28. July 2010 by John Schinnerer.

Here is a new video I made yesterday to help folks move from angry to content in less than 3 minutes. Please take a look and let me know your thoughts and feelings. Leave a comment down below if you enjoy it! I’ll make more.

Many thanks,

John

Posted in Emotion & productivity, San Ramon CA, Danville CA, National speakers, Resiliency, Assertiveness, Executive coach, Optimal Human Functioning, keys to happiness, Anger management therapy, Real Men Real Emotion, Men's feelings, Well-being, De-escalating anger, The human brain, Men's emotions, Social anxiety disorder, Tips to help anxiety, Emotional IQ, Life coach, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Happiness, Depression, Anger Management, Subconscious mind, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Parenting, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

28. July 2010 by John Schinnerer.

By John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

People who apologize more earn higher salaries. That is the finding of a study done by Zogby International.

Zogby was asked by their client, The Pearl Outlet, to find out more about customers who were buying pearls as a way of apologizing. Apparently, customers were buying pearls for spouses, lovers, or significant others as a way to say “I’m sorry.”

Zogby polled nearly 8,000 men and women in the united States and what they discovered was staggering — people who sincerely apologize make more money.

Apology Numbers…

Individuals who make over $100,000 per year are almost two times as likely to say “I’m sorry” following a mistake or a disagreement than those who make $25,000 or less.

92% of those who earn more than $100,000 apologize when they feel they are at fault.

89% of individual who make between $100,000 and $75,000 are more likely to apologize after a mistake or argument

84% of those who earn between $75,000 and $50,000 report a willingness to apologize.

74% of those who make between $50,000 and $25,000 apologize readily

And only 52% of those who make less than $25,000 are open to apologizing regularly. 

It’s a near perfect predictor of how much money people make. This is a rarity - a strong relationship between income and human behavior.

So what does it mean?

The willingness to apologize is an indication of emotional intelligence, interpersonal skills, which we know to be associated with leadership and executive performance.

What’s more, the relationship between asking for forgiveness and income indicates that highly successful individuals are open to making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. Successful people are willing to break some eggs to make an omelet.

The extension of this is that successful people are more likely to ask for forgiveness than for permission. They are willing to take calculated risks which have a high probability of paying off in the future.

The other possible interpretation is that successful individuals are more comfortable in who they are, more self-assured, and thus, are less likely to get defensive when things go badly. They are strong enough to take the blame when they are wrong while realizing that they will persevere despite adverse circumstances.

If you want to read more about learning how to apologize and forgive, visit the articles section at www.GuideToSelf.com.

Latest news! There is a new Guide To Self Video Blog on free anger management classes by John at http://drjohnsblog.wordpress.com. Sign up for details and emails at the home page http://www.GuideToSelf.com.

About John Schinnerer Ph.D.

John Schinnerer is in private practice helping people learn anger management, stress management and the latest ways to deal with destructive negative emotions. He also helps clients discover optimal human functioning via positive psychology. His offices are in Danville, California. He graduated from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. John has been an executive, speaker and psychologist for over 10 years. He is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches executives to happiness and success using the latest in positive psychology. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a daily prime time radio show, in the SF Bay Area.  His areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to anger management, to executive coaching. He wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com. His blog, Shrunken Mind, was recently recognized as one of the top 3 in positive psychology on the web (http://drjohnblog.guidetoself.com).

Posted in Alamo CA, Optimal Human Functioning, Executive coach, San Ramon CA, Well-being, De-escalating anger, Apologies, Anger management therapy, Happiness and Income, Emotion & productivity, Danville CA, Guide to Self, Life coach, Dr. John Schinnerer, Forgiveness, Tips to help anxiety, Emotional management, Relationships, Organizational psychology, Men's emotions, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

27. July 2010 by John Schinnerer.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.
Guide To Self, Inc.

Have you ever been yelled at, screamed at, while at work? Doesn’t it suck? It can put you into an emotional tailspin for the rest of the day.

 So what’s the best way to handle it when the irritation of a coworker begins to escalate into rage?

The ability to de-escalate the anger of others is a critical political and emotional ability necessary for long-term success. As an executive coach and speaker, I have seen and heard about anger taking on a life of its own, damaging relationships and overturning promising careers. While we do our best to act the part of rational, reasonable business people, the truth is that we are also emotional. And we don’t always have control over the emotional mind. The essential trick is to learn skills to manage your emotional mind and the emotions of others around you. This leads to unbelievable, unshakeable power and ultimately, greater success. 

The Emotional vs. Rational Brain

The emotional brain (primarily the limbic system) has been in existence in human beings for 3 to 10 million years. On the other hand, the rational brain (the cortex) has only been around for roughly 50,000 to 1 million years.

The emotional brain has been through countless revisions and is nearly perfect in its ability to keep humans safe and act as a general guidance system (approach vs. avoidance). The emotional brain has the ability to take over the rational brain when someone comes between you and your goal (leading to anger) or when danger is sensed (leading to fear).

