26. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

‘I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.’

– Theodore Isaac Rubin

By way of  my old friend Dino Giolitti. Thanks, Dino!

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Posted in Men's emotions, Resiliency, Optimal Human Functioning, Self-compassion, Emotional mind, Parenting, Managing stress, Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide to Self, Forgiveness | Print | No Comments »

20. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

A reprint of a useful and classic column written in 2006…

Guide To Self – Latest Methods for Dealing with Sadness
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self Life Coaching

A great day to you and welcome to Guide To Self where you learn the latest ways to deal with sadness!

As many of you know, my wife and I recently had our fourth child, a girl named Molly Marie. She is now six weeks old which means we’ve gone six weeks without much sleep. My wife and I are exhausted. The other three children are jealous to one degree or another. And my mood recently took a nosedive.

So today, I’m going to share with you steps you can take to defeat depression, sadness, a funk or whatever you want to call it.

Sadness is Different for Men than for Women

Be aware that sadness takes different shapes. Typically, sadness appears as anger and irritability in men and comes out as sorrow and melancholy in women. So it looks different when I get down from when my wife gets down. I tend to get more irritable and less patient. I feel overwhelmed more easily. I have a harder time staying in the present moment. My thoughts take me to the past or the future more quickly. My energy level is low. My body aches more. And I get less joy out of my daily routines.

So I want to share with you what exactly is going on in my life. I want to make you aware of what it takes to cause a road bump in my emotional path. I told you about not sleeping well for six weeks due to the baby. That’s a big one. Sleep disturbance is enough to mess up anyone’s mood. In my case, lack of sleep led to a cold and sore throat.

On top of that, I’m not a wealthy man. In fact, nearly the opposite, I’m in debt. I have not made money doing this radio show. So I pay for the privilege of sharing my knowledge with listeners. Roughly 2 hours per day are spent preparing for the show. I book my own guests. I write my own scripts. I respond to emails and letters.

Also, I’m currently in charge of two companies. I’m working on corporate taxes which I don’t particularly enjoy.

I see several clients daily for coaching where I deal with other people’s problems most of the day.

I’m trying to find the time to finish two books.

At night, once the children are in bed, I add radio shows to the website and do the programming.

My wife is now back to work 3 days per week as a hairdresser. This means that two mornings a week, with the help of a nanny, I juggle a newborn and a 5-year-old.

My house is partially torn up due to a contractor who left the job half-finished. So we’re now in the process of drawing up new plans and finding a new contractor.

Right now, it feels as if every relationship in my life is consuming my energy. And I’m running on empty. So I’ve been exhausted and bummed out the last couple of days.

So what do I do?

How does a psychologist break out of a funk?

I’ll tell you how. Dealing with sadness that stays with you for a few days or weeks may require a lifestyle change for you – it’s about dealing with your whole person – diet, exercise, faith, mind and relationships.

Top Ways to Deal with Sadness

First, I never stop exercising. Even when my mind is trying to find a way out of it, I will at least walk for 20 minutes. It’s critical that you exercise twenty minutes a day for mood and longer than that if you want to lose weight. This can be as simple as climbing the stairs at work twice a day, or walking for 20 minutes. When I’m working out, I will think about getting rid of all my fear and anger. Exercise is one of the best ways to work negative emotions out of your body.

Second, I remind myself of what is truly important by determining what is really important and what is not. How do I do this? I ask myself the question, “Will this matter a year from now?” Most of the time, the answer is “No, it won’t matter.” It’s one of the ways we can learn to be less emotionally reactive and more thoughtfully proactive. If you’re like me, you have to train yourself to behave in healthy ways because most people did not learn these tricks growing up. So you need to retrain your brain. As you learn to respond more effectively to minor inconveniences, it leaves you more positive energy to respond to actual crises. This is known to many as wisdom - the ability to deal well with your own suffering as well as help others with theirs.

Third, I focus on everything for which I am grateful – my wife, my children, my dog, my friends, my coworkers, my God, my health and so on. It is critical that you learn how to appreciate life. Life is a gift that has been granted to us. The more we appreciate and cherish the gift, the more we understand what a magical journey life is. Your thoughts matter tremendously in this equation of emotion.

A study done at NIMH focused on the power of thought and emotion. The brain activity of ten normal women was monitored under 3 different conditions.

