive emotions (i.e., happiness, contentment and relaxation). Coaching helps you to reprogram your old tapes and their accompanying feelings so you can feed your brain healthy messages and increase the amount of time you spend in positive emotions. Recent research has shown that the goal for a thriving life is 3 times as much positive emotion as negative emotion.

Change Your Negative Habits

Did you know that by changing your brain, you can change your life? You can. The brain relies on pathways between brain cells (neurons) to communicate messages from one area to another. You can create new pathways in your brain. You are capable of learning new ways of doing and being. To do so, you only need to do three things:

1. Become aware of your bad habit
2. Substitute a new and improved habit for the old one
3. Rehearse the new habit until it becomes automatic

When you learn new skills and attitudes, new pathways are created in your brain. The most efficient way to create these new pathways is by practicing the new task. The more you practice, the deeper engrained the pathway becomes in your brain.
The downside is that the more you continue to do the same old negative thoughts and behaviors, the more deeply engrained they become as well. However, you can change this at any moment by merely being aware of those thoughts you want to change and then consciously and intentionally substituting in a more positive thought.
Research has shown that our brain has the capability to create new pathways for as long as you live. This is exciting news because we used to believe the brain was incapable of growth and change after early adulthood. We now know that the brain continues to grow and adapt every day of our lives. Your brain is just like a muscle that needs exercise if you want to keep it in shape. And, believe me; you definitely want to keep your brain in shape!

Blazing a New Trail in Your Brain

At first, it seems difficult to learn a new skill or attitude. When you begin learning a new skill, the baby pathway between brain cells is like a hiking path in your brain. It’s made of dirt and has pebbles and rocks on it. It is not very well-traveled so messages have a more difficult time “walking” from one place to another. The more you try out the new skill, the stronger the pathway becomes. After some practice, the pathway grows from a hiking trail into a two-lane highway. Now the messages move quickly and easily between the brain cells. Over time, the new skill becomes automatic and the two-lane highway solidifies into a super highway where the messengers of the brain rocket back and forth. The more you practice a new behavior, the more automatic and easier it becomes.

Just as physical skills such as running, jumping and playing sports become automatic through repetition, so too do thoughts, emotions and attitudes. As you repeat positive thoughts, your underlying pathways in the brain become stronger. Eventually, these paths become hardwired into your brain’s circuitry.

Revisit Your Essential Core Beliefs

Your core beliefs, your stealthy, silent thoughts, matter tremendously. Take a close look at your core beliefs because they fuel your thinking. If your core beliefs are negative (e.g., “I always get the short end of the stick.”), then your thinking will be negative. Negative thoughts lead to destructive emotions. So take a close look at your core beliefs, those things that you believe deep down in the core of your being.

While not scientifically proven, there seems to be a triad of negative beliefs which are at the root of all other destructive beliefs. These three beliefs stem from a confusion that arises when you mistake who you are with what you do. You are not what you do. You are not merely what you believe. You are not only what you feel. Those are aspects, facets, of you, but they are not the essence of you. You are far more than mere actions, beliefs, or feelings.

Many people make the serious error of rating how well they achieve followed by rating themselves as a good or bad person. Most folks judge their worth based on their achievements, their successes, and their failures. It’s a ubiquitous error in judgment; everyone makes it unless taught otherwise. Logically, it seems to make sense. I, the individual, kick the ball well or poorly. The ball doesn’t kick itself. So I ‘logically’ judge my kicking ability as good or bad. Then, I ‘illogically’ rate myself as a bad kicker, a bad athlete, or even a bad person. It’s a mistake of overgeneralization. Most people overgeneralize from doing a bad act to being a bad person. That’s a fallacy. It’s wrong. Learn to separate your worth as an individual from your individual actions.

For example, I’m working with my nine year old son on the concept that he is far more than his ability on the baseball diamond. Whether he hits the ball well or not, he is still a great person. A bad day at the ballpark does not make him a bad individual. A bad act does not a bad person make. In the same vein, a good act does not make you a good person.

In order to be a bad person, you would have to consistently and frequently perform bad acts such as breaking the rules, not cooperating, and hurting others. This is hard to do and highly improbable. So even if you are responsible for a bad act, say kicking the ball poorly, you cannot judge yourself as a bad person. It’s impossible to be what you do. A bad person would only and always behave in a negative manner. And a good person would act in a positive manner towards everyone at all times. Neither of these two extremes is possible.

