29. January 2009 by John Schinnerer.

This weekend, I was fortunate to attend Claremont Graduate School’s Stauffer Symposium on ‘Applying the science of positive psychology to improve society.’

 Speakers there included Kim Cameron (Positive Organizational Scholarship), Mike Csikszentmihalyi (Flow), David Cooperrider (Aprreciative Inquiry), Ed Diener (University of Illinois), Barbara Fredrickson (Broaden and build theory), Nansook Park, Chris Peterson (VIA Strengths and Virtues), Martin Seligman (positive psychology) and Shelley Taylor (UCLA, stress and resiliency, tend-and-befriend model).

 It was one of the best conferences I’ve ever attended.

One of the snippets…

 According to Ed Diener, the 4 best predictors of degree and frequency of positive emotions experienced are…

• The feeling that you can count on others
• The perception that you have autonomy and are in control of your own life
• Whether you learned something new yesterday
• Whether you did what you do best yesterday

If you have loved ones and friends you can count on, if you feel autonomous, if you learn something new daily, and if you use your strengths on a daily basis, you will create more moments of happiness in your life. String together enough tiny moments of happiness and you have a contented mood.

According to Barbara Fredrickson (UNC Chapel Hill), as we learn to unpack happiness, we discover that it is positive emotions that lay at the heart of a number of things such as resiliency, happiness, life satisfaction and subjective well-being.

In other words, when you increase the frequency with which you experience positive emotions, you improve your psychological resources (e.g., resiliency) and subsequently, you become more satisfied with life.

Pretty soon, you may even approach Fredrickson’s positivity ratio of 3:1 for a thriving, happy life. This is where you feel three times as much positive emotions as negative emotions. Currently, only approximately 10% of the U.S. population meets this ratio.

Think of it as a goal for all of us to strive towards! 

Best,

Dr. John Schinnerer

Posted in Emotional management, Resiliency, Mindfulness, Hope, Emotional mind, Happiness, Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide to Self, Emotional IQ, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

23. January 2009 by John Schinnerer.

John L. Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Assuming the existence of other levels of reality that are invisible to the human eye, let’s take a look at the playing field, which in this case is the individual – you and me. Human beings are made up of a life force, or spirit. In her book, Positive Energy, Judith Orloff describes Energy Psychiatry as a new specialty which “views our bodies and spirits as manifestations of subtle energies.”  As she points out, many individuals have spent time and money on cognitive therapies in the hopes that contentment may be found along the path of intellect alone.

To some extent this is true – the mind is often the starting line. The rational mind is one of the subtle energies of which we are comprised. Exploration of the rational mind is the typical place to embark upon the inner journey and it frequently leads to deep intellectual and emotional discoveries. The rational mind is an important part of the playing field, but it is not the entire field.

There are at least six types of subtle energies – intellectual, emotional, ethical, spiritual, physical, and relational.  Each of these areas has to be filled, renewed and replenished regularly for you to live out your potential, to live with passion and purpose. It is not sufficient to address one or two or three of these areas and expect any lasting positive change. All six areas must be taken together, worked on together, to effect a lasting, meaningful change.

In The Power of Full Engagement, Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz do an excellent job of pointing out some of the fundamental rules of the game of life:

“Managing energy, not time, is the fundamental currency of high performance. Performance is grounded in the skillful management of energy.”

“Because energy diminishes both with overuse and with underuse, we must balance energy expenditures with intermittent energy renewal. To build capacity, we must push beyond our normal limits, training in the same systematic way that elite athletes do. Positive energy rituals – highly specific routines for managing energy – are the key to full engagement and to sustained high performance.”

It is the successful management of these subtle energies that enable you to perform at your best, with passion and purpose, in the game of life. In general, these subtle energies are defined as follows:

Intellectual energy – Intellectual energy is your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes. It is the self-talk that runs through your head when you converse with yourself silently. We typically combine intellectual and emotional energy into one area as several sources have shown that thought and emotion are frequently intertwined. There is no clear evidence at this time that one precedes the other. The goal, however, is to separate your thoughts from your emotions so that you can perceive what is “out there” with greater clarity.

Emotional energy – Emotional energy is your mood and your affect and your ability to be aware of and control them. Your mood is the underlying feeling, or what you really feel at any given moment. Your affect is the emotional mask that you show to the outside world. Emotions frequently cloud our interpretation of that which is going on around us. One of the purposes of this blog is to help you slow down the emotional hijacking process, recognize that you are becoming emotional, breathe, and release the emotion. This enables you to perceive things more clearly without emotion fogging the lens.