The researcher recorded each person’s brain activity when they were thinking neutral thoughts, happy thoughts, and sad thoughts.

During the neutral thoughts, nothing changed in the brain.

During the happy thoughts, the limbic system, or the emotional brain, cooled down, and became less active resulting in a more relaxed and energized state.

During the sad thoughts, the limbic system, the emotional brain, became aroused and active which has negative effects on your body – tense muscles, quickened heart rate, perspiration and so on.

Think about the last time you felt happy. How did your body feel? Your muscles relax, your hands become dry, your heart rate slows, and you breathe more deeply. Your body reacts to EVERY FEELING YOU HAVE! This is proof that your emotions matter!

Fourth, welcome the feeling of sadness. It is there for a reason. There is a message or lesson involved in the emotion. Your job is to figure the message out. Once you’ve accepted the feeling, let it go, breathe it out. Emotions are meant to be temporary.

One of my main difficulties growing up was that I could sense or pick up the emotions of other people. I was intuitive even as a little child. The problem is that no one teaches you what to do with that emotional energy. And it’s very draining.

I used to think of myself as a container for negative emotions such as anger, sadness and fear. What I found is that thinking of yourself as a container for emotions is not a healthy way to picture it. It’s much more helpful to think of yourself as a net which catches positive emotions and allows negative emotions to pass through. Keep in mind that these are just emotions. Emotions are not permanent. They are not intended to remain with us. They are just passing through.

Fifth, as the human brain is easily altered, I change the music I listen to. Once I have made up my mind to change my mood, I purposefully listen to upbeat lively music. I watch only comedies. Realize that your brain is incredibly open to suggestion. Not only can music and television alter your brain, as I mentioned, your very thoughts and feelings have the ability to change the physical make-up of your brain.

You have to be cautious what you expose yourself too. Your senses take in over 4 billion bits of information per second. You are only consciously aware of 2,000 of those bits per second. This means that your mind is constantly taking in seeds and you are not even aware of it – overhearing conversations, televisions playing in the background, commercials you try to ignore, music lyrics and so on. So your emotional state, your thoughts, your judgments all have a tremendous effect on what information you are consciously aware of.

When you are touched, you have a physical sensation. When you feel an emotion, you also have a physical sensation in your body. Every physical sensation, every thought, every feeling is written into your brain. The more times you have it, the more deeply it is written into your brain. So the longer you spend immersed in sad feelings and morose thoughts, the more your body becomes accustomed to that state of being. The more your body becomes accustomed to it, the more it wants to remain there. The harder it is to break out. While you want to welcome the feeling and embrace it, you also want to breathe it out as soon as possible. Don’t spend too long wallowing in self-pity.

Sixth, work in sprints – go two hours and then break for ten minutes. Give yourself a break every two hours at least. Our brain works best that way. It’s difficult and less effective to work eight hours straight.

Seventh, stay in the present moment. Train your thoughts to stay focused on the present moment. When you find Gremlin thoughts coming to take you to the past or the future, redirect yourself to the right now and right here.

Eighth, stop using toxic elements. This includes alcohol, caffeine, marijuana, cocaine, nicotine and sugars. Caffeine and nicotine have been shown in brain studies to decrease overall blood flow to the brain, making most symptoms worsen over time. They also decrease the effectiveness of many medications and increase the number and severity of side effects. Most of the substances we reach for when sad act as central nervous system depressants anyway. When you’re already depressed, you don’t want to add fuel to the fire with alcohol or marijuana.

Ninth, add Omega-3 to your daily diet. Omega-3 stabilizes mood & improves overall brain functioning. Omega-3 fatty acids are essential fatty acids crucial for growth and development. My favorite, and one of the most studied nutrients, is the Omega-3 fatty acids. About 60% of the brain is made up of fats (lipids) that make up the lining of every brain cell. Omega-3s are required by the brain to an extraordinary degree. They cannot be produced by our bodies but must be ingested via diet or pills. They are found in large, fatty, cold water fish, olive oil, and canola oil. Omega-3s help turn down the ‘volume’ of communications between brain cells (similar to the action of a mood stabilizer). Documented benefits of Omega-3 oils include improved mood, clearer thinking, more serenity, better concentration and focus, and better vision.

Tenth, add B Vitamins and folate in particular to your supplement regimen. Published studies have shown a relationship between B vitamins and depression. Increasing levels of B vitamins are highly likely to improve your mood.