Three Most Damaging Core Beliefs

The three most damaging core beliefs that you can hold are as follows:

1) Other people MUST treat me fairly or they are bad people.
2) I MUST do well or else I am a bad person.
3) My life conditions MUST be the way I WANT them to be or I can’t deal with it and will NOT be happy.

There are many other irrational beliefs that you might hold, but these three seem to be at the bottom of nearly every one of them. Integral to each and every one of your irrational, negative beliefs are the words “must”, “should”, or “ought.”
The goal is to become aware of your negative core beliefs. Once you are aware of them, you can consciously substitute positive core beliefs for old, ineffective, untrue beliefs. Certain core beliefs have been proven to lead to greater well-being. The core beliefs that have been proven to work well are as follows:
Core Beliefs That Work Towards Well-being

1. You are incredibly important and matter tremendously to the rest of us.
2. You are not alone. You are surrounded by others who care.
3. There is no failure, only delayed success.
4. Lessons are repeated until learned.
5. Learning never ends.
6. The present is a better place to live than the past or the future.
7. You can handle it.
8. What you do with your life is entirely up to you.
9. All the answers lie within you. You have but to listen.
10. Always look for the good in people and events. You find what you look for.
11. Life is a roller coaster ride. Enjoy the ride.
12. Energy is limitless. You can tap into it at anytime.

Dr. John’s new book is coming out end of this summer. Look for it!

For coaching with Dr. John, call for an appointment at 925-944-3440. For individuals, fees run $150 per hour. Most appointments are done via phone.

Guide To Self(C) 2005-06.

Copyright 2005-06 Guide To Self, John Schinnerer, PhD.

Posted in Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Infinet Assessment, Happiness, Tips to help anxiety, Depression, Rational mind, Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Nervousness, Staying calm, Realistic optimism, Forgiveness, Positive Psychology, Counseling, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Anxiety, Emotional IQ, Guide to Self, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »

How to Identify the Four Types of Affect (or Emotion)

25. May 2006 by John Schinnerer.

There are four types of affect, or emotional phenomena. You may know of a few. Yet, you need to be intimately familiar with all of them if you want to learn to be an emotional genius. Research is showing over and over just how important emotional management is for success and happiness - at work, at home, and in your relationships.

Find out if you’re familiar with all four types of affect. There is emotion which is the zing of feeling you get in the moment. Emotions last from a split second to a few minutes.

There are moods which last from days to weeks and are more diffuse than emotions.

There is your temperament which you are born with but can influence to be more realistically optimistic.

And then there are the emotional masks you wear.

Check them all out on this amazing edition of Guide To Self radio with your host, Dr. John Schinnerer.

Dr. John provides coaching for executives, couples, individuals, and those looking for more happiness and purpose in life. Dr. John is finishing up his first book which should be ready by Summer 2006. You can find out the latest information by visiting
http://www.GuideToSelf.com or calling 925-944-3440.

Thank you for listening! You’re making the world a better place!
Duration:29 minutes, 56 seconds

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Copyright 2005-06 Guide To Self, John Schinnerer, PhD.

Posted in Depression, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Infinet Assessment, Happiness, Rational mind, Emotional mind, Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Tips to help anxiety, Staying calm, Managing stress, Realistic optimism, Forgiveness, Positive Psychology, Dr. John Schinnerer, Life coach, Anxiety, Emotional IQ, Guide to Self, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

How to Deal with Tragedy When It Strikes

22. May 2006 by John Schinnerer.

Dealing with Tragedy
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self, Inc.
(925) 944-3440

Mary Tyler Moore said, “Pain nourishes courage. You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.”

As one of my professors at Cal, Dr. Nadine Lambert, died unexpectedly recently, I’ve been dealing with my own grief.

These are some notes I made to myself when thinking about how best to deal with sudden or unexpected tragedy or trauma.

How do you get through the painful emotions? How do you deal with the negative thoughts? How do you go forward? Here’s some thoughts…

Sense of Control

It comes down to controlling what you can. You will feel better to the extent that you can control the environment around you. To help alleviate feelings of helplessness, create an emergency plan for your family. If you already have one, revisit it. Be sure to include your children in on this as it gives them a greater sense of control. Gather supplies such as bottled water, flashlight, radio and so on and store them in an air tight garbage can. Gathering supplies and focusing on an emergency plan does two things – it helps restore your feeling of control and it distracts you from dwelling on negative and depressing thoughts.

One of the keys to managing your emotions is to distract yourself. Do things that are fun for you – exercising, reading, watch a comedy, go for a walk, enjoy nature, play with your kids.