The rational brain is still in the earliest stages of revision on an evolutionary scale. It is prone to mistakes in thinking, and can be overpowered by the emotional brain in a matter of .33 seconds.

All of us are simultaneously rational and emotional. So anger is inevitable when you have groups of people who care passionately about their companies, their jobs and a wide assortment of individual, team and corporate goals. As goals come into conflict with others, anger is bound to result.

Anger exists on a spectrum. Think of the intensity of anger along a 1 – 10 scale where 1 is calm and 10 is enraged.

Top Ways to Defuse Anger at Work

1. The first step to take when someone is angry with you is to do a body scan. This is simply a mental scan of your body to monitor your own anger level. If your anger gets above a 5 on the anger scale, tell the person that you are getting upset and ask them to continue the conversation later (after you’ve calmed down). In my work helping executives with anger, I’ve found that anytime you get above a 5 on the anger scale, hurtful words are spoken and destructive acts are committed. It becomes highly difficult to manage yourself when your anger level is above a 5. And it becomes nearly impossible to help another person manage his or her anger if your anger spikes.

2. Be aware that anger is one strategy that people use to get their own needs met. I call the use of destructive emotions to get what one wants ‘emotional bullying.’ Keep that phrase in your mind and see if emotional bullying is taking place in your situation. If so, calmly state to the other person that they cannot use emotions to get what they want.  Or you can choose to tell them that you are happy to speak about the situation further when they have calmed down.

3. Take a deep breath. Studies show that focused breathing reduces the intensity of negative emotions such as anger, anxiety and resentment. Negative emotions lock the body into certain patterns of movement and thinking. For instance, anger locks you into shallow breathing, tightened muscles, and thoughts which reinforce the anger. Deep breathing into your belly is the most important step in unlocking anger.

4. Avoid criticizing or blaming the angry person. Criticism, blame and judgment are highly likely to heighten the intensity of the anger.

5. Look for common ground between your experiences and the focus of their anger. There is usually a kernel of truth in angry statements, even if it is a tiny kernel. Your job is to seek out that truth and magnify it. If you can relate to their experience, let them know, ‘If I put myself in your shoes, I’d be angry too. Let me see what I can do to help you make this situation better.’

6. Tune in to the early warning signs. These can tip you off that a coworker is getting progressively angry. It’s powerful to know someone is ready to blow their top before they actually lose their temper.  There are physiological indicators of anger for which you can be on the lookout. These include clenched jaw, furrowed brow, upper lip curled up on one side (disgust), muscle tension, narrowed eyes and shallow breathing. Beyond that, you can look for deviations from typical behavior patterns. For instance, when a coworker who is usually boisterous and outgoing turns silent and withdraws, it may be a red flag for anger. When you notice such changes in people, simply call attention to them gently to diffuse them before they erupt. For instance, ‘Hey Jan, I notice you have become quiet all of a sudden. What’s going on for you?’ or ‘Bob, you seem to have an irritated look on your face. Is there anything we may have missed?’

7. If you cannot prevent the angry party from exploding in rage, there are several approaches of which you will want to be practiced. This includes active listening, apologizing, acknowledging their feelings, and offering to make an attempt to rectify the situation.

8. Active listening is the process of genuinely and sincerely attempting to truly hear what it is the angry party is trying to convey. It involves listening at several different levels simultaneously including

a. the text (interpreting the words they are speaking to you),

b. the subtext (what is not being said yet is still part of the problem),

c. the emotional (which emotions are involved in the anger such as resentment, disappointment, fear, sadness, contempt, disgust and more)

d. the physical (the body language of the angry individual, how agitated are they, how tightly are they holding their hands, how contorted are their facial expressions, etc.)

9. Attempt an apology if you feel one is warranted or appropriate. Apologies consist of five parts. First, you want to sincerely admit to the wrong doing (assuming you or your company made a mistake). ‘I know that I made an error when I filed the report with mistakes in it.’ Second, you want to apologize, ‘I apologize.’ Third, you want to ask what you can do to make things right. Ask them, ‘Do you have any constructive criticism for me?’ Fourth, let the other party know that you will behave differently next time. ‘Next time, I will make sure there are no errors in the report before I file it.’ Finally, ask for their forgiveness. ‘Will you forgive me for filing the report with errors?’

10. Acknowledge their feelings. Help the angry party feel heard. Say something along the lines of ‘I think I understand how you feel. You are very upset. I hear you. Your anger makes complete sense to me. What can I do to help?’

11. Attempts to reason with angry individuals are likely to fall on deaf ears. When anger gets intense, the emotional mind is firmly in control of the angry person and little if any information gets in. The exception to this is information that reinforces their anger. This sort of info will get in, will be focused on and will be magnified.

12. Act with compassion. Compassion is empathy, the ability to put yourself in another’s shoes. The goal is to understand the situation from the perspective of the other person. The better you get at this learnable skill, the easier it is to unlock their anger.