Eleventh, add ginseng. Ginseng is popularly touted as a way to beat stress, improve vigor and simply feel better. The main idea with ginseng is that it helps when your body is stressed. Stress occurs anytime you are challenged above and beyond what your body is used to. An Olympic skier won’t ski faster by taking ginseng. He’s used to that stress of exercise. A working mother of two kids won’t notice a difference. She’s accustomed to her daily routine. However, throw in a new baby, or an ill parent, and you’ve just spilled over into exhaustion. That’s when ginseng does make a difference - when you have to push beyond your limits to the point of exhaustion. Ginseng helps increase your resistance and prevent exhaustion.

Twelfth, breathe – I have covered deep breathing in previous shows. This is the deep diaphragmatic breathing where you breathe into your abdomen, not your chest. Focus on pushing out all of the air in your lungs. The goal is to fill your lungs 100% with fresh air on each breath.

Just as with your thoughts and feelings, you want to be constantly aware of your breathing every second of every day. Remember, we’ve already shown it is possible to split your conscious mind in two parts. One part you can use to tend to the daily demands of your life. The other part must be used to monitor your breathing, your thoughts and your feelings. With practice, it can be done.

Thirteenth, don’t isolate yourself. As much as you can, surround yourself with family and friends.

Fourteenth, go easier on yourself. Learn self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would a young child.

Forgive yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings. Picture yourself as a small child. Now picture yourself parenting yourself. Forgive yourself as you would like to have been forgiven as a child. Mistakes are merely learning opportunities. And learn to forgive others.

Let go of anger and disappointment by writing a letter forgiving the individual who has hurt you. Holding on to the anger only harms you. Forgiving enables you to move on and get past the hurt.

Fifteenth, return to nature. This is a great way to reconnect with your soul. Just take a few minutes, go outside, breathe in deeply, and look at the birds, the trees and the grass.

Sixteenth, get your sleep. Research has shown that adults need between 7 and 8 hours of sleep. Adolescents need 9 to 9 1/2 hours per night. No more, no less. If you are too far on either side, you are playing with fire. Sleep too little you risk exhaustion. Sleep too much, you risk lethargy and depression.

Seventeenth, do something for someone else. Altruism is perhaps the most powerful way to snap your mind out of a funk. Focus on someone besides yourself.

To sum up, there are at least fifteen things you can do immediately to pull yourself up and out of a funk. These include taking supplements such as Omega-3 fatty acids, B vitamins, and ginseng, getting your 8 hours of sleep, daily exercise, staying in the present moment, and more. Remember to welcome the feelings that you have. Don’t repress them. That leads to physical troubles such as high blood pressure and heart disease. Rather, be aware of them, listen to them, and let them go. Think of yourself as a net through which emotions pass and not as a container for feelings.

More information on sadness and depression and ways to overcome them may be found at the Guide To Self website at http://www.guidetoself.com.

Guide To Self(C) 2005-10.

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16. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

By John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Happiness is catching. Happiness spreads through friends, spouses, siblings and neighbors. There is a ripple effect whereby happiness extends widely through social networks, even between people who may not know one another. One’s happiness depends on the degree of happiness of those surrounding her.

Happiness at Harvard?

A study performed at Harvard University, by Nicholas Christakis, is the first of its kind to demonstrate the existence of clusters of happy and sad individuals. Happiness depends upon the happiness of those around them. What’s more, individuals who surround themselves with happy people are more likely to be happy in the future. One’s future happiness can actually be predicted by the number of happy people surrounding them and the degree to which the social network as a whole experiences constructive emotions, such as happiness.  These findings come from an analysis of the Framingham Heart Study social network, a longitudinal study that has followed nearly 5,000 people for over 20 years.

Happiness Spreads Through Social Networks

Study findings suggest that happiness results from the spread of happiness throughout social networks and not merely from individuals choosing to surround themselves with like-minded individuals. For example, if your next door neighbor becomes happier due to a job promotion, your likelihood of becoming happier increases by 34%. And this happiness effect can linger for up to one year.

Happiness Ripples Out to Friends of Your Friends

This relationship between individual’s happiness holds true for the first three degrees of separation. For example, when John becomes happier, it buoys the happiness of John’s friends as well as the friends of John’s friends. So there is a ripple effect of happiness within social circles where happiness is contagious and spreads similar to the waves of a wireless network. And we are consciously aware of little, if any, of it.