Spiritual energy – Spiritual energy is the degree to which you believe in a higher power. It is that subtle energy which gives you Meaning in life. Spiritual energy increases in direct proportion to one’s awareness of the interconnectedness of all things. In my opinion, without this awareness and a faith in a higher power, there is no Meaning nor happiness. I’m sure some will argue this point. However, my experience has shown me that this is a necessary component of Meaning.

Ethical energy – Ethical energy is the extent to which you behave in accordance with your values. Of course, to be able to do this, you have to be aware of your values. Values are those principles which you would be willing to die for, or better yet, to live for. Acting in accordance with your values and ethics increases the degree to which you are engaged in your life. The greater your degree of engagement, the greater is your happiness and satisfaction.

Physical energy – Physical energy is your physical health, stamina, endurance, blood pressure, pulse, and so on. This includes all the measures of the physical health of your body.

Relational energy – Relational energy is the energy gained or lost through interacting with other people. Energy vampires can drain it from you. Loved ones can restore it through compassion, listening and love.

These areas support and replenish a central reservoir of energy like a spider web. The reservoir of energy is dependent upon your ability to renew yourself in each of these six areas. To the extent that you are depleted in any one of the six areas, the storage capacity of your reservoir is reduced. Thus, if you are in poor physical health and always exhausted, your reservoir, or gas tank, is reduced in size. The smaller your reservoir, the less likely you are to perform at your peak in the other five areas. The goal is to maintain your awareness and to renew your energy in each of these areas in order to maximize your productivity, potential and happiness.

Posted in The human brain, Consciousness, Relationships, Awareness, Energy psychology, Anger Management, Emotional management, Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide to Self, Emotional IQ, Happiness, Positive Psychology | Print | No Comments »

22. January 2009 by John Schinnerer.

By John Schinnerer, Ph.D. 

 Why should you care about emotions? What’s the big deal about emotional mastery?  

Emotions influence everything you do, think, and perceive. Emotional mastery is the ability to be instantly aware of which emotion you are feeling and then to manage the emotion (or emotions) once you are aware of it. Once you can recognize your emotions, the next step is to learn to deal with them in an appropriate way. One of the most critical skills we learn as youngsters is the ability to soothe ourselves when we are upset. This means calming ourselves when we are irritated, angry, scared, anxious, sad, or depressed. People who fail to learn this skill are constantly fighting off ongoing anxiety, sadness or irritability. Those who learn to manage their emotions persevere to overcome life’s setbacks. Emotionally wise people are resilient and rebound from disappointments more quickly. They have a positive, optimistic outlook on life. 

Make Room for Both the Rational and the Emotional Minds 

The next step is to realize that each one of us has a thinking, or rational, mind and a feeling, or emotional, mind. At one point in time, scientists and researchers thought we only had a rational mind. How’s that for irony? The thinking mind only discovered itself.  

The Rational Mind 

The rational mind is the means that we usually use to understand the world – it is the thoughtstream that runs constantly behind the back of your forehead. It is the narrator that comments on your daily experience. It is the rational, analytical thinking part of your mind. For example, I can use this logical part of my mind to solve math problems, be logical and analyze data. Using Jon Haidt’s metaphor, the rational mind is the rider on the elephant where the rider is the thinking mind and the elephant is the emotional mind. Recently, Joseph LeDoux, one of the world’s leading researchers in neuroscience, said, “Consciousness may get all the focus but consciousness is a small part of what the brain does, and it’s a SLAVE to everything that works beneath it.” LeDoux is saying that the rider is a slave to the elephant, our rational mind is a slave to our emotional mind. LeDoux believes that our identities are formed from the unique set of learned fears, desires, associations and expectations that are most deeply engrained in our unconscious. For instance, teaching children catch phrases such as ‘Just say ‘no’’ is not going to do the trick because in emotionally-charged situations, the emotional mind will almost always win out. The emotional mind is stronger, faster and can last longer than the rational mind.  Simplistic solutions such as ‘just say ‘no” will not work.  What will work is finding ways to train the emotional mind.  

The Emotional Mind 

Alongside the rational mind is the emotional mind. The emotional mind is irrational, impulsive, creative and intense. It’s the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain pulling the strings of much of your behavior. It’s why you KNOW it’s wrong to steal but go home with office supplies taken from work. It’s why many people have a knee jerk reaction to words like sex, rape and torture. These are emotionally loaded words.   There are many times when the rider (the rational mind) is adequately steering the elephant (the emotional mind), that is, your thinking mind is working in cooperation with your emotional mind. These times take place when you are calm and thinking clearly. However, when you are struck by an emotion, such as fear, the elephant takes over and the rider loses control. The elephant may run from a mouse. He may go off the beaten path to look for grass to eat. Whatever he does, the rider has little input into the actual behavior. And you mind is like the rider and the elephant. When you are consumed by an intense feeling, your emotional mind takes over and your thinking mind is dead in the water.  It becomes nearly impossible to think clearly while in the grasp of a strong emotion such as rage. 