When you notice your thoughts returning to the tragedy, gently redirect them to a memory of when you were happy and felt safe. I recommend to my clients to take mental snapshots of times when they are happy such as when they are playing in the back yard running through the sprinkler with their children. Then you can return to these mental pictures during stressful times.

Breathe

Another key is to breathe deeply. Breathe into your abdomen or stomach area, not your chest. Focus on exhaling out ALL of the air in your lungs with each breath and filling your lungs completely with each inhale.

Journal

And still another key is to journal. Studies have shown that journaling helps reduce intrusive thoughts, which are negative thoughts that come into your head unwanted. Journaling helps to get rid of these which will improve your mood.

Exercise

Keep your physical body in good shape in general to provide you with maximum energy. Staying in good physical shape gives you a greater sense of control of the environment around you. As we discussed earlier, a lot of the emotions that come up, arise due to a feeling of things being out of control. Having greater physical strength, greater flexibility, and more stamina all contribute to you having an increased sense of control over external events.

Also, for tragic events, when and if you get anxious, you may want to do activities that are relaxing such as yoga, meditation, walking, or stretching.

If you are angry or furious, any hearty physical activity such as jogging or swimming is a great way to work off strong negative emotions.

Soothing activities are helpful as well such as a shower or a warm bath.

You’ll want to avoid stimulants if you are anxious. Caffeine and sugar will increase your anxiety.

Other brief ideas:

Get back to your routine ASAP.

Help other people out. Best thing to do when you are down is focus your attention on helping others.

Symptoms of depression to watch out for:

In general, indicators of depression include changes in sleep habits – either too much or not enough, change in eating habits, significant weight gain or loss – more than approximately 5% body weight in a month, loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, withdrawal from family and friends, family history of depression and/or anxiety, giving away valued items, complete lack of emotion, irritability, sadness, apathy (i.e., “I don’t care.”) fatigue, diminished ability to think or concentrate, and/or recurring thoughts of death and dying.

In younger children, depression appears as sadness, frustration, tiredness and anger. Younger children may appear more visibly depressed than adolescents (teenagers) and experience more physical complaints (e.g., headaches, stomachaches, etc.), fears, anxiety and nervousness. Teenagers tend to express more hopelessness, lack of any emotion at all, excessive sleeping, weight changes, and increased alcohol and/or drug use.

Find the positive in the pain

I challenge you to find your own personal positive meaning in this tragedy.

What does it represent to you? A call to action? A reminder to get in better shape? A motivation to learn to manage your thoughts and feelings? A second chance? An opportunity to do things right this time?

What are you going to LEARN from this?

Don’t sit by and passively watch another senseless tragedy go by. Use this to improve yourself and the world around you.

As Gandhi said, “You must be the change that you wish to see in the world.” That means you start with one individual – you. And you start changing you by changing what is on the inside.

The main reason for sadness is to help you adjust to a significant loss, such as the death of a family member or loss of an old friend. Sadness allows time to grieve, look inward at who you are and what you are doing with your life, and understand the meaning of the loss. One of the most important things is to figure out the meaning of the loss. The particular meaning you assign to the loss matters less than merely coming up with a meaning, any meaning for the loss. You are happier to the extent that you find a positive meaning in past events and relationships.

Just like anger builds upon itself, sadness builds upon sadness. So if your first sad thought is followed by more sad thoughts, you risk a downward spiral.
All emotion is meant to be temporary. Emotions are not permanent. They are merely passing by. You are better off to the extent that you can release them through deep breathing, exercise or journaling.

Snowball analogy for your thoughts

Imagine a snowball rolling down a large snow-covered mountain. At first, the snowball is the size of your fist, something you could easily pick up and control. However, as the snowball rolls down the hill, it picks up speed and grows exponentially. After a few yards, the snowball has increased in size to the point where you can no longer handle it by yourself. Given the right conditions, the snowball can grow to mammoth size and could cause damage to other people.

The snowball is exactly the same as our feelings. Each feeling starts out tiny and manageable. However, if you are not paying attention, the feeling grows and quickly becomes uncontrollable. In fact you only have about ½ a second to interrupt the process of negative emotions. However, it’s doable. You can do it. I’ll tell you how.
The most important thing in controlling negative emotions is nipping them in the bud. You have to tune in to your body’s cues. Your body will tell you when you are beginning to get angry, for instance. Blood rushes to your fists, your face may get red, your muscles tense, breathing becomes shallow, your jaw clenches, your eyebrows furrow and so on. We need to begin to tune in to these cues. You only have a split second in which you can interrupt the cycle of anger. Otherwise the anger builds upon itself and spirals out of control. So the first tip is to become more aware of your bodily cues. Every emotion has cues which reveal how we are feeling. Fear triggers blood flowing to the arms and legs, perspiration, raised eyebrows, and a constriction of the throat. Sadness is marked primarily by a drop in energy, tears welling up, and the longing for that which is gone. The trick is to tune into these cues quickly and interrupt the cycle.