In the past five to ten years, more and more studies have looked at happiness and what determines it (e.g., genetics, money, elections, marital status and emotional management). However, no study has looked at human happiness as it relates to the happiness of others. While the study is the first of its kind and needs to be replicated to ensure the accuracy of these findings, the findings are remarkable and exhilarating.

Positive Emotional Contagion

Emotional contagion, the process by which one person picks up the feelings of another, has been scientifically documented since 1994. Emotions may be ‘caught’ from others for a length of time ranging from seconds to weeks.  This is particularly true of destructive emotions - anger, fear and sadness. In fact, the hard part is not ‘catching’ the emotions but in protecting oneself from them, keeping them at bay. Until this study, emotional contagion had not been documented for any of the positive, constructive emotions such as joy, contentment, peacefulness or happiness. 

The difficulty is that most people primarily feel destructive emotions. Most people experience more destructive emotions than constructive emotions. 

Cutoff Point for a Happy, Thriving Life

On the other hand, roughly 10% of adults in the United States feel three times as much positive emotion as negative. This 3:1 ratio is the measuring stick for a thriving happy life as set by Barbara Fredrickson at UNC Chapel Hill. It appears that this top 10% is raising the level of happiness of many others. Imagine if it were possible to raise this thriving, happy portion of the population to 15% or 20%.

Benefits of Increasing Societal Happiness

Assuming the percentage of the populace experiencing happiness could be improved, here are just a few of the possible societal benefits:

The economy would improve (e.g., higher ratios of positive, open-ended inquiries are present in executive teams in highly successful firms)

Creativity would increase (e.g., happiness is necessary for greater innovation and open-mindedness)

Productivity would soar (e.g., a happy employee is a productive employee; optimistic salespeople outsell pessimistic ones by approximately 38%; happy employees engage more effectively with customers)

The burden on the health care system would be eased (e.g., happiness improves immune system functioning; teaching the skills of happiness and optimism reduces depression and anxiety).

People would live longer (e.g., happy, optimistic people live 7 – 10 years longer than those who are pessimistic and unhappy)

The educational system would show significant academic gains (e.g., students taught to be more happy and optimistic showed significant gains on achievement testing and received better grades)

Happiness is Learnable

The exciting part is that happiness can be taught. It can be learned. People can learn to feel positive emotions more frequently and more intensely. Emotional management is a learnable skill. Just as one practices a sport and improves over time so it is with emotions.   As individuals learn to string together more and more happy moments, the ripple effect spills over and one person’s happiness positively influences others.  It even influences the happiness of other people they don’t know.

The goal is emotional management. The goal is happiness. The goal is to learn to mitigate destructive emotions and encourage positive emotions. Happiness is social phenomena. The more individuals experience positive emotions, the more society as a whole is happier, healthier, and more productive and that is no small feat.

About the Author

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping individuals learn happiness by mitigating destructive emotions and fostering constructive emotions. His practice is located in the Danville San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer is President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  

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12. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

Pre-hire testing is an effective risk management tool that has been proven to significantly reduce turnover and improve productivity. A recent survey by the American Management Association reported that 69 percent of firms used job skills testing, 43 percent used basic skills testing (math, reading, writing), and 33 percent used some form of psychological testing in 2000. Despite the widespread use of pre-employment testing, anxiety continues to surround the use of these tests due to legal issues, which are largely complicated and difficult to understand. This article reviews the three most pressing legal issues involved in pre-employment testing – adverse impact, the right to privacy and negligent hiring. 

I. Title VII and Adverse Impact: Under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, it is “unlawful for an employer to refuse to hire any individual, or otherwise discriminate against any individual with respect to his … employment, because of race, color, religion, sex, or national origin.”  With regards to pre-employment testing, Section 703(h) of the Act provides that “notwithstanding any other provision of this subchapter, it shall not be an unlawful practice for an employer … to give and to act upon the results of any professionally developed ability test provided that such test … is not designed, intended or used to discriminate because of race, color, religion, sex or national origin.” Obviously, Title VII does not prohibit employers from the use of intelligence, skills or integrity tests in the workplace. However, the statute is brought into play when: (1) an employer uses tests to intentionally discriminate against protected groups or (2) the tests have an adverse impact on minorities and are not job-related for the position. 