Feeling More Than One Emotion At A Time 

What’s more, science has now shown that we can experience more than one emotion at the same time about any given event, or person or memory. For instance, take your favorite song. You may feel happy when you hear the tune, melancholy when you focus on the lyrics and excited when you remember back to the time your first heard it. All of us have the ability to feel multiple emotions - constructive and destructive - simultaneously. Once you understand this point, emotions become quite complex, layered and interesting. 

The Human Brain is Hard-Wired for Emotions 

The brain is wired to make us emotional beings. We experience the emotional response to an event before it even reaches the thinking mind. There is a shortcut from the thalamus to the amygdala which bypasses conscious awareness to allow your body to be put on instant alert. A secondary, but slower circuit, in the brain runs from the thalamus (the brain’s receiving room for most information taken in by your senses) to the brain’s ‘thinking’ area, in the prefrontal cortex. That is why sometimes you are overcome by your emotions. When the emotion is strong enough, your emotional mind (the elephant) temporarily takes over control of your mind and body in order to keep you safe. The emotional mind errs on the side of caution. The emotional mind is always on the lookout for danger and possible threats. It picks up 2 or 3 key elements in a situation, and decides in less than .33 seconds whether or not there is a threat present. If a threat is determined to exist, or if there is a good probability that it exists, then the emotional mind takes over and prepares your body to fight or run away. When your emotional mind takes over in such an emergency, real or perceived, it’s known as an emotional hijacking. An emotional hijacking is impulsive, quick, strong, and raw.Your rational mind can help to stop such emotional takeovers. Ideally, you would have time to think about your emotions and your ensuing actions before acting. This enables us to respond to our emotions more appropriately.  This typically takes slightly more time than an emotional hijacking, but it allows us to consider a number of different responses and usually results in a more thoughtful course of action. These responses include whether to attack or run, and also whether to persuade, cajole, beg, plead, charm, seek sympathy, instill guilt, act brave, to be thoughtful, or to do nothing at all.  

The Need for Emotion in Rational Thought 

The fascinating piece of the puzzle is that we all need a balance between our rational and emotional minds in order to lead successful and happy lives.  Amazingly, the rational and the emotional mind, the elephant and the rider, need each other to function at their highest levels. This means that you need your emotions to think straight!I’ll tell you a story to show you what I mean. I know a man who is one of the smartest guys I’ve ever met. He could recite word for word anything he had read in his life. He read books by the boxful. Yet, he was unable to control his emotions. He had high IQ and low EQ.  He was impulsive which means that he acted before he thought about the possible consequences of his actions. So here is this incredibly smart person with terribly flawed decision-making skills and poor emotional control. As he grew older, he made awful choices in his life. He wound up alone and unsuccessful. Some would argue that he could not access his emotional learning.Your emotional learning is where you store your general likes and dislikes. Without a storehouse of prior emotional experiences to compare to present events, everything appears neutral — neither appealing nor unappealing. This means that feelings are essential to thought.Emotions steer us in the best general direction where logic can be put to its best (and more specific) use. Without emotions, we’d be overwhelmed by the dazzling array of choices we need to make every minute of every day. Our emotional learning helps us sift through these options and pulls out the best ones to be analyzed by our rational mind.  In this way, emotions work as an equal partner with logical thought. The better these two partners work together, the higher your intelligence and your emotional intelligence. The goal is to create the most powerful mind possible – one which balances strengths in rational thought with emotional wisdom. Stay tuned to this blog and I’ll share with you scientifically proven ways to train your elephant and develop your most powerful mind. 

About the AuthorDr. John Schinnerer

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping people learn anger management, stress management and the latest ways to deal with destructive negative emotions. He also helps clients learn ways to create happy, meaningful lives. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.  He sits on the Advisory Board of Positive Music Imperative (PMI) and The Wellness Community.   

Posted in Alexithymia, Men's emotions, Subconscious mind, Consciousness, Anger Management, The human brain, Resiliency, Hope, Awareness, Assertiveness, Mindfulness, Altruism, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Life coach, Guide to Self, Dr. John Schinnerer, Forgiveness, Positive Psychology, Emotional IQ, Anxiety, Rational mind, Depression, Happiness, Staying calm, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

16. January 2009 by John Schinnerer.

It seems that values have been rediscovered with the downturn in the economy. Many people are asking themselves “If it’s not money that make me happy, what does make me happy?” 