13. In some instances, these de-escalation skills will not be enough to defuse a rage. You always want to be aware when dealing with angry individuals that they may not be thinking completely rationally. As a result, you want to ensure your own safety. This means you must be mindful of an escape route should things take a turn for the worse and become violent or abusive. Make sure the angry party is not blocking your path to the door or a window.  Keep this in mind if the conversation escalates and slowly, calmly work your way towards a better escape route. If the situation escalates to a point where you feel it is out of control, do not hesitate to call the police to ensure your safety.

14. Learning proven methods to stay calm in emotionally charged situations is critical in business.  Meeting anger with anger is usually a recipe for turning irritation into a full blown rage.

To sign up for regular emails from John Schinnerer, Ph.D., go now to http://www.guidetoself.com and sign up for the email newsletter chock full of the latest proven tips, tricks and tools to manage your mind!
About the Author

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping people learn anger management, stress management and the latest ways to deal with destructive negative emotions. He also helps clients discover optimal human functioning via positive psychology. His offices are in Danville, California. He graduated from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive, speaker and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches executives to happiness and success using the latest in positive psychology. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a daily prime time radio show, in the SF Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to anger management, to executive coaching. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com. His blog, Shrunken Mind, was recently recognized as one of the top 3 in positive psychology on the web (http://drjohnblog.guidetoself.com).

Posted in Emotion & productivity, Corporate Culture, Danville CA, National speakers, Organizational psychology, Violence and abuse, Executive coach, Anger management therapy, Real Men Real Emotion, De-escalating anger, San Francisco Bay Area, Men's emotions, Alexithymia, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Dr. John Schinnerer, Managing stress, Business & psych, Staying calm, Victims of bullying, Anger Management, Managing Anxiety, Emotional management, Depression, Bullies | Print | No Comments »

22. July 2010 by John Schinnerer.

July 21, 2010
(PhysOrg.com) — Researchers at the University of Hertfordshire, UK, have conducted research providing definitive evidence that women can multitask more effectively than men.
Professor Keith Laws at the University’s School of Psychology looked at multitasking in 50 male and 50 female undergraduates and found that although the sexes performed equally when they multitasked on simple maths and map reading tasks, women far excelled men when it came to planning how to search for a lost key, with 70 per cent of women performing better than their average male counterparts.

“The search for the lost key task, which involved giving the men and women a blank sheet of paper representing a field and asking them to draw how they would search for the key, revealed that women planned more strategically than men,” said Professor Laws. “I was surprised by this result given the arguments that men have better spatial skills than women.”

Professor Laws was also surprised that despite the universal notion that women are better than men at multitasking, their review of the literature unearthed no previous scientific evidence to support this claim.

The participants in Professor Laws study, who were undergraduates at the University, had eight minutes to do several tasks at the same time, such as simple maths problems, map reading, answering a telephone caller asking general knowledge questions and showing the strategy they would use to search for an imaginary lost key in a field.

Provided by University of Hertfordshire (web)

Have a great evening!

John Schinnerer Ph.D.

Online anger management therapy for men

at Real Men, Real Happiness

Posted in Real Men Real Emotion, Anger management therapy, Men and Women, Men's feelings, Gender differences, Danville CA, Executive coach, Optimal Human Functioning, Dr. John Schinnerer | Print | No Comments »

22. July 2010 by John Schinnerer.

Hi! My name is John Schinnerer, Ph.D. I have spent the past 20 years seeking the best, proven tools to turn UP the volume on happiness along with ways to turn DOWN the volume on negative emotions. All this leads to greater happiness and much more success.Studies have shown that success follows happiness, NOT the other way around. People LIKE to be around folks who are happy. They flock to them. Then, happy people are provided with more opportunities - in business, in relationships, and in wealth.

If you would like to be happier, I’m offering my award-winning book on happiness “Guide to Self” for FREE in pdf format. Just visit my site at Guidetoself.com. In exchange for your name and email, I will grant you instant access to the eBook! No catch. No obligation.Take the plunge! You’ll be happy you did!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D. is in private practice teaching men anger management & the latest ways to deal with destructive negative emotions. He also helps men discover happier, more meaningful lives. His Ph.D. is from U.C. Berkeley. John is Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches men to happiness and success. He wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought” and his blog, Shrunken Mind, was named top 3 in positive psychology (http://drjohnblog.guidetoself.com).Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/@johnschin
Check out my new video blog on Real Men, Real Happiness at http://drjohnsblog.wordpress.com!
YouTube Channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/jschinnerer

Posted in Emotion & productivity, International Wellbeing Study, Executive coach, Danville CA, Emotion & learning, Curiosity, National speakers, Optimal Human Functioning, Emotion & Athletics, Self-improvement book, Happiness and Income, keys to happiness, Self-help book, Men's feelings, San Francisco Bay Area, Well-being, Gratitude, Awareness, Creativity, Guide to Self, Emotional IQ, Dr. John Schinnerer, Realistic optimism, Positive Psychology, Forgiveness, Happiness, Positive mood music, Altruism, Mindfulness, Resiliency, Consciousness, Morals and values, Parenting, Sports Psychology | Print | No Comments »