There has not been a single case that found an employer’s use of personality testing in the workplace resulted in the adverse impact of protected groups. However, there could be such a finding if the tests were used to purposefully exclude minorities.

Recommendation: The safest practice is to administer the same pre-employment test to all applicants for a particular position, making reasonable accommodations for those who need it (e.g., translation for non-English speakers, larger computer terminal for visually impaired, etc.). This is the first step towards a fair and equitable selection process. The concept of adverse impact was set in motion by the 1991 Civil Rights Act by the U.S. Supreme Court in Griggs v. Duke Power Company. In order to prove the existence of adverse impact, it must be shown that a specific employment practice has a significant adverse impact upon a protected group. 

Most courts have relied on the 80 percent rule as indicated by the EEOC’s Uniform Guidelines on Employee Selection Procedures. According to this rule, adverse impact is established if the selection rate for any minority group is less than 80 percent of the rate for the group with the highest selection rate.  

Recommendation: An adverse impact study should be performed every time a test is brought in to a new site for personnel selection purposes. If adverse impact is detected, steps can be taken to eliminate it, thereby protecting both the applicants and the company. It is important to note that there have been few adverse impact cases involving personality or integrity tests because such tests usually do not have an adverse impact on any minorities. No one has ever successfully proved a prima facie case against the use of integrity tests. On top of this, there are very few challenges, no more than 100, for the millions of tests that have been administered.  

II. Right to Privacy:

An issue of growing legal concern for employers using personality testing is privacy. The concept of a right to employment privacy evolved from the broader concept of the right to privacy. Some states such as California, have applied such privacy standards to private employers. The lower courts have recognized the constitutional right to privacy protects public employees. Thus, test questions administered to public employees must not be unreasonably intrusive (e.g., questions about sexual preferences, religious or political views) and must be job-related. 

Recommendation: With regard to issues of privacy, the recommended route is to use a third party testing company. This allows applicants to take the assessment through an unbiased third party who keeps their actual responses confidential. Using this approach, companies have access to the overall test results, but do not have access to candidates’ responses on individual test items. This eliminates the majority of privacy issues. 

III. Negligent Hiring

While there are reasons for being cautious when using pre-employment testing, there are also legal trends that argue strongly for the most extensive use of such tests. With negligent hiring now recognized in most states, employers have been forced to account for crimes committed by employees, usually thefts, battery or assaults that victimize customers and/or employees. In these cases, liability depends on the employer negligently placing someone with negative tendencies into a position where it was foreseeable that the hired individual posed a threat to others.

Recommendation 1: Prior to making an offer, pre-employment testing should be used to ensure the applicant fits the culture and expectations of your company.

Recommendation 2: In addition, background screening (e.g., criminal history, driving history, social security number, etc.) is an excellent idea to protect yourself and your coworkers from a dangerous hire, as past history is an excellent indicator of future behavior.

It is critically important to link the job demands to the test questions and the results. The best

 means to do so is to have every pre-employment assessment empirically linked to job performance using performance rating scales for existing employees and test results for those same employees. With those two sets of data, statistical analyses may be run to prove the relationship between the assessment results and job performance, thereby assuring your firm a legally defensible and highly effective assessment.

About the Author - Dr. John Schinnerer founded Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company, in 1997. Dr. Schinnerer is an educational psychologist, author and executive coach whose Ph.D. is from U.C. Berkeley. His areas of expertise range from emotional management in the workplace to psychometrics to the traits, knowledge, skills and abilities that have the greatest impact on job performance. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com. He is a noted writer and speaker on topics such as the legal issues involved in pre-employment testing, creating an ethical workplace, and improving productivity in the workforce. He may be reached via email at John@InfinetAssessment.com or via phone at 925-944-3440. His company’s websites may be found at InfinetAssessment.com or GuideToSelf.com.

Posted in Corporate Culture, Emotion & productivity, Employee engagement, Executive coach, Employment Testing, Optimal Human Functioning, National speakers, Organizational psychology, Emotional IQ, Dr. John Schinnerer, Customer Engagement, Infinet Assessment, Emotional management, Business & psych | Print | No Comments »

11. January 2010 by John Schinnerer.

These quotes are courtesy of eWorldwire.

1. Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing.- Abraham Lincoln 

20. Out of every fruition of success, no matter what, comes forth something to make a new effort necessary.- Walt Whitman

Posted in Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion | Print | No Comments »