A happy and satisfying life involves behaving according to a set of ethics, standards, or values.  Values are the core beliefs upon which you operate your life. You may be aware of your core beliefs. You may not. In my counseling and coaching work, I’ve noticed that the vast majority of people do not have any idea what their top five values are. Our values are the stars by which we navigate ourselves through life. Thoreau wrote, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”   Ours is much too busy and noisy a world. Our lives take on a frenetic pace and people lose track of the values that give life meaning and purpose. Everyone says they are for values. The problem is their actions are not in keeping with their words. Thus, we have Christian schools that talk about treating children with loving compassion while verbally flagellating them in the classrooms. People with few values are more likely to be uncaring, conforming, inconsistent, and self-conflicted. The less we know what our values are, the more ambiguous our lives are. The more we understand our values, the better able we are to make the right choices which lead to right action. This leads to decisive acts of courage which are primarily the ability to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done.  

Ethical Energy Defined 

According to the authors of The Power of Full Engagement, “Ethical energy is the connection to a deeply held set of values and to a purpose that is beyond our self-interest. Anything that ignites the human spirit serves to drive full engagement and to maximize performance in whatever mission we are on. The key muscle that fuels ethical energy is character – the courage and conviction to live by our values, even when doing so requires personal sacrifice and hardship. Ethical energy is sustained by balancing a commitment to others with adequate self-care….the capacity to live by our deepest values depends on regularly renewing our spirit – seeking ways to rest and rejuvenate and to reconnect with the values that we find most inspiring and meaningful.” The alternative to living according to your values is to operate in survival mode, fueled by fear, mistrust and anxiety. Survival mode is marked by a sense of desperation where you are focused on filling your immediate needs for food, clothing, warmth and shelter. Survival mode is also characterized by the mentality of a victim. Life happens to you, not because of you. If you are passively accepting everything that comes your way as inevitable, you are not living according to your values. You are living in survival mode.  

Strengths Defined 

Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness, has put a slightly different twist on values. Seligman states, “To be a virtuous person is to display, by acts of will, all or at least most of the six ubiquitous virtues: wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence. There are several distinct routes to each of these six. One can display a virtue, such as justice by acts of fairness and loyalty.” Seligman calls these routes strengths and each is measurable and acquirable. They are ubiquitous across cultures (i.e. they occur everywhere). According to Seligman, there are seven criteria by which we know that a characteristic is a strength. First, a strength is a trait, a psychological characteristic that can be seen across different situations and over time.  

Second, a strength is valued in its own right. We value a strength for its own sake, even in the absence of clear beneficial outcomes. While a strength can produce good consequences, it doesn’t have to.  

Third, a strength can be seen in what parents wish for in their newborn children. Strengths are states we desire that require no further justification.  

Fourth, onlookers are usually elevated and inspired by observing strengths. Strengths typically produce authentic positive emotion in the doer – pride, satisfaction, joy, fulfillment – and the observer – inspired and uplifted.  

Fifth, strengths are supported by the dominant culture in the form of institutions, rituals, parables, maxims and children’s stories.

Sixth, role models and paragons in the culture compellingly illustrate a strength or virtue.  

Seventh, they are ubiquitous. Strengths are valued in almost every culture. They are not quite universal, as some exceptions to every rule can be found. But, they are ubiquitous. They take place everywhere.

“Try not to become a man of success, but a man of value.”                  - Albert Einstein

Values Defined 

Each individual has a set of beliefs and ideas about abstract concepts called values. They describe how much worth a person places on various ideas, objects, or beliefs. Societies have values that are shared between many of the participants in that culture.   These values may be put into four categories:    

• Ethics (good, bad, moral, immoral, amoral, right, wrong, permissible, impermissible)  
• Aesthetics (beautiful, ugly, unbalanced, pleasing)      
• Group Norms (political, ideological, religious or social beliefs and values)  
• Inborn (inborn values such as reproduction and survival, a controversial issue)   

Values are our core beliefs regarding those principles that we believe are most important and desirable. On occasion, we encounter ethical problems which pit two of our most cherished values against one another. In such a situation, we cannot act in a way that is in keeping with both these values. We solve such problems by prioritizing our top values that are relevant to the situation. Each of us has a set of prized values. Many of us simply are not aware of them.  We must have an awareness of our values as well as the intention to act upon them for values to be useful to us.

Stephen Covey and colleagues call these prized values our personal principles. He cautions against self-centered values such as “self respect” or “a sense of accomplishment” because they can lead us to develop pragmatic, utilitarian relationships with other individuals.  Covey suggests that we adopt prized values that are more holistic and anchored in the fundamental realities of nature, spirit and healthy interpersonal relationships.  Prizing your family higher than your career is a good example of adopting holistic and healthy values. 

Why Values Are Essential   Let’s look at how living according to one’s values can lead to a more fulfilling and purposeful life. Imagine that you could do whatever it is that brings you the most joy in your life. Picture anything you like that is deeply fulfilling to you. What you have then is a picture of a person living in accordance to his or her most cherished values. There is a close link between values and living a fulfilling life. Once your values are clarified, you will have a map that guides you through key decisions. Through this process we learn what is most important to the client and what is not. Clients discover what is truly necessary in their lives.

Clarifying values helps you to take a stand, to take calculated risks, and to make choices based on what is personally fulfilling to you. By its very nature, honoring your values is fulfilling, even when times get tough. You can suffer through discomfort if you know it will pass and you are living in accordance with your values. Making decisions based on your top values will always lead to a more fulfilling decision. This leads to right behavior and a fulfilling life.  Some examples of values are creativity, helping others, independence, fun, intimacy, power, friendship, peace of mind, nature, learning, adventure, spirituality. They cannot be touched, but they can be seen. You see them being acted out in how people behave. Someone living perfectly in accordance with values will feel the pain of a disturbing situation, and perhaps some psychological disturbance, but will remain tranquil at the center.  

Equanimity is the ideal. Equanimity means evenness of mind, or in this case, evenness of emotion. When possible, excessive negative emotion is to be deflected or rerouted. No one lives perfectly in accordance with their values. The goal is to remain constantly aware of your values and to strive to behave in accordance with them. Values remind us of our authentic self and our unique role in the universe. All of us benefit from a series of ethical guideposts which we can use to steer our actions towards the greater good.

The problem is that many situations in our lives fall into a gray area where values conflict and the right behavior is not readily apparent. It is helpful in these situations to have your values rank ordered in terms of their importance to you.  

When that doesn’t work, there is a framework to help guide your decision making process. With that in mind, here is a framework that has been helpful for millions of people. This framework is based on five steps:  

• Define the situation  
• Gather data from different sources 
• Be aware of your prioritized list of values 
• Identify your options or actions  
• Weigh the options in terms of how congruent each one is with your values 
• Make a decision 

Always remember that the best courses of action rely on intuition, emotion (your “gut” feeling), data from your senses, data from trusted sources, and what you know is right in the larger scheme of things. It is also helpful to write down your top 5 values (e.g., family, work, money, happiness, etc.) and to prioritize them. Trouble arises when your values come into conflict with one another. If you know what your values are and how they compare to one another, there is less chance of compromising your values. The more you think and act with integrity, the more you become an ethical person.

About the Author

Dr. John Schinnerer

Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping folks learn anger management, stress management and the latest ways to deal with destructive negative emotions. He also helps clients find what makes life meaningful and fulfilling. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Dr. Schinnerer is President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company to help firms select the best applicants. Dr. Schinnerer’s areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, “Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought,” which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.   

Posted in Consciousness, Anger Management, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Resiliency, Altruism, Awareness, Hope, Assertiveness, Mindfulness, Guide To Self Beginners Guide To Managing Emotion, Morals and values, Dr. John Schinnerer, Realistic optimism, Business & psych, Positive Psychology, Life coach, Guide to Self, Ethics, Happiness, Staying calm, Emotional IQ, Counseling | Print | No Comments »

16. January 2009 by John Schinnerer.

How Enlightened Are You? A Test:

Well. . .

If you can live without caffeine or nicotine;

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains;

If you can resist complaining;

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you any time;

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment;

If you can ignore friends’ limited educations and never correct them;

If you can treat the rich and poor alike;

If you can face the world without lies or deceit;

If you can conquer tension without medical help;

If you can relax without liquor;

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs;

If you can have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, gender, sexual preference, or politics —

— then you have almost reached the same level of spiritual development as your dog.

ANONYMOUS

Apparently, I’m still working on enlightenment. The good news is the goal is still out there for which to strive!

John Schinnerer

Posted in Managing Sadness, Managing Anxiety, Men's emotions, Resiliency, Hope, Mindfulness, Emotional management, Emotional mind, Managing stress, Forgiveness, Life coach, Guide to Self, Happiness, Staying calm, Positive Psychology | Print | 1 Comment »