19. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

I find this idea of covert intimacy among males fascinating as well. I wonder if one of the functions of sibling rough-housing and wrestling fulfills the function of covert intimacy and allowing brothers to touch one another in a masculine, socially permissible way. 

Brothers fight for a number of reasons….

• They fight to get their parent’s attention, and the parent is limited in time, attention and patience, so they are fighting for a limited ‘commodity.’
• They wrestle due to jealousy: “He got a new game. I did not. They love him more than they love me.”
• They rough-house as a result of teasing, which is one way to test the power of words on behaviors: “He said I was a…” “But he called me a little .. first!”
• They get in each other’s face partly as a result of socialization. We live in a competitive society which frequently reinforces the idea that winning is better than losing.  “I had it first.” “I can beat you at…. I am better than you.”
• Perhaps, another reason to add to the list is that, in some manner, wrestling and rough housing allow boys to fulfill their need for touch in an acceptable way (that is, acceptable to society, not so much to their parents!).

 From Close Relationships: A Sourcebook by Clyde Hendrick, Susan Hendrick, p. 307…

‘Swain (1989) coined the phrase ‘closeness in the doing’ to describe men’s friendships. More than two thirds of the men studied by Swain pointed to activities other than talking when asked to describe their most meaningful times with friends. Swain’s study, as well as research by others (Monsour, 1992; Sherrod, 1989; Williams, shows that playing and watching sports and doing other things together are what male friends cite most often as the basis of camaraderie and closeness. Because men typically are not socialized to engage in expressive communication, male friends are less likely to talk intimately about problems than to help each other out by suggesting diversionary activities such as going out for drinks or watching games (Cancian, 1987; Riessman, 1990).

Although men might care deeply about their male friends, they are less likely than women to express those feelings explicitly. Instead, they tend to engage in what Swain (1989) referred to as ‘covert intimacy’, which signals intimacy indirectly and often nonverbally. Affectionate punches, backslapping, and friendly teasing are examples of displays of covert intimacy. Based on a series of men’s friendships, Floyd (1997b) concluded that men are not less affectionate than are women but that men ‘simply communicate affection in different more ‘covert’ ways, so as to avoid the possible ridicule that more overt expression might invite (see also Floyd, 1995, 1996, 1997).’  

Have a terrific Thursday!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.Guide To Self, Inc.

Positive Psychology Coach

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19. March 2010 by John Schinnerer.

I’ve been heading up a book club on adolescent boys at the local high school here. One of the topics that comes up frequently is aggression and fighting between adolescent brothers (as well as some reports of aggression outside the family). As I’m getting updated on the latest research on this topic, I thought I’d share some of the best studies with you. Hope you enjoy them!

Source:  UC Davis News Service

DAVIS — Children who grow up with an older brother tend to become more aggressive as they move through adolescence, while those with a younger sister tend to become less so, according to a new study by researchers at UC Davis. The study appears in the latest issue of the journal Child Development.

“Siblings contribute unique opportunities for children and adolescents to practice certain types of aggressive behaviors, including teasing, threatening and fighting,” said lead author Shannon Tierney Williams, who conducted the research as a postdoctoral researcher in Human and Community Development at UC Davis. “And because boys consistently demonstrate higher rates of aggression than girls, it may be that adolescents are affected more strongly by the aggression of brothers.”

Williams and her colleagues conducted annual assessments of sibling pairs from 451 rural Iowa families — 902 adolescents in all — from 1989 through 1992. Each assessment involved a home visit, during which parents and kids completed a set of questionnaires in which siblings rated their own aggressive behaviors and parents described economic pressures on the family. Families were also videotaped, without researchers in the room, as they discussed household issues and tried to resolve a real-life family conflict. The videotapes were then analyzed for clues to family hostility, coercion, warmth and support.

The researchers found that on average, aggression increased over time in adolescents with an older brother but remained stable in those with an older sister.

For the older sibling, aggression decreased when the younger sibling was a girl but remained stable when the younger sibling was a boy.

“By having younger sisters, who typically exhibit lower levels of aggressive behaviors, particularly early in adolescence, older siblings may have fewer chances to practice their aggressive behavior,” Williams said.

Parental hostility and family economic stress also played a role in adolescent aggression, the researchers found.

The findings suggest that efforts to address adolescent aggression should involve siblings and families, Williams said.

Her co-investigators were Katherine Jewsbury Conger, an assistant professor of human and community development at UC Davis, and Shelley Blozis, an assistant professor of psychology.

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