The second tip is to understand that negative emotions are created in large part by your interpretation of the situation around you. So you can learn to change your interpretation of the world around you. Here’s one way to do this.

In stressful situations, ask yourself, “Will this matter ten years from now?” In most cases the answer is no, it won’t. If the answer is Yes, then ask yourself, “What can I do to help find a constructive solution to the problem?”

Some more quick tips to put a smile on your face:

Breathe deeply.

Take a bath or shower.

Get out in nature.

Refocus your mind on positive thoughts.

Force yourself to smile in the shower. Info in the brain travels in both directions.

And remember that this too will pass. While it may seem life-shattering now, life will improve, a smile will eventually return to your face, and you will be free to love again. When you get down, maintain a long-term perspective (e.g, view the event in terms of your entire lifespan). And never, never, never give up.

Goodbye, Nadine. You’ll be missed.

All the best,

Dr. John

Guide To Self, Inc. (C) 2005-06

Copyright 2005-06 Guide To Self, John Schinnerer, PhD.

Posted in Rational mind, Depression, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Emotional mind, Emotional management, Managing Sadness, Dealing with loss, Infinet Assessment, Happiness, Realistic optimism, Forgiveness, Positive Psychology, Dr. John Schinnerer, Life coach, Emotional IQ, Guide to Self, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

“Capitalizing” on Good News to Create Better Relationships

9. May 2006 by John Schinnerer.

Capitalizing on Good News and Love
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self, Inc.
www.GuideToSelf.com
(925) 944-3440

One of the foremost researchers in the area of love and marriage is Shelly Gable, an assistant professor of psychology at UCLA. Most researchers looking at marriage work on conflict management, how to create more harmony between partners, and how individuals in a couple cope with traumatic events. Gable is one of a handful of researcher who looks at what makes a thriving marriage. Her work provides some valuable insights if you are interested in transforming your good relationship (e.g., friendship, marriage, parent or child) into a great one.

Gable looks to see how you respond when your spouse tells you that he’s just been promoted, or your child tells you that she won Class President, or when your mother tells you she won a tennis tournament, or when your friend tells you she just won a huge lawsuit. Gable puts your responses into four different categories which break down as follows:

1. An enthusiastic reaction such as “Wow! That’s tremendous. That’s the best thing I’ve heard all week. I’m sure there are more great things to come for you. You’ve definitely earned it. Congratulations!” This reaction is called the active-constructive response by Gable.

2. A more subdued reaction where you share your happiness but say little. For example, “That’s nice dear.” This is the passive-constructive response.

3. Or perhaps you point out some of the potential pitfalls or negatives within the good event. For instance, “Wow, I sure hope you can handle all that extra responsibility. Does this mean you will have to work extra hours?” Gable refers to this as the active-destructive response.

4. Or, you might respond with disinterest and not respond to the good news at all. Most folks do this by merely changing the subject, “Yes, but what do you think about the weather outside?” This is known as the passive-destructive response.
The first type of response, the active-constructive one, is called “capitalizing” by Gable and here’s the fascinating part…capitalizing amplifies the pleasure of the good event and creates an upward spiral of good feelings.

Gable has shown that capitalizing is one of the keys to strong, supportive, thriving relationships. So how do you respond to good news from other people? Are you a “capitalizer” who creates upward spirals of positive emotions? Or do you turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the good news of others?

The consequences of learning how to be more of a “capitalizer” are impressive and robust. Couples who describe themselves as having a spouse who is active and constructive in response to their good news are:

• More committed to the relationship
• More in love
• Happier in their marriage
• Happier in other significant relationships (i.e., friends, parents, children and coworkers).

Think about that the next time your mate comes in the door with exciting news!

Guide To Self(C) 2005-06.

Copyright 2005-06 Guide To Self, John Schinnerer, PhD.

Posted in Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Infinet Assessment, Rational mind, Emotional mind, Emotional management, Happiness, Emotional IQ, Positive Psychology, Counseling, Realistic optimism, Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide to Self